I feel like I'm going to throw up, but somehow make it over to where Dan and Serena are inside.
"Hey Jenny! And... Nate?", Serena seems puzzled.
"Yeah, Jenny's my date tonight", Nate smiles at me.
"Aw that's sweet", Serena says, as if I'm just a kid.
I really wished that people wouldn't find it so hard to see Nate and me as a couple. Wouldn't think that we were like oil and water, or that I was too young for him, or not good enough for him, just simply a pitied invite.
"Yeah", Nate squeezes me in and gestures to Dan and Serena. "You guys are here together?"
"No, not really, just as friends", Dan says. "We saw Eric and Jonathan, they're waiting inside with dad and Lily".
"Cool", I say and the four of us head inside.
I lock eyes with my dad, I'm still sad about how he looks at me now.
"Ooh Blair's here!", Serena beams. "I'll be back!".
"Jenny, Nate and Daniel!", Lily comes over. "So nice of you guys to come".
"Yeah of course, this looks beautiful Lily", I gesture to the decorations around the crowded, lavish ballroom.
Lily smiles.
"Jenny, Nate, there's a couple I want you guys to meet", my dad guides us over to a man and a woman who look maybe ten years older than my dad.
I'm confused.
"Geraldine and Michael, this is my daughter I was talking about", Dad says.
"Hi, I'm Jenny. This is Nate", I say trying to be polite.
"Aw you're so little dear", Geraldine says. "When your father informed us of your situation me and my husband here were just reeling. You don't know how hard it is to find a baby, let alone one from two good parents, born into good families".
What?
"I don't follow", Nate says, looking at my dad.
"Nathaniel right? Anne Archibald, formerly Van Der Bilt's, son right?", Geraldine seems excited to meet Nate.
"Yes, yes. Have you met my mother?", Nate asks, confused
"Yes quickly once. But we just know of your family. We would be so grateful to help you guys out... I mean, in turn you'd be helping us", Geraldine links arms with her husband.
"Jenny, Nate... Geraldine and Michael are very interested in adopting. They've been trying to for years. I mean we could get this started if you wanted-", my dad starts.
"Excuse me", I say, as politely as I can. "I'm just not feeling so well".
I walk off to find the bathroom.
I see Lily's face as I walk away, she looked angry and taken aback at my dad.
I can't believe my father did that.
I hear Nate's voice follow me.
"Jenny", Nate says. "Jenny hold on".
I finally find the ladies room and go in and collapse on the chair in there.
Nate must've seen me go in because he comes in not a minute later.
"Jenny, I'm sorry... that was", he's kneeling on the floor in front of me and grabs my hand.
"I can't believe my dad did that... we haven't even barely told anyone and he's already out trying to give the baby away without even talking to me", I say. "It just hurts".
A young woman, who I appear to recognize from school comes out of the stall and shoots us a look of surprise.
Crap.
Me and Nate stay silent until she leaves the washroom.
I put my head in my hands.
"Ugh god", I groan. "How could I have been so stupid! Now everyone is going to know. I just, I probably never should have come here".
"You're not stupid. It's okay. Maybe we should just get out of here", Nate says, rubbing my arm.
At that moment Serena and Blair walk into the washroom.
"Um Jenny what are you- Nate?", Blair's confused. "What the hell are you guys doing?".
Serena looks just as confused. I decide to just come clean.
"Um... this is probably going to be surprising, but I'm pregnant actually", I say.
Blair looks shocked.
"Please just tell me it wasn't some townie from the beach this summer", Blair looks in disgust.
"No, it's not", I say, looking at Nate.
"Wait", Serena is figuring it out.
"Oh. My. God. Well this is just too... oh my god. This is enough for one night", Blair slightly laughs.
"Are you okay?", Serena asks me, sincerely.
"Yeah, yeah I'm...", I sigh. "I'm doing alright. I just kind of want to go home".
"Yeah we're probably just gonna take the back door and get out of here", Nate says.
