My next class is biology with Ms. Rivers.
I get to class early and sit down, going on my phone until class starts.
I get a text from Nate.
N: Lacrosse game went great, me and the guys won. Thinking of you though, wish you were here.
A smile breaks out across my face unknowingly.
I text back.
J: Yay! Miss you too. See you tonight!
N: Good luck at school!
"Alright class!", Ms. Rivers starts and I notice that the class is now full around me and I bury my phone inside my desk as to not get in trouble. "Today we're going to talk about the science of eye colour, mainly how we get assigned the eye colour that we do even before we come into the world".
My ears perk up instantly.
"Now the three main eye colours are brown, blue, and green, with brown being the most common as it contains the largest amount of melanin, and blue containing the least amount of melanin", Ms. Rivers explains. "Two partners who both have brown eyes will produce a child with brown eyes about 90% of the time. That 10% can only happen if they both have a blue eyed gene in their heritage, and then they may produce a green or blue eyed child".
Ms. Rivers pulls up an image to show us on the overhead, but before it can load, I shoot my hand up.
I don't know what comes over me. I almost always am the person who sits in the back, not saying a peep unless I have to.
"Yes, Jenny", Ms. Rivers smiles and I now realize the whole class is staring at me.
"What if there are two blue eyed partners?" I ask. "… Just like… theoretically".
"Great question", Ms. Rivers says. "So yes Jenny makes a great point. Two blue eyed parents will produce a blue eyed child 98% of the time, and they almost never produce a child with brown eyes unless it is a dominant trait in other members of the partners' families".
I smile and nod.
I think about the baby growing. It's going to have blue eyes.
I like to think about what he or she will look like. Selfishly I wish I knew the gender already because I just wanted to picture this baby. It got more real every day. I pictured the baby blonde, with big blue eyes, chunky arms and legs, and smiley. At least I hoped for that.
The rest of the class went by quick as I daydreamed off until lunch came where I couldn't contain it and texted Nate.
J: Our baby is going to have blue eyes!!
I then realize that maybe I'm being a little too excited, but I couldn't help it. Maybe it was stupid to be excited to be sixteen and pregnant but I couldn't help how I felt. It was better than the fear. And the fear was what ruled on most days.
But then I hear a ping.
N: I kind of figured he or she would! Just like mine and yours. Having lunch now?
I smile.
J: Yep! Gonna go try and find my only two friends at this place.
N: Haha, well if you can't find them, I'm right here through the screen. Also eat something good, okay? You barely had anything for breakfast so go get something with protein.
I smile at my phone screen, aware that there are people around me, but being unable to control it.
J: Okay. Will do.
N: Promise?
J: Yes, promise. Talk to you later Archibald.
I throw my phone in my purse to go to this salad place I'd been liking recently because it was pretty healthy and I didn't feel too sick after it.
I got a salad bowl with lettuce, rice, cheese, corn, ranch, and chicken.
I didn't feel much like eating but I knew Nate was right, I had to make an effort to keep my intake up enough and stay healthy even through all the times I'd thrown up over the past two weeks.
I go into St. Judes outdoor school grounds to look for Eric and Jonathan.
It was a really nice day. My favorite type of day. A crisp Autumn one, but still warm enough to wear a light sweater over my school uniform skirt and still be comfortable.
The leaves were already slightly starting to change colour. I found Jonathan and Eric sitting at a table underneath a tree that's leaves had turned slightly red.
"Jenny!", they both say spotting me.
"Hey guys!", I come to sit with them.
"Another healthy salad?", Eric asks.
"Yep", I laugh sitting down beside Jonathan, across from Eric. "Nate's orders".
I look at Eric's burger in jealousy.
"Good to know he's treating our girl well", Jonathan says and I smile at him.
"I just want to know if you've finally sealed the deal", Eric says and we laugh. "Like you're together for real now?"
"For real now", I confirm.
"Yes!", Eric practically gets up from the table.
"Calm down", I say jokingly. "It's still not… you know… like super serious or anything".
"Not serious?", Eric questions and then jokes. "Yeah okay sure Jenny, you're just having a baby together and basically moving in together. But no, not serious at all".
"I have to agree Jenny, I think it's time you just accepted it", Jonathan looks at me with a smile and I blush looking down.
"Any baby updates?", Eric asks excitedly.
"Not really, it's still super super early", I say. "I'll be happy when I can like feel the baby and stuff, I think that will be cool".
They nod and we eat in silence for a bit.
