I do not own Star Wars in any capacity.

Enjoy chapter 22!

Ezra was losing his damned mind.

The first few weeks of quiet survival - a routine that was easy to follow without screwing up - had been nice. It meant that he could space out without risking punishment. And of course, discovering Tara's name had been the happiest he has ever been.

Now he was just bored and frustrated.

Ezra had been certain that Kanan was going to forge him into something, maybe a fighter like he was. Able to work and fight fluidly with his Asset - daiima - and capable of taking out a Purge Trooper with ruthless ease.

But their training so far involved nothing. The most they ever did was meditate, and Ezra and Tara were experts at meditation by now. They were able to find her name, right?

Why weren't Kanan and Nara teaching them more? They obviously had so much to offer. But whenever Ezra even tried to broach the topic fighting like they could, they immediately shut him down and changed the subject by either giving him more unnecessary chores or having them meditate again. Ezra didn't want to push his luck, so he always dropped it. But by the stars, he wanted to learn something useful. He had to be useful, he owed them…

[They must have a good reason] Tara said, watching Ezra pace anxiously.

"It's not like we're going to be safe here forever," Ezra scowled. "It's only a matter of time before the Empire, before our Master finds us again… Kanan and Nara are strong, I want to be able to fight like them!"

Tara was thoughtful as her tail twitched from side to side. [It's not like we don't know how to fight…]

"But not like them. If they would just teach us, not only would we be able to defend ourselves, we could fight the Empire!"

[I don't think they want to fight the Empire.]

"When we first met them, they were blowing up Imperial property."

[...Oh right.]

Ezra sighed in frustration as he flopped onto the ground next to her. "What is the point of being here if we're not even going to do anything? They spent thousands of credits on us, Kanan and Nara left their home to keep us here just to meditate for weeks and weeks?!"

Tara crawled up to him, curling up against his side and resting her head on his belly. Ezra automatically put a hand on her head, petting the fur between her ears. [At least we're okay…]

Ezra smiled. "Yeah… Still… I just don't get them." They really didn't know anything about Kanan and Nara. They had some sort of connection to a crime syndicate. Kanan might not have been an Inquisitor, but he and Nara had obviously been trained like one. By whom and for what purpose… Ezra could only guess. And he knew Kanan wouldn't answer him even if he asked.

[We've never tried to ask] Tara pointed out.

"I did, and all Kanan said was that he's 'nothing'. Which… I get but it's also not an answer. It's just… frustrating." Ezra scowled, pressing the palms of his hands to forehead. "And I don't need to know, I just want to do something other than chopping wood and meditating!"

"Ezra?"

His stomach jolted in panic as he scrambled to his feet as Kanan walked out from a thicker part of the woods. "Oh, h-hey, Kanan..."

"Something wrong?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

Ezra swallowed and stood at attention. "N-No just…" He looked around, realizing how obviously it was that he had been slacking on his chores. "I'm sorry, I'll get back to work."

"It's alright," Kanan walked over and nudged the pile of wood with his foot. "This should be more than enough for tonight. We'll just need some smaller sticks to get the fire started."

Ezra nodded. "Okay, I'll get on it."

He began walking around and gathering smaller sticks and branches, when he noticed that Kanan was still standing there, watching him. Ezra tucked his arms in defensively. "What?"

Kanan pressed his lips together slightly. "I brought you here to keep you safe. To help you get better."

So he had heard Ezra talking before. "And I am," he insisted. "And I'm ready for so much more!"

"But that's not why…" Kanan stopped himself, seeming to think better. "You've spent most of your life being forced to live one kind of life or another… I'm not about to do the same."

"It's not the same, I want this. I want to do something useful. Something interesting. You obviously know so much, so why can't you teach me?"

Kanan sighed, rubbing a couple fingers along the bottom of his scar. "If I could, I would teach you everything I know about being a Jedi. It's what you deserve. It's what you both deserve." He glanced down to where Tara was sitting next to Ezra, rubbing her face against his leg. "But… that's not what I know. Not anymore. The Jedi fell long before I could finish my training, and… and I hardly remember what I was taught."

"But the way you fight, the way you killed that Purge Trooper…"

"... is not how you should fight," Kanan growled, slapping his thigh. "I am not going to turn you into what I am."

"I'm already nothing!" Ezra practically screamed. "You said it yourself, that I'll never be whoever I was before, and I want to be more than I am now! I'm okay being nothing…!"

