I do not own Star Wars in any capacity.

Oh my god it's been a month and a half since I've updated... Sorry about that. Unfortunately a mixture of real life and other AUs (Cinder being a big one) have taken over my time. I'm technically 6 chapters out from this, but probably need another 3-4 chapters past THAT to the end of this part of the AU. I wish it didn't take me more than a month to draft up each chapter...

Enjoy chapter 26!

"So did you finally get your head on straight?"

Sabine was leaning against the edge of Ezra's cabin. It looked like Ezra and Tara were practicing some sort of martial form. Nothing Sabine recognized. Probably some Jedi thing. At the sound of her voice, they both froze. Ezra looked over his shoulder with a slight frown. "W-What is that supposed to mean…?"

She chuckled and rolled her eyes in good humor. This kid really was clueless. "I mean, have you figured out what you actually want? You seem more at ease, so my assumption is that you came to some sort of resolution?"

Ezra blinked at her slowly as he straightened, sharing a glance with his daiima. "I-I guess… We spoke with Kanan and Nara. And the one thing we know we want is to be able to fight like them. So they're teaching us a little."

Sabine hummed, pushing herself up and stepped fully into the cabin. The way he said it implied that the plan might still be to drop them off with this so-called Jedi, and that did not make her happy. "Have you decided whether or not you want to go with Kestis?"

"I don't know," Ezra said exasperatedly. "Everyone is so interested in what I want. Then when I do figure out something I want, everyone tells me it's not the right thing to want. Or that I just 'don't understand'. And I mean, at least you guys don't hurt me for wanting the wrong thing, but come on. I'm really just tired of wanting things!" He cringed and wrapped his arms around his chest defensively as he realized he was ranting. "What's wrong with just… doing what other people want?" he mumbled.

It was amusing, if a bit depressing. "I guess there's nothing wrong with it," Sabine admitted. "The problem is when that's all you do." She sighed, clapping her hands together. "Look, let's start small. You already figured out you want Kanan and Nara to teach you to fight. Let's go even smaller than that. What do you want for dinner?"

"I…" He shook his head in confusion, looking at her as if she had gone insane. "What?"

"You've had enough meals with us to know what we eat when we're not scrounging for meal bars. There's only a couple more days until we meet up with this cell. What do you want to eat in the meantime?"

"Uh…"

Tara jumped up and turned into a small bird. The sudden shift startled Sabine, stepping back a bit as she watched Tara flutter up to Ezra's shoulder. "Uh, hi," Sabine said, feeling a little bad she hadn't addressed the daiima earlier. "What about you? Do you have any preferences for dinner?"

Tara cocked her head slightly. "I-I don't eat," she said quietly.

Right. Sabine knew that. Sometimes it was hard to remember that daiima were not technically animals. They didn't need food or water, they seemed solely sustained by their jemma. It was still difficult to wrap her head around. They were physical, living, breathing, beings that lived under entirely different rules of life. And then to learn that Kanan and Nara were different than other jemma and daiima pairs…

And people complained about how strange Mandalorian culture was. At least they followed the rules of science.

She returned her attention to Ezra. "So you've had my stir fry and stew, Kanan's made his curry and his version of rycrit stew. I think we've got enough ingredients for any one of those so… You pick tonight. What do you want to eat?"

From Ezra's expression, one would think he had been asked which finger he wanted broken. His lip curled back slightly in a grimace as he squirmed under Sabine's gaze. "I-It all tastes good…"

"Sure, but what do you like best. And don't worry, I won't be offended if you pick one of Kanan's dishes over mine."

His eyes widened slightly as if that hadn't even occurred to him. "Oh… um…"

Sabine wanted to kick herself. "Seriously, kid. There's not going to be any consequences one way or another. Just choose."

Ezra rocked slightly from foot to foot, stroking his fingers down Tara's back. "Well… I guess Kanan's curry is pretty good…"

Sabine smield. "Well there you go! Let's go let him know you want his curry tonight."

"N-No, don't!" Ezra said quickly, reaching out. "I mean, it's good and I like it, but Kanan is already doing enough for me right now. I don't need him to cook for me!"

"Kid, he cooks for all of us. Kanan and I generally switch off. He's not going to mind a request. He likes cooking for us!" This was more convoluted than she thought it would be. The Inquisitors really had done a number on Ezra. Even after more than a month away from the Empire, he was scared of asserting himself. Of expressing his personality.

