Hello again! Another week, another chapter and we're back with Edward now straight after he left the high school in chapter 2. It's a long one – Edward is pretty verbose, as we all know haha. Enjoy and, as ever, please let me know what you think!

Chapter 4 – If You Can Keep Up

Edward POV

I could hear Esme humming to herself in the conservatory from the end of the ridiculously long driveway. I slowed up as I approached, not wanting to alarm her, and entered through the wide-open back door to find her stood at an easel painting. She glanced up as I came in and then her brow furrowed over her gentle eyes and she immediately put down her paints, her thoughts full of concern.

"Edward, what's wrong?" she said aloud.

I didn't even know where to start. Eventually, I sighed and ground out the only word that would make sense of the wild emotions I could see flashing across my own face in her mind. "Bella."

"What about Bella, sweetie?"

"She's here, Esme. She lives here."

No her mind gasped, shocked. "Here? In Two Harbors? How do you know? Did you see her? Did she see you?"

"Yes," I groaned, answering all of her questions simultaneously.

She was speechless but her mind filled in the gaps for me. But… I don't understand… How did Alice miss this?

I laughed once. "Exactly. I'm not so sure she did, Esme."

"No, Edward, she wouldn't…"

"Wouldn't she?" I asked pointedly. Alice was… always well-meaning. Kind, loving and intensely loyal. And yet, despite her talent which should perhaps make her more sensitive to the emotions of others, her actions never quite served her noble intentions. Sometimes her visions drove her to make the wrong choices; she knew the outcome so why bother with the process? She knew she'd be right in the end; she knew her plan would work, everyone else be damned. But what Alice failed to account for was that things change – especially humans. So the path to the end result needed to be considered because the smallest thing could change that course. And she so rarely stopped to consider the whirlwind of emotions that might be part of the process: the endgame was her only concern. Would you be happy at the end? If yes, who cares?

Well, I cared. I hated the turbulent turmoil she was putting me through by springing this unexpected reunion on me. I hated that she was putting Bella through it. Whatever her reasons, she was wrong to not consult with me. Of course I still loved Bella – there was no way out of that now, I was forever wired to love her and had been since that pivotal day in the meadow. But there was little chance she felt the same way, despite our intense connection all those years ago. After everything I had done to her, she had every right to despise me. She was happy now without me; I shouldn't be here dragging her backwards. I considered her analogy of her as my plaything, something to swat at when I needed entertaining. How painfully wrong she was to think of it that way, and yet, from her point of view, how could it seem like anything else? I had told her it would be as if I never existed and here I was, flaunting my existence in her face.

I shook my head, as if I could shake the thoughts away. "It doesn't matter what Alice did or didn't do. We have to leave. I'm sorry, Esme."

"Edward," she said quietly. She stepped closer and cupped my face in her hand. You never have to apologise to me, ever. If you want to leave, we'll leave, that isn't a problem. But are you sure that's what you want to do? Maybe this is a second chance for you? Goodness only knows you deserve it.

"I spoke to her, Esme. She doesn't want us here."

"Bella said that?" Her brow creased in disbelief. She wouldn't… she's such a sweet girl.

"I hurt her," I whispered, and it was agony to acknowledge out loud. "I did it all wrong and I broke her heart. She doesn't want to see me."

Esme's mind didn't believe me, thought I had misunderstood, that I was wrong. But, to her credit, she nodded slowly. "Edward, if you truly believe that, then I will accept it and we will move on. But no one on this Earth deserves love more than you, and Bella is that for you. Give her a chance to reconsider. You'll regret it forever if you don't."

I was already shaking my head. "No. I can't take away her humanity or her happiness, or put her in danger or-"

"And I'm not asking you to do any of those things, Edward," Esme told me firmly. Except, for her, firmly was still so warm and gentle that you felt guilty for even considering disobeying. "Just talk to her. Find out how she's been. Be her friend. What if you could make her happier? Did you ever consider that?"

She was wearing on me, I'd admit, but I still had far too many arguments against her optimistic view. "Our world is too dangerous for her…"

"We live in the same world she does, Edward. We're just… more aware of the dangers."

