Chapter 23: It's time, Leah.

I felt a cold breeze on my back, and then I remember everything that went down last night. Oh yeah, we are at this sketchy looking cave somewhere in La Push. For some reason, the atmosphere in this cave feels nice and safe. I'm getting an ancient vibe from it. I was too busy fucking my mind out last night, but I remember seeing paintings on the wall while I was Paul my virginity in some sketchy looking blanket and sealing the claiming ritual physically and spiritually.

I am still shocked that I am forever bonded with Paul, and I don't have any regrets with it.

I felt myself getting carried up, being wrapped in the blanket. I stirred, and Paul shushed me, "Go back to sleep."

I couldn't fall back asleep with him moving around, but I was half-awake, semi-aware of my surrounding. I felt him getting me in the car with him at the front seat being cradled in his lap. The rumbling of the truck is what brought me back to sleep, until I woke up, hearing the side door opening. I was lifted again, and I opened my eyes. I looked up, and Paul was smiling down on me with his signature smirk. It appeared to be early morning because the sun hasn't risen yet. He got inside and took me to straight to the bathroom. He took off the blanket, and I was once again naked for him to see.

Then, I was feeling the ache in my thighs, I whined lowly. Paul said sensing my pain, "I know. Hold on, I will get you taken care of." I looked over, and I saw that he got the water running in the bathtub. He slowly lowered himself in the bathtub with me, he moved me so that I would be leaning my back against him. He spread his legs apart, bending them to each side of the bathtub, so that my butt would be touching the bottom of the bathtub, occasionally bumping Paul's privates, and to give me room to stretch my aching lower half. I sighed in relief from the warm water as I felt my muscles relaxing themselves.

He rested his chin on my head and wrapped his arms around my waist. We stood there for a while, and I fell back sleep in his arms. I don't know how long I slept, but I woke up feeling sweaty.

He spoke, "How do you feel?"

I shifted, and surprisingly, I didn't feel any pain, so I said thoughtfully, "I don't feel anything. I was expecting to be aching more and unable to walk for a while."

I heard him say, "Normally you would but since you are my claimed mate, you heal more faster, and I quickly put you to relax your muscles in precaution."

I said sweetly, "Ohh. Thank you cariño."

He tilted his head, "What did you call me?"

I hid my face from him and said shyly, "Uhh...I called you sweetheart in Spanish..I thought you be comfortable with me saying that to you in my native language than languages that others will know..The guys might tease you about it, and knowing you, you wouldn't put up with that.."

He purred with eyes lighting silver for a second, he gently raised my fac, kissed me tenderly and slowly with both hands cupping my face, "Thank you for your thoughtfulness, love. I won't get embarrassed with whatever you call me no matter who is with us. If the guys say anything about it, I will bite their ass." He growled lowly at the end.

I blushed and leaned my head back on his chest. I asked, "How come your wolf wanted us to go the cave?"

He frowned, "That part I don't know. It felt instinctual to go there. It felt like he knew it was there for him, but I didn't smell anyone there, so I don't know who placed the blanket there. The blanket looked decades old, but because its so old, there was no scent. Even so.. it was comforting, home and for some strange reason, my wolf was excited laying on top of it."

I said, "I felt the cave comforting to be at, and it felt like I was stepping on a holy ground for your people, so I kind of feel that I disrespected your ancestors or something."

He shook his head, "Not at all. If anything, my wolf wants us to be in that cave even longer, but with hard convincing, I got ourselves out of there before anyone finds us in there. We can go back there at another time."

I nodded, "Yeah. What about the blanket? It looked clean, so it should belong to someone. I feel bad that we just took it like that."

He frowned, "I don't know. It felt like a gift for us, but if anyone asks, I'll give it back, but I doubt it".

I nodded, and gently lay my head back on his chest, feeling his chest rise, him breathing in and out. He started to purr lowly as he snuggles me up more. I squealed a little as he chuckled. We stood their content without saying a word, absorbing the silence.

I said, "last night..I have no words for it, cariño."

He hummed in agreement, "I'll never forget it. It's burned in my memory forever."

I nodded, "Yeah" then I stiffened. He tilted his head questioning, "What's wrong?"

I said sadly, "the others are going to see what we did last night through the pack mind, aren't they?" Sigh, the bad part of being with a shapeshifter. Everything gets shared intentionally or unintentionally through the pack mind.

He said cheekily, "actually, I don't think they can read my mind anymore. They only hear what I tell them."

I turned around to face him, intrigued and said, "how?"

