It had been a couple hours since the ultrasound. I decided instead of spending the day with Nate, which was what I really wanted to do, I should go back to school for my last class after lunch.
I didn't really have any friends at Constance, no one I would show the ultrasound pictures in my purse to.
When I walked in to sit at my desk it felt like I was harbouring this big secret. Something that was just mine, in my purse, under my shirt.
I supposed they would know soon enough, I mean it was mid September, and the doctor even said I might start showing sooner than most women because I have a small frame to begin with. So I think around Christmas it would be impossible to have baggy sweaters hide my bump.
My bump? It still sounded crazy.
Nate went off to his school library to get some work done, but we were going to see my family for dinner, I wanted to show my dad and Lily the pictures. And Dan and Serena if they were there.
I had already texted Eric and was going to catch a ride back to my dad and Lily's with him.
I worked on Algebra, as I watched the large clock at the front of the classroom wind down to 3:00, when we could finally leave.
As soon as 3:00 struck, I was out of there and rushing over to St Judes to meet Eric.
"Jenny Archibald! There you are!", Eric jokes as I walk up to him.
"Stop", I joke back. "Someone could hear you".
"Who cares? They'll know soon enough that you're with one of the hottest bachelors in Manhattan", Eric shrugs, giving me a wink.
"I just kind of want to keep things private… you know once people find out…", I whisper now. "That I'm pregnant they'll probably think that's the only reason we're together".
Eric notices my face.
"Jenny", He stops me. "That's not the only reason, you know that right?"
"Yeah I mean… I don't think so, I just… I don't know", I begin to start walking out of the schoolyard onto the street, but Eric grabs my arm lightly to stop me.
"Jenny, I'm serious if you've ever listened to anything I've said before, listen to this", We lock eyes. "I was there last summer… I saw the way you guys acted around each other, the way he looks at you, and there was no baby there then".
I laugh slightly.
"Yeah only halfway through the summer, unbeknownst to me", I smile at Eric and lock my arm with his as we walk to the car waiting for him.
Then we're on our way to the Lily's. It wasn't far from Constance.
"So are things better with your dad?", Eric asks as we sit beside each other in the car.
"Yeah a little bit. Honestly I haven't seen him in person since that night at the gala where he tried to find adoptive parents for the baby", I sigh. "But he apologized by text and he seems excited to see the ultrasound so I don't know… I hope it won't be awkward".
"I'm sure he'll come around, and once the baby is here he's gonna totally forget that he was even mad in the first place", Eric assures me. "How was the first appointment?"
"It was awkward at first, like really awkward", I cringe and Eric laughs.
"But then it was totally magical when we actually got to see the baby and hear it's heartbeat", I gush.
"Did you cry?", Eric pokes at me.
"Maybe a bit", I admit, then can't help but gush again. "But c'mon! You would've too Eric! It's like this little tiny thing on the screen, but it's there. It's a real live mini person that you can see and hear, it's so crazy! Plus Nate was crying too, so for once it's not just me being an emotional wreck".
We laugh.
"Here you can see it for yourself!", I pull out the ultrasound pictures from my purse and hand them to Eric. "You're the first person we've shown them to".
"Wow", Eric scans over the photos. "Wait is that it there?"
Eric points to the tiny dark bean like image in the middle of the scans.
"Yeah, that's him or her", I smile.
"Wow Jenny. That is so cool. This thing is actually inside of you?", He looks perplexed.
"Yeah", I laugh. "I guess so. That was how I felt this morning… it all seems so real now".
"My best friend is having a baby", Eric smiles at me and pulls me in for a hug.
"You'll be a first time uncle", I smile back. "I can't wait to show my Dad and Lily tonight too".
"Yeah! Secretly I think my mom is really excited to have a baby around", Eric laughs. "Is Nate coming over too?"
"Yeah, he'll be over for dinner, his class ends at like 4:30 I think", I nod.
"Oh also", Eric starts. "Serena just broke up with Carter for like the second time, and for good this time, he's left town, so she might be on edge tonight. She's bringing Blair with her I think, which means Chuck will be there too".
"Great. One big happy family", I joke. "It's fine, honestly Blair and I are cool now, and Chuck is… Chuck. But he's Nate's best friend so there must be some good to him".