A cold rage suddenly rose in the Force. "You have no idea what you're talking about!" Kanan snarled, his eyes flashing as he bared his teeth. "You would rather be dead than to be what we are!"

Ezra choked, the very air in his lungs solidifying and refusing to move. His vision blurred, and she was standing right there, towering over him. Her yellow eyes were flashing with indignant rage as she reached out for him…

"I'm going to make you wish you had never been born…"

"N-No, I'm sorry…!" He gasped for air as he fell to his knees. "I won't do it again, I promise…!"

Then there was a soft hum in the back of his head. But it made no sense. This was like when she was rewarding him, cooing, touching him and slowly peeling off his blacks…

There were hands on his arms, and he let out a sob as he forced his body to go limp. At least she wasn't going to string him up to be disciplined.

"... zra, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to lash out…!"

[It's not her! It's Kanan, you're safe, you're safe!]

Ezra blinked in confusion, feeling a couple tears streaking down his cheeks. The slim green face was replaced by a broader brown one, teal and milky white eyes gazing at him intently. The hum in his head wasn't cold and oily, but warm and comforting. He was still clothed, there was no pain except for a dull ache on his arms where they were being gripped by…

"Kanan?"

Kanan let out an explosive sigh as he bowed his head, and Ezra realized that he was noticeably trembling. Kanan was trembling?

"I'm sorry," Kanan said slowly, as if every syllable was carefully calculated. "I didn't mean to lose control like that." He looked back up at Ezra. "But… it also proves my point… You don't want to be like me."

Ezra shook his head. "What?" he said, embarrassingly breathless. "N-No, my brain being like this…" He smacked the side of his head. "... It doesn't have to do with you, I-I'm just…!"

"Stop," Kanan said firmly. "I brought you here to get better, to keep you safe. Not to train you."

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "K-Kanan, please, I need this! You have to turn me into something. I can do whatever you want, just tell me, and I'll do it!"

Kanan's expression shifted into something slightly disturbing. It wasn't predatory or threatening, but haunted. Something about Ezra's words had caused it, and an undercurrent of panic rose up in Ezra again.

"Please, I have to be good for something. My whole life, I've never done anything right. I was always causing my parents trouble, distracting them, thinking about myself... Then in the Inquisitorious, I wasn't even worth saving, so I was given to my master so she could prove her worth, and even then I still just kept failing and failing, until I got my collar! But… but…"

But even then it didn't matter. No one ever really wanted him. Not really. He was either a weapon, a waste of space and resources, or something that just got in the way.

Ezra's eyes were burning again, but he ducked his head away to try and hide. This was pathetic. He was pathetic.

"Maybe… maybe there are some basics I can teach you."

Ezra's head snapped up at that, and he didn't care if the fresh tears were obvious. Hope was burgeoning in his chest, and it was all he could focus on.

"It might just end up being a series of lessons in what not to do," Kanan emphasized. "But even that might be worth something in the long run. And… you're not wrong. You should know how to fight against the Empire when and if the time comes."

Trepid excitement bubbled in Ezra as he grinned. "That's fine," he quickly reassured. "I just want to learn from you, you…. you and Nara see us in a way no one else ever has. So… thank you."

It was only in that moment that Ezra realized he had never said it before. Not to Kanan. Even after he protected him, got his collar off, given him some semblance of life back…

He ducked his head down, ashamed that it had taken this long for him to show his gratitude properly. "Thank you," he repeated

Kanan smiled. "Of course, kid."

Just when things seemed to be going well, the universe would throw yet another reminder that he had no idea what he was doing. After all, it was Nara who kept making the big breakthroughs with the little ones. What good was he doing besides lashing out and giving the poor boy panic attacks?

And now Kanan had gotten himself roped into teaching Ezra… something. But what could he possibly teach him? Kanan's training was really no better than Ezra's had been with the Inquistorious. It's what had automatically kicked when he found himself in the throes of a fight. What Ezra really needed was to be trained like a Jedi. But whenever Kanan even tried to remember his original training…

It was a cold dark void. And trying to look any deeper threatened to consume him completely.

So maybe he could just ignore the Force aspects of fighting. Kanan's style was certainly unique, one that the Inquisitorious didn't seem to teach. Perhaps they weren't even aware of it. His mas… He had said that Kanan had been naturally suited for it.

