Chapter 13: It's time, Jacob

Jacob was sitting at one end of the log, so I sat at the other end of the log to give him space. I also felt weird sitting in this log, because if I am not mistaken, I think this is a spot where Jacob and Bella would come to hang out. Technically, I am sitting in Bella's spot, so I wasn't certain how Jacob is going to react.

Jacob didn't give any indication of my presence. He really was deep in thought. He continued to sit there, and I sat there in silence as well. I was looking at the sea. Even though I can't really see the sea, I can hear the sound of the water going up and down in the sand. It was calming to listen.

Then, Jacob spoke bitterly, "Are you too going to convince me that I am better off without Bella?"

I shook my head, and said, "No. I am here for you Jake. I want to know what you're feeling and thinking."

Jacob said dejectedly, "You sure? I don't know if you had heard, I am pretty annoying to be around with lately. Everyone is tired of me going on and on about Bella."

He does have self-awareness that the others are tired of his drama with Bella. I thought amusingly.

I said, "Jake, I'm not 'everyone'. I don't have the pack mind, so what you tell me now, I keep it to myself. So, tell me."

Jacob said shakily as he put his head in his hands, "I..I don't know where to begin."

I said, "I think you know. Hmm, how about you start with today?"

Jacob said in a hollow tone, "She is getting married to Edward..."

Oh. Bella was finally able to say yes to Edward. I thought loudly.

I hummed to get him to talk more. He continues, "She told me that she was destined to become a vampire, and there is nothing I can do about it. So, she kissed me as a goodbye for all I have done for her. No matter what happens, I will always be her closest best friend that she ever had. Then, maybe in the future, we can still be friends. Honestly, I can't see myself still being friends with her."

I was shocked to hear that. The future was once again changed. In the books, Edward made Bella confessed openly in the mountains about their engagement so that Jacob would hear and to make Jacob to back off and do it on behalf of Bella. Even though it was a dick move on Edward's part, it was still equally bad that Jacob told Bella that he would go kill himself, and Bella desperate to keep Jacob alive, gave him a kiss. It wasn't a nice to look at. It was disturbing, and it was even more disturbing that I remember in the books, Bella had a small vision of a life with Jacob. Looking back to that, I can definitely see that it was to make the situation "better", and to manipulate the Jacob fans that Bella could've been with Jacob when reality Bella was Edward's mate. Ugh, I can't believe my younger self liked that vision. We were manipulated again by Meyers.

Well, at least this turned out much better than what happened in the book. Since Edward already messed up again with Bella, most likely he didn't make Bella confess her engagement openly to stay on her good grace, and Bella was able to have that proper talk with Jacob.

I asked, "When she told you that, how did that make you feel?"

He said angrily, "It made me feel angry, disgusted. It felt wrong because.."

I asked, "Because?"

Jacob roared, "Because I loved her! I gave her my all and she threw it away just like that for that leech even when he kept on hurting her!"

I was trying not to panic nor get scared when he started to vibrate because I feel it in where I was sitting. Putting my full faith on the spirits that they will not let me get mauled by Jacob while Fully knowing that he is at odds with his wolf spirit, so he is even more unpredictable.

I said without any hint of fear, "I know."

He continued and now yelling, "I was there for her when she fell apart after that son of bitch left her to rot in the woods. I was the one there for her when she was scared to death when she found that that red leech was chasing after her. Whenever she needed a break from him, I was there for her. Besides my dad and Seth, everyone was distant to her whenever she visited the Rez. I helped her to feel part of the Rez".

Not sure how accurate the last part was, but not want to anger him even further, I said, "I know."

He continues, "The moment he comes around, everything that I did, it comes to nothing in comparison to him! I am always going to be lesser than Edward, no matter what I do."

I stayed silent. Even though I know he is better than Edward, I don't want to invalidate his feelings. He already gets correction and rebuke from his community.

His voice started to crack, "Even my Dad tells me to let go of Bella. He doesn't get my feelings for Bella. Everyone keeps telling me about imprinting as if my feelings for her were weak."