"Speaking from someone who's pretty much his step brother, there is. It's sometimes hard to find. But he's loyal deep down", Eric nods.
The car stops in front of Lily's building and we thank our driver and get out.
I'm slightly nervous to see my dad and Lily, but me and Eric step into the elevator and ride all the way to the top floor Van Der Woodsen penthouse nonetheless.
"We're home!", Eric announces and Lily gets off the couch where she was reading a magazine.
"Hello!", She says excitedly, walking over to us, and pulling me in for a big hug. "Jenny, darling! We're so happy you're here, your father is just upstairs, let me grab him. We want to hear everything about the appointment!"
"Okay", I say happily, happy to see Lily, but nervous to see my dad walk down the steps. I just felt like he looked at me differently since this all happened.
But there he was hurrying down the steps and coming over to envelope me in a hug.
"You don't know how good it is to see you honey. I missed you the past week, I don't think we've ever gone so long without seeing each other".
"You too dad, and I have something to show you guys", I smile.
"Ooh! Ultrasound pictures?", Lily guesses, as we all make our way to the living room to sit down on the couch.
"Yeah", I smile, taking the pictures out of my bag. "It was really cool, they looked around for a long time to find it, but here it is".
I point to the little peanut looking bean for Lily and my Dad who are sitting on either side of me.
"Wow", Lily says and pulls me into her for a side hug and then sighs. "You never forget the feeling, seeing your baby for the first time, I remember it so well".
"I do too", my Dad nods but I see that there are tears welling in his eyes.
"Don't cry Dad", I say to him.
"I can't help it Jenny. It's a lot to see your 16 year old daughter going through a pregnancy, and that there's proof it's really happening", He wipes his eyes. "But I'm happy you're getting good care with your doctor and that it's going well so far".
I nod.
"Thanks Dad. I haven't really been excited about this whole thing… but I'm starting to be a bit now", I say. "And I can't wait for you guys to meet him or her".
"What do you think it's gonna be?", Eric interjects sitting on the other side of Lily.
"I don't know", I smile. "I'm not sure if mother's have like some kind of intuition, but I don't think I do yet. I don't know… we went to see Dorota earlier and she said she thought it was going to be a girl".
I blush a little bit thinking about it.
"A girl would just be adorable! I used to get Serena just the sweetest outfits. I love you Eric, but you were not as fun to dress up", Lily says with a laugh, brightening the mood as we all smile.
"Yeah that would be fun", I giggle. "We're happy either way".
"Is Nate coming over soon?", My dad asks as I bring up Nate slightly.
I check the time on my phone.
"Yeah he should be here soon I think, he just had a class", I nod.
Suddenly we hear the elevator and heels clacking.
Serena and Blair walk into the apartment.
"Serena, sweetheart! Come see Jenny's first sonogram!", Lily invites them into the living room.
"Hey guys!", Eric and I wave.
"Little J with child? I guess it's real now isn't it?", Blair looks at me smirking slightly. "And still wearing my clothes I see".
"Yeah sorry, I'll wash and return them to you right away", I say.
"It's okay, I love doing charity", Blair states and sits down, smoothing out her dress as she pours a cup of tea.
"Jenny congratulations! This is so cool", Serena comes over to hug me with the pictures in hand. "How did it go at the doctors?"
"Thanks Serena! It went really good, kind of awkward at first, and I was nervous, but by the time we heard the heartbeat at the end it was really special", I smile.
"Aw that's amazing! Blair and I cannot believe Nate is gonna be a dad, it's so crazy. And you're going to be a mom! I remember when I met you two years ago and you seemed so little", Serena says, reminiscing. "I'm so happy for you guys!"
"Thanks Serena", I smile. At least someone was fully on board. "I am too".
My dad is in the kitchen now with Lily, deciding what to order. My dad used to cook a bit, but him and Lily mostly just got takeout now. I mean we were in the greatest city in the world, with probably the most restaurants ever, and money wasn't an issue for Lily like it was for us growing up.
"So when is the baby due?", Blair interrupts the thoughts in my mind as she puts her teacup down on the coffee table around me, Serena and Eric.
