"There's Serena!", Lily smiles as we wait in Bendels.
"Jenny!", Serena comes over to hug me and then Lily. "Mom I'm so excited for you. This is going to be amazing".
"Thank you sweetheart. I appreciate you and Jenny helping, now let's find some dresses, how about it?", Lily smiles and we continue on to the dress section.
"So Jenny how's the baby?", Serena asks sweetly as she eyes a Dolce dress.
"Good. I mean I feel sick almost all the time", I laugh slightly. "But I have my next appointment in two weeks and in another 8 weeks I can probably find out the gender".
"That's so cool! I hope it's a girl so we can dress her up", Serena giggles.
"I know, that's would be so fun", I smile thinking about it.
"And how's Nate?", Serena asks as I look at an Alice and Olivia champagne colored short dress.
"Good", I say. "I think we're both getting more used to the idea and he's been really supportive".
I can't help but feel a blush come to my cheeks and to my disdain I can tell Serena can see.
"That sounds like Nate", Serena smiles. "You really like him don't you?"
"Yeah I do", I say looking at the floor, slightly embarrassed. "I think I have for a long time".
"I'm so happy for you guys. You know that first love type of thing… as stupid as it sounds… it never really fully goes away, no matter how much you've told yourself that you've moved on", Serena says with a slight twinkle to her eyes.
I can tell this is probably about Dan. No matter how much I want to scream He loves you too!, I refrain as per my brother's wishes.
"Yeah… I mean I'm only sixteen, but I think you're right", I smile.
"What do you think about this one?", Serena pulls out a grey short gown, strapless with an almost ombré looking effect.
"So cute! That would be perfect!", I pip up.
"I don't want to get anything too out there. Can't overshadow mom", She laughs.
Lily comes out from around the corner to laugh slightly.
"What do you guys think about this one? I really like it", I show them the champagne body hugging Alice and Olivia dress.
"Perfect Jenny! That would look lovely!", Lily smiles.
"Let's go to the changeroom then!", Serena suggests.
Me and Serena go in side by side changerooms as Lily makes conversation with the sales associate outside.
I go to undress and put the champagne coloured dress on.
"Are you done Jenny? I want to show you mine", I hear Serena from the other side of my door.
"Um, I can't really get mine zipped up", I say , struggling.
"Let me help!", Serena offers.
I open the door and move my hair out of the way so Serena can zip the dress up.
"Is this your usual size?", She asks.
"Yeah I'm always a 0", I say like it's no big deal.
"Jenny I think you're going to have to get a bigger size. It's probably just your body getting used to being pregnant", Serena says.
"Really? It's so soon though?", I'm surprised.
Lily walks over to us.
"Need me to get another size Jenny?", Lily asks.
"I guess", I sigh. "Wow, I did not think I put on weight".
"Oh don't worry about it. The exact same thing happened when I was pregnant with Serena. I was tiny like you, but seven weeks in and I couldn't zip up my wedding dress anymore", Lily laughs.
"You were pregnant with me when you got married?", Serena asks surprised.
"Yes, when I married your father I was four months pregnant. I just got my wedding dress taken out and everything was fine. It's very hard to even notice you've gained weight, but it could just be your body filling out Jenny, I'll go get you the bigger size", Lily nods with a smile.
"Thanks Lily".
I don't know what it is about Lily but throughout this hard month I've had and trying to find some solace with being pregnant at sixteen, Lily has been such a calm presence. The mother figure I'd forgotten I'd wanted. Needed, even.
"Serena your dress looks great. With an updo or something it'd be perfect!", I say.
"I know right. Okay perfect! Now we just have to get you the perfect one", Serena smiles and then goes back to change.
I go back to my changeroom and realize my phone is ringing.
It's Nate.
"Hey!", I answer.
"Hey, how's it going, where are you?", He asks, seems to be in a good mood.
"I'm actually just at Bendels with Serena and Lily right now. I was gonna ask you… any chance you'd be free tomorrow? I sort of need a plus one to a wedding", I tease him, biting my lip to hid a smile in front of Serena who's now out of the changeroom.
Nate laughs slightly through the phone.
"A wedding?", He asks. "Who's getting married?"
"My dad and Lily, just a lot earlier than they'd planned", I say.
"I'm in, that sounds awesome", I can tell he's smiling even though I can't see him. "Are you coming home later tonight?"