"You seem different today Jenny", Eric points out.
"What, why?", I ask between bites.
"I don't know, like relaxed, happy", Eric says.
"I'm always happy and relaxed", I argue and the two boys give me a look. "What?"
"I don't know… I think Nate has been a good thing. Or maybe you've just gotten more used to the idea of having a baby", Eric says.
"Well I have gotten more used to it, the baby part. Even let myself be kind of excited the odd time", I smile and look down, not wanting them to see the smile take over my face. "And as for Nate… we'll I'm getting more used to him too".
Eric gasps in a playful way.
"No way! … You did it again, didn't you?!", He says, almost jumping up again and I give him a look, afraid he's bringing attention to our table.
"Shh!", I say to him. "Not so loud Eric".
"Jenny Humphrey, getting it on!", He says more quietly and Jonathan and me exchange a look. "Never thought I would see the day".
"C'mon Eric, it's been a couple months now since I have. I mean if you didn't know that's kind of how I ended up like this in the first place", I gesture to my belly, even though it's not yet protruding at all.
"I know but you did it again, and with a guy you're fully exclusive and in love with", Eric says, but I stop eating and glance at him giving him a look at the last part of his sentence.
We pause for a moment.
"I mean you are in love with him aren't you?", Jonathan questions me.
"I mean… I don't know… I don't know if I should be yet", I sigh. "I've never been before so I don't know what it feels like… but obviously like its what I've always wanted".
"She's in love", Jonathan jokes.
"Oh totally", Eric agrees.
I roll my eyes.
"Guys", I whine. "We haven't said it yet okay, so I'm not even letting myself go there… we're just… I don't know… getting to know each other better and having fun".
Eric and Jonathan look at each other and then at me.
"So it was fun then?", Eric asks and I give him a look. "Sorry me and Jonathan may both harbor a very very unrealistic kind of crush on Nate. We know it will never happen".
"He's just so dreamy", Jonathan adds slightly sarcastically and I start laughing.
"Neither confirming or denying", I say in a mysterious tone, grabbing a fry from Eric's stash in front of him.
"Jenny!", Eric whines slightly. "Details".
"Okay fine, it was good, like really good. And I want to do it again, and then again after that. Happy?", I joke.
"Very. Good to know", Jonathan laughs.
"Okay now off the topic of my newly found sex life…", I stare at my phone as it pings. "Why did my dad just ask to meet me after school and not tell anyone?"
Eric and Jonathan exchange a look.
"Okay, well I wasn't really supposed to tell you until your Dad talked to you and Dan, but since this morning my mom and your dad have actually been talking about getting married tomorrow", Eric says, looking excited.
"What? Tomorrow, as in Saturday tomorrow?", I'm shocked.
"They decided just to pull the trigger and stop waiting", Eric says with a smile. "My mom is at Eleanor and Blair's right now talking about dresses, Serena is ordering the flowers, and Blair is securing the botanical garden for a venue".
"Wow", I'm surprised. "I'm happy for them, really happy. I'm gonna text Lily and let her know I can help Eleanor with the dress when I'm done school".
"I think she'd like that. She also wants to take you and Serena out tonight to buy dresses", Eric says then laughs. "Even though Serena probably has like a million options at home".
"Yeah her closet is pretty much like a Saks showroom", I agree. "But that sounds good. Wow it's really happening so quickly".
"They just didn't see the point in waiting and doing all that long drawn out wedding planning", Eric says. "It'll be more spontaneous and fun this way. I mean my mom has already had her fair share of traditional weddings".
"And my dad already had his", I agree. "And with the right person I feel like you don't need all that extra glitz and wedding magic. The person is magic enough".
"Wow that was really sweet and inspiring Jenny", Jonathan says.
"Being in love has really changed you", Eric laughs.
"Shut up guys!", I take one of Eric's fries off his plate and throw it at him, then get up from the table.
"I have to text your mom, I'm already in extreme design mode", I laugh. "But see you guys tomorrow?"
They nod.
"Tomorrow it is". Eric says before I walk away. "We'll both have dates tomorrow night!"
I smile back at them before waving and then opening up my phone to text Lily.
J: Lily I heard and I'm so excited for you guys! As soon as I'm done school I'll meet you at Eleanor's?
As I walk back into Constance to my locker my phone pings.
L: Oh Jenny that would be just great. I'm so excited! And we'll find the perfect dresses for you and Serena too.
I reply
J: Okay! See you soon.