"Not without some major explaining to do!", Blair says. "Oh my god, is this why Chuck asked me who my gynaecologist was out of the blue? That was odd, but I just thought it might be some kind of weird foreplay".
"Ew", Serena mumbles and we laugh.
"There's not much to explain", Nate says. "Me and Jenny... we spent a lot of time together in the summer and things just happened".
"Would not have expected this little J", Blair says. "Gossip girl is gonna eat this up".
"But nonetheless we're both here for you", Serena says.
"Thanks guys", I say. It did make me feel good to have so many people on my side even if my dad was acting the way he was.
"So... um can we have the washroom now?", Blair asked. "This is called the ladies room, Nate".
"Yeah", Nate laughs. "Yeah let's go, Jenny".
Nate leads me down a hallway that leads to a side door that exits out on the street.
We hail a cab and get in.
"Back to Brooklyn?", Nate asks.
"Actually, Nate... I don't want to go anywhere my dad could find me... I just-", I say.
"No problem. I wanted to show you around my place more anyway", Nate says to me and then speaks to the driver. "Thirty two Carlton Place, please".
I look down at my phone to see messages from my dad and Dan too, but I don't even bother looking at them.
"I'm sorry that went so badly Jenny, I shouldn't have urged you to go", Nate says.
"No, it's not your fault", I sigh. "I should have probably expected to be ambushed by my dad after last night's conversation".
"Yeah but it wasn't right. You have time still to think about adoption or-", Nate starts.
"Nate, I'm gonna keep it", I say quickly, because if I don't now, I never will. "I'm sorry, I know that's a lot. But I just, I've thought about it so much, and I don't think I can do what Lily did".
"Don't be sorry", Nate grabs both my hands. "I was kind of worried you might want to give it away... and I just, I think that would be really hard. I want us to know our kid".
"Me too", I say quietly.
"And we have money, we're both mature, we can provide a good environment... it's gonna be really hard, but I think we can do it", Nate says. "And we can still make sure you get to school".
"Yeah I could just take a year off before starting university. Or however long it takes. But I want this", I say confidently.
We both just sit there for a moment in the back of the cab, the screen up, so the cab driver can't really see or hear us.
"I want this too", Nate breathes out.
And suddenly his lips are on mine, not in a passionate make out way, but in a sweet, softer way. They tasted of champagne.
"You kissed me", I whisper an inch away from his lips.
"Yeah, is that okay?", Nate smiles.
I laugh.
"Mmm hmm", I nod, before kissing him again, this time deepening it.
Nate pulls away to tell me that we're here and we get out of the cab to go into Nate's building.
"Soooo...", I say and laugh. "What was it you wanted to show me in here?"
"You'll see", Nate says mysteriously as we get in the elevator.
He unlocks his apartment door and we go inside.
"Okay so the tour begins here", Nate smirks and I follow him to the kitchen.
He opens pantry cupboards.
"Lots of snacks, those gummies you like", Nate laughs. "And Oreos, can't forget those".
I laugh.
"You didn't have to get this stuff", I must look like a puppy dog who's just gotten a treat. I can feel the expression of adoration in my eyes.
"Yeah I did", Nate says assuredly.
"Okay and if we make a stop in the living room", Nate turns on the TV. "Lots of movies you can order, that channel with project runway on it I know you like, and that one with the show I don't understand".
"Say Yes to the Dress?", I laugh.
"Yeah that one", Nate laughs. "It's like just pick one already!"
I giggle.
"Dresses are important!", I protest.
"Okay okay", Nate laughs. "Now if you follow me to the bedroom..."
We go in to see a queen sized bed, in a grey themed room. Very little decor, but still tidy and classy. Very Nate.
"A bachelor pad?", I joke.
"Well kind of, but if you look in the closet...", Nate opens it up to see one side free. "It's a big closet for just me. Plus I think you could probably spice it up around here... if you wanted".
I'm shocked he's even saying this.
"Oh and the bathroom is probably the best part", Nate says and we go inside.
He opens up the bathroom cabinet to an array of moisturizers, shampoos, conditioners, toothpaste, an extra toothbrush.
