AN: This is an AU and a divergence, meaning there are a few surprises thrown in the mix. It counts as a sort of SI too, in a way.

It began when ramen started to taste bland.

Honestly, it should have rung all the alarm bells but if anything, I've mastered the art of not listening, especially to myself. Don't get me wrong, I hear people speak but whenever it's touchy - and it often is - I don't truly register what they say.

I mean, only I promise to seek world peace to an enemy who's just killed my sensei, razed my village and aims to strap me to a table. The only reason I must have sounded confident enough that Nagato believed me is that I didn't realize what I was swearing on.

Anyways. It started with ramen but it didn't stop there. The remedial lessons I got with Iruka shifted from a monotone experience to outright torture. Seeing my "friends" - I suppose - became a chore. Getting out of bed in the morning turned into a fight and so did holding my head high and my shoulders squared.

So right now, I'm only half-surprised. It's nearly noon and I've been unable to get up yet, too morose to even try. Usually, I find something to help throw the covers off myself and tackle the day but nothing came to me. Even the knowledge that Iruka is waiting for me does nothing to move me.

I like this word, "morose"; it really sounds like how I feel.

Kurama towers above me, I see his worry etched clear as day on his foxy face. I can feel the disappointment too, though. I really like Kurama. He has always been honest with me, be it in hate or in friendship. I lower my eyes. Is that shame squeezing my chest so tight?

In front of me stands everything I've been so good at ignoring for so long. I can't even pretend honestly that I thought I dealt with it. The war dredged up a lot of ugly feelings that I felt more comfortable suppressing. I've never been good at dealing with myself.

The creature - half of me - steps forward slowly, non threateningly. I'm unable to move, contrary to the first time this happened. Something roots me in place, maybe the knowledge that I cannot escape. Not from myself.

"It stops now," my alter-ego says. "I'll go to Myobokuzan to do what must be done and deal with the fall-out. What do you think, Kurama?"

My giant friend nods at me-it-us. "I believe it is a good idea. I've no doubt the two Sennin will be able to help you."

"We'll do that then."

Kurama's moulds his chakra and a golden arm replaces the right limb that I lost. I distractedly watch myself rise out of bed. I still hold the reins, I'm just not alone. Some part of me protests weakly, begs for whatever this is to stop. It's the coward within, the Naruto who doesn't want to deal with the hurt. I bite down on my lower lip and blood pearls. I weave through hand seals, collect a crimson droplet on the tip of my thumb and slam my hands on the floor of my flat.

Being summoned is special. One moment, you're here and the next you're there. It disorients the best shinobi the first dozen times. Around me, Myobokuzan gleams in all her resplendent beauty. The one time I came here before, I was under too much duress to truly appreciate the landscape. Today, I see it but the forested expense - all mellow green and gentle blue - stirs nothing inside me.

"Naruto?" The giant orange toad greets with surprise.

"Hello, Gamakichi. I'd like to talk to Fukasaku and Shima, if they're okay with it."

My personal summon blinks. It must be painted on my face that something is wrong with me. "Sure thing. You remember the way to the Oil Fountain? They're here."

"Thank you a lot, Kichi. Let's hang out after." I try to smile but my cheeks immediately hurt.

"Sure?"

I take one of the numerous trails that snake around Myobokuzan. Several toads greet me warmly as I pass them by and I answer. Not in kind, I'm afraid; I can't manage warm and happy today. Water gurgles around me, bouncing from enormous palm leaves and rocky ledges. Even that fails to amuse me. After a ten-minutes walk, I reach my destination. Surrounded by petrified toads, a fountain rumbles quietly, fed by a thin falling stream of an oily liquid. The smallest toads I've ever encountered are snacking on a plate of candied fruits.

I bow. "Fukasaku-sama, Shima-sama."

"Naruto-chan?" I hear the surprise in Fukasaku's voice. "Welcome. When did you get here?"

"Just now, Fukasaku-sama."