It catches me off guard that he's calling his apartment home, as if we're a serious couple moving in together. I mean I suppose I have spent the whole week there.
"I mean… to my my place", Nate catches himself when he hears my pause.
"Yeah, I'll be over later", I smile. "I'll show you my dress".
"Can't wait. I'm making dinner for when you get here", He says.
"Great, I'm starving. See you soon", I say.
"See you", He says happily and I hang up.
"I cannot believe you have a date and I don't", Serena laughs good naturedly. "Maybe I've got to take a page out of your book Jenny".
"What? Like getting pregnant with a guy you're not even dating?", I laugh. "Believe me you're doing fine Serena".
"I know… I guess I just miss being in a solid relationship… me and Carter didn't work out because it was just always unpredictable, which can be fun for awhile but I don't know… I want something like you and Nate", Serena looks a bit sad, and I feel the need to comfort her.
"I'm sure it'll happen for you Serena. I mean any guy would be lucky to date you. And you'll have that serious, butterflies in your stomach relationship again, I promise. You'll meet the right guy", I say.
"I guess the thing is… the thing is is that I feel like I already have, and I've just screwed it up", Serena sighs, but Lily interrupts coming back into the fitting room area with a dress for me.
"Found it Jenny! Now let's see how fabulous it's going to look!", Lily hands me the dress excitedly.
As much of a fun time as I've had with Lily and Serena, I can't help but have Serena's words weigh in my mind. If she was talking about Dan, which I'm about 90% sure she was, and if Dan still loves her, then why aren't they together?
I didn't want to butt in, but maybe someone just needed to give them a push. I mean I could've saved a lot of time wondering if Nate liked me if we'd both just been straightforward and honest with each other.
I end up buying the dress, which Lily and Serena both love, and we leave Bendels, getting in a cab together.
"So where to Jenny, the loft?", Lily asks.
"Actually…", I'm slightly embarrassed. "Can you drop me off at Nate's place on the upper west side?"
Serena shoots me a look and I roll my eyes back smiling.
"Of course", Lily smiles at me.
"Tell Dad that I'll see him tomorrow, I'll come over to the loft bright and early to help get him ready for the big day", I smile.
"Perfect… I'm not even nervous at all", Lily smiles. "I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing".
"It's a good thing", Serena says, putting her arm around Lily for a hug.
"Yeah a really good thing, I promise", I chime in, as Serena gestures for me to join in on the hug.
It felt good to spend time with them, I had never gone shopping with anyone before really, or had any female role models in my life. But I loved Lily and Serena like they were my own family. Which I guess, starting tomorrow, they would be.
-
"Oh my god Nate, I didn't know you could cook", I say, obsessing over every bite of Nate's chicken stir fry.
"Yeah well my parents were usually out of town when I was in my teens, or at least out of the house, so I just kind of learned to make things myself", He smiles at me. "At least now I have someone to share the kitchen table with".
"I feel the same", I smile. "A lot of nights when my dad was out at the gallery and Dan was with Serena, I'd usually make grilled cheese and sit in my room watching The Wizard of Oz", I laugh.
"The Wizard of Oz?", Nate laughs.
"It's a good movie!", I argue, laughing.
"I always wanted a close family when I was growing up… you know brothers, sisters, parents that were around. Like I'd seen on TV", Nate says. "That's what I want to have in the future".
"Oh yeah?", I smile. "You want to have more kids than just this one?"
"Yeah at some point", He smirks at me, those blue eyes getting me like they usually do, and I look down feeling my cheeks heating up.
"Well I want our baby to have a sibling too. I can't imagine not having Dan, who's basically been my best friend all these years… until I met you and we became friends", I smile, then laugh. "But let's just see how the first one goes first".
"Deal", Nate smiles.
We spend the rest of the night watching the football game. I couldn't tell you which teams were even playing or who was winning, but Nate couldn't take his eyes off the TV, which made me giggle as I wrote an English essay on my laptop beside him.
Finally it's ten o'clock and I'm beyond tired, brushing my teeth in the bathroom.
"So let's see that dress?", Nate looks at me, a smirk beginning to form across his lips flirtatiously.
I take a drink and put my toothbrush back in the holder.
