Chapter 4: Let you down
Chapter Text
"Arthur." He pauses when he hears Hosea's voice and walks over at the man's wave. It's dark in camp, a long, dusty day finding its end - though it was a good day too in a way, considering Arthur got to see Albert again. Hosea sits by a table, alone at the moment and most of the camp is already settling down. The flaps of Dutch's tent are closed, but Arthur can already tell that things between their leader and Molly are starting to crack apart.
"Take a seat, my dear boy." Hosea offers kindly and leans forward, as soon as Arthur sits down. His expression is open and gently attentive. "Now, what troubles you? And don't give me that look. I noticed, how much you run around. When was the last time you got some real rest?"
Arthur opens his mouth, only to pause. Hosea is right, he's sleeping little and when he spends some time in camp, he checks up on everyone else, before riding out again sooner or later. Nevermind that his dreams aren't a pleasant place to be these days.
"Back in Horseshoe, I think." He grudgingly admits. Ever since arriving, Arthur can admit that he's too worried, his mind too unsettled to sleep much. It always feels like he isn't doing enough, like time is slipping through his fingers faster and faster, while he scrambles around, trying to keep everyone fed, trying to collect money and valuables, trying to figure out what to do. Trying to be there more for people this time around, since he remembers how fast it can be over.
Hosea turns concerned. "What is it?"
Arthur wets his lips and feels himself cave a bit. "Dutch." He admits and it's only because he knows he can trust Hosea. Knows that Hosea would never betray his confidence. "He's worrying me."
"Me too." Hosea murmurs, because he's always honest to him. It is a kindness in itself, to know that when he speaks with Hosea, he doesn't have to worry about big words, grand gestures and empty promises. Just the plain old truth and it eases some of the ache in his heart. "But that's not all, is it?"
Hosea knows him too well. Arthur looks aside and searches for words, tries to find a way to put everything into something that makes some sort of sense to people other than him.
"It's not safe for us, down here." Arthur ends up saying and looks back at Hosea, who doesn't immediately brush his concerns off. Instead, the man listens, eyes solemn and he takes Arthur's worries seriously. "I know that, Hosea. And I feel like..."
"You should go?" Hosea's voice is quiet, gentle in a way that tells Arthur the man thinks it would be the right choice too. And like he would hurt seeing him go and yet would never even attempt to stop him, to ask him to stay when that is not what Arthur wants. The realization makes Arthur's throat feel tight all of a sudden and he breathes past it as well as he can. "Yeah, I agree."
"I'm not just leaving." Arthur answers quickly, urgently and leans forward as well now. "I won't just...I'm tryin' to..."
His gaze flicks past Hosea before he can stop himself, to the campfire where some of the others have gathered, where Sean and Karen, drunk and giggling, are sneaking off to the surrounding woods. Or more like, stumble off to the surrounding woods. Where John looks after Abigail's retreating form like he wants her back and doesn't know how to go about it yet. Kieran has tentatively joined the others by the fire too and Arthur sees that he's more accepted this time around, partly because Arthur keeps inviting him to gatherings whenever he can get away with it. Hosea inhales and Arthur looks at him again, sees the realization in his gaze. The surprise and then, something softening.
"You are a good man, Arthur." Hosea's voice is even quieter now. His smile though, carries sadness, like he thinks Arthur would leave with some of the others and leave him behind. Relief is there too, as though he's glad about what Arthur plans. "I was worried for a while, how hardened you became, but...I'm proud, of who you're turning into now."
Arthur stares at him, mouth slightly open and feels entirely speechless. His throat tightens once again and Hosea, seeing his reaction, chuckles softly, patting his arm.
"Come on now, my dear boy. Don't look like that. Of course I am proud of you." He leans back a bit, wistful now. "Feels just like yesterday that we found you."
Arthur remembers. Remembers meeting Dutch and Hosea. Remembers getting a family again, remembers them teaching him, helping him become someone better. And for a while, for a few years, he felt like he did something worthwhile. The stealing to give the poor, that made him feel like he wasn't all rotten. And then things slowly changed and he ended up changing with them, doing what he thought he had to, following Dutch's orders because he trusted him to know what was right. Trusted that, between them, Dutch had to be the better person. And maybe, all those years ago, that had been the truth. Not anymore, though. And while Arthur doesn't think he's all that much of a good man either, he also knows that following Dutch turns to a great tragedy and it's the wrong thing to do.