Shima frowns. "Well, what is wrong then?" She smiles when I look at her uncomprehendingly. "You never gave us the "sama" treatment before, Naruto-chan. Something is obviously amiss."

I scratch the back of my head and my cheeks flush. I've got a complicated history with marks of respect. I look askance anxiously. I hope they won't believe I'm mocking them or anything. "I need your help," I finally blurt.

"Of course,'' answers Shima. "What for?"

Quickly, I relate my experience at the Waterfall of Truth to the two elders. A knot bunches up in my throat and chokes me. My voice skids and cracks as I inform them the process is apparently not completed and tell them I'd like for them to watch over me as I attempt it once again. Both agree quickly.

"We'll be there when you come back, Naruto-chan," assures Shima.

It warms my heart and I nod. My eyes sting fiercely but I ignore the wet trails down my cheeks and sit in a lotus position before I plunge inside my mind. My alter-ego waits for me. He doesn't radiate hate like the first time, I notice. Maybe because I feel it all around me instead. It sticks to my skin like clammy heat, seeps in my flesh and poisons me down to my bones.

"You're a coward."

I wince and fold under the turmoil of feelings. I drown in the storm of fear, regrets, anger, resentment and hatred. Everything belongs to me and pours inside me like liquid fire. Every last of my nerves, all of my psyche, the hurricane spares nothing. I scream.

"You've never liked it when it hurts. You promised you'd shoulder it all but you lied."

I can't say no. The culmination of the war brought with it a slew of emotions too overwhelming for me to consider. It isn't my fault that shutting them down is the only way I know how to deal with such things!

"Maybe not but running away isn't a solution."

I can't. I plead with all my body and all my heart. I bow down on my knees before myself. I can't truly face all this. I remain impassive and determined, unmoved by my supplications.

"No. Being torn in half is no way to live truly. How will I ever seek peace if I'm not at peace with myself?"

I crawl into a ball, bury my head in the crook of my arms and fold them over my neck. Meanwhile, the endless battering of years of imprisoned sentiments strips my being bare. Everything I built over the years disappears; instantly eroded by the tempestuous wave.

I remember.

The cage of silence woven by the villagers - never hit, never insulted, never glared at, never touched, never complimented, never smiled to - merely denied. Loneliness was a monster and it threatened to swallow me whole. I picked up fights, screamed as loud as I could and grinned savagely to ascertain I'm alive, to prove to myself I exist.

Death tempted me but I feared she would make me even more lonely. Hate hurt too much to consider; her claws raked and rent me alive so I turned away from her.

I remember.

The lies crushed me. The dismissal cut, galling. The complete lack of care dug a growing pit above my stomach. I got back up, each and every time, by rote more than defiance; it was the only way for me to continue existing amidst the void. A few people pretended to help but none truly went out of their way for the pariah. Iruka yelled and chastised a lot but never properly explained anything. Kakashi protected me as much as he humiliated and teased me. Ultimately, he instructed my teammate. Jiraiya wanted me to seek the Kyuubi, to harness the immense power of the beast (something he knew nothing about) in order to survive people who precisely come for it. He truly wished for me to live, I believe that but he was also firmly convinced that I'm a lost cause as far as ninjutsu goes.

I remember.

Minato Namikaze or "sorry, not sorry" as I've come to call him. The man sired me but he wasn't my father. What kind of parents sacrifices their children? I didn't know back then, still don't today and probably never will. Hagoromo Otsutsuki, entirely dismissive of my childhood.

Nagato Uzumaki, the distant family broken by my home village, the direct result of Konoha's dirty business and one lost opportunity for precious few blood ties to mean something. Pain rather than love. Obito Uchiha, the boy lost and twisted, the one sacrificed, too cowardly to confront his hurt. A dream rather than pain.

Tomiko Uchiha, the "prodigious" teammate, another victim of Konoha's machinations, another survivor of the Nindo. My rival of every moment, the target of my jealousy, my comrade and a traitor. Vengeance rather than a dream.

