We're back at Nate's now. It was so nice to finally relax after the long day we've had.
I was happy that my Dad had been okay. And that he was starting to accept this, and that everyone else had been so kind as well.
For some reason, as tired as I had been earlier in the evening, I felt almost on a high now.
I decided to shower at Nate's, I felt gross after having all the ultrasound jelly all over me. I put my hair up so it won't get wet. Nate's shower is pretty empty, like a guys. Basic 2 in 1 shampoo and body wash, I knew it all too well from my shower at home growing up with my dad and brother. But I didn't mind, I didn't use much anyway.
I get out of the shower, wrapping myself in a towel and wiping steam off of the mirror so I can see myself.
Same mid length blonde hair. I remember when I was young my mom used to say that my hair was so blonde it was white. Same blue eyes, the same ones as my grandma who had passed away before I was born.
The same lips, the same pear shaped birthmark on my ribs.
I was me, but I didn't feel like me. But it didn't feel like a bad thing. I just felt different, evolved.
I mean last year's Jenny would have never expected to be showering in Nate Archibald's bathroom, let alone with a sonogram of her baby with him in her purse in the living room.
I didn't know what it was, but I was in a certain mood, a certain feeling. It wasn't Friday night, not even close to the weekend, but it felt like it for some reason. The kind of air of something life changing about to happen.
I knew what I wanted. And I felt strong this time. Older, and even more ready.
I put on a bra and underwear set that I had packed in a very small bag of things I had taken from my bedroom at Lily's house.
I mostly grabbed some of my pajamas I wore when I stayed at Dad and Lily's when I was in there, but I didn't want to wear pajamas now.
The set is red, lacey, but simple, with little ties on either side of the underwear, and lace frill lining the cups on the bra.
I touch up my face slightly in the mirror, put on a black robe that I had taken from my closet at Lily's and opened the door to go out to the bedroom.
Nate was in comfy clothes now. Sweatpants and a v neck t shirt that hugged his arms.
"Hey, ready for bed?", I hear him say, without looking up at me as he takes his watch off and puts it on his dresser.
I take the robe off and set it down on the hamper beside me.
"No", I say, simply, but with all the courage I have.
He looks up from what he's doing to see me, looking slightly shocked.
He comes over to me.
"Jenny", He says with a slight smile as he puts his hand on my arm and wraps it around to my back, biting his lip slightly.
"I want to", I say quiet, but breathily. I know he knows what I mean.
"Is this about what happened at the doctors? The fact that you've only done it once?", Nate asks, speaking in the same hushed, soft tone as me.
"No…", I say. Although that did cross my mind this morning that I could be more experienced. "This is about how much I want to be with you".
He continues to lock eyes with me as our faces are only a few inches apart.
"This is about how you filled the apartment with my favorite snacks", I laugh slightly, and I feel his smirk against me. "About how you show up to meet my crazy family every time. About how you found me a perfect doctor. About how you're always there for me, whenever…. wherever".
He smiles slightly.
"This is about me and you and the fact that I don't want to wait anymore to show you how I feel about how", I whisper against his cheek.
That's all he seems to need, as he picks me up, my legs under his arm, as I squeal slightly and he laughs.
I'm now laying on the bed, with Nate hovering over me, planting kisses every which way.
"I like this", Nate smirks slightly gesturing to the outfit, or lack thereof, I was sporting.
"I thought you might", I giggle, as he comes up to my face to kiss me. "And I'm not going to look like this much longer in it".
"I don't care", He says looking into my eyes, as I look back at him, in somewhat doubt.
"I don't", He reiterates. "I just want to be with you".
I kiss him strongly then, pulling his shirt over his head.
We get under the covers now, taking off the few pillows Nate has on the bed.
I don't know if it was hormones or just the fact that I hadn't been with him this way in almost two months now, but I felt a certain hunger seeing him above me, one that he returned, by placing his hands across almost every inch of my body.
I tugged at the waistband of his pants, till Nate got the idea and took them off.
"Is that what you want?", He laughs.
"Mhmm hmm", I nod with a giggle. "Perfect".
His hands roam everywhere, eventually getting to the clasp of my bra where I sit up slightly, as it slips off and then he has new places to place his lips.
I moan slightly, as he laughs with a smirk.
"Stop laughing at me!", I complain.
"Sorry, I just like the way you react", Nate looks back at my face with a smirk.
"Is that a bad thing?", I question, smirking at him back.
"No, it's a good thing, a really good thing", Nate nods. "Was everything okay last time?"
I nod.
"Except for the getting pregnant part, yeah it was, I just want to know what it feels like again, being more relaxed this time, and knowing you a lot better", I say and he nods.
"Well don't worry, you can't get pregnant this time", We laugh slightly.
He roams down my body hovering over my stomach, where it dons on me that it will soon grow with a little half Nate and half me in it.
He kisses my hip bones protruding out as I feel his breath give sensations up and down my body.
He gets down to my underwear line where he pulls the strings on the side, untying the little bows to take them off.
I reach down to help him slip my underwear off, throwing them to the floor.
He smirks as I smile up at him, propping myself up slightly so I can kiss down his neck, as I feel his hands find themselves on parts of my body I didn't even go myself.
"Nate", I say out of breath slightly.