"Um... were these left here by past girls or?", I question, slightly joking.
"Nope", Nate laughs. "All new, I promise".
"Why did you do this, Nate? You don't have to... I know this is your place", I say quietly.
"Yeah I know, and you probably feel more comfortable at your home in Brooklyn, but I just want you to know that you can stay here anytime. There's lots of room", Nate says and I smile.
"Thank you... seriously. No ones ever done anything like this for me", I say. I don't know if it's my stupid pregnancy emotions but I fight back the urge to burst into tears.
Stupid hormones. I don't want to look like an idiot.
"No problem", Nate smiles and then lights up. "Oh and the best part!".
Nate leads me out of the bathroom and the bedroom over to another small room.
"This was kind of supposed to be an office or something, but I thought it would make a really good nursery", Nate says. "Or if you want it can be your bedroom, or I can sleep here and you can sleep in the master with the baby. Whatever you think is best".
"Nate...", I say in awe. The tears make their way out of my eyes. "Sorry, I'm really emotional".
"Don't be", Nate laughs slightly. "Not sad tears though right?".
"No, no. Happy ones", I assure him.
"I'm sorry tonight didn't go well, but it doesn't change you and me", Nate says putting his hand on my waist.
"Tonight did go well though", I come closer to him. "This is more Cinderella than any ball".
We smile at each other for a while.
"Those Oreos though...", I start. "They're still in the cupboard?".
Nate laughs at me.
"Yeah, I'll grab them".
We sit down to watch a movie, some rom com that Nate pretends not to like, but every time I look over at him he looks invested in it.
Next thing I know I'm drifting into sleep.
/
I wake up to the buzzing of my phone and Nate shaking me a bit.
"Hey Jenny, I think maybe you should answer your Dad's texts", Nate says. "I texted Dan that you're with me right now, but I don't want them to worry".
I wake up.
"Yeah you're probably right", I say groggily. "What time is it?"
"Getting close to midnight", Nate says.
I open my phone to see millions of texts.
I open my dads. They're all along the lines of "Jennifer come home and stop being immature" and "I should've given you a heads up about the adoption thing", and eventually even an "I'm sorry".
I sigh and type out a message to my dad.
J: Hi dad. Yeah it was really hurtful. I just wish you wouldn't have done it there or would have talked to me about it first. I'm at Nate's. I need some time before we talk again.
I send it. Then mull it over some more and send him one more text.
J: And I love you. I just know I can't give my baby up for adoption.
There. Now he knows.
I see a text from Lily.
L: I'm so sorry sweetie. I had no idea your dad was doing that. I'm having a talk with him right after I send this. He shouldn't have done that.
Then I see a text from Dan.
D: Jenny I know this probably isn't the time, but you know I'm going to have to send this blast out. It will look suspicious if I don't. Just let me know if it's okay.
Well, everyone is going to know sometime I guess.
I text Dan back.
J: Okay. Send it. It's fine I guess.
I turn off my phone then. I don't want to be overwhelmed with it anymore.
"Okay, done", I say to Nate.
"Okay we should go to bed now", Nate says. "You can barely keep your eyes open".
"Yeah, sounds good", I say.
Nate goes to his linen closet to pull out a pillow and a blanket.
"I can sleep on the couch?", Nate suggests.
"If you want", I say.
"I just want you to be comfortable. It's probably better your father doesn't think we're sleeping together", Nate suggests.
"Yeah you're probably right", I say.
"You can wear anything in my room", Nate says and comes into his bedroom. "I have shirts, shorts in here. Nothing too cute but..."
I laugh.
"It's okay, this will do", I set my sights on one of Nate's blue button up shirts.
Nate goes to brush his teeth in the bathroom and I change, putting my dress on a chair in the corner of his room.
When he comes out I'm putting my hair up into a ponytail.
I feel his gaze on me.
"What?", I ask.
"Nothing", he smirks. "Goodnight".
"Goodnight", I say.
I get into Nate's bed. Immediately as I pull the covers up, I'm overwhelmed with the smell of Nate.