It isn't funny how similar we all are to one another, preyed on by our emotions yet too afraid to face and tame them. I've only held onto my personal lie for longer than any of them rather than choosing the easy way out as they did. I'm too afraid of where this decision would lead me to take it. I've no interest in what lies beyond vengeance nor in bringing it about myself.

I remember everything I endured over the years. I feel every emotion it roused within me but refused to feel then. They bear down on my chest like a ton of rocks and crush the air out of my lungs. They spear me through like as many blades, flail my soul and nearly carry me somewhere unknown. I glimpse a desolate place, lost in profound darkness. I can't breathe. Kurama shields me with his tails. His presence acts as a balm to my battered psyche. I'm unsure what to do with these feelings but my experiences taught me that there exist nuances between all white and all black.

I refuse to seek vengeance. The world has spilt enough blood and seen enough death. Nevertheless, can my reaction come down to a personal choice? Could it be that easy?

I let go of the burning hate I feel towards the villagers. To forgive doesn't necessarily mean to forget, however, I understand that now. I've always sought the acknowledgement of Konohagakure but never asked myself if they deserved mine. Years of loyal service have been left unrewarded; oily smiles merely replaced outright disdain. It comes as a great relief when I decide that these people, this place, aren't worth my continued efforts. A weight lifts from my shoulders, one I've carried for as long as I remember. The world lies at my feet; Konoha matters not and never did.

My hate was a diffuse, unfocused thing. The resentment I hold against specific people is harder to abandon so readily. I resolve to not let anyone be dismissive of me or my feelings again and do my best to reciprocate. It seems I owe a certain someone a talk. Actually, I really need to speak to a bunch of people. Directing my ire at the dead is a pointless exercise so I purge it. I even rid myself of some festering anger towards Kurama.

I will seek justice instead. I, along with a number of people, have been wronged. Konoha must compensate us. I'd have just really liked mom to be here with me to tell me it's okay.

When I open my eyes, my cheeks are itching. My tears have dried up and left furrows of salt on my skin. My hair itches. I sniff and grimace at the slightly ripe odour. I must blink thrice before my vision adapts to the ambient obscurity. Fukasaku sleeps in front of me but I don't wake him up. I soak up the nice little breeze that plays with my hair.

I wonder how much time has passed?

"Three days, Naruto."

My stomach protests at Kurama's words. I frown. How come-

"I supplied you with my chakra to stave off hunger and thirst but I can only do so much."

I smile. "Thanks a lot, Kurama." I bite my lower lip. "And… I'm-"

"I know."

I shake my head. "It's important I say it. I'm sorry Kurama. For everything."

He waits for a pair of seconds. "What? You're not going to enumerate all that you owe me?" he teases.

"You know all of it and you'll remind me of it if it slips my mind," I say confidently. "But seriously-"

"That is alright. Your words do mean a lot so thank you."

Silence returns and I appreciate it. I let it permeate me and relax my senses. Myobokuzan really is peaceful, a small case of verdure and quiet. I've yet to fully enjoy it. I rarely sit still. I'm not fundamentally impatient, I just never trusted the world not to go on without me if I stopped moving for too long. Having everything robbed from you on the day of your birth does that, I think. Tonight, something has changed.

My time belongs to me. So does my life, I realize belatedly. Now, I may commandeer it in whatever direction I wish to take. I reach for the hitai-ate girdling my forehead and untie it.

"This headband was your whole life, your whole dream," says Kurama quietly.

"I thought so too. People change though and so do dreams. I'm not sure this dream was ever real anyways."

"Sometimes, I envy the impermanence of your kind."

That surprises me. "Would you choose death if you could?"

"Not necessarily," refutes Kurama, "but change, yes."

I think about my friend's wish for a solid minute. "Well, it isn't impossible per se." I say slowly.

"What do you have in mind?"

"The Banbutsu Sozo of Hagoromo. If it created you, it should be able to change you… Even disperse you."

"A path to explore."

"I'd like to help you."