Of course, Kanan knew that Ezra didn't just want to learn to defend himself. At the end of the day, Ezra was a teenager. One who was not accustomed to long periods of quiet hiatus. Kanan was in no position to judge. The only reason they had left Denova to begin with was because he couldn't stand the isolation and quiet. He had to get back out into the universe and live among people again.

But Kanan didn't think Ezra was quite ready to go back out into the galaxy quite yet. And it had only been a month since Nar Shaddaa. Not enough time to safely assume that the rumors surrounding the Purge Trooper's death had died away completely. So the next step was to come up with a training regime he was not just comfortable teaching but would also keep the young teen sufficiently occupied.

[There's nothing wrong with teaching him the basic forms. Maybe even to spar… It might be good for both of you.]

Kanan gazed intently at the tent where Ezra and Tara were sleeping. The fire was slowly beginning to die down. While it was a cold night, staying curled up against Nara was enough to stave off the cold. [Perhaps… Although I might just trigger another panic attack. There's no reason to think I'll be any better than this 'Seventh Sister'.]

[It was an accident] Nara stressed. [You know, not that dissimilar from those times Hera accidentally set us off…]

Kanan pressed his lips together. It was hard to argue that point. [What if we just make them worse…?]

Nara was silent for a moment, her tail twitching slightly. [Tara just wants what's best for Ezra. And Ezra is desperate to prove himself to you. No one has ever treated them the way they deserved. Not his parents. Not the Inquisitorious… He trusts you. And that's not a bad thing.]

Kanan wasn't so sure about that. Ezra was attached to him out of necessity. If any other Jedi were alive to take care of him…

There was no way Kanan would never be certain of his decision to train Ezra. Not because of the boy or his abilities but because of Kanan: because of what he was.

[Just start small. Simple] Nara encouraged. [I can work on Tara's confidence and self-esteem, and you can work on Ezra's control and self-esteem.]

Kanan snorted. [Fair enough.] He tried not to drown in the enormity of the task. Tara and Nara had immediately had a rapport with one another. While Ezra obviously trusted Kanan, it wasn't as solid as their daiimas' connection was. Kanan just couldn't…

Nara audibly growled. [Stop. Ezra's mental state is more unstable than Tara's. It's not you. It's just going to take more time.]

Time. That was always the answer. It had taken so long for him and Nara to pull themselves together and be able to live some semblance of a life. Years, really. While Ezra and Tara had made incredible progress in the last several weeks, it was unreasonable to expect them to recover any faster than they had.

Kanan sighed. Alright. No spiraling. Focus on the task on hand. What can he teach Ezra to appease the boy's desire to learn while also avoiding accidentally reinforcing his Inquisitor training?

A soft beeping pulled him from his thoughts. He blinked a few times, looking around the campsite before realizing that it was coming from his bag. Frowning, Kanan pushed up from Nara and crawled over to dig through it. It was the comm Hera had given him for emergencies. But why would she be calling him?

He pressed the button to open the channel. "Spectre Two?"

"Kanan," Hera's voice rang out. "How is it going?"

"It's going alright, I suppose…" Kanan said slowly. Hera was always exceedingly careful, she wouldn't call just for a casual chat. "The Little One has a name. Cantara. Tara for short."

"Oh that's wonderful to hear."

"Hera, why are you calling?"

Silence stretched, and Kanan turned the comm over in his hand to make sure he hadn't accidentally turned it off. "Hera?"

"Fulcrum contacted me," Hera finally responded. "Nova Kaadak is dead, and they know you were the one who killed the Purge Trooper."

"What?!" Nara exclaimed, jumping to her feet to step up next to Kanan. "Kaadak is dead?"

"Apparently an Inquisitor showed up on Nar Shaddaa a couple days after we left. They say she had a nexu."

Kanan glanced over at Ezra's tent. When falling back on their training, Tara almost always shifted into a nexu first and foremost. It was likely this Inquisitor had been the Seventh Sister, Ezra's old master. "How did she find Kaadak?"

"I don't know but she must have been tracking us somehow. Maybe the beacon in the collar wasn't as deactivated as we thought. Either way, Fulcrum believes that you're both in danger. That you're being specifically hunted."

Kanan swallowed down the hard lump in his stomach as he smacked his thigh. Of course he knew what happened on Nar Shaddaa would create waves, but to hear it confirmed only solidified his decision to keep Ezra and Tara on Denova. "If the Inquisitor could have tracked us, she would have done so by now."