I stared at her, finding myself speechless for once. Was Esme right? Was Bella just as safe with me as without me? Could I share a small part of Bella's life? Had I been too hasty to walk away in the first place?

My 'mother' smiled, and I detected the smug edge to it. Just think about it, Edward. Let's not act rashly. But, like I said, you say the word and we'll all be right behind you. We're a family, and we stick together.

"Try telling Alice that," I mumbled petulantly, noticing that she and Jasper hadn't followed me home; they'd be here by now if they had. She'd better not be where I thought she was.

"None of that," Esme scolded, living up to her motherly role. "Alice is just trying to help. Or perhaps she really didn't know. She's not infallible, Edward, we all could do with remembering that sometimes."

I rolled my eyes but didn't argue. I knew better than to convince her to take sides. "What are you painting?" I asked, moving over to have a look at the canvas. It was a picture-perfect rendering of Loch Ness, the oils picking out the greys and navies of the sky exactly and the precise detail of the tress was stunning. "It's brilliant, Esme."

She shone. "Thank you, Edward. It passes the time while Carlisle's at the hospital at least."

I shot a look at her. "Don't downplay a talent."

She returned the look with raised brows. "So I suppose you're going to finally return to your piano, then?"

Shaking my head, I supressed a smile. She knew how to press all of our buttons; it spoke well of Esme's character that she rarely did. "I'm going out for a run," I said. "Tell Carlisle about this when he gets back. I'll think about it, but I want us all to be ready to leave instantly. Or, at least, not to bother Bella."

"Of course." She smiled ruefully. "Don't be gone too long."

I nodded, stopping short of promising anything, and darted back out into the surrounding forest, hopping from tree to tree as I ran. As I had for so many years before, I tried to outrun my thoughts and my fluctuating emotions. I headed north through the Superior National Forest without even stopping to hunt. I just needed to run.

I slowed when I sensed a road ahead, but I could hear nothing for miles. That didn't surprise me since I was in the middle of nowhere. I broke through the tree bank to cross over the road, but I glimpsed something that made me slow, and then eventually stop. The street sign telling of the communities on the road ahead had listed only one place, and yet the name of that one place was giving me a sign, telling me exactly what I should do. So I turned, took a breath, and began heading back – at a slower pace – towards Two Harbors and away from the tiny northern community of Isabella.

It was almost dark when I returned to the tiny city, though the spring evening felt warmer and fresher than the twilight sky indicated. I didn't want to face up to Alice yet and demand to know what she was playing at. I was too tired for a fight. Instead, I found myself returning to the place I had vowed to stay away from.

The school was shut for the night without a single light on, but it was simple enough to catch her scent and follow the roads it lingered on. I was well attuned to her scent.

As I stealthily followed the traces of Bella, I gave myself a mental lecture to prepare myself for whatever I might find. Though she went by Miss Swan at school, it was entirely possible that she was married or in a long-term relationship, perhaps with Jacob still. Perhaps with someone completely different. It would be agonising to see but Esme was right: I needed to know more to make an informed decision. Equally, I would never begrudge her happiness. That was all I wanted for her… wasn't it?

So I was prepared for a whole host of options when the trail I'd followed came to an end outside a small house on the edge of town, not far from the high school. It was quaint, with a wraparound porch and a neat exterior. A horribly messy garden spilling over with weeds, but I'd never considered Bella to be particularly green-fingered so that didn't surprise me. What did surprise me, however, was the lack of any other human scent. She lived here alone.

Part of me celebrated this fact but a large part of me ached for her. It had been fifteen years. Why didn't she have a partner? A family? Did she want it this way or had things not worked out? Had she been hurt, had someone left her? Or had she been as lost and lonely as I had, irrevocably changed by our love?

I circled the house in the shadows, and it was easy to find a good vantage point as her house was so close to the edge of town that it backed onto the woods. I didn't like that; it didn't seem very safe. I found a perch in a large tree and settled in. She wisely had her curtains shut, but I could hear her movements inside: cutlery scraping chinaware; the TV droning out some sitcom; her steady breathing and the alluring, rhythmic ba-bom of her heart. Another sound startled me after a short while and then I realised it was the purr of a cat. I was glad she wasn't totally alone.