Of course, that was what the Empire did. Slowly and assuredly push any individuality out of you until you're nothing but a ruthless tool for the Empire. You either fully submitted yourself to the Empire or you got out before you were completely gone. She had managed to get out just in time. Ezra hadn't gotten out. He had been yanked out. Trying to rebuild what personality he once had was going to be a huge challenge.

Ezra's eyes were wandering slightly as he considered Sabine's words. What else could she say to convince him that Kanan really would not mind? "You know, before you came around, Kanan had two main jobs: Come up with the plans, and cook. Sure we might switch off every now and then, but cooking is really Kanan's thing. He was the main cook on the ship way before I came aboard. The rycrit stew he makes is specifically for Hera. Trust me: he'd be thrilled if you gave him a request."

"Okay…" Ezra said slowly. "So I like his curry. And… you don't think he'll mind cooking it again?"

"Of course not, silly." She gave him a playful punch on the arm. Ezra blinked in surprise, rubbing his arm with a nervous smile. Sabine was just grateful in hindsight that he hadn't reacted badly. "And if you're really that nervous about it, I'll tell Kanan for you."

Ezra's cheeks noticeably darkened. "N-No it's fine… It's just dinner," he said, averting his eyes. "I guess I am be a little stupid."

"Yeah a little," Sabine admitted, trying to keep her tone light. "I mean, you're the ones who lived with Kanan and Nara alone for a month. You must know at this point that they're not going to bite."

"I guess," Ezra murmured, rubbing the back of his neck. "It's just… hard. When I was an Inquisitorial Candidate, even speaking out of turn was enough for…" A visible shiver ran through his body as he trailed off. In response, Tara nuzzled up under his jaw against his neck. Ezra leaned his head down slightly to return the gesture.

"Yeah I… I get it," Sabine replied softly. "I lost everything for speaking out. The Empire is ruthless."

Ezra actually smiled in response. "Yeah it is." Then he sighed. "I can talk to Kanan. You don't have to do all of this."

Sabine waved him off. "Like I've said: Kanan is an idiot. And I know what it's like to have been molded by the Empire and then suddenly realizing that…" She took a moment to push down the lump in her throat. "To see that your 'loyalties' are misplaced. But hey, it's probably good practice for you to tell Kanan yourself. Let you realize from experience that it's fine to have preferences. At least on this ship."

That elicited a small chuckle from Ezra as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah you're probably right. I should try to at least attempt some semblance of… normal func-tion-ing…?" he said hesitantly, grimacing at the wording.

Sabine let out a short laugh. "Yeah, you should." She pretended to check the time. "I need to work on a project." She shot him a smirk. "I'll see you at dinner."

"Oh, y-yeah, see you then…"

Sabine walked out. When the door closed behind her, she took a moment with a deep sigh. Pleased with Ezra's progress emotionally. Kanan has done something right.

Kanan was sitting against Nara's side as they waited to reach the rendezvous. He wasn't exactly meditating, but he did have his eyes closed as he tried to remain mindful. He knew it was impossible, but he was trying to brace himself for all manner of potential outcomes.

Ezra and Tara were in a relatively good place right now. After their conversation the other day, they seemed to have gained a bit more confidence. Even with everyday things like just requesting what to have for a meal. (Although their hesitancy the previous night while requesting his curry was painfully obvious.)

This was all good. If Ezra and Tara were in a good mental space before meeting the crew of the Mantis, they would be more prepared for even the most unlikely of scenarios.

Still, Kanan couldn't help but worry. It wasn't anything like Nar Shaddaa, no warning in the Force as they got closer to their destination. It was more just a gut feeling. Anxiety churning as his mind came up with more and more fantastical and absurd possibilities. What if Kestis did try to take Ezra by Force? What if Kestis and Rida attacked Kanan and Nara? If they knew all of the details of Nar Shaddaa, they would know about his saber and the implications of its color. Hera assured him that they had experience dealing with some ex-Inquisitors, but it wasn't exactly comforting.

Nara shifted and twisted her head back to wrap around Kanan. [I know this kind of thinking usually makes you feel better… but I think you're riling yourself up.]

Kanan huffed, slapping the side of his thigh. [It can't hurt to be prepared.]

[You're not preparing yourself, you're starting to send yourself into a panic.]

[You're not worried at all about this.]

Nara's tail thumped thoughtfully. [I'm… apprehensive. We haven't seen Cal and Rida since before the war ended. I'm sure they've changed as much as we have.]

Kanan leaned his head to the side so he could give her a skeptical glare.

[Okay, maybe not as much as we have, but I don't think anyone could survive the Purge and come out the otherside unscathed.]