I sense Kurama's surprise. "I'm not immortal - though long-lived is likely - and even then, if you wish to be truly free, I'd search for a solution."

My foxy friend barks a laugh. "Can I convince you of the advantages of a premature death?"

I chuckle and smile. "Go ahead, I'm listening."

"Well, no more of these pesky things you call taxes and rent."

"Hum, tempting but breathing remains the better option."

"You could spend a morsel of eternity kicking Minato's butt."

I laugh frankly, so much so that Fukasaku startles awake. "Nah, I'd get bored too fast," I answer through my mind before greeting the elder toad. "Hello, Fukasaku-sama."

"Hello, Naruto-chan." I see his eyes sweep over my naked forehead. "Is everything alright with you?"

I nod slowly. "I've reached…" I search for the right word but none fits so I go for what feels like the best option. "Let's say an understanding, with myself I mean." My gaze loses itself for a second. "This brought about changes."

"Changes great enough that you'd remove your hitai-ate?"

I look at the piece of metal in my hand and a vague impression of sorrow curves my lips upward. "It has never been a choice."

I said a lot of pretty words to Neji during our fight during the chunin exam. I told him not to merely rue fate but to fight against it. I never did so myself. Instead, I convinced myself I was okay with mine, that my becoming a shinobi was a product of my own aspirations.

I'd say today that any childish dream I may have had only ever counted insignificantly. Hiruzen Sarutobi convincing me that it constituted the only way for me to earn the acknowledgement of Konoha and my status as a jinchuuriki made up the overwhelming rest.

I mean, I failed the official graduation exam, stole a scroll full of kinjutsu, almost reached for (a at the time hostile) Kurama and I still earned a hitai-ate instead of a one-way ticket to jail? Come on.

Now I wonder; what does it mean to be a shinobi? I thought I'd long since answered this question, that my nindo stood unwavering. I aspire to protect those I cherish. Does it mean I should accept the malpractices of Konoha, however? Where does peace fit in the midst of a business meant to money violence?

"If I tie such a thing around my forehead ever again, I want it to be on my terms. And I'm certain that it won't bear a leaf."

Fukasaku hums. "I understand." He sighs. "I must warn you, however. Some people may not."

I clench my left hand and nod, resolute. "My friends will. The rest will have to deal with it."

"Very well. Now, forgive my down to earth question but should I tell Shima to prepare accommodations for you?"

I laugh. "No, thank you Fukasaku-sama. I've come with the clothes on my back and well…" I grimace. "I need a shower and a change. Though I might come back for an extended stay. I will warn you though Kichi."

"Good. This is goodbye for now, then?"

I nod. "Yes." I scratch the back of my head. "I didn't exactly warn anyone I was leaving and Kurama says it's been three days."

"That it has. Your friends will be worried, no doubt."

Genuinely, I hope. It would be nice to know I've gone from universally shunned to missed. Some people must answer for some things but it's not like I've decided to cut all tie and leave.

I'm not Tomiko. The thought makes me laugh.

"Kurama, a bit of help?"

"Sure thing."

The golden arm made of Kurama's chakra mixed with mine coalesces in an eruption around the stump of my right limb. I cut my left thumb with the claw and weave through a few seals. Smoke engulfs me and I'm back in my dingy little flat.

Now that I think about it, that's another thing I'd really like to change. I need to make a list or I'll forget about stuff otherwise.

AN: Important: I need all readers to be on the same page as me before going further. Read chapters 501 to 504 of the original for a refresher. Kushina. Did. Nothing. Period. She didn't help Minato seal Kurama in Naruto. She didn't agree with Minato's plan. She was dying, using her last strength to keep Kurama from rampaging (NOT holding him still for the sealing).

I want to make this clear because several people commented that Kushina is as guilty as Minato. One, it is factually wrong. Two, it is grating because it is factually wrong. Three, even if it were remotely true (which it isn't), this fiction is clearly identified as an AU. If I say Kushina. Did. Nothing. Then she. Did. Nothing. Period.

Leave a review if you will and all that.