Eventually, the TV was shut off and I heard the running water as she washed her one dish, the creak of the stairs as she ascended. I heard the familiar sounds of her bedtime routine, ached for the days when I would listen from her purple comforter while Charlie faffed about below us. But even long after the rustling of the sheets indicated that she had climbed into bed, her breathing still hadn't steadied into the calm rhythm of sleep.

Abruptly, her bedsheets were yanked back, and her footprints stomped across the floor. Then, unexpectedly, her window was thrown open and she leant on the windowsill staring straight out at me. For the briefest of seconds, I froze, convinced that she had seen me. Logically, I knew that human eyesight would never be able to locate me through the night, but her gaze held such certainty, such intimacy that I was ready for her to scream profanities at me and tell me to leave her alone. But she didn't do that. She sighed, let her head drop down. And then, for the first time all evening, she spoke: "I need some time," she rasped, throat thick. "Just… give me some time." Her head lifted again, and I saw sadness coat her face before she retreated back into her bedroom, pulling the window shut and then there was the unmistakeable click of a lock.

As a vampire, constant fidgeting and motion was unnecessary so I was often still because it was comfortable. But, in that moment, I was frozen from shock. Was there even the slimmest possibility that she had been talking… to me? There was no way she had seen me, but I had long ago confessed to her my penchant for watching her sleep. Had she guessed I might return to my old habits? Did she know me better than I knew myself?

I rested my head against the bark of the tree and, for just a short while, allowed myself to believe that the answer to all of those questions might be yes.

When I finally felt calm enough to face Alice in the early hours of the morning, I headed home. As I approached the house, I scanned the thoughts of my family to assess what kind of situation I was headed into. To my surprise, none of them were talking about the Bella situation – or even thinking about it. Esme was focussed on her painting again, comparing the image from her perfect memory to the canvas in front of her; Alice and Jasper were engaged in a deeply complicated game of Majong, involving various made-up rules in a futile effort to counteract Alice's enormous advantage; Carlisle was in his office researching brain tumours and ruminating on a particularly difficult case a colleague had asked his opinion on today. Perhaps it was a little self-obsessed of me, but I couldn't believe that none of them were worrying like I was! How did this earthshattering change mean so little to them?

Forgoing the stairs, I leapt straight up onto Alice and Jasper's balcony and into their room. Jasper glanced over, but Alice – unscrupulous as ever – just held up her index finger for me to wait while she chose different moves in her mind to see the outcome. Eventually she settled on one that seemed the most favourable, played the move and then turned to me. "Edward," she said pleasantly.

Jasper surveyed Alice's move and frowned, disgruntled by her new advantage, and then cast the game from his mind, refocussing on trying to keep us both calm.

"You spoke to her, didn't you?" I demanded, cutting straight to the point.

She sighed. "Of course I did, but-"

I cut her off. "What did you say?"

Alice looked right at me, her large, round eyes appraising my wind-tousled hair and my agonised expression. "Nothing bad, Edward. I know you think this is a bad thing, but it's not, I promise." Her mind reached out to me, playing a vision of me and Bella smiling at each other, friendly at least. "You can reconnect with her, it's not the death sentence you think it is."

"What did you say to her?" I repeated.

"I told her we were here to start again, that we had no idea she was here. I told her I'd missed her." A flash in her mind of embracing Bella, her form startled at first but then relaxing slightly into the hug. My chest ached with longing. Then, Alice hesitated. "I told her she should talk to you, that there was more to be said between you." She showed me another memory of Bella's face. It looked almost… hopeful?

I growled at her a little. "Your meddling is getting boring, Alice. Why don't you try letting things play out naturally for a change?"

"Edward!" Esme admonished from behind me where she and Carlisle stood; I hadn't noticed them join us.

Alice waved Esme off, both used to and expecting my outburst. "She's made up her mind, Edward. She might not consciously know it yet, but she's going to want to talk to you before she decides whether she wants us to leave." She levelled me with a look and added mentally: And you want to talk to her too, I can see that, Edward. And you should talk to her.