That was certainly true. And of course, genocide or not, one tended to change between the ages of thirteen and twenty-eight.

Kanan's thoughts shifted to Cal and Rida themselves. It was hard to imagine Cal as some expert in Inquisitors. Not because he wasn't smart enough or anything like that, but because Cal had never been one to *go get it*. He had always been perfectly content to simply listen to the teachers and ride along with the flow of life at the Jedi Temple. It was hard to imagine him with a particularly strong drive to do anything besides just be. Unlike Kanan, who was never content with what was simply given to him. Whether it was training or his lessons, he always wanted more. It was why he wanted so badly to get out on the battlefield with a master of his own.

It was sort of funny. In a way, they had flipped. After… everything they had been through, Kanan and Nara's life after Denova was much more 'go with the flow'. Don't stick your head out, and just try and live life in relative peace. Meanwhile Cal and Rida were avidly pursuing and investigating the Inquisitorious. They hadn't just gone into hiding, they had put themselves out there and were actually doing something against the Empire.

Sure, Kanan helped Hera with some jobs that would give some stormtroopers a headache, but nothing truly impactful in the grand scheme of things.

Well, no matter how Cal and Rida might have changed, Kanan still felt like he needed to be ready for whatever the potential outcome of this meeting. Would they even realize who he was? His name was completely different, but Nara's wasn't. Would they remember her name and put the pieces together? Or would they simply see him as some random fallen Jedi?

As if fallen Jedi were so commonplace as to be 'random'.

Kanan sighed, reminding himself that this was about Ezra and Tara. He and Nara would need to just stay back and hopefully they'd be overlooked while Kestis did his thing with Ezra… whatever that ended up being.

He hoped they were making the right decision. And that his mere presence didn't end up ruining things for the little ones.

There was a knock on the cargo bay door, and a quick probing in the Force revealed it to be Ezra and Nara. "Come in," Kanan said, leaning forward slightly to pull slightly out of Nara's embrace.

The door opened, and they walked in. Kanan ignored the slight jolt in his gut at the sight of Tara in serpentine form wrapped around Ezra's arm. Ezra had his eyes downcast, his free arm wrapped around his middle. They looked just as apprehensive as Kanan felt. "Nervous?" Kanan asked.

Ezra walked closer, glancing over at them briefly before looking back down with a small nod. "H-Hera says we'll be at the rendezvous in about fifteen minutes."

That lined up with the estimate she gave Kanan earlier. Making sure his shields were strong enough to keep his own anxiety from compounding with Ezra's. "Everything'll be alright. Fulcrum is a reliable contact, they wouldn't send us to anyone who would hurt you."

"I… know that I guess," Ezra said weakly, running his fingers over the back of Tara's head. "I just don't know what to expect."

Kanan chuckled. "Neither do I frankly."

Ezra was rocking from foot to foot, his whole body squirming. Even without the Force, the kid was exuding anxious fear. He looked even younger than usual.

Kanan slid to the far side of the estrade, freeing up space beside him. "Come here."

Ezra hesitated for only half a second before taking Kanan's offer. He sat on the estrade next to Kanan. A slight shiver ran through Ezra's shoulders as he watched Tara shift into Loth-cat form and cuddle up against Nara's chest between her forelegs.

Kanan frowned slightly as he put a hand on Ezra's shoulder. "What is it?"

He glanced down at Kanan's hand before looking up at him. "It's not just the Jedi," he admitted quietly. "Everyone keeps asking me what I want. And the truth is I really don't know. It's hard to think about the next day, let alone anything bigger than that. And I feel like… like I'm screwing up."

Once again, Kanan was reminded how similar they were. He had been part of the external pressure on Ezra to try and get him to think about himself and his own needs.

But since the other day, Kanan was slowly starting to readjust his approach with Ezra. It has taken him a humiliatingly long time to come to the realization that Ezra was going to be like him. He wasn't much younger than Kanan had been when he finally managed to turn away from the Dark Side. Instead of trying to do what was 'best' for the kid, Kanan needed to remember what it was like for him when he was on Denova. What it was like after they left Denova.

Of course, it wouldn't be exactly the same. Ezra and Tara were still tethered, so they won't have the same substance issues Kanan had had early on (Kanan would make damned sure of that). On the flip side, Ezra and Tara's relationship was still relatively new after a lifetime of being forced to stay separate from one another, of treating Tara like nothing more than an accessory or animal. An Asset. But the similarities in their training, in the horror of being forcibly dragged into the Dark Side and crawling back out of it… That was a specific sort of trauma that very few throughout history could understand.