"I know but…" Hera sighed. "It's not just that. Fulcrum wants you and Ezra to meet with one of their agents. He's part of a cell that's been investigating the Inquisitorious."

Kanan bristled at that. "I told you, that isn't going to happen! I don't want him interrogated, I don't care how 'valuable' he might be."

"They're not just going to interrogate him! They have saved other Inquisitor children, they've done this before! They'll know how to keep him and Tara safe. And…"

"And what?" Kanan asked impatiently, feeling a little on edge.

"And… maybe he'll be able to help you too. Maybe you weren't an Inquisitor but you and Nara were also tortured and turned into a weapon…" Hera said carefully.

"This isn't about us," Kanan growled. "This is about keeping Ezra and Tara safe."

"And why shouldn't this also be about you? I want Ezra and Tara to be safe just as much as you do, but I also want you to get better! To be able to at least think about your past without falling apart! I want you and Nara to stop punishing yourselves! "

Kanan cringed at her vehemence. "What are you talking about, that's not what we're doing! We're just living, surviving…!"

"Yes, you're just surviving. You and Nara have been in survival mode for so long you can't even see it! If there's even a chance that this Cal Kestis can help you both…"

Kanan and Nara's eyes widened as they looked at one another. "Cal and Rida?" Nara said in disbelief. "They're alive?"

"Rida? Who's Rida? Wait, do you know this Kestis?"

A strange sort of numbness washed over Kanan as he stared down at the comm. Cal had been an overeager redheaded boy, his hopping daiima running around with him until one day something happened. Rumors were that Cal's psychometry had gotten out of control, and he had suffered a breakdown. All they knew was that they didn't see Cal and Rida again after that. And after the end of the war… they had assumed the worst.

But not only were they alive, they working for Fulcrum and investigating the Inquisitorious?

"Hera," Nara said slowly. "Cal was… is… R-Rida's his daiima. Cal grew up with us in the Temple."

There was a pause. "A Jedi? Wait, are you sure?!"

"We were in the same clan…" Kanan mumbled, still reeling. He had lost all hope of seeing another Jedi ever again. Now the idea of seeing one now, an old acquaintance from childhood, was surreal.

Actually, the idea of confronting a Jedi who was actually making something of themselves was downright terrifying. "I can't," he breathed.

"Kanan," Nara said gently. "Maybe we should…"

"Are you insane?" Kanan hissed. "With Cal's ability, we have no idea what he'll see!" But as he gazed into Nara's wide eyes, he realized that sadness was leaking from her side of the bond. Her claws dug into the dirt as she searched for the right words. It took a moment for Kanan to realize she was yearning. "... Nara?"

"It's… It's another survivor," she said quietly but earnestly. "And not just anyone, Rida and Cal…"

Kanan's chest tightened painfully, his mind being ripped in two; His need to hide and protect himself, and Nara's aching desire to see some connection to their past. A part of their past that wasn't seeped in cold horrors.

"I don't know about us, but they can help Ezra and Tara," Nara pointed out. "Maybe give them the lessons and training we can't. And if they've survived this long, that means they can keep them safe."

That's when it hit Kanan like a punch to the gut. This was the alternative they had been silently wishing for. The part of them that had been wondering 'why us?'... There was a Jedi who hadn't fallen like they had. A potential teacher who could give Ezra what he wanted. Sure, there was this bond, but after being tortured for years, it wasn't so surprising that Ezra's mind had latched onto the first safe alternative. But once they meet Cal and Rida, those who had continued to live as actual Jedi … well, their bonds won't mean anything at that point.

Cal and Rida could be the mentors Ezra and Tara deserved.

"...Kanan?"

He shook himself from his reverie at Hera's voice. "Yeah…" he said quietly. "This could be what Ezra and Tara need. This… It could be for the best."

There was a pregnant pause. "Okay. I can pick you up in fifteen hours."

Kanan's lips twitched upward. "Alright… looking forward to seeing you."

"You too, love."

The channel was disconnected, and Kanan sighed as he leaned back against Nara. He would have never expected this in a million years, but this was for the best. Maybe he didn't completely trust Fulcrum, but he trusted Cal and Rida. They would do what was best for Ezra and Tara. They could keep him safe and train him into the Je'daii they deserved to be.

Yeah... This was for the best.

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