"Arthur." Hosea pulls him out of his memories, once again looking serious. "If you need anything, if there is anything I can help you with, let me know."
"Of course. Thank you, Hosea." The man nods and Arthur swallows, his mouth dry. He wants to offer the man to come with him, but something stays his tongue. Not yet, a voice in the back of his mind whispers. Not yet.
Hosea gives him a smile and then stands up with a small clap of his hands against the wood of the table. "Alright then. If that is all, I shall retire for tonight. Sleep well, Arthur. Try to get some proper rest."
He leaves with a last pat to Arthur's shoulder and Arthur rubs a hand over his face once he's gone, closing his eyes. He has a vaguely decent amount of treasure now, but he doesn't know if it's enough. Doesn't know if it's ever going to be. Maybe, he thinks to himself. Maybe it just has to be enough money to help them get out of here and buy land elsewhere. It doesn't have to be anything grand, just enough for them to make a living out of it.
It's not going to be easy, Arthur knows next to nothing about ranching, but he knows horses and he knows he has the strength and persistence to learn, to figure this out. He may be far from the smartest man, but if it's physical work, he can learn it.
"Arthur." Charles approaches him and Arthur opens his eyes as a warm hand lands on his shoulder. Leaning back, he sees Charles look down at him. "Want to join us by the fire?"
"Sure." He answers. Would always say yes now, unless he really has to be somewhere else. It's because he watched it all fall apart before, he knows it. Because he watched so many of them die and disappear that he's no longer taking these moments for granted.
Charles gives him a small smile and steps back, his hand sliding away. "Come on then. You deserve some rest and you've been looking after everyone enough these days. Take it easy for one night."
Is he that obvious? Possibly. It might explain the way he caught Dutch looking over at him once or twice in the last days too. But he heard no complaints so far, so the man is probably not too bothered.
"That star is still too strange." Charles remarks, nodding at his chest and Arthur sighs, once again remembering the deputy star on his vest. A deputy, look at him. Playing at the law while ending up shooting so many folks.
"Don't start." He grumbles. At least the star keeps him a bit more out of trouble, pulling the deputy card on folks and he explained the one or another dead Lemoyne Raider camp away with it as well. Charles just chuckles softly and leads him over to the fire.
Mary-Beth and Tilly greet him kindly, telling him to sit down. Kieran, who sits on the ground beside Mary-Bath gives him a small, tentative smile. Javier nods at him from where he plays the guitar and Reverent Swanson collapses on a bedroll, his rising snores audible over the music. Swanson. Arthur doesn't know if the man will get his act together without the tragedy, but if he's honest, he'd rather have one drunk fool than watch all those deaths happen again.
Arthur chooses to sit on the ground beside Charles, getting comfortable and stretching out his legs as well as he can without his feet ending up too close to the flames. John joins them by the fire too, he notices, greeting the man.
John looks better now. The scars have healed rather well, no longer red as they slowly turn pale and silvery. Arthur tips his head forward a bit and closes his eyes. He's only aware of dozing off at one point, when he starts to sway. A hand grips his shoulder, Charles, he can tell and gently lowers him sideways. Before he knows it, he ends up against the log on his other side and Tilly, who sits there, adjusts his hat with deft, gentle hands so it doesn't get knocked to the ground.
"He's working so hard." She murmurs, most likely to avoid waking him.
"That he does." Javier agrees and it seems as though he plays a softer, a bit quieter tune to avoid disturbing his rest. A part of Arthur thinks, almost asleep again, that he should talk with Javier more often. "Makes me worry sometimes."
"Something got into him." John's raspy voice is audible from the other side of the fire. "Ever since those mountains."
There is some agreeing and thoughtful humming, before they move on from the topic. Arthur finds himself dozing off again, only waking when Charles gives his shoulder a shake, the night air at his back feeling cold in contrast to his fire warmed front.
