A/N: Written for the 31 Days of Writing Challenge: October 12, Dialogue Only.

Rating is for language and innuendo.

No beta, just Grammarly, all mistakes are mine. If you loved this (or hated it) let me know about it in a review! Find me on Tumblr at crochetawayhpff or Facebook at Shan Crochetaway. Thanks for reading! Enjoy!

Summary: Ron just wants Harry to shut up.

Pairing: Gen - Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Harry Potter

Rating: M

Warnings: Rating is for language and innuendo.

Shut Up, Harry

"Get it out, get it out, get it out! Hermione!"

"Calm down, Ron. It's not even that big!"

"Ouch, oh Godric, it hurts so fucking bad. Come on, hurry up!"

"Hermione's right, it's not even that big."

"Shut up, Harry! How would you know? It's not in you!"

"Hang on, let me get my tools."

"Your tools?! You're a witch aren't you?"

"Yes, but some things are best done the Muggle way. We wouldn't want it flying across the room and hitting someone else would we?"

"Oh, just hurry it up! It bloody hurts so damned bad!"

"You're so dramatic, Ron."

"Shut up, Harry! I am not. You'd be dramatic too if you had something the size of a fucking aubergine stuck inside you."

"An aubergine? Really? Even for you, that's a bit of an exaggeration."

"Exaggeration, my arse! Look! Look how big it is!"

"Tsk. Get that out of my face. Oh, Hermione's coming back."

"Alright, let's see."

"Just fucking Summon it!"

"Calm down, Ron!"

"Stop telling me to calm down! It bloody hurts. You have no idea how bad this fucking thing hurts. Now hurry the hell up."

"Ah, here it is. Let's see it then."

"What the bloody hell is that thing? Keep it away from me. Harry, use your wand or something. Hermione's got a fucking torture device."

"It's not a torture device, Ron. Merlin, you're so dramatic."

"That's what I said."

"Shut up, Harry!"

"Thought you wanted me to use my magic?"

"JUST. GET. THIS. BLOODY. THING. OUT. OF. ME!"

"Goodness, calm down. Alright, let's see now."

"I am calm. Perfectly calm, like a fucking lake."

"Like a lake in a squall you mean."

"Seriously Harry? If you aren't going to help, keep quiet."

"See, even Hermione wants you to shut up."

"Harsh you guys. I'm the chosen one, I could go find new friends."

"True, but they'd only be your friends because you are the chosen one."

"Bet they wouldn't tell me to shut up either."

"I'm not so sure about tha—AHHHHH! Hermione!"

"Got it!"

"That fucking hurt! You said it wasn't going to hurt!"

"I said no such thing. Damn, this really is a big bugger."

"I told you! Like an aubergine!"

"You told me that. And it's more like a baby carrot and even that's rather generous. How'd you get a splinter that size anyway?"

"Polishing my broom."

"Boys."

~Fin~