It wasn't until much later, after dealing with Miss Alison M. Hart and tying up the case, that Tony could give what happened today a little more thought. He stretched out on his bed and looked unseeingly at his ceiling and sighed loudly. It wasn't a happy sigh. Or even a satisfied one.

Ziva had let slip quite a bit more than was typical today. Very unlike her, especially when it came to Soma- that hellhole (He still couldn't even think of the name of that country without the bad memories flooding his subconscious). She was always so tight lipped; she certainly hadn't mentioned anything to him about it. Except for some information on her nightmares but that was because he witnessed on one of their newly reinstated movie nights. But today, today she had talked quite a bit about it. Admittedly, she carefully only mentioned Saleem's thought processes and nothing about her or what she went through, not directly anyway. But she volunteered that information. With no prompting. He frowned at a crack. That's what was so confusing. Baffling, even. Since when did Ziva David, ninja extraordinaire, volunteer information? True, she had slipped it in there, almost unobtrusively. Too unobtrusively. Tony knew all of his partner's tricks.

"Or, when your way of life is threatened."

It had been the light but knowing tone she used, pointedly not looking at him, that had given away that she was not talking about their suspect. That's what had thrown him off, it was like she wanted Tony to comment on it but when did Ziva appreciate people prying into her head? But he had missed the hint and had gone on the defensive himself.

"Are you mocking me?"

"I was not mocking you."

There had been a note of finality in her voice at that statement. Tony could have almost sworn, even now his fists clenched at his bedsheets in annoyance at his past self. He had thought that he'd missed his chance, she wasn't going to talk about it. Then her eyes had fluttered closed and she'd taken a deep breath, still not looking directly at him.

"It was just when I was held hostage in Somalia-"

Was that the first time she'd said those words out loud? Acknowledging plainly what had happened to her with no frills or fancies? Tony had to admit that it had shocked him, she almost managed to say it matter-of-factly. If it hadn't been for the slight pause and the ever so slight hitch in her voice, he would have thought that she was fine. But she wasn't. That was plain to anyone who knew her. He had wanted to speak up, to tell her that, but she had continued talking.

Saleem used similar justifications for his actions."

He couldn't help his automatic response. Tony did not appreciate any implication that Saleem Ulman may be in anyway morally grey. No, he didn't even that. He was a rat, a turd, whatever disgusting thing that you could think of. And he told Ziva that to remind her.

"Saleem Caf-Pow! -Swilling sociopath was a terrorist, Ziva."

And a whole lot of other words besides. The man had died far too easily, in Tony's opinion. Death had come quickly and without any fear. There was a dark part of Tony, that he didn't like to acknowledge, that wanted Saleem Ullman to be alive so Tony could personally be the one to bring death to him. He'd draw it out, make him feel every ounce of pain and suffering he'd put his partner through and was still going through. Yes. That's what he wanted to do. Terrorist was far too nice a word for him. Torturer would work. Just about.

"I'm sure he would say he was just protecting his way of life."

It was the tone she said it in that bothered him, it was matter-of-fact without blame or praise. As if they could be no different to him. Tony had to admit, his careful demeanour slipped slightly.

"You're not seriously defending him, are you?"

He winced as soon as he said those words. They were harsh and accusatory. And meant to be but this conversation was quickly devolving to a place he did not want it to go. She was meant to talk about Somalia, not the morality of Salem Ulman. Which shouldn't even be in question in his opinion.

"No, Tony. His actions were indefensible, regardless of his reasons.

That was a relief, at least she was now seeing that she didn't deserve what happened to her. Something she had been adamant about only a few weeks earlier. Tony had wanted to say something funny and light-hearted to lift the mood a bit - he was feeling happy again - but she had continued talking.

And that is my point. This country holds itself to a higher standard. It is a nation of laws, which are to be followed not only when it is convenient or easy."

Tony hid a smile in his pillow. That had sounded like something from her citizenship textbook. It sounded quite quaint or straight from a superhero movie. He got what she was saying, in an almost superhero kind of way. They couldn't decide if anyone was above the law, it was their duty to uphold it. No matter who they were.

"I have seen first-hand what happens when convenience wins out."

And that had sounded terrifying, like something out of a horror movie. He had to be careful again and try not to let Ziva see that something broke inside of him at that pronouncement. The horror she'd seen and most likely gone through Tony could only imagine. And it always has been said that he had an overactive imagination. It didn't matter what he thought that statement conjured up, he couldn't let her see how that affected him. She'd construe it as pity, something he knew she didn't want even a hint of.

Tony wondered if he should press her, ask her what she meant? On one hand, he wanted to know what happened to her, what she was hiding. Surely in this case his imagination conjures up worse things than the real thing? On the other hand, it really was none of his business. She deserved her privacy, didn't she? Even if it was eating her from the inside out.

Maybe that's why Ziva brought it up, she could hold it in anymore and Saleem was a safe subject? Though the idea of Saleem Ulman being a safe anything was preposterous in the extreme but he supposed the dead man was if she avoided what actually happened to her specifically.

Was all of this a sign of her healing? Tony really hoped so, Ziva deserved the chance to live her life properly in the way that she chose - unburdened by shadows and trauma. Could this really be a sign of that? He cast his mind back to the earlier events of today and tried to remember Ziva's face when she had spoken of Saleem. Her tone of voice had been carefully controlled and detached but there had been no hurt on her face, no depression or horror either. She had been faintly disgusted, angry even. That was like step two or three of the grieving process, right? Didn't it show that she was no longer completely detaching herself from the memories?

Tony rolled over onto his side and pulled the covers up around him, suddenly feeling a bit better about everything despite Saleem being brought up. She was getting there; it was still going to be some journey to normal but she was getting there.

And he was going to be there for her every step of the way. That was the last thought he had before he fell asleep.