"Come on, get some proper sleep over by your wagon." The man says and helps him to his feet. Which is to say, Charles hauls him upright and Arthur blearily pats his arm in thanks, hearing a low, quiet chuckle.
The second he lies down on his cot, he's back asleep. Looks like he's getting a full night's rest again for once.
~*~
Of course, Uncle gets wind of the coach, approaching him for the job just after Charles and Arthur save Trelawney from the bounty hunters. Or more like, Charles saving Arthur's hide as well along with Trelawney's. Of course, there is no discouraging Uncle from telling them to rob it. And once again, they end up stealing from Cornwall. It's a hole they just keep digging deeper and deeper, as if they just can't resist creating their own graves.
Arthur, as they hide out in the shabby barn, feels like once again things happen the way he remembers them and once again he can't stop it. Didn't know how to stop the whole damn robbery, especially once Bill got wind of it and Uncle dragged Charles into it too. And while Arthur is pretty sure that out of all of them, Charles is near unbeatable in a fight, he doesn't want to leave him alone in facing this either. But maybe, he can keep them from being discovered this time around. Back as they settled down to wait in the barn, Arthur has removed the bucket that Bill bumped into last time. Hopefully, that's enough of a precaution.
Now, it's dark out and he's crouched behind the same hiding spot as the last time, feeling nervous and tense as the two men draw near. Light fills the barn and Arthur hopes that everyone stays calm and no one moves. The thought runs on repeat in his head, ending up as a dark plea to whatever power greater than himself deigns to listen.
"Place looks empty to me." The guy inside the barn says and, truthfully, he is not thorough in his check. Just stepped in, lifted his lantern and after a second or two of nothing happening, seems to think that's it.
"I don't think they're here. Don't see any horses." The guy outside calls back and the man in the barn turns around. Arthur holds his breath and faintly, he hears the small shuffle, the tense, nervous movement of Bill that had knocked that bucket over the last time. This time, there is nothing and he exhales as the two men leave again, talking amongst themselves and their voices growing further and further away. Once they're far enough, he briefly closes his eyes.
"That was close." Charles murmurs and Arthur takes a slow, deep breath to calm his racing heart. Somehow, it feels like before all this is over, he might be in danger of getting a heart attack. "Everyone alright?"
"Sure." Bill grumbles and Uncle makes an agreeing noise. Arthur just waves in a vaguely reassuring manner and straightens back up. There is a small sheen of sweat clinging to his neck and dampening his back and he remains where he is, rolling his shoulders to shake some of the built up tension, until they're all sure the coast is clear.
"Well." Uncle says as they climb out the back of the barn to avoid being seen by the house owner up the hill. "That went well."
"Oh shut up." Bill growls as they walk away from the farm. Arthur doesn't know how far their horses went, but either way, it's better to be safe than sorry and keep it quiet.
"We have to stop robbing Cornwall." Arthur murmurs, though he ends up talking mostly to Charles, who has fallen in step beside him. The man glances at him and gives a small, agreeing hum, his brows slightly furrowed.
"Think he'll be back on our trail again?" Charles asks quietly, taking a step closer. Arthur notices the way Bill glances back at them, face tense and frowning, before he looks away once more, his rifle gripped tight.
"He's gonna know the coach was robbed, but not by who, if we're lucky. We avoided that shootout, but...let's not count on him not figuring it out." Arthur wants all of them to be real damn careful. Especially with Cornwall hiring the Pinkertons. Those guys are going to connect the dots sooner or later, if Micah hasn't already told them where they are now.
Uncle tries to complain about walking once or twice, only to be shut up again and Arthur honestly doesn't feel like listening to the man either. By the time they're a good ways down the road, they hear neighing and slow to a cautious stop. Their horses canter over a hill then and trot over, loyal smart lot that they are. Storm noses at Arthur's arm like she's checking that he's fine. He pets her neck and swings up into the saddle, before giving everyone their fair share of the money.
