Waking up next to Nate the next morning isn't so bad. And the next night goes the same way. Suddenly it's Sunday and I realize we haven't even left Nate's apartment the entire weekend.
I sit down on the couch while Nate makes coffee.
"Ugh I miss coffee", I groan and Nate laughs.
"Sorry you have to watch me have it, but I need fuel for the day. You had me up way too late watching that re run of the bachelor", Nate laughs, then smirks. "And doing other stuff".
"If you wanna make out with me in your bed, you can't complain about watching the bachelor, I don't make the rules, sorry", I say and Nate laughs.
"I also miss my clothes", I frown.
"Yeah I'm gonna run out of shirts soon", Nate laughs. "Not that I'm gonna miss the way you look in them".
I blush.
"Well I'm gonna have to go to the loft today. Sadly I have to get my school stuff for tomorrow, and I'm pretty sure I can't wear this to school", I laugh gesturing to my current outfit.
"Yeah you're even wearing my socks", Nate chuckles at me.
"My feet got cold!", I say matter of fact.
"We can go over there anytime. I'm kind of sad to leave our cocoon, but we should probably see daylight", Nate says. "And you should probably make up with your dad".
"I know I should", I sigh. "I better check my phone".
I hadn't even looked at my phone for the past 24 hours.
I read my dad's text.
Dad: I understand Jenny. I know how hard it would be to give the baby up. It's just going to take me some time to wrap my head around the fact that my baby is having a baby. I love you honey.
I smile.
I text my dad back.
J: Thanks Dad. I'm going to my first appointment on Wednesday. So I could show you guys the ultrasound pictures then. I know it's going to be hard, but I feel like I have to do this.
"He's not mad", I tell Nate. "I think he's going to be supportive".
"Good", Nate says. "I know he will be, he loves you".
"Nate what about your family? Should we meet with them?", I ask.
"Well I was going to mention it to you... I called my mom the other night, she's going to be in town tomorrow. So maybe when you're done school we can tell her", Nate says. "I can tell her by myself too, but I thought maybe you guys should meet".
"Of course, I'd love to meet her. Hopefully she likes me well enough", I'm nervous.
"Don't worry, she'll love you", Nate says and laughs. "She liked Blair well enough and you're much sweeter than Blair".
"Yeah but... I'm also not a Waldorf", I say quietly. I know Nate's family's status.
Nate moves closer to me and takes my hands in his.
"Jenny, my mom doesn't care about that. Where you come from or your last name doesn't matter to me, and it won't matter to my mom", Nate says sweetly.
I smile.
"And my dad... well they have visiting hours today, and we only have to go if you want to", Nate says. "We can go another time too".
"No, no I want to. I want to meet him", I say. "Today is good".
Nate smiles.
"I know he'll like you. And I think he'll be surprised, but he'll be happy", Nate says.
"Great. So we'll just stop by Brooklyn I guess so I can grab some clothes", I laugh. "And then we'll go visit your dad".
"Thanks Jenny. No one has ever come with me to visit him in prison", Nate gives me a kiss on my cheek. "I appreciate it".
"Well I appreciate you taking me".
And with that I put my dress from the other night back on and we're off in a cab to Brooklyn.
/. /. /.
"I probably look pretty funny out here in this outfit on a Sunday", I laugh as me and Nate get out of the car at the loft.
"C'mon we're in New York City, I've seen crazier", Nate laughs.
"That is true", I giggle.
When we walk in Dan is sitting in the kitchen eating some cereal.
"Is that my sister?", Dan says sarcastically. "Actually acting like she exists in the real world?!"
"Ha-ha", I joke. "Sorry Dan, I just needed some time away from everything".
"It's okay, I know what went down the other night was kinda messed up", Dan says sincerely. "If it helps, I'm 100 percent supportive of you guys".
"Thanks Dan", Nate pats Dan on the back and they shake hands.
"I'm gonna go grab some clothes", I smile.
I put on some basic black tights and a form fitting nude coloured sweater dress and touch up my makeup.
"We're going to see Nate's dad", I tell Dan who's sitting next to Dan munching on some Cheerios.
"Cool. Good luck guys", Dan says.
"Thanks, see you later!", I say and we're out the door.
In the cab ride there I tap my leg against the back of the passenger seat, nervously.
Nate puts his hand on my leg to steady me.
"Jenny...", He whispers. "It's okay".
"I know, I just want to make a good impression", I say.
"You will, there's nothing to worry about", Nate insists.
When we get inside, Nate shows his visitor card and we come in to see Nate's dad sitting at a table, along with other tables with inmates and their families.
"Hey dad!", Nate says happily. "Dad, this is Jenny".
"I'm so glad you're here! Hello Jenny, so nice to meet you. Is this your girlfriend?", The captain says cheekily.
"Nice to meet you too", I smile and me and Nate sit down. "We're yeah... we're..."
I don't know what to say.
Nate intervenes.
"Yeah we are, we're um dating", Nate says.
I look at him with some confusion but go along.
"That's great. I'm so happy Nate has someone. He hasn't dated in a while", The Captain chuckles. "To be honest I've been trying to get him to make a move on you every time he comes to see me".