He said, "..when you were passed out during those 6 hours, I called Sam. Sam came and made me phase to see through my memories of what happened, but he couldn't read my mind. Usually I would just think, and they would read it easily. Leah was on patrol when she found out. She tried to read my mind too, but she couldn't either. They could only hear me when I talk to them. I think it was the perks of being a mated wolf. "

I sighed in relief, 'Oh. I'm so glad to hear that."

He nodded happily and he nuzzled me at my neck, tickling me. He murmured, "I really have you to myself."

He pecked me on the lips. I responded back the kiss, and he pulled me closer to deepen the kiss, exploring my mouth with his tongue until I pulled out. He whined and I said, "I would like to stay in this position a little longer, but I am already feeling my body all crinkly from being in the water for so long", so I asked nervously, "Can I ..Can I wash you? You can do the same for me."

That got him thrilled, he said excitedly, "Yeah!"

I first scrubbed his head, feeling through his hair through my fingers, letting his shampoo lather and massaging his scalp. I scrubbed his body, and when I got lower. I froze, unsure what to do. He took my hands and showed me, guiding me on how he washes himself in his privates. When I was finished, his dick was semi-hard, and I looked at him with an arch eyebrow, looking him like Really?. He smiled at me naughtily not ashamed at all, and I just laughed. He eventually rinsed himself.

Then, it was his turn to wash me. He scrubbed my scalp and taking his time to lather my long dark brown curly hair. Once he finished, he trailed his fingers down to my body, softly rubbing my body wash to rinse me off. He got lower, and teasingly rubbed my clit, hard. I suck in a breath, and I groaned bothered, "..Paul."

He chuckled, "I know. I know, I won't start. You need a break."

I huffed in agreement. Even though I have become more physically affectionate, I still want to take it a little slower for my mental and emotional sake. I don't think I can handle having sex back-to-back emotionally to be honest. Doing it once gets me all flushed, shy, and embarrassed. Then again, I probably need time to adjust it, but knowing my anxiety, it might take awhile. I'm still processing that I actually gave myself to Paul yesterday. I had stop myself from blushing hard and internally squealing.

I rinsed myself off, and I was the first to get off the bathtub. I dried myself off, and when I turn to look at the mirror. I gasped. I saw the numerous love bites that was all over my body. It was all over my neck, breasts, and my inner thigh. I slowly traced my fingers in one of my love bites, and they were sensitive to touch. They were slightly bruised, but nothing too concerning. I checked my arm to see if the injury from Edward was gone, and now it just looked like a bruise from days ago instead of a day before. Wow. His saliva works wonders. Paul came behind me, wrapping his arms around me, and kissing me at my mark. A soft groan escaped from my lips as I was jolted from my mark being touched.

Huh. I guess my claim mark is my sensitive side to get me excited.

I put my glasses back on, and I turned to look at my two claim marks. Paul was looking at me proud of his work. It looked like an eclipse or a crescent mouth depending on how you see it. There was big circle bite, probably from the first claim, and there was a second circle, smaller. The skin between the smaller circle and the bigger circle was darker than the rest of my skin. The color looked like blend of my skin color and his skin color. I was amazed from the sight of it. I slowly reached out my hand to touch it, and it was slightly warmer to touch than the rest of my body.

He purred, eyes flashing silver, "Your part of me now" as he kissed me tenderly with his soft, warm lips.

I said mindlessly, "Yeah..", and he turned to go back to the room and I followed behind him with him holding my hands.

When we got to the bedroom, he said teasingly, "We don't have to get dressed for breakfast. Sam won't be coming in the afternoon to check on us. He left a voicemail in my phone."

I said, "Uh.. I rather not. Knowing you and me, we might start doing something instead of eating breakfast, and I don't want Sam to walk in on us."

He belly laughed, "okay."

We got dressed for the day, and we went to the kitchen to eat from the breakfast leftovers that I made for Seth in the morning. Paul enjoyed it even though he was salty that someone else got to taste my dish before him. I playfully rolled my eyes from his pouting and promised him that I will show him something to eat for dinner tonight. That got his mood lifted.

I asked between bites, "How does it feel now that you claimed me?"

He said in relief, "Honestly, I and My wolf feels more at ease. I don't feel that desperation to have you close by like when I first imprinted on you. "

I said, "Ohh. That is good to hear."

He nodded and got up to go wash the dishes as I went out to get mail. When I opened his mailbox, I saw that there was a huge vanilla envelope with my full name handwritten in elegant cursive writing. I looked at it and opened it. It was documents, papers that Jasper promised me to get. I ran inside, and Paul alarmed, appeared in front of me. Examining me to see what is wrong when He sniffed, looked down and glanced back at me.