Uncle looks quite happy with it, Bill appears grudgingly satisfied and Charles just nods, as they make their way back to camp unseen, moving Taima so they ride side by side as far as the roads allow it. Charles gets dinner along with him too and Arthur invites Kieran to the table as well, noticing the kid looking a bit nervous and lost with a plate of food in his hands. Arthur notices the small smile Charles gives him and the man greets Kieran, who perks up at the welcome.
It's late and Arthur remembers Molly talking to him before Uncle interrupted. He wonders if he could pull her out of this mess too. Then again, most likely not. She really does love Dutch, truly does. Gave up everything for him. Arthur can admit that Molly isn't too fond of him either and while he'll try to talk to her and see if he can get her to come along, it's most likely going to be a fool's errand.
~*~
Over the next days, Arthur goes and robs the damn bank in Valentine - but it is...it's good money. Real good and they make it out okay, even if he's tenser than before and sees Karen frown at him a few times. Lenny catches on as well and is more alert, once asking Arthur if they should leave early, though they pull through with it in the end. And yes, he's lying about the amount of the safes, not to get out of paying Karen, Lenny and Bill their due, but to keep Dutch from taking those extra thousand dollars Arthur has sidelined along with his share. It's all for the money he hides away in that rotting cabin. Still, Dutch is very happy about their robbery and Arthur thinks it's also going to buy him a bit more breathing room and goodwill. For a while, at least. A couple of days.
He meets Beau and Penelope again, accompanies the women on their rally and keeps Beau from being beaten by his cousins, though he tells the kid to go and grab Penelope to run as soon as possible. Arthur hopes to be gone before the bank robbery in Saint Denis, which means these guys have to escape their families without his help this time. He has a reasonably good feeling though. Despite Beau being plenty strange, both have reasonably level heads on their shoulders and if they listen to him, they should get going before things with their families turn real bad.
He ends up stealing horses with Javier and John once more and burns fields with Sean, all the while doing his best to look after everyone and encourage them to keep an eye out, keep themselves safe. Things are...better between him and the others, even if he gets a bit of exasperation for worries he can't explain without sounding like a lunatic. But it's nice, nonetheless, to be greeted with smiles, to be entrusted with some secrets and stories they haven't shared with him before. It's nice, to see them look happy when he approaches. To feel them pat his back and a few times, people come to him, asking for advice and his opinion. Arthur can admit that he's trying to encourage the thought of leaving, as subtly and reassuringly as he knows to.
Arthur also avoids getting captured by Colm, simply because he knows how the meeting goes and he really, really doesn't need to get shot and captured or beaten. That would take him out of commission for weeks and he can't afford that. He knocks out the man who came to knock him out and then signals to Dutch and Micah to get the hell out of dodge. The meeting ends as quickly as it began, but at least no one gets shot at. Colm looks angry, but he also doesn't order an attack on them and even from a distance, Arthur can see the way Dutch grits his teeth and reins his seething hatred in to pull back.
Something about it gives Arthur an uncomfortable feeling. Colm might have a back-up plan for a situation like this. The uncomfortable feeling deepens especially when Colm lifts his head and stares over at Arthur for a long moment. Either way, he's glad he can avoid the shooting, the injury, the beating, the everything. Going through it once has been bad enough and he still sometimes dreams of it, when he doesn't dream of any of the others dying, that is. Besides, he needs time. All the time he can get to hopefully figure out how to keep certain things from happening.
With the disaster with Colm averted, Arthur, as he hoped, finds some extra time on his hands. A couple of extra weeks. He meets up with the writer up in Valentine - the town is reasonably safe to carefully visit again, as long as he keeps his head down - and goes looking for the gunslingers in question. If he remembers right, the cut he gets from the publishing is a nice enough amount. Arthur goes to look for loot too, spends days trudging through rain and forests and swamps to search for hidden stashes and other things, bringing his found loot to the treasure hidden in the cabin. It's growing quite a bit and the sight of it gives him hope.
Arthur, after he returns, rides out with Lenny, and it really is so good to see the kid alive. Arthur really thought that Lenny would be one of those that would survive any kind of trouble. Lenny is fast, loyal without being too loyal and he has a good head on his shoulders. He, too, ended up falling in all those horrible messes, in the wake of Dutch's growing madness.
