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Enjoy chapter 27!

Seven Years Ago

Time stretched on forever in the medbay. The constant burning pain on his hands did little to help. It was all Ezra could focus on and think about. No one ever visited, not even the Purge Troopers if just to torment him for fun. His only companion was a medical droid who changed the bandages on his hands and gave him his daily nutritional mush.

Well, his Asset was curled up beneath the medical table he was shackled too. But she didn't really count. They didn't dare even speak to one another. For all they knew, the troopers were keeping watch through some sort of security holo. If they were caught interacting again, Ezra could say goodbye to his hand permanently.

The only break from the monotony was an earthquake that shook the building on his fourth day in the medbay. It woke him up from a feverish nap, his body jerking on the durasteel table. Then the piercing sirens and blinking red lights sliced through his brain, drowning in unbearable agony.

Even when the noises and lights finally stopped, Ezra was a sobbing and quivering mess from the pain and overstimulation. Eventually, exhaustion pulled him down into a restless sleep.

It was two days after that Ezra woke up to a woman standing at the foot of his bed. He froze in fear, only able to stare at her with wide eyes. She had green skin and red tattoos, and by her side was a large white beast. It was a giant and nightmarish version of a Loth-cat, with a wide mouth, glinting eyes, and giant spines along his haunches. Ezra recognized them as one of the terrifying Inquisitors who ran this institution, but he knew almost nothing else about them.

Right now all he knew was that she was radiating with unadulterated rage.

She slowly walked around the medical table, her gaze fixed on Ezra. It bore into him. If he hadn't been chained down, her yellow eyes alone would have pinned him to the spot. The Inquisitors almost never showed interest in him and the other kids. What was one doing here now?

She sat down next to Ezra, her hip grazing against Ezra's side. Her Asset stood at the other side of the table, growling at Ezra with its sharp teeth. The Inquisitor herself glared at him with hatred. "You… are my punishment," she spat.

Ezra's stomach clenched and his restraints rattled as he trembled. What was that supposed to mean?

Her hand suddenly shot out and grabbed his chin, making him gasp in surprise. Her nails dug into his skin as she angled his head from side to side, looking him over. "The weakest, most insolent of the candidates…" she hissed. "So worthless not even the Jedi wanted you."

Ezra's breathing caught in throat, his confusion only growing. "J-J-Jed…?"

He suddenly yelped as she smacked him. "Don't speak out of turn," she snarled. "My patience is hanging by a thread."

A hiccuping sob ripped from Ezra's throat, and he could hear his Asset whimpering beneath the table. Terror was wracking every inch of his body. He felt as if he was going to shatter into a million pieces.

The Inquisitor reached into her pocket, pulling out a holopuck and activating it. It took a moment for Ezra's eyes to really focus on the silent holo.

It was a humanoid man and woman. A lizard jumped from the man's shoulder onto Purge Troopers's face, throwing the trooper off balance enough for the man to slice through him with a pair of lightsabers. Some sort of bright energy seemed to envelop the woman's hands as she moved them elegantly. Whatever it was supposed to be doing was out of frame.

Then the holo shifted slightly, and Ezra watched numbly as the other Inquisitorial Candidates were herded out by the woman and the man began to fight the Inquisitor currently sitting by Ezra's side.

"The Jedi came, found all of the other candidates to break them out. Except for you." Her Asset was growling as she spoke, his teeth inches from Ezra's face as his twinned tails slowly wound around Ezra's leg. "I bet the Jedi took one look at your pathetic state and realized you're just not worth it."

Ezra's breath was caught in his throat as the possessive grip on his leg tightened, his eyes fixed on the holo. The man managed to beat back the Inquisitor and help usher the other candidates into a ship. The pressure around Ezra's lungs got tighter and tighter as he watched the ship take off and fly out of the range of the holo.

They… left him behind?