He asked, "Is that what I think it is?"

I nodded smiling brightly, "yes. We can register to get married now Paul!". I can begin my life here. I don't have to keep feeling like in between worlds, everywhere but nowhere anymore. It was an unsettling feeling of living somewhere where you can't be even legal to live there. Wow, Jasper got it done really quick. I need to text Jasper later on to thank him before I forget.

He had a genuine smile, and said, "Okay..since I got to meet with Sam. I can meet Sam first then head to the council to give us permission to get married and also to report both Sam and the council everything that happened last night, so I'll be killing two birds with one stone. Can you stay here and wait for me when I come back?"

I said, "Okay."

He said, "alright..alright" like he was trying to reassure himself than me. He took my documents, got on the truck and drove off. I waved him goodbye and walked back inside.I laid on the couch, chilling until I heard a knock. Confused, I went up to open the door and Leah was at the front door.

I said curiously, "Hey?"

Leah said gruffly, "Hey. I saw Paul driving down to the council office with Sam. I got off patrol, so I thought of crashing at your place for a bit."

I said, "Oh ..okay. Make yourself home. I guess." I let her in, but I was honestly surprised that she took the initiative to approach me. Is she here because of Seth? Or for another reason? I had no clue.

Leah went and grabbed a beer from the second fridge in the other room. I hope Paul doesn't get pissed for that. She sat down in the couch, at the opposite side of where I was sitting. She took a huge gulp and stared distantly with a hidden expression at the T.V. I flipped through the channels, trying to find something to watch. I didn't say anything and let her be. She finally said bitterly, "Emily..asked me to be her bridesmaid at the bonfire last night." She let out a defeated sigh.

I said, trying to be casual and not to exaggerate since I am treading on a very sensitive territory for Leah "Oh…wanna talk about it?"

She snorted, "What is there to talk about? I have no choice…Because it's Sam's Emily, I have to."

I frowned, "You do have a choice, Leah. If Sam alpha orders you to attend, then I will give both Sam and Emily a piece of my mind. Also, if they love you as they claimed to be, they won't force you to attend the wedding as a bridesmaid. Of course, it would make Emily sad, but she and Sam should still love you regardless of you do it or not. Your voice matters Leah."

Leah said condescendingly, "Yeah right. They won't listen to you. They are untouchable because they are the 'alpha pair', the first 'imprint' pair."

I don't think I agree to that since Sam is temporarily holding the alpha status until or if Jacob's come forward to take that title, but I didn't say anything.

I corrected her gently, "Hmm, Maybe in the past, but not anymore. I'm here as the peacemaker and me and Paul are the first mated pair in the pack. If anything, we are toe to toe in terms of authority with them because Sam is also just a temporary alpha."

Her expression softened to the smallest degree, and I could see what I haven't seen in her eyes in a long time, hope. She took another sip from the beer as she was letting that information register.

I said, "I know a little about your story, but I don't know everything.. I want to understand your side of everything.. but if you are okay to answer this, how come you don't want to be her bridesmaid?"

She sighed exasperatedly. Glancing at me wearily for a moment, and with her eyes shining bright silver for an instance. Probably her wolf is encouraging her to talk to me. She looked away and finally exclaimed, "Where do I even begin?"

I added encouragingly, "The beginning?..I'm not in a hurry."

She took her time to start when she said, "Sam..and I were high school sweethearts. We knew dated for years when he proposed to me. I thought I hit the jackpot with him. He was sweet, kind, gentle, and smart. We already planned our future together, and when he proposed to me. .. really thought our life will be perfect from that point on. We had the blessings from the whole tribe, council and my parents. Then, I noticed he was showing signs of phasing, I got worried. ..No one told us what was going on, and when he disappeared for a month. I lost my mind, and when he finally came back, he was different. He became distant, and easily angry... I was desperate to get things back how it used to be, so I ignored the inconsistent stories and long period of absents. It wasn't even 3 months when out of nowhere, he dropped the ball that this wasn't working out because he has changed and it wasn't my fault, but he didn't explain anything to me.…" She snorted bitterly at the last part. As she was telling me her story, it felt like she was talking in third person, trying to desensitize herself from her feelings. That is a very dangerous thing to do, so that got me worried for her.

I shook my head disapprovingly, and I sighed, "There was so many ways Sam could've done that differently."

She barked, "Right?"