"I'm not ready," I croaked.

"You are," Alice promised.

"Edward." Carlisle spoke then. "You would do anything for Bella, we all know that, so perhaps just listen to her and find out what she wants from you."

"She wants me to leave her alone."

"You know that isn't true," Alice said.

I thought about everything for a moment, my head spinning, but then I saw a new vision in Alice's mind: me, waiting outside the high school for her to finish, approaching her as she walked home. Apparently, I didn't need to consciously make this decision: I was going to talk to Bella.

Alice beamed, and I heard Esme see Alice's smile and light up with joy.

I groaned, realising that I was giving in. "Can you all just… stay out of my business? For a while?"

"How old are you, Edward?" Alice teased.

I rolled my eyes. "Seriously. No school tomorrow. Don't talk to her, don't seek her out. This is between me and Bella until I tell you otherwise. Promise me, Alice."

"I promise." Alice seemed earnest and when I scanned her mind, I could tell she meant it; she'd done her bit by persuading me to talk to Bella.

The others nodded their agreement, and Carlisle put his hand on my shoulder. "I'm proud of you, son," he said warmly. "It's not always easy to do the right thing but, for what it's worth, I think this is right."

"I know."

Alice and Jasper invited me to join their game, but I declined, instead returning to my room and searching through my record collection for Clair De Lune. If I was going to start playing with matches, I may as well light a whole goddamn bonfire.

It was past six pm the next day when I was finally waiting in the position I had seen in Alice's vision. True to my word, I had left Bella alone during the day, not even watching from afar. But now I watched through her classroom window as she finished up her marking and set up for the next day. Eventually, she grabbed up her things and turned out the light, disappearing momentarily into the corridor. Shortly afterwards, she appeared at the main entrance, pulling a hood over her head to combat the light drizzle and then beginning to walk. I steeled myself and followed.

A few streets away, when the school was out of sight, I called her name: "Bella?"

Apparently unsurprised, she stopped walking and then slowly turned around to see me standing a few paces behind her. She appraised me with cautious eyes. "Edward."

I swallowed, trying to dampen the burn in my throat. "Can I walk you home?"

She stared at me for a long moment, and I could see that she was considering my question, making a conscious decision. Then she shrugged and said too casually, "If you can keep up." She turned and carried on walking, leaving me stood like a lemon for a second. Had she just made a joke?

I hurried after her, though I moved only at a light human jog, not wanting to startle her. When I caught up and fell in step with her, she looked at me side-on, not hiding her gaze. Her face had warmed slightly, but she no longer shied away from her blush or ducked her head or gnawed nervously on her lip. Her confidence was stunning. We walked in silence for a long time, and then, when I plucked up the courage to ask her a question, apparently so did she as we spoke simultaneously: "What did-?"

"So why-?"

I laughed nervously, glancing down at the sidewalk. "Sorry, you go."

"No, it's fine. You go," she insisted, and I hated how light her voice was. How was she so calm when I was a walking bundle of nerves? I was supposed to be the emotionless, heartless being here. "After all, you're the one that accosted me in the middle of the street."

I wanted to playfully argue back, but I couldn't force that lightness in myself so I simply shrugged, accepting her summary of the situation. "What did Alice tell you?" I asked eventually. "Just so I know what you know."

Bella kept her eyes fixed ahead of us now as she answered me. "Not a lot. Just that you were here to start over like you did in Forks. That it wasn't deliberate. That-" She stopped. She glanced over at me, then ploughed on. "That she missed me."

I pressed my lips together, hating that Alice was able to be so open with Bella when I could hardly force out simple pleasantries. "It wasn't. Deliberate, I mean. Alice wanted the US and she chose Two Harbors. It's a small city, poor weather, small population. It fit the bill, so we went with it." I stopped walking, hoping that she would stop too. I wasn't brave enough to touch her yet and gently pull her to a stop like I wanted to. She did, turning back to look at me. When I had her eye contact, I continued: "There's no real reason for us to be here so it's not hard for us to leave. Truly. If you don't want us – me around, we'll be gone by tomorrow. If… if you want space. Or time." I saw recognition flash across her face and wondered whether she knew, or at least suspected, that I'd been outside her window the night before.