"So, Arthur." Lenny says as they leave from Shady Belle with a bunch of weapons and some explosives. "Is everything alright?"
The question sounds offhanded enough, but Arthur caught snippets of a conversation between Lenny and Hosea before, knows that Lenny worries about the path they're taking. He glances at the kid and mulls over his words for a second.
"Things don't look well." He says and sees the way Lenny grows solemn. "It would be smart to...keep an eye out. To keep your options open."
"I see." Lenny knows what he means and he also realizes that Arthur is thinking about leaving. "That bad, huh?"
Arthur holds back a sigh, he's doing far too much of that anyways recently. "Lenny, you have a good head on your shoulders. You know how to survive, you're smart, you learn fast. You're a good kid and you have a good heart." He clicks his tongue to keep the horses going steady. "All I'm saying is, be loyal to what matters."
He feels the weight of Lenny's gaze, can practically hear things click into place for the kid. Always so swift on his feet, always so quick to understand.
"And what about you?" Lenny asks. "Why are you still here?"
The admission is hard to get out, but Arthur is tired of pretending not to care, is more often than not haunted by his memories. Remembers just how fast Lenny falls, that one shot in the head. Remembers how things end, how suddenly people are ripped away, gone from his life, leaving him with all these thoughts and regrets.
"Because of you guys." He says, giving another click of his tongue to the horses, accompanied with a small switch of the reins to speed them up. "Because I want to see you make it through this."
Silence falls between them then, but after they reach camp and get down from the coach, Lenny grips his shoulder and Arthur sees the expression on his face. Sees the silent promise that Lenny has his back, should he need it.
"Anytime you feel it's important we should go." Lenny murmurs, voice so low Arthur has to pay close attention to hear him. "Let me know."
Smart, brave kid, trusting him to know how to do the right thing. To keep them safe. It's surprising in a way, receiving that trust so openly. Him, too, Arthur will keep alive with all he has. There will not be another roof fight or another grave carrying the name Lenny Summers.
~*~
Arthur ends up riding with Sean to rob the gang that robbed a train before and then later again accompanies Sean on a job, this time along with Mary-Beth. It's a coach robbery that honestly goes kind of wrong but ends up without any of them injured or dead in the end.
"You got to be more careful Sean." Arthur near growls at Sean by the time the last shot has fallen and he has that memory in his mind again, the sight of Sean crumbling, the blood, there and gone in just a second, just a breath, just one moment of believing himself to be untouchable.
"Woah, calm down Arthur." Sean lifts his hands and then pauses in his slightly angry and exasperated retort. He seems to notice something, before he frowns and then gives Arthur a winning grin, slapping his arm. "Don't worry, you ol' brooder. We're all fine, this went well. Now come on, let's get the money."
"Arthur." Mary-Beth gently touches his arm as Sean heads for the coach and she gives him a calming, encouraging smile. "It's alright. It's sweet of you to worry about us and...and you've been real good to us, to all of us, but trust us too. We know what we're doing."
He exhales forcefully and nods. "Okay. Alright, Mary-Beth. Sorry."
She pats his arm with a smile. "It's alright. Come on, we shouldn't stay for too long."
Arthur still loots the bodies - hey, he's going to need every penny to save this lot and offer them a way out, a future if he can - and then hurries off with Sean and Mary-Beth once they have the money from the coach as well.
"Nice haul." He says as they stop far enough away, ready to split the money. "Good job, Sean, Mary-Beth."
Mary-Beth smiles with pride. Sean grins, straightening a bit from where he sits, chest almost visibly swelling. "Of course, told ya. Didn't even need yer sour self for it."
Arthur just waves him off and rides back on his own, to calm his thoughts and shove his memories back into the corner of his mind they habitat. Tries to focus on what goes well this time around, tries to focus on what to do to avoid a repeat of the tragedy that took place before.
Things continue to go reasonably well, things go as predicted - well, discounting the one time Arthur nearly gets mauled by a cougar or that other time he almost gets shot in the leg by some madman in the Bayou - right up until they're sent to Rhodes again. To talk to the sheriff.