His mind was racing as his eyes burned. He hadn't exactly been friends with the other candidates. The few times they had the freedom to speak with one another, the others always reacted strangely to him. He had so little experience talking to other kids his age… He couldn't figure out what he was doing wrong. The others' Assets regarded his like a freak as well.

What was wrong with him?

The tails around his leg tightened further, and the Inquisitor shifted so her hands were on his shoulders pinning him down. "You're all that's left… and it's my job to mold you into some semblance of an actual Inquisitor." Ezra whimpered as her nails and the tail dug painfully into his flesh. "Failure is not going to be acceptable."

Ezra quickly nodded, willing to agree to essentially anything in order to avoid any further punishment and pain. He wasn't sure he could take any more.

She suddenly grinned. "I am the Seventh Sister, but you'll call me 'Master'." She reached up and stroked his cheek. "Well… at least you're pretty to look at..."

Present Day

Upon seeing the Jedi, any rationalizations and reassurances Kanan had given Ezra had vaporized.

The Jedi came, found all of the other candidates, and broke them out. Except for you.

His vision greyed out as a sob bubbled out of him. This Kestis had helped other Inquisitorial Candidates… saved them, rehabilitated them, but he wasn't like the other candidates. He hadn't been worth saving the first time, what has changed since then really?

He was going to be strung up, beaten for all of the horrible things he had done. Or maybe if he was lucky, Kestis would just kill him outright. Kanan had a strange respect for Jedi, he would listen to Kestis. Maybe he would be sad but ultimately he would accept it.

What stability he thought he had had crumbled into dust. White noise consumed all of his senses, and it was all that stood between him and utter despair.

Some time passed. At least, he was pretty sure some time passed. Maybe it was instantaneous. Either way, the next thing he knew, he was curled up and hyperventilating. He was squeezing the Loth-rat formed Tara so tightly that pain pulsated through both of their bodies.

It took a moment to realized that he was pressed up against Kanan's chest. His body was hot with Kanan's body heat. The comforting smell he associated with Kanan entered his awareness even before his presence in the Force. The older man's signature was gently wrapped around his own, which was writhing in icy distress.

Guilt was tugging at his chest, as was usual with every panic attack and night terror Kanan was forced to soothe Ezra through. But despite himself, Ezra sagged against Kanan, letting himself be completely enveloped in this safe nest. His mind drifted as he kept himself from any coherent thoughts. If he did, he would spiral out of control and quite possibly go mad.

There was a rumbling through Kanan's chest as he growled. A quivering anger was beginning to grow in Force, and Ezra's breath caught in his chest. But before his panic could blow up again, Kanan held him even tighter. "How do you know Kestis?"

It was with sudden clarity that Ezra understood that Kanan's anger was directed towards the Jedi, not him. It made no sense, but he was too relieved to question it. It took several long seconds for his mind to wrap around the words of Kanan's question. It was a multilayered process. He had to identify the words, remind himself what they meant individually before understanding the question itself.

And then he was faced with the challenge of actually explaining why the mere sight of that man had reduced him into this pathetic mess.

His own anger bubbled up, frustration with himself that he had lost it so easily. He was better than this. And so with that, Ezra pulled away from Kanan, taking slow and deep deliberate breaths. He immediately missed Kanan's comforting scent and warmth, but he was determined to pull himself back together.

They were alone back in the cargo bay on Kanan and Nara's platform. Nara was actually wrapped around them, her large head hovering near Ezra's side. Kanan and Nara must have ushered them back in here in the midst of their breakdown. "Where… where is he?" Ezra asked hesitantly.

"Hera took them up to the common room," Kanan said, his brow furrowed slightly with his thinly veiled anger.

Tara scurried out of Ezra's hands as he stood, scampering to nestle against Nara's chest. Ezra shook his hands out and began to pace in an attempt to expend his excess nervous energy. Suddenly so many puzzle pieces were being snipped together. Cal Kestis had experience in dealing with Inquisitorial defectors and children they had saved from the Inqusitorious. The children Kestis had saved… while leaving him behind.