"April 21st", I answer with a nod. "Although they said they might have to induce me early. I'm just hoping I can finish school before he or she comes".
"Even if you can't finish school, maybe you can get a spot on Teen Mom!", Blair snears slightly.
I've come to just take her comments as jokes, rather than insults.
Serena shoots Blair a look.
"I'm sure you will, Constance will probably we accommodating once you tell them", Serena nods.
"But the rumor mill won't", Blair side eyes me as she raises her cup again daintily.
"Blair", Serena iterates.
"What? I'm just stating the facts. It's going to be rough Jenny… I mean when people find out that it's with an Archibald and not just some out of towner it'll be a bit more bearable. But people are mean", Blair says.
I know that she's right deep down. It will be hard.
"Well I've had my fair share of mean girls", I nod, thinking about the way Blair treated me when I was a freshman. "I think I'll be able to handle it".
"Yeah I mean people probably won't even know for a while anyway and everyone forgets about stuff after like a day anyway", Serena tries to lighten the mood.
"At least gossip girl hasn't gotten a hold of it yet", Blair scoffs. "It would be the biggest blast of the year".
Luckily I know Dan won't put it out on gossip girl until I want him to. I know eventually it will have to come out.
"I know. I don't want anyone to know anyway until like Christmas time. Because miscarriages are common. I'm only telling close family until then", I say.
At first when I found out I was pregnant a miscarriage seemed like the most ideal option, as horrible as it sounds and as much as I don't want to admit that it went through my mind. Then I wouldn't be having an abortion, but I also wouldn't be having a baby. It would go away completely by itself, out of my hands.
But now I didn't want that. I knew if I had a miscarriage now a part of me would be relieved, but more of me would be devastated.
"I'm sure you'll be okay Jenny", Serena puts her hand on my leg and I nod contently.
"Yeah it probably will be", I say quietly.
Lily and my Dad come into the living room.
"Alright food is ordered! We're having Italian tonight. You know how I love my bolognese!", Lily smiles.
"And we got your favorite Jen, chicken Parmesan", Dad says.
"Thanks Dad, I'm starving", I say.
I often feel less sick at night so that's when I eat most often. But typically the next morning it all comes up as soon as I wake up.
We hear the elevator ping again.
"Hey guys", I hear Dan's voice.
"Dan", I go over to him. "What's this?"
Dan's holding a box that looks to be from a bakery or something.
"I got a cake! You know, to celebrate", Dan smiles.
"You didn't have to do that", I pucker my bottom lip.
"It's a special day for my future niece or nephew", Dan says and opens up the box to reveal a cake with "Congratulations" written in yellow lettering.
"Yellow- gender neutral", Dan notes and I smile.
"Wow Dan that's so sweet", Serena smiles at him.
"It's chocolate too Serena, I know that's your favorite", Dan says putting his sweater down on the bar stool.
I still see the sparks between them, regardless of the awkward family situation.
We hear the elevator ping again.
My heart rises in my chest anxiously, but also happily, to see Nate.
I didn't know how it was going to be with him and my dad, but hopefully everyone can get along tonight.
"Hey!", Nate comes in with Chuck alongside him. "We ran into each other in the lobby".
Chuck saunters in to meet up with Blair.
"Not exactly my idea of a fun night out, but this is going to be Nate's life now I suppose", Chuck says, already pouring a glass of whiskey. "Let's just hope it's a boy, so I can show them the ways of the world".
Me and Nate exchange a look and smile.
"Jenny", Chuck comes over to me. "Congratulations. I didn't expect to see you with my best friend like this, but I see it working for you two. I know my best friend, and I can see how he feels about you".
"Thanks Chuck", I smile grateful for some kind words from Chuck. We haven't always had the best relationship I suppose, but I've seen him grow up in the past year or so.
Nate comes over to me as the rest of the crowd goes into the kitchen to grab a drink.
"How's it going, good?", Nate comes over to me and wraps his arm around the small of my back with a smile.
"Yeah, everyone has been really sweet", I look into his eyes softly. "I kind of can't wait till it's over though so we can be alone".
He smirks.
"Soon".
"Jenny, do you want some sparkling cider?", I hear Lily call.