This is it. This is where Sean died the last time.
"Kieran." Arthur calls just as he gets ready to leave. The guy looks up in surprise but he's no longer as nervous around Arthur, coming to his side without hesitation, walking straighter than before. Arthur drops his voice to a whisper. "Hey, do me a favor?"
"Of course." Kieran speaks quietly as well and frowns slightly, growing a tad worried and more nervous at seeing Arthur's dark, serious face. "What is it?"
"Just...keep an eye on folks, okay? And on little Jack, will ya? Ask Charles to do the same, I have a bad feeling about all of this." The truth is, he knows what happens next, knows that Jack getting kidnapped is going to end with them meeting Bronte and that whole mess that follows. Kieran nods and Arthur knows that the kid is going to do just as asked. It could also be a great opportunity to prove himself to everyone at camp further. Most of all though, Arthur just wants them to be safe.
Now though, now Arthur has to go and god damn it, he will not let Sean die. He tears away from camp, urging Storm to run as fast as she can. By the time he reaches Rhodes, Arthur's mouth feels as dry as the roads outside of town and his heart beats fast, his hands tingling with the urge to wrap around a gun. There is a nervous, scared energy buzzing under his skin. He has to get this right. He has to. He doesn't think he could forgive himself if he fails.
Sean, Micah and Bill are just where he knows they will be and for the first time, it's easy enough to ignore Micah and his ribbing. Instead, Arthur looks over the roofs and alleys, tries to see the ambush before it happens as they start walking. He thinks he sees someone ducking out of view, but he isn't sure, could have been a shadow too. He doesn't even hear what any of the others are saying but then he catches the way Sean pulls abreast, steps away from them and his heart lurches, just as he lunges forward, grabbing Sean's arm to drag him back.
A shot cracks through the air and suddenly, hot, red blood sprays over his face. Sean falls back against him, limp like a ragdoll, his weight nearly taking him down. The world fuzzes around Arthur, he feels like he's choking on airless lungs, his heart skipping mangled beats.
"Morgan, fuck, move it!" Bill yells and shoves at him and Arthur stumbles, still gripping Sean tight, seeing red, a cheek covered in red, dripping red. Bill shoves him behind cover and turns to yell at him, only to pause. Arthur doesn't know what he sees, but with a curse, Bill grabs his neck shoves his head down. Distantly, Arthur hears something whistle past, right above him.
"Get yourself together!" Bill gives his shoulder a rough shake. "Arthur!"
It feels like the hardest thing he's ever done, letting go of Sean and slinging the rifle from his shoulder. Everything is dull and hazy, but he catches sight of folks, starts shooting, feeling numb and shaky and hot and cold all over. He doesn't know if he's breathing right, it feels like there is not enough air and finally, the shooting stops.
His gaze falls back to Sean, to the hole in his left eye and red, so much red. His stomach and heart lurch and for a moment, the nausea turns so strong, Arthur thinks he's going to vomit. Then he sees Sean's chest rise and fall. So slowly, painfully slowly. But he's breathing.
"He's alive." His whisper sounds rough in his ears, like broken glass scraping across stone. His hands fall to Sean again, frantic. "He's alive!"
"Shit, for real?" Bill hurries over and Arthur already hauls Sean up, feeling his hands shake and his grip tightens all the more for it.
"I have to get him to a doctor." Arthur whistles, sharp and loud, his breathing going too fast. Micah ambles over and Arthur is glad for Storm arriving. He's absolutely certain, one wrong word and he would have point blank shot Micah right then and there, consequences be damned.
Bill helps him get Sean on Storm's back and then Arthur sits behind him, tearing away from Rhodes, gripping Sean close with one hand.
"Come on, come on." He whispers under his breath and it feels like Storm has never run so fast. Saint Denis. Saint Denis is closest when it comes to doctors. There is blood, so much blood, is Sean even still breathing?
By the time Storm races down the cobbled streets of Saint Denis, Arthur's arm around Sean feels damp with his blood. The doctor hurries out of his office at Arthur's arrival and once inside, Sean gets wrangled out of his grip and into a treatment room. Some assistant shoves Arthur out of the room, despite his protests, telling him he'll just be in the way and closing the door in his face.