I said compassionately, "I'm sorry that you had to experience that honestly. That must've been so frustrating for you, and your own father not even being by your side, you must've felt so alone."

He said exasperatedly, "It was! Not even Embry nor Quil could understand what I am going through. The worst part that at the same time they were looking down on me for hanging onto Bella, they also were looking down on me for not taking up the mantle of being Alpha of the pack."

I said, "Wow, that must've made you feel there is a lot of pressure on you."

"Yes! I have so much on top of me that..that I..I don't think I will fulfill everyone's expectations of me… I can't be what they expect of me. I don't even know who the hell I am anymore," Jacob cried bitterly at the last part.

I stayed silent, letting him cry out his feelings.

It took him a minute to compose himself. He continues as he was sniffling, "The only one who knew who I really was Bella. She knew who I was. She was what helped me to pull myself together when I first phased. She reminded me that I was not a monster, and she helped me see that I am not just an animal. I am still me in a way."

And I finished off, "now that she is going to marry off with your natural enemy. She isn't going to continue be by your side to remind you, huh?"

He nodded meekly, "Yeah…Without her, I don't know who I am… I don't know if I can resist the wolf spirit taking over me to claim his rightful place as Alpha. Whenever I was with her, I felt at ease even for a second."

I said, "Jake, you don't need her to tell you who you want to be. You are who you want to be. Be who you want to be. Only you truly know who Jacob Black is."

He replied, "But how? I turn into an animal! I'm a spirit warrior who is a shapeshifting wolf. My destiny was already set in stone before I even get to live. Before I got the chance to decide who I want to be. My life is forever tied to the reservation, and I can't leave. Before I phased, I thought I had few more years down before I take up the role as Chief of Reservation, but now that I phased, I am pushed to take on Alpha and Chief at the same time? Hell! I am just a kid!"

I said," Yeah, you were a kid who was forced to grow up too fast and too soon. Life treated you very harshly and you didn't deserve that, but Jake, what you do is not who you are. It is one aspect of you. You are not just your role. You are so much more than that, Jake. You have a long life ahead of you to find who you are, Jake. You don't have to decide everything now. There is still time even people keep saying there is no time. Before you became a wolf, what you wanted to do?"

He said reminiscing, "I wanted to open up my own auto shop and go to college."

I said, "Well, what is it stopping you from going after that?"

Jacob, "I can't leave the reservation, and I didn't finish high school because I phased toward the end of my last semester in high school."

I said, "Then, you can try to get your GED online. Study hard, pass those ACT/SATs and try to get into a college where you can do school online. There are some many ways for you to go to college and still do your responsibilities in your tribe. You don't have to choose one or the other. You can do both if you want to. Don't limit yourself, Jake and if you are really eager to get it done, then you will find a way."

I was thinking of using myself and Paul as an example to encourage him to pursue his dreams and his desires, but I felt like it would hurt his self esteem and make the situation worse. He might hear it as that he is not doing enough.

Jake asked hesitantly, "What if the council says I can't?"

I said boldly, "Then ignore them. If they are not willing to back you up, then they are missing a big part of your life that will greatly benefit them as well. If they are willing to back you up then that is good too, but your life is not dependent on the approval of others. Do this for yourself, Jake. When you focus on helping yourself, then eventually you would be able to help others and do what you need to do, but only if you want to do those things of course. You have more control of your life than you think, Jake."

Jacob said scared, "But, what about the wolf spirit?"

I said, "I think once you are making progress of finding yourself and making something of yourself, your wolf spirit won't be as resistant toward you."

I don't know how long we have been talking, but now it is pitch black and I can't even see a thing. When I turned my head to my right to look at him, I saw that his eyes were flashing silver to me. I think his alpha wolf spirit is coming forward. Does he want to speak to me as well?

I wasn't sure how to address Jacob's wolf spirit, so I looked at him, "I don't know if the wolf spirit is listening, but I know you have been mistreated unfairly. But I want to ask you just one last time, give Jacob one more chance. Both you and Jacob have been hurt many times in many ways. But because you both have been hurt, you guys need time to heal together, united cohabiting in one body."