"Dad", Nate groans as if he's embarrassed.
"Nate's told you about me?", I'm amused now.
"Yeah the blonde girl from Brooklyn who's two years younger than him? He's held off on pursuing you because of your age difference, but I keep telling him that when you find someone you connect with, you don't let anything get in the way. Because honestly kids, it doesn't happen very often", The Captain says.
I smile.
"Well he made a move now", I laugh.
Nate stills looks embarrassed, but is smiling.
"So dad, that's kind of what we wanted to came talk to you about", Nate begins.
The Captain nods.
"Jenny's pregnant actually", Nate says.
The Captain looks slightly in shock.
"Really?", He says, not angrily, just surprised.
"Yeah we didn't plan it, but we're going to have the baby. We just wanted to let you know, because... well you're my dad and kind of my best friend too", Nate smiles.
"That's great guys. I know it'll be hard for both of you. But you have each other and family is the one thing that matters more than anything", The Captain says. "If being in here has taught me anything, it's that".
We smile.
"And welcome to the family Jenny. It's such a pleasure to meet you", he says.
I almost cry at how kind he is.
"Thank you. It's so nice to meet you. You remind me a lot of Nate", I smile.
"Well that's a compliment. I'm so proud of you, Nate. I know this may seem like a hitch in your plans, but as soon as I get out I'll be there. I can be your number one babysitter", The Captain laughs.
"I'm sure we'll take you up on that dad", Nate grins. "Thanks Dad. I love you".
The Captain smiles.
"So you guys met at school?".
Me and Nate look at each other and laugh.
"Well sorta. I kind of accidentally kissed Jenny at this party when she was... you were 14 right?", Nate asks.
"Yeah I was. That was my first kiss actually", I laugh. "So I always kind of had a crush on you. But we were just friends for a long time".
"I thought she was too young for me until I got to know her better", Nate smiled. "Then I tried to tell myself that the only reason I felt protective over her was because I was like a big brother to her. But I guess I finally realized it was a lot more than that. Then it was just trying to get her family to accept me".
"Yeah, which was... hard", I laugh. "But worth it now".
The Captain smiles.
"I'm so happy to hear that", The Captain says. "How far along are you?".
"Just about 6 weeks now. I only just found out like 5 days ago", I smile.
"Wow, so early then. Do you know the due date?".
"We're going to the doctor on Tuesday for the first appointment so that's exciting, we'll find out then. But should be in April, right Jenny?", Nate says.
"Yeah, I think the end of April", I smile.
"Right after your birthday then Nate", The Captain beams.
"Yeah mine and Jenny's birthdays are only like 6 days apart", Nate laughs. "So all our birthdays will be around then".
It makes me smile that he says "all" as if we are some sort of family already. Even if me and Nate haven't fully defined our relationship.
"Wow. Well this is great news, I'm so happy you guys came to see me today", The Captain almost looks as though he's going to cry. "I'm so excited to be a grandpa".
We continue to talk for another half an hour. He asks about my family, where I'm from. We talk a bit about Nate's childhood too which amuses me.
"What gender do you guys want?", The Captain asks.
"We're fine with either", I say and laugh. "I grew up mostly with my brother and my dad, so some female energy would be nice".
"I was going to say that too!", The Captain agrees. "We don't have a lot of girls in our family. Nate has no girl cousins".
"Well we'll have to see then", Nate smiles. "We'll come tell you as soon as we know".
"That would be amazing", The Captain is so happy and it makes me finally feel more at ease with being pregnant. Sitting here with him and Nate I finally don't feel ashamed or like a failure.
We wrap up our conversation and promise to come back.
As soon as we get out of the prison facility, I hug Nate, surprising him and he lets out a laugh.
"What's this for?", he asks.
"For being you. For being such a good guy", I smile and he wraps his arm around my waist pulling my body into his as we walk.
"I didn't think my dad would expose me like that", Nate jokes.
"I'm glad he did. I... I didn't really think you thought about me that way. Last Winter when we kissed after my fashion show, I just kind of thought it was a fling for you", I confess.
Nate stops walking and turns to face me.
"It wasn't, I promise. I was just scared of what your family would think and what everyone else would think. But... I shouldn't have been", Nate says.
"It's okay", I smile and then change the subject, tentatively. "Also I don't want it to be awkward about you telling your dad we're dating, but I know you just kind of had to say that".
"Sorry, I know we're keeping things causal right now", Nate says.
"No it's okay", I nod.
I don't want to be the one that keeps pushing away feelings or that keeps us from dating. But there's always this voice in the back of my mind that says that me and Nate wouldn't even be talking if I hadn't found out I was pregnant.
I don't want this baby to make Nate settle for me. I don't want anyone to be forced to be with me.
Plus things are going well the way they are.
Even if there is some discomfort whenever other people bring it up.
"We don't have to put a label on it. Let's just focus on the baby this week", I smile and then hope we'll change the subject.
But I catch Nate's eye and he looks slightly put off, until his expression returns to normal.
"Yeah, yeah of course", Nate agrees and we keep walking.
I push the topic out of my mind. I need Nate right now in general, and I can't deal with the pressure of trying to figure out what we are.
Even if I know what I'd like to be.