"Sir." The secretary is there in the next moment, voice and hands gentle and Arthur shakes her off, but in the end allows her to lead him to sit down in a chair. She presses a glass of something in his hand, whiskey, from the smell of it. His hands shake so bad he nearly spills it.
"You came to the best doctor in Saint Denis." She tries to calm him, giving him a reassuring smile. "If anyone can save your friend's life, it will be him."
"Shoulda been me." Arthur rasps out. He can feel the blood on his face, that strange sensation of it drying on his skin. "Should've kept him safe."
~*~
When the doctor steps out of the treatment room, Arthur jumps to his feet. The man looks haggard and tired, pale faced and there are drops of blood on his clothes. At the tight smile he gives him, Arthur almost falls back in the chair, his knees suddenly weak.
"He will make it. But...his eye." The man makes an apologetic gesture. Arthur almost tells him that he doesn't care. Doesn't care if Sean has lost that eye, as long as he's alive. As long as Arthur can bring him back to camp and help him heal up. One eyed or two eyed, at least he's still here.
"Thank you, doctor." His voice sounds odd to his ears. "How much..."
"Now, take a seat, you're as pale as a ghost." The doctor guides him right back to the chair and then waves at his secretary. "Get him something to clean his face. Do you have money on you, sir?"
"Yeah, sure." His hands don't shake as much anymore, so he can pull out a wad of the cash he has with him. The doctor seems satisfied and takes some of it. A reasonable amount, Arthur thinks, but his head still feels half hazy and slowly, he can feel an intense headache coming up.
"Your friend is very lucky. He'd be dead, if the shot had been at a different angle or a bit more to the right."
A breath shivers out of Arthur as he nods. He accepts the damp cloth the secretary hands him a moment later and scrubs it over his face. The sight of the way the cloth pinkens with Sean's blood makes his stomach roll again.
"Come on." The doctor pats his shoulder. "You can sit with him until he wakes up."
Arthur is on his feet in the next moment and led to the room where they treated Sean. The kid's face is cleaned up and half of it covered in white bandages. He looks as pale as a specter, his ginger hair almost stark in contrast. There is dried blood all over his clothes, but he's breathing. He's breathing.
Arthur sits down on the stool the doctor pulls up to the bed and as the door closes behind the man, Arthur presses a hand to his face, taking a deep breath.
He doesn't know how long he sits there, refusing to move, turning down the offer from the secretary to go and get him something to eat. He doesn't think he could keep anything down.
It's dark, easily something past midnight, with Arthur nodding off for a minute here and there only to jerk awake again, when Sean stirs.
"What..." He sounds as horrible as he looks and Arthur tries to calm him.
"It's alright. You got shot, you're in Saint Denis." He tells him, though he can tell that Sean isn't all there, face scrunched tense in pain. Arthur gets up to fetch the assistant who stayed overnight and the man brings some laudanum, getting Sean back to sleep.
"If he's still alive by tomorrow evening and the wound doesn't get infected, he's going to be right as rain." The assistant tells him and Arthur just gives him a curt nod.
He dozes off an hour or so later, despite himself and jerks awake when the doctor comes into the room to check on Sean and the wound.
"Looks good, so far." He says with a hum. "He's a strong fella, he should pull through. Tomorrow you can take him with you." He turns to Arthur after cleaning his hands. "It's going to cost, keeping him here until then."
"Take what you need." Arthur brusquely brushes him off, pulling money out of his bag and shoving it at the man. "Just, make sure he makes it."
Sean groans in this moment, moving slightly as he wakes up. The doctor feeds him some laudanum again, to send him back to sleep. The man then turns and eyes Arthur.
"Alright, let's make a deal, you go and let my secretary get you some food, you eat it and I put a proper chair in here. Try to get some sleep in it, I won't ask you to leave, but if you keep going like this, you'll pay for both of you lying in here."
"Alright." Arthur relents after a moment of gripping his knees tightly.