Paired with the flirting, the way Nate looked at me wearing his shirt, and my stupid pregnancy hormones, I feel a type of unsettling hunger.
I'm not even tired. I roll around a few times, trying to get to sleep and stop the thoughts in my mind from racing. The thoughts of Nate's fingers running up and down my thighs, my back, his lips on my neck.
I shiver. Stop, Jenny, it's not gonna happen.
It shouldn't happen. I remind myself. I was being mature, and leaving any feelings, emotional or physical to the side. That's what I'd told everyone.
I check the clock. 12:48.
I get up in annoyance. I may as well go on my phone or at least read a book or something. If Nate has any.
I open the door to Nate's room slowly and expect to come out to a sleeping Nate.
Instead I see Nate in glasses sitting,looking at his laptop.
I step on the floor and immediately hear a creek and Nate notices I'm there.
"Jesus", I've surprised him. "Oh my god Jenny, you almost gave me a heart attack".
"Sorry", I say. "Can't sleep".
"Yeah me neither", Nate laughs.
"I didn't know you wore glasses", I laugh.
Nate smirks. "Yeah just for reading. Sexy right?". He's joking.
"What are you doing?", I ask and come over to the couch and Nate scoots over to make room for me.
"Oh nothing", Nate immediately closes his laptop.
I laugh.
"No! What were you looking at?", I say playfully. I'm curious now. "I won't laugh, even if it's porn".
Nate rolls his eyes.
"It's not", he laughs. "Okay fine".
Nate opens his laptop and I see a picture of an orange seed and then look up to see what website he's on. "What to Expect".
"Your baby is as big as an orange seed at 5 and a half weeks", I read off the website.
"Aww, you don't have to hide this", I joke, but Nate looks sort of embarrassed.
"I don't know a lot about this stuff and if we're keeping the baby, I just want to make sure we know what's going on with it", Nate explains and I stare in his eyes.
Ugh. Why does he make me feel this way?
"What are you thinking about?", Nate whispers, inquisitively.
I decide to be honest.
"I'm thinking about how much I want to kiss you, right now, in this moment", I whisper back.
"Jenny...", Nate breathes out.
"I know, I shouldn't want to, but..."
Nate beats me to it and suddenly my lips are encompassed by his and his hands wander all over me.
"Ugh", I moan slightly.
Nate's hands roam up my legs, going underneath the large shirt I have on, with just my underwear.
"Jenny...", he whispers again, his hands now up to my stomach and roaming up to my breasts.
I move so that I'm now straddling him and we're eye to eye.
I'm breathing heavily.
Nate pulls away slightly, taking his hands back down so they're on my waist.
"Why", I say through breathes. "Why'd you stop?"
"I want to, god I want to. But I want to gain the trust of your family, and I don't want them to think I just want to sleep with you", Nate says.
"I know", I say and my forehead is now touching his. "I just have all these feelings, I don't know if it's hormones or just because I feel stupid, I don't know".
"Feel stupid?", Nate questions, concerned.
"Yeah I don't know. A lot of times I still feel like a virgin. I still don't really know how this stuff works, yet I'm pregnant. I guess I thought if I did it more, I'd feel less like a kid", I say. "That's probably pretty stupid though".
Nate smiles.
"No, that's not stupid. We'll have lots of time to show you things", Nate smirks and kisses my cheek. "Seriously a lot of time. And then you'll feel less like a virgin".
I nod.
"And I don't see you as a kid", Nate says and tucks my hair behind my ear.
"Then will you sleep in the same bed as me?", I whisper in his ear and then giggle.
"Okay", Nate smirks and we get off the couch.
"All PG rated I promise", I joke.
"Mmm... not even PG-13?", Nate plays along.
"Nope, no funny business anymore", I say. "We had our fun".
"One more kiss then", Nate says swinging me around, taking me by surprise and I squeal.
I sleep well that night. It's weird sleeping beside someone, I'm not used to it. But just knowing Nate is beside me, hearing him snore slightly, my lips turn into a small grin, as I fall asleep peacefully.