"Yeah?", He asks seeming to be slightly out of it as he comes back to earth with my words.
"Was I okay last time?", I ask quietly. "I didn't really know what to do, but we can do whatever you want".
He stops and looks at me, seriously now, like his mind is fully on this, his hands coming back to hold me just above my hips.
"Jenny", He cooes slightly. "You're perfect. You don't have to change anything, okay? Last time was amazing".
He smiles at me and I nod.
He comes down to kiss me again as I lay back.
"You're sure right?", He asks quietly his lips less than an inch away from mine.
I nod like a little kid who just got asked if they want a lolly pop in a candy shop.
"Okay", Nate says against my lips, as I feel him go in. I take a deep breath, feeling pressure.
"Is that okay?", He says quietly, responding to the way I move, and I nod again.
"I'm fine Nate", I try to reiterate to him that he doesn't have to check on me like I'm a little kid.
He laughs slightly.
"Okay I'll stop asking", he smirks as he starts to move around slightly, creating a rhythm between the two of us, as he continues to place his lips down my collarbone.
I breathe out loudly, which causes him to look up slightly.
"That feels good", I nod, telling him to keep going.
"Yeah?", He asks and I nod ferociously again.
"Mhm hmm, don't stop", I say with a nod, my head moving on the pillow, which exerts another small laugh from Nate, but I don't care enough to scold him, as my body seems to be on the edge of some type of euphoria.
It didn't feel this good last time, it hurt, probably because I was nervous. It was slightly awkward, and I was just focused on not doing anything weird.
But now was different and I suddenly realized the hype around why everyone talks about sex. Why Serena and Blair talked about it. Even other girls in my grade.
"Nate I'm going to- oh my god", I barely get out writhing slightly underneath him.
"It's okay", Nate says in my ear as he continues the same pace, even faster.
I'm breathing a mile a minute now, as my whole body shakes beneath him.
"Oh my god", I'm saying, as I grab I hold of Nate's hair above me as he continues what he's doing. "Oh my god".
I come back to earth slightly locking eyes with Nate now, as he moves up to my face, kissing me deeply now, our tongues moving in and out, exploring each other.
I feel my eyes move to the back of my head slightly, as I come back down from my high.
I feel Nate come closer and closer until he flops onto me slightly, his head buried in my hair just above my shoulder.
"That was….", I say, not knowing what word to use, still breathing heavily.
He moves off me so we're laying beside each other, as he seems unable to contain a stifled laugh.
"Why are you laughing?", I demand, still joking around with him.
"Nothing just you", He leans over to kiss me. "You're so cute".
"I'm cute?!", I pull back from him with a laugh.
"It's good Jenny, it's good. I like it", He gets back into a serious tone, as he tries to pull me closer to him. "I love it".
I look at him for a bit.
"I just don't want to think about… like how it was with Blair or Serena or Vanessa, or other girls. I can be like that too, sexy or whatever", I say.
He grabs my hands, knowing how I feel about not being like those other girls.
"I don't want you to be like Blair or Serena or Vanessa. I like when you're being you… it's the sexiest thing ever. I'm serious Jenny", He says kisses my knuckles as he holds my hands in his and then whispers slightly. "Everything is different with you"
"Okay", I say quietly nodding, and we lay in silence for a bit.
"Today was one of my favorite days ever", Nate finally breaks the silence, meeting my eyes.
"Me too", I smile. "The little heartbeat… I still can't even believe it's real".
"I know", Nate smiles as he pulls me into him, he puts his hand on my stomach tentatively at first, until I look into his eyes for confirmation that it's okay to be excited.
"I just hope everything goes okay", I say quietly, against his chest. "Now that I've seen it and heard it".
"Why wouldn't it go okay?", He questions, rubbing my arm.
"I don't know… I just read that like 1 out of 5 pregnancies end in miscarriages, but I should try to not think about it", I say. "I just get anxious I guess".
"That's normal, I do too… but we've got to try to stay positive. It'll be okay", Nate squeezes me slightly.
I lean up to kiss him.
"I have a history test tomorrow", I groan changing the subject to a much more mundane one. "So I better go to sleep, can you set the alarm?"
"Yep, already got it set", he says and I smile at him.
"Thanks", I say and then wiggle out of his embrace, pulling the sheet with me.
"Where are you going?", Nate laughs, as I wrap the sheet around me to waddle over to my bag with my pajamas in it.
"I'm putting my pajamas on", I say like it's no big deal, as I do everything I can to keep the sheet covering me.
"You know it's kind of too late, I've seen you, like literally 20 minutes ago", Nate laughs, but I shoot him a look.
"I always sleep in pajamas, I have to", I state strongly.
I couldn't just go to sleep naked, it would feel wrong. The only time I've done that was the first time I'd slept with Nate in The Hamptons and that was only because everything was one big blur.
I put a pink tank top and some short grey shorts on.
I look back to see Nate propped up on one arm in bed watching me. Dammit, how is he even that good looking? It was hard to even be semi annoyed at him.
"Okay I'm not judging", Nate says jokingly as I get back into bed beside him when he sees my face.
He leans down to the floor to pick up his briefs and then his t shirt and is now clothed as well, following my lead.
"Goodnight Nate", I say.
"Goodnight Jennifer", he jokes kissing my shoulder, knowing nobody calls me that but him.