"You sure?", I joke and gesture to the messy ponytail atop my head. "I kinda look like the bride of Frankenstein right now".
Nate laughs, and wraps his arms around me from behind me.
"I think you look beautiful", He says in my ear, causing my stomach to do that flip floppy thing it does when I'm around him like this.
"Okay", I smile, going to get the dress. "You know I had to go a whole size up? Lily said it happened to her too when she first was pregnant".
"Really? You don't look bigger at all", He says, as I take off my comfy shorts and tank top on the other side of the room.
"I know right, but I guess it's just my body changing slowly… I know this is dumb but I'm actually kind of excited to have a bump. And to feel him or her all the time", I smile slightly as I shimmy into the dress.
Nate gets up off the bed to help me zip it up.
"The only thing is going to be the fact that once people find out, they are not going to stop staring at me and talking behind my back", I sigh.
"Don't even worry about that. Who cares what people think?", Nate says his breath on my shoulder.
I turn around to face him.
"You've obviously never been a girl in high school", I laugh.
"That I have not", He smirks and sits down on the side of the bed as I stand between his knees.
"And I know it's going to be tough, but I'm here, and Dan, Serena, and even Chuck and Blair have your back. We're not gonna let anyone mess with you", Nate half jokes, giving me a wide eyed smile.
I smile at him, before leaning down to kiss him softly, his lips feeling soft against mine, as I have to reign in the urge to go further.
"Thank you", I say pulling away from him. "For always being there for me".
"Always", He says softly, seriously, and then breaks out into a smile. "Now let's see this dress".
I giggle moving away from him, doing some poses comically, earning some laughs from Nate.
"Perfect, I love it", Nate laughs and I come closer to him again. "I'm going to have the best plus one tomorrow".
"I've never been to a wedding", I say.
Nate pauses for a moment, our blue eyed locked in.
"Would you… do you ever think about getting married?", Nate asks, and I can tell that he's being serious now by his tone.
I instinctively move away from his touch, his words scaring me.
"I'm only sixteen", I try to joke.
He pulls me back in gently.
"I know, but like… one day?", He asks.
"Yeah I suppose one day. I guess marriage just doesn't really matter to me… I've seen most marriages crumble apart… things don't always last", I say, serious.
"Do you think we won't last?", Nate questions speaking softly.
"No, no", I say right away, my hand falling against his cheek. I never want him to think that I don't appreciate him, don't love him. Because I do. God, I actually do. Even being young, I knew. When people say You know when you know, I thought it was a load of crap, but I understood it now.
Standing above Nate, in a party dress, my eye makeup smudged, my hair a mess, and my mind only focused on him, I knew it now.
"I… Nate", I can't decide whether to say it or not but something overtakes me and I almost don't even care if he says it back because if I didn't get the words out I felt like I was going to explode right here and now. "I love you, okay?"
My words are frantic, and impulsive but at least they're true.
His face goes from shock, to a smile, to red cheeks to match mine, as he laughs slightly, pulling my into him, kissing me, so that I'm straddling him as we lean against the bed.
I pull away slightly, his kiss surprising me.
"There, I said it", I laugh slightly, nervously.
"I wanted to be the one to say it first", Nate laughs, his hands rubbing the small of my back gently. "I love you too".
"You do?", I say, my voice cracking slightly, tears almost coming to my eyes.
"Of course I do. God, I don't even know this feeling, but all I want to do is be around you. When I'm not with you I want to be. And when something good happens you're the first person I want to be there right beside me", His eyes gleamed. "I wish I'd said it when I knew".
His word take me aback.
"When did you know?", I ask quietly, feeling his heartbeat against mine.
"A couple days ago when we heard the baby's heartbeat and I held your hand… thats when I knew for sure", Nate smiles up at me. "That's when I knew I was way too far gone".
"Well we're both too far gone now I suppose", I laugh and put my arms around him to hug him.
"I'm so in love with you", He whispers in my ear and my heart flutters, the flip flopping in my stomach coming back.
"There I go with the butterflies again", I laugh against him, then come up to reach his face and his hand rests against my cheek, pulling me in for a passionate kiss, one that ignites a fire in my abdomen.
"Nate…?", I don't have to say anything more before Nate pulls me onto the bed, as the night turns into a slowed down version of the nights before. Slower kisses, slower movements, until I fall asleep in his arms till morning.