Then, she smiled sadly. "Edward, I've had fifteen years of time and space. It hasn't really helped."

My eyes shut tightly, pained. "I am so sor-"

"Stop it. Stop apologising. We're going round in circles."

I opened my eyes again in time to see her take a step forward, steely and determined.

"I'm going to be honest with you, Edward, because there's no other way past this." She took a deep breath and then blew it out again. "I have dreamed of seeing you again since the moment you left. Sometimes because I want to tell you how much I still need you, and sometimes because I want you to see how much you hurt me. Sometimes because I want you to know that a part of me hates you."

I nodded; I deserved that.

"But… I still want to know you, Edward. For now. You changed me, you hurt me, but… you knew me in a way that no one else did – and no one has since. And I'd be lying if I said I wanted for you to walk away from me again. I…" She dropped her gaze then in the first show of weakness I'd seen, the first indicator of deep, unyielding emotion. "I don't think I can survive it this time."

I was stunned silent by her openness. There was more to what she was saying, an undercurrent that I couldn't quite pin down, but what she had said was enough – so much more than enough – to convince me to stay. Now that I was here beside her, basking in the glow of her compassion and her gentle, genuine, good soul, I couldn't even begin to recall why I had left in the first place. How I had summoned the strength. She owned me, I was hers, and I would do everything I could to stay by her side until she ordered me away. I felt my entire body relax into my destiny as I breathed out my response: "Then you won't have to."

She stared at me for a long time, her beautiful eyes taking in my sincerity and then she shook her head slightly. "What does that mean, Edward?"

Truth was the only way through this, I knew that, and she had said as much not five minutes before. But it would be hard both to face up to it and to express. I thought for a moment, searching for the right way to tell her that I wouldn't leave her side now until she ordered me away, but before I could find one someone interrupted my musing by calling her name. No, not calling her name – thinking it. I saw her face in their mind, tinged with worry and concern. I saw their mind visualising her passed out on the floor of her kitchen; he was berating himself for not checking in sooner and now she wasn't answering her cell and she'd been acting weirdly yesterday and anything could have happened to her…

I sighed. Our reunion would face many challenges, and it appeared that this would be the first.

"What?" Bella snapped at my change in mood, frustrated that I wouldn't just answer her question.

"Nothing… it's just… you're expecting company?" I asked softly in return.

She looked confused. "No?"

"Well, company's coming for you."

Bella frowned, taking a moment to join the dots.

"I should go," I said, "but I swear to you, Bella, I will tell you everything and anything you want to know. All of it. I won't ever lie to you again."

Headlights appeared in the distance at the end of the long road into town, Jacob's thoughts becoming louder the closer he got.

"Goodbye, Bella," I murmured, clenching my fists to stop from touching her, holding her close in the way I craved.

"Edward, wait," she cried urgently.

"Yes?"

She studied me for a moment, eyes flicking from the headlights to my face and back again. Her mouth opened and closed a few times as they located the words she needed. "Please don't… listen."

Chagrined that she remembered my obsession with eavesdropping on every aspect of her life, I had the decency to duck my head. "I won't," I promised, and I meant it. I was hers now; whatever she asked for from me, she had it. Then, because I simply couldn't help myself, I reached up and slowly – so that she could back away if she chose to – I cupped her cheek in the palm of my hand. She tilted her head ever so slightly, resting her chin against my fingers, her skin so warm, smooth and soft. A distant part of me clicked back into place and my body hummed, like an old engine restored by a missing part. Light washed over her face briefly from afar and I smiled softly at her. "I'll see you soon." And then I departed into the night, leaving her in peace as she'd requested. But also leaving safe in the knowledge that I would see her again, that we were unlocking some kind of a future here and the world felt wide with possibility once again.

A/N: Just FYI there is a real small community in the Superior National Forest in Minnesota called Isabella! How cool is that? Again, thanks Google Maps.