It was no wonder that Ezra was struggling to make any sort of decisions. The first thing those like the Inquisitors would do would be to squeeze the will out of their apprentices. To beat and torture them until they were filled with pain, fear, and rage. It was the perfect raw materials for forging them into weapons of the Dark Side. Any signs of defiance or acting beyond the wishes of your master would be met with quick retribution.

After years of such abuse, it was a hard habit to break. After Denova, Kanan had no idea what he wanted. All he knew was that he had to keep Nara out of sight, stay hidden, and avoid detection. Beyond that… it was find work. Do exactly as his bosses wanted in order to blend in and effectively make some credits.

The first couple years had been a challenge. Some of the people he had worked for had been real bastards, and Kanan had lost control a few times. Taking a swing at the guy providing you with cash was bad enough. Nearly beating them to death meant he and Nara had to make a quick escape or else draw the attention of the authorities or the local crime lords. It was a good thing Kanan's dealer had a soft spot for him. The old pirate had gotten him out of an embarrassing number of scrapes.

Still, the idea of having wants or of trying to conceive of some long term life plans or goals would have been impossible at the time. He didn't really have any plans besides survive and try to rake at the hot and angry vestiges of his shredded tether with Nara. It really wasn't until they met Hera that their future seemed to narrow down into some sort of defined path. Even if that path was as simple as following Hera to the edges of the galaxy. She had changed their lives in inconceiveale ways.

Ezra and Tara had only begun to move away from the Inquisitorious a month ago. To ask them to take so much control over their own life was just simply too much. They were still both too young and too deeply embedded in the brainwashing the Inquisitorious had inflicted.

What they needed right now was something far more fundamental than complete autonomy. Something Kanan and Nara didn't have in those early years.

"You're not screwing up," Kanan assured. "I'm sorry that we've been putting all of this pressure on you. I wasn't thinking. Pushing you to be a Jeid, to train with Cal and Rida instead of us… Even when you did tell us what you wanted, we didn't listen. I didn't listen."

Ezra was still squirming slightly, obviously uncomfortable at Kanan's words. "I-I don't want to make you train me."

"You're not making me do anything," Kanan said with some mirth. He slid a little closer to Ezra so he could wrap his arm around the kid's back, placing his hand on his far shoulder. "Look, you and I are both incredibly kriffed in the head."

[Kanan…] Nara silently admonished.

"... and so we're both figuring this all out," Kanan went on, ignoring her. Nara might hate it when he was self-deprecating, but he felt that Ezra needed to hear it. "Going forward, meeting up with this cell… I want you to know that no matter what happens with Kestis and Rida, Nara and I are going to be here. And we're going to have your back, no matter what you choose to do."

As he spoke, Ezra was leaning more and more against his side as he fiddled with the hems of his shirt. Kanan wasn't sure how conscious the action was, but he took solace in knowing that Ezra still considered Kanan to be a safe place. That he was still someone Ezra felt comfortable enough to let his guard down with.

"Do you really think this Jedi can help me?" Ezra finally asked hesitantly.

"I hope so," Kanan said, quietly earnest. "Apparently you're not the first former Inquisitor they've helped, which is promising." He made himself smile, hoping he was being reassuring. "You and Tara have suffered so much, more than anyone should. You both deserve a chance at a better life."

Ezra frowned, turning to look up at Kanan. "But… you don't?"

Kanan shook his head slightly, thrown off by the sudden change in topic. "I don't… what?"

"I mean… the way you talk. You say we're so similar, and you seem so insistent on making me into a Jedi or something… but doesn't that mean you also deserve a better life?"

"I don't need a better life," Kanan said with a half-laugh. "I…" There were many things he meant to say: that he had Nara, had Hera, had the Ghost, had a good life. But for some insane reason, they all got stuck in his throat. It was immediately followed by a dark self-loathing dragging him down into a hole. Why was this so hard? He had nothing to complain about. Everything considering, he should consider himself lucky. "I have a life."

That should have been that. But Ezra kept staring at him, as if expecting a better answer. Or at least an elaboration, but Kanan had none. Echoes of earlier conversations with Hera were teasing the edges of his mind, but he quickly shook them off. Meeting up with Kestis and his crew wasn't about him. It was about Ezra and Tara. They were still young and already parsecs more recovered than Kanan and Nara had been a mere month after they had broken free. They had a real chance to live normally with proper guidance. At twenty-nine, it was far too late for him.

Besides, he was content with his life as it was on the Ghost.

Almost on cue, the hyperdrive powered down, signalling their arrival to the rendezvous. Ezra stiffened slightly against Kanan, his eyes widening slightly.