She asked sarcastically, hand gesturing quoting, "And..you know what my parents said? It wasn't probably the will of the spirits. Everything has a reason" I shook my head "I was so confused..so lost because I was left in the dark for so long. To see everyone to turn their back on me, and supporting Sam and Emily openly in front of me..I thought..I thought it was something that I did. I thought there was something wrong with me, but ..they didn't do anything to Sam."

She continued, "When I heard that Emily got mauled by a 'bear', I was scared and worried for her. She was my best friend, so I let her heal in my place. But you know what I saw? I saw Sam beside her, attending to her like a lovesick puppy. Of course, Emily ignored him in the beginning. He started spending more time talking to my Dad out of nowhere as well. When I saw that, I walked out of the house in rage. I couldn't stand being near Sam. I stayed out of the house all day until everyone fell asleep and when Sam was gone. My parents tried to talk sense to me, telling me to forgive Sam, and move on from him already."

I said, "How could they do say that? You had a deep relationship with Sam, its natural for you to be grieving the loss of relationship. It usually takes more than few months to reconcile that loss. You have the right to grieve, but for them to stop you from grieving, it..got harder on you didn't it?"

She said, "Yup. I tried so hard to forget about him, but I couldn't..I..thought there was something wrong with me.."

I said firmly, "There was nothing wrong with you, Leah. Because you weren't given space to grieve for the loss of the relationship, you couldn't move on to a new relationship."

She said in a hollow-like tone, "Then when I heard Sam officially got together with Emily, she was still healing and moved out of my house the first chance she can even though she was healing..I couldn't stand the sight of them. They got the blessing from everyone, so I hated Sam at that point. He took my only friend away from me too. . and there wasn't anything I can do about it... But, because they got together so quickly, did Sam leave me for Emily? Seeing him so happy with Emily, was it because I wasn't Emily? Is it because I wasn't a housewife, submissive wife, the ideal Quileute wife like Emily?..I became hateful toward Emily..She knew how much Sam to me and she saw what I went through when he disappeared and when he dumped me... How can I be worry and be hateful toward a person at the same time? It only made me feel even more despicable of a person."

She paused, trying to keep herself composed. She continues, "Then, when I found out about what Sam went through, why did anyone tell me? Why he kept it from me of all people?Was the council's happiness more important than me? Sam is not the Sam that I know Imprinting changed him, when I learned about imprinting..I thought..Is it that why the spirits didn't let Sam imprint me? Was there something wrong me, is that why I couldn't have Sam?"

I shook my head, "Like I told you and your mom. There is a reason why you phased but the reason of why you weren't imprinted on is different, Leah."

She said angrily to me, "Then, what was it? Tell me, please I don't see it any other way."

Trying to be careful with my choice of words, I said, "You're ..strong, snarky, fiery, and confident person. You deserve someone who can treat you like a queen that you are, so when Sam phased. ..He was the first one to phase as a werewolf. He was alone, traumatized, scared and he was carrying tremendous responsibility to be Alpha of a pack that no one warned him about. The council didn't make it any easier on him, so it wasn't just the secrets that was killing your relationship with Sam. Not saying that you wouldn't been able to comfort him, but honestly though, would he be able to treat you like you deserve to be? Would you continue putting up how he treated you before he together with Emily? Would you be okay with not seeing him often, feeding a growing pack with emotionally disturbed teenagers traumatized from becoming a shapeshifter, and taking care of the pack as alpha imprint at the time?"

It was like a light bulb lit up in her head, she said slowly, "No…I would've got on his ass, demand him to treat me better."

I nodded, "Yup..That is why. Unfortunately, Emily was chosen for him not because she could bear his pups and be a housewife. Look at me, I am not really housewife material myself. I am no Emily and I am not Quileute..so in better words, she was chosen because she is meek. She is willing to put with anything without any compliant. He needed that as the first alpha shapeshifter, to keep him grounded to not lose any more of his sanity that he lost after phasing into a wolf."

She stood quiet for a long time, and "I get it.. but this is still hard on me to forgive them."

I said, "You don't have to forgive them for them like everyone has been telling you to do. Forgiving others isn't to make the other person feel better, but you. Not forgiving others comes with a emotional baggage that you don't need. Do it for yourself because I can tell this is eating you alive little by little.. emotions are complicated. Its never white or black. It's usually gray, and that's okay. You need to confront the gray, ugliness of emotions to be able to separate them and move forward at your own time.."

The mask that Leah was wearing was finally breaking, a sole tear fell from the corner of eye. She wiped it quickly, and she added, "It got worse for me when I phased and killed my Dad. He had a heart attack when he saw me, how can I move forward from that? I ..I hated my Dad for so long because he didn't understand me..he didn't try to help me get over Sam but instead make it harder for me to move forward. .. but I didn't want him to die!"