The rest of the day goes by pretty quickly as I look out the window thinking about eggshells or off whites, strapless or lace, shimmer or simple. I always loved fashion and designing things. Even though I was excited about Lily's wedding dress I never was one of those girls who thought about their own eventual wedding. I remember months ago when Lily and Dad got engaged Serena and Blair talking about scrapbooks they made as kids with everything planned out for their weddings. That was never me. Maybe because I'd never had a super close girl friend growing up, or maybe because I'd seen marriages fall apart in front of my eyes, but I'd never really dreamt about marriage or anything. Of course it meant something, but I don't think it's the only path to go down or the biggest goal in life.
I wondered how Nate would feel about it for just a split second. But then I pushed it out of my mind, trying to bring it back to English class.
I arrived at Eleanor and Blair's just after 3:30, going up the elevator to the top floor.
"Miss Jenny!", I'm happy to see Dorota greet me as I walk in from the elevator. "So happy to see you again".
"Good to see you too Dorota! I guess we're in all hands on deck wedding mode", I laugh.
"Yes, Ms. Lily going to look so beautiful", Dorota smiles. "How is the baby doing?"
I instantly put my hand to my stomach for some reason, something I wasn't actually used to doing.
"He or she seems to be doing okay in there", I laugh. "Still pretty early, but I got to see an ultrasound… do you want to see?"
I wasn't sure that Dorota would actually want to see the ultrasound photo, but I carried it around in my wallet with me. I'd glance at it sometimes if I was alone.
"Oh Ms Jenny I'd love to", She says excitedly. "I want to start family one day".
"Really?", I smile. "I could see that, I think you'd be really good at it".
She blushes back at me while I pull out the photo.
"That's it there?", Dorota looks in awe and I nod. "So tiny".
"I know, it's just a tiny bean right now", I giggle. "But next appointment it'll already be growing almost the size of an almond… I guess that's still pretty small though".
"Such a miracle for you and Nate Ms. Jenny", Dorota smiles and I nod appreciatively.
Lily and Eleanor come out into the hallway, probably having heard our voices. I instantly go to put the photo back in my purse.
"Don't worry dear, Blair already let me in on your… condition", Eleanor cringes.
Same cold Eleanor Waldorf. But she wasn't really quite so bad once you got to know her.
"Oh okay", I smile awkwardly at her and Lily.
"Congratulations I suppose. At least the child will be born into a good family, and with a mother who knows satin from silk", Eleanor shrugs and I laugh slightly as Lily comes over to pull me in for a hug.
"Lily, I'm so happy! So what kind of design are we thinking?", I ask and Eleanor and Lily run me through their thoughts.
About three hours of measuring, of non stop sewing machine noises, remeasuring, cutting, and then trying on again, and we have our finished piece.
Finally Lily looks beautiful in our finished product head to toe. A beautiful long white dress, a simple off white with ruffled siding to it and a slight satin sheen. Simple, but looks exactly Lily's style. Classy and elegant.
"Wow Lily, you look beautiful", I say standing next to her, as Eleanor puts Lily's veil on and we watch her in the full length mirror in front of us.
"Oh sweetheart, it means so much to me that you are not only helping me with my dress, but also letting me be your step mom", Lily smiles at me, her face softening. "I've been so lucky to watch you grow up into a beautiful young woman".
I smile at her.
"One day I'll be standing here in this mirror looking at you in your wedding dress", Lily gives me a look, squeezing my hand.
I laugh nervously.
"Oh I don't know", I stammer. "Probably not for quite a while, if ever".
She waves me off.
"Oh honey, it'll happen when it's supposed to, when it's meant to, and marriage or not, it'll last with who it's meant to last with", Lily looks me in the eyes. "I mean I should know".
I smile back at her, grateful for all her kindness and wisdom she allows me.
"Alright", Lily composes herself. "Let's get this dress off me and then me and you can go meet Serena at Bendels, pick something out for you two, what do you say?"
"Sounds good", I smile.
Shopping, as futile as it was sometimes, actually sounded pretty fun today.
I always wondered what it was like to be someone like the Van Der Woodsens, and now in just two years I'm part of their family, not to mention dating one of the most well known, elite, guys in the city.
My life doesn't always feel like mine. But when I'm with people that I'm safe with like Nate, my brother, Eric and Jonathan, my father, Lily now, I feel like a new me, a mixture of the old me and a grown up new me. Especially with Nate.
For the first time in a month, I finally felt not quite as lost.
So off to the Bendels with Serena and Lily it was.