"I understand that you're still apprehensive," Kanan said quietly. "But remember: Nara and I will be right there with you. Everything'll be okay." He tried not to think about what his own potential response to seeing Cal and Rida again would be. He would have to stay centered, focused on Ezra and Tara rather than himself. Nara might be anxious to see another Jedi again, and a familiar one at that, but Kanan was dreading it. It was going to be like a twisted mirror, forcing him to face what he could have been. It was going to be a challenge to not focus on the sort of life that had been ripped from him and Nara.

Ezra just slowly nodded, reaching over to gather Tara onto his lap so he could hold her for comfort. Kanan just tightened his arm around the kid, rubbing his arm and trying to exude as much reassurance as possible while keeping his own turbulent emotions underwraps.

A couple minutes later, Hera was walking into the cargo bay. "We're here," she said with a slight smile. "I'm going to take the Phantom over to grab Cal Kestis and one of his partners. We agreed that we would do this on the Ghost, familiar territory for Ezra and Tara."

Kanan relaxed slightly at that. Meeting on a strange ship hadn't even occurred to him, and he was grateful Hera had managed to swing this. Cal and this partner must also be pretty confident in their abilities to defend themselves to go onto a strange ship with a confirmed ex-Inquisitor and a Force Sensitive they know wields a red blade. Either that or they were dangerously trusting.

"Do you want to wait for us in the common area or do you want me to bring them down here?" Hera asked.

"Definitely bring them down to the loading dock," Kanan said. Nara couldn't climb up to the second level of the ship, and he did not want to be separated from her when meeting Cal and Rida. The last thing he wanted to do was to try and explain the state of their tether. The loading dock was also much bigger than the common area. It wouldn't be as claustrophobic.

"Alright. Sabine is going to be with me, and Chop is maintaining the Ghost's position and monitoring the Mantis. I should be back in about fifteen minutes."'

Kanan nodded, making a mental map of everyone's position. It was assuring to know. No matter what happened, Kanan would be able to act more efficiently with the more he knew. He was hyper aware of Ezra's warm body underneath his arm and the fine tremor running through his body. Now that they were only moments away from this meeting and anxiety and humming through all of them for a whole range of different reasons.

Once Hera left, Ezra bent over Tara with an explosive sigh. "Why am I feeling like this…?" he groaned.

"You mean afraid?" Kanan clarified.

"I'm not even sure what I'm afraid of. He's not the first Jedi I've met, that I've…" He cut himself off with a small pained noise. "... I-I know he already knows I was an Inquisitor but…"

"It's the uncertainty," Kanan said. "I'm feeling the same."

Ezra turned his head to glance up at him with a frown. "Because of your red saber?"

Kanan gave a humorless chuckle. "That's part of it." He patted Ezra's back. "Just… breathe."

That elicited an eye roll from Ezra, but his breathing did slow and even out somewhat.

Through Nara's senses, Kanan kept an ear out for the telltale signs of the Phantom taking off from the Ghost. Once it had detached, Kanan was counting down the minutes based off a reasonable estimate of transit time from one ship to the other, add a minute or two for introductions and boarding, then the flight back…

Ah, there they were. The sliding of durasteel against durasteel as the Phantom docked. They would be down in a minute, so Kanan rose from the estrade, smacking the side of his thigh. "C'mon. They'll be in the loading dock momentarily."

Ezra exhaled and rose alongside him, holding Tara to his chest. There was a slight shiver running through his shoulders, but Ezra squared the back as his gaze hardened. He was as calm as he was going to be. With a slight smile Kanan led the way out of the cargo bay, Ezra and Tara close behind him and Nara bringing up the rear.

As soon as the door opened, Kanan's step faltered at the sight of a tall redhead standing by Hera's side. Probably only a couple inches shorter than Kanan, he wore a dark brown asymmetrical poncho adorned with a broad rust colored pattern. A blue and yellow, four eyed lizard was perched on his shoulder, the rest of her body trailing down his back and her long striped tail wrapped around his waist.

Cal Kestis and his daiima, Elvarida.

They turned to look at them as they walked in, and Kanan's heart leapt to his throat. Kanan had done his best to anticipate every potential reaction to seeing this old aquaintance. Fear. Anger. Envy. Even unadulterated panic.

What he hadn't anticipated was for that panic to be coming from Ezra. He had frozen in his spot, his eyes wide and body visibly shaking. "Ezra?" Kanan probed hesitantly.

"I-It's…" Ezra's breathing hitched. "It's you!"

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