Like a dam has been exploded, she started sobbing. She tried to cover her sobbing with her hand, but she looked so defeated that she just bends over and with her shoulder trembling, she said, "It's my fault my Dad died. If I..If I had just listened to my dad, forgive Sam then I wouldn't have gotten so angry to trigger my phase. I feel like trash for talking bad about the dead because at the funeral, everyone was talking great things about my Dad, but I was the only one upset and it made me feel even guiltier about myself."

I said gently "It wasn't your fault, Leah. It wasn't right for your parents to expect you to forgive Sam that soon. ..Maybe it could've prevent you from phasing sooner, but Victoria had caused both of you and Seth to phase. One way or another, you would have phased eventually with her still around. … also having hurt feelings toward your Dad doesn't make you a terrible person Leah. You know how good of a person your Dad was, but like every imperfect person in the world, he had his faults too. You aren't expressing yourself to make him look bad, you are just lost and need time to collect your emotions and thoughts. You went one loss from another. Who wouldn't get bitter after going through what you went through?"

She sniffed bitterly, "You know what's the worst part? I would never get the chance to see him again. I wasn't even able to get the chance to apologize to my dad, to tell him I'm sorry that I caused him to die sooner."

I said, "Do you think Harry hates you, his own daughter for killing him, knowing him?"

She froze, and said "…No."

I said, "Then, you have the right to grieve, mourn with everything, but I think..Its time Leah to start living for yourself too. You have been frozen in time for a long time… and your hurt, pain and suffering had become your image. You are more than the tragedies in your life, Leah. They won't go away, but they are part of you, and you'll learn how to live with it. However, it is just to you how much you let it define you. Just like Jacob, you need to start living for you no matter how sticky it is with your current situation. You deserved to be loved and happy as well Leah. Your dad would've wanted that for you too."

I asked, "Have you thought about going on a spirit walk to connect to your dad?"

She said with frustration, "Yes, but my wolf spirit doesn't want me to go yet. I don't know what she is waiting for, but I have thought about it. After what you told the elders and my mom, I fought with my wolf spirit to let us go to the mountains and do the spirit walk, but she didn't want it, so I can't be freed from this curse. The only other thing that I could think of to be free is if I get the chance to imprint, so I can really forget about Sam and die as a happy shewolf."

…Could it be?..No, it couldn't be. Was Leah meant to be alpha female for the rightful alpha Jacob? I always wondered if Meyers meant to have them paired in the series, and there have been many fanfics regarding them. I kept that thought to myself because I wasn't certain. We can only know once Jacob comes back. It would make sense though because Jacob was at odds with his alpha wolf spirit and hanging onto Bella, he was also rejecting his destiny with Leah. Maybe..that is why it also been hard on Leah because her wolf spirit in a sense is feeling rejection from Jacob.

She wiped her tears away, and said, "I have been looking at online nursing school. I..I want to be a nurse for my people because spirit knows we need people who knows wolf biology. Damn it all if we let more people be lost and confused in the future. No offense to Mom, she is great and all but she doesn't get what it is like to have a shapeshifter's body, and I would like to document everything. Mom is already doing it, and I want to help her with that."

Oh. I was surprised to hear that, and said, "That sounds a nice plan. Go forward if you feel inspired to do it."

She said nonchalantly, "Yeah..we'll see."

She changed the topic since it got too serious for her, but the conversation was like the icebreaker that we needed between us. I could tell that I finally got her trust without the push from her wolf spirit as she slowly opened up to me. The rest of the afternoon, she told me things that the guys did when they were little. It got to the point that we laughed until we were crying, clenching our stomach in pain. Crazy stuff that wasn't told in the series. It was nice that I got to see the La Push pack more than just characters but actual people.

I went to grab myself Soju that I stored in the second fridge and tossed one to Leah.

She was very apprehensive to try it, but once she saw me drinking it. She took a sip of it, and she grew to like it more and more as she drank it. Now She was going through the bottles like water. It was a sight to see.

Clearly as a shapeshifter, she had a high liquor tolerance, and I felt myself getting tipsy. I said, "Cheers for having complicated lives, and be surrounded by idiots" as I finally finished my first bottle of Soju. Leah snickers, seeing that I clearly was getting tipsy.

Who knew that my first companion in this world would've been Leah?

Author's Note:

How do you guys like the conversation with Leah? *wink, wink* Did you guys see the comparison of chapter title from few chapters ago with Jake? I hope this puts it loud and clear of what I am going to do with both Leah and Jake.

As always, reviews are very much appreciated.