I heard Jacob grunting and growling. He is fighting with himself, so I said soothingly, "Jake, Stop."

I got closer to him and put my arms around him. He was trembling as well.

I said again, "It's okay, Jake. Stop fighting among yourself. Those fight among themselves will fall apart. Don't be scared of the wolf spirit. It is part of you now whether you like it or not. It's scary right now because he is angry with you, but if you try to get to know him, he will be your closest companion. You also have the choice to let the wolf spirit go as well if both of you come to an agreement to that. He is not the enemy you should be fighting with, Jake."

Then I heard him say, "Thank you, sister". I looked up and his eyes were shining brightly. At that moment, I knew I was talking to his wolf spirit. I don't know how long I have to speak one to one with the wolf spirit before Jacob comes back to gain control. I strongly believe the wolf spirit was thanking me for talking to Jacob regarding him.

I quickly put both of hands on his chest. Looking at him in the eyes, I said, "I accept you as my alpha, Jake. Not to discredit Sam. He is a great Alpha, but I know you will be a great Alpha. A one-of-a-kind Alpha. There is no one like you and There is only you. No one can't replace you, and you are not replaceable. You have the heart of gold deep somewhere in there, and I know you will be great in anything you do." I said it to not give him lip service, but to help both Jacob and his alpha wolf spirit to gain their confidence, and start thinking alike and getting used to that.

I had a great idea. I barred my neck to show my submissiveness to him, and I felt Jacob froze. He inhaled in surprise and gave a tight hug in response.

Out of nowhere, I heard, "Who the fuck are you baring your neck to? You're mine! Back off, Black!" Paul snarled behind me possessively.

I yelped in surprise, and I fell off the log. I turned around, looked up wide eyes at Paul. I couldn't see him, but I saw his dark figure in the night. I think.. I think He is vibrating. But, his eyes were definitely flashing bright silver contrast to earlier.

Oh my gosh

Where did Paul come from? I didn't even hear him coming. I was so engrossed in my conversation with Jacob and his wolf spirit, I didn't notice came up to us.

Both of them were breathing heavily, and because I can't see, I was getting scared for my well-being. I started to feel helpless of my current situation and frustrated. If they phase in front of me with me in the middle, I will have no way to get out because I can't tell at which direction to go to.

"You're not even alpha, black. Why does my imprint, my MATE bows to you?" Paul growled.

I sharply said, "Paul, that's enough!" I winced internally for speaking to him like that. I knew this will bite me back later on.

I told Jacob without breaking eye contact with Paul, "alpha…Jacob go on a spirit walk, its time Jake!"

I heard him whine at me, I said, "Go! Don't worry about me. I let the others know. Take the time to get to know yourself again. Find your confidence again. I know you're scared Jacob. But you are not alone. Your ancestors are waiting on the other side to help you in your spirit walk. If they do something, I will give them a piece of my mind as well. we and I be here for you."

I heard Jacob said quietly, "Thank you Ale" before he took off running.

I heard him dropping his sling as he phased. When he phased, I can hear his huge paws stomping on the sand. He was getting farther farther away from the beach, and I no longer was able to hear his huge footsteps. I assumed he already went inside the forest because once he howled loudly, birds flew out of the trees.

Jacob was gone, and I pushed him to start on his journey earlier than anticipated, so I know I changed future once again. I don't know if I did the right thing saying what I told him to do, but I know Jacob needed it… Hopefully the spirit walk that he goes, it will help him find his peace and happiness. That is all I and many Jacob fans wanted for him, to be genuine happy.

If I can help him and place him on a different path so he can be the Jacob that we all loved and knew back in New Moon or even better, then so be it.

Author's Note:

LOL. I don't know why I was so emotional writing this chapter. I think it was cathartic for me to write this conversation with Jacob. Because I was so looking forward to writing this chapter, for the first time ever, I'mma send out two chapters in one day. Don't expect me to keep writing two in a day. It is a rare delicacy lol lol.

Hope you enjoyed it!

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