Previous reassurances turned into poison. Kestis had already saved those who were worth saving, and Ezra hadn't been one of them.

"Ezra…?"

He paused in his pacing. Right, he was expecting an actual answer. "On Ark-kanis… He s-saved the other In-Inquisitorial Candidates… All of them but me… I saw him. He broke in, saved everyone else but when he saw me… I-I just wasn't worth it, w-wasn't strong enough…!"

"Wait, wait, wait, what?" Kanan was staring at him with confusion. "The other Inquisitorial Candidates?"

Ezra bit his lip and continued to pace. "Tara and I… there were so many other kids with their shifting animals. We were all supposed to be a new wave of Inquisitors to be trained for the future. But… then something happened. These people broke in a-and broke out everyone… but me…" His voice was breaking, and he paced faster to try and offset it.

"Cal and Rida… left you behind?"

The anger exploded into an icy hot rage, and Ezra shrank in on himself. "I was just too weak…" he murmured, terrified that Kanan would see what Cal had when he left him behind. He clenched and unclenched his fists, trying to think of a way to make himself seem strong, seem worthy.

Ezra flinched violently as Kanan hit his thigh with much more force than usual. Kanan was gazing intently at the ground, his nostrils flaring as he breathed deeply and harshly. He slowly shook his head, disbelief intermingling with his anger. "How… How?" he echoed under his breath.

Ezra just shrugged, accustomed to not being wanted.

Kanan got up and walked towards him, putting his hands on Ezra's shoulders to stop his pacing. "Listen…" he said slowly and carefully. "I'm going to figure this out. Nara will stay down here with you. I'm… going to talk to Kestis and Rida." The undercurrent of threat permeated through his tone, and it made Ezra shiver even though it wasn't aimed at him.

However, even if Kanan was currently angry on his behalf, the thought of him speaking with the Jedi was terrifying. Ezra had never understood what exactly the Jedi had seen that made him unworthy of saving. He had spent countless nights and hours wracking his mind over it. The Inquisitors taught that the Jedi were weak traitors to the Empire, that they were so soft and compassionate that it kept them from doing what needed to be done. It was why they had been so easily hunted down almost to extinction.

His master had said that Ezra was too weak and pathetic for the Jedi to even bother. Ezra assumed it had something to do with his injury at the time. No other Inquisitorial Candidate had been laid out in the medbay for so long. Ezra had been so out of it, he didn't even remember any sentient coming in and seeing him.

But he thought about what they must have seen. He had been injured and chained down. He had been one of the youngest Candidates. Certainly the smallest. He must have looked so pathetic.

But Jedi's weaknesses was supposed to come from their compassion. Their inability to cut off liabilities and their constant need to help even the most undeserving of strangers. A few meager chains and an injury that didn't even affect his ability to walk didn't seem like that much of a deterrence.

So what had it been? What had the Jedi seen that was so awful he just wasn't worth it? His master had known. She never explicitly told him what it was, but her dissatisfaction with him had always been more than evident. It was a price he had to pay for over and over again.

The thought that Cal Kestis would tell Kanan, that he would explain exactly why he left Ezra on Arkanis… that Kanan would finally see that he wasn't worth keeping around beyond to pay back his debt… It was terrifying.

But there was nothing Ezra could say. He couldn't beg Kanan to stay. To never ever speak to the Jedi. A part of him knew that if there really was some facet of him that was truly rotten and unworthy, Kanan would figure it out eventually.

Perhaps it was better for it to happen now. Instead of constantly living some facsimile of a content life, just waiting for the day when it would all fall apart.

At least this way Ezra could see it coming. He could prepare himself for the inevitable.

So he licked his lips and nodded. "Okay," he whispered, his vision going unfocused.

Kanan gave his shoulders a reassuring squeeze. "I promise, I'm not going to let anything happen to you." The conviction in both his voice and through their Force bond was almost enough for Ezra to believe him.

Almost.

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