The food he gets is tasteless in his mouth, though he's certain that's because of him, not because of what he's presented with. There is a nice chair by Sean's bed when he returns and after staring at Sean taking breath after slow breath, Arthur falls asleep again, exhausted and drained and tense.
He jerks awake a few times during the day and keeps feeling wrung and tired, even with the bit of sleep he gets.
"He'll be okay." The doctor says, satisfied, the next day. "The wound looks good. Do you have a doctor where you live?"
"Something like it." Arthur murmurs. He trusts that Miss Grimshaw and Swanson are going to keep Sean on the path of healing, especially now that it looks like he's going to be okay.
"Alright, I'll get a coach for you then, to bring him home. Let him rest until he's fully healed, alright? Change the bandages regularly and immediately seek out a colleague or come back here if anything seems wrong." The doctor starts to pack up bandages, medicine and laudanum for Arthur to take along. "Here, that should be enough until he's healed up. Just...that eye is gone, son. And he might not take well to it."
Oh no, Sean wouldn't. Arthur grips the box the doctor hands him tightly. He's alive. That is what matters. Arthur might have failed in keeping him safe and unharmed, almost failed Sean entirely, but at least the kid is still alive.
To him, in that moment, that's worth everything.
~*~
Arthur keeps the drive back to camp as gentle as possible, with Sean lying in the back, asleep due to the laudanum. A commotion starts up when he arrives. Karen rushes to the wagon, gripping the sides and he sees the way she briefly sags at seeing Sean alive.
"He's going to be okay." Arthur says, raising his voice, as Hosea hurries towards him. Charles and Mary-Beth, along with Tilly, on his heels. Miss Grimshaw is already at the cart, looking over Sean.
"His eye..." Karen says, tearing her gaze away from Sean long enough to look at him. Arthur just shakes his head, knowing he doesn't have to say more.
"Keep him on the wagon." Hosea says, waving for Charles and Javier to leave Sean where he is. Now that Arthur takes a second, it looks like everyone's packing up. "They have little Jack."
For a moment, Arthur just blinks and then his heart lurches. "What -"
"Kieran noticed and tried to fight them off, he's alive, but they broke his arm and gave him quite the bad concussion. They were gone so fast, we couldn't stop it. Dutch and us, we went to the Braithwaites last night to confront them. And Milton found us, but he's gone, for now. John and Dutch are in Saint Denis, you should join them as quickly as possible." Hosea says, resting a hand on Arthur's upper arm that feels grounding in all that chaos. "We're going to pack up here and head to Shady Belle, you can find us there when you return."
Arthur sucks a deep breath into his lungs and rubs a hand over his face, trying to keep from feeling dizzy all over once more, as he nods.
"Yeah, I will, I just..." He looks back at Sean and then glances around, until he spots Kieran by one of the tents that's getting taken down, lying on a bedroll and looking asleep. But still there, still alive. What a god damn mess. The last time Jack got kidnapped, at least no one else got hurt. "I'll go."
Storm at least seems to be better rested than him, as he takes her back to Saint Denis. He remembers how the search for Bronte goes as he heads for the saloon. This time though, he doesn't let Dutch sneak up on him for that little trick with the gun. Arthur thinks, especially with how tense he still is from the ordeal with Sean, he would react very badly to it.
"Sean?" Dutch asks as soon as Arthur meets his gaze. "Is he..."
"He'll make it. Lost an eye." Arthur answers and realizes that he's still wearing blood soaked clothes. At least his shirt and vest are dark enough that it's not immediately obvious. Not at first glance either way. "He's back at camp. Hosea told me about you going for the Braithwaites?"
"Mad woman." Dutch says and gestures for him to go into the saloon with him. "We burned her house down after finding out that she gave Jack to a fella named Angelo Bronte. John isn't taking it so well, but he's keeping his cool for now."
Arthur exhales and straightens, feels how he shoves his emotions back to finally regain his focus. Alright, one thing after another. For now, he'll help John get Jack back. Then, there is still a bit of time left to figure things out. Still, time is ticking and Arthur feels it settle like the cold breath of a ghost along the back of his neck, whispering at him to hurry up.