"Yeah that's perfect, thanks Lily", Me and Nate walk over to be with the group, who are holding champagne glasses.
"To Jenny and Nate", Lily says, toasting. "And a new member of our family to come".
I catch my dad's eyes and he's actually smiling.
The group disperses. Blair and Chuck are in the corner looking at something on Blair's phone, maybe a gossip girl blast? Dan and Serena joke around about NYU and the short lived Georgina and Carter incidences.
My dad comes over to me and Nate.
"Nate", He says with a small sigh. "Good to see you".
Civil tonight, maybe?
"Yes, you too Mr. Humphrey. Thank you for having me", Nate nods, almost as though they are in a professional setting.
"You can call me Rufus", Dad nods, while I stand there awkwardly. "Thank you for taking Jenny to her appointment this morning".
He says it like he's not supposed to be included in the fact that we're both at the appointment for one reason, that we both made.
"Of course Sir… Rufus. I'm gonna be at every one of them", Nate smiles and my Dad smiles back.
"Alright well don't stay away so long you two, I want to see every picture, every new piece of information", Dad says to us. "And most importantly I want to see my daughter more".
I laugh slightly.
"Okay I promise I'll come around more Dad", I reach over to hug him. "I love you".
He returns the sentiment.
The elevator pings again, and it's Vanya bringing in the food.
"Well, let's go have dinner", My dad smiles.
The dinner was good, luckily not too awkward. I mainly focused on chowing down on my food. I was hungrier than I had ever been.
We talked about what everyone is doing at school. Serena job hunting. Blair hating NYU and being too good for it. Dan applying for Tisch. Chuck's new hotel endeavour. We talk about me, Nate, and the baby a bit too, but no one pushes too much. I think they know that we're still new to it. Eric talks about applying to colleges for next year, while I mostly stay silent, although I can see the way my dad is looking at me. I practically kick Eric under the table to make him stop talking about the college applications.
I mean I have always wanted to go to college. Always. Parsons had been my ideal school. But even if I didn't get in there, I would've loved to go to NYU, the artsy vibe there is one of a kind. Or Brown, Yale, USC. I would be happy to get in practically anywhere.
But I just don't know if that's possible now. At least in this next year.
Finally we're all done eating, and it's about 8:00 and I can tell the night is coming to a close.
I loved everyone here, I mean maybe not Chuck and Blair totally, but I just really kind of wanted a break. It had been a long day, and I still wasn't feeling the best.
"Jenny, want to come back to the loft tonight? I can catch a cab?", Dan offers as everyone gathers by the door.
"Um…", I look at Nate as we all share all look.
"Nevermind", Dan laughs. "Message received. But seriously Jen, I think your bed is starting to miss you".
"I'll be back tomorrow. I've gotta get clothes and stuff anyway", I say to Dan. "Plus I gotta hang out with my big brother who I love so much".
I hug Dan, who says his goodbyes, walking out with Serena, who's now living at Blair's.
Chuck and Blair leave together, on their way to The Empire for the night.
"Bye Dad", I hug him. "And bye Lily, thanks so much for the great dinner".
"Yes thank you guys, it was a great evening", Nate agrees with a smile.
"Of course you two", Lily kisses my cheek and then Nate's. "Come back soon. Also Jenny I think we should go on a little shopping spree soon!"
"A shopping spree?", I question.
Lily and Serena go shopping almost every week just as a hobby, or a mood lifter. So it was kind of the Van Der Woodsen way.
"Yes, you're going to need maternity clothing", Lily says like it's obvious. "I know some amazing lines at Bendels! They'll be just adorable when you start showing".
Start showing. God, that felt foreign to me, but I knew it was going to happen.
"Thanks Lily, that would be really fun. I'll text you", I smile.
It was nice to have Lily, really nice. But part of it made me sad. I wanted to do these things with my mom. Or more so, I wanted my mom to want to do them with me.
Instead I hadn't even heard from her in the two weeks since I'd found out.
"See you guys soon", I say as me and Nate get in the elevator.
I know it probably kills my dad to see me leaving with him. But I think he's come to terms that there's nothing he can do.
Besides, I can't get pregnant twice.
And like that me and Nate are on route back to his place.