August 2020

Pulling away eventually, he cupped her cheeks, looked into her eyes, and said, "I love you. Let's talk."

The kiss had awoken feelings in Andy that she had been pushing down for the last month. Even when she was at her angriest, she couldn't deny that she missed their physical connections. As tempting as it was to take his hand and lead him up to the bedroom, it wouldn't solve their problems. If they were going to save their marriage, and she hoped they could, they needed to have the hard conversations they were both so good at putting off. So, she ignored her amorous feelings once again and turned her attention to her husband.

"You were going to go work out," Andy noted, looking at her husband's attire. "Don't let me stop you. I can settle in here while you exercise, and then we can talk."

Andy was hopeful that Robert's workout might postpone the inevitable for a while. She could unpack, relax for a moment, and maybe even pour herself a glass of wine, anything to steel herself for the hard conversation ahead.

"I was going to go for a run," Robert replied. "Why don't you go get changed and come with me."

"You want me to run with you?" Andy asked skeptically.

"Why not? Are you afraid you can't keep up with me?" Robert teased.

Andy grinned. They'd worked out together frequently but never run together. Robert was almost a foot taller, so she was clearly at a disadvantage, but Andy was competitive, just like Robert, and there was no way she was going to tell him that she was worried she'd embarrass herself.

"Of course not. I just don't want you to feel bad when I leave you in my dust," Andy replied playfully.

"Well," Robert said with a mischievous grin. "I figure it's a win-win situation."

Confused by his comment, Andy raised her eyebrows indicating her question.

"It's simple," Robert noted. "Either I get bragging rights when I beat you, or I get a nice view of your rear end in jogging shorts when you run past me."

Andy blushed slightly as she scolded her husband playfully. "You're terrible," she said with a grin as she grabbed her bag and started to make her way upstairs. Her husband's words were still in her head, though, as she made her way up the stairs. Pausing, she turned around to find him watching her with a small grin on his face. He was unabashedly admiring the view.

"Why don't you get me a water bottle while I change," Andy said, giving him a pointed look that told him that she knew exactly what he was doing. She held his gaze until he sighed and made his way to the refrigerator.

As Andy changed, and Robert filled up a water bottle for her, they each had a moment to reflect on what had just happened. Andy had taken the first step by returning home and letting Robert know that she wanted a future with him. They had kissed, and for just a moment when they teased, it felt like the "old" Andy and Robert. Perhaps after all the drama of the last six months, they'd be able to figure out how to move forward.

With that goal in each of their minds, they got in the car and drove to a local park with groomed running trails. It was a short drive, and within a few minutes, they found their stride and were running side-by-side in companionable silence. Robert slowed his typical pace slightly, and Andy pushed herself a bit to keep up with his longer strides. After about a mile, Robert broke the silence.

"Can you explain to me why you're so angry?" Robert asked without preamble.

Andy responded with a small laugh: "We're jumping right into the deep end, I see."

Andy continued running, concentrating on her form and her breathing. It gave her something to think about other than the weight of Robert's question. It got right to the heart of their difficulties, and while she had been doing a lot of self-reflection, she still wasn't entirely sure of her answer.

"Andy," Robert began when his wife didn't respond. "I don't think we're going to fix this by skirting around the issue."

"I know," Andy replied. "I wasn't avoiding the question, just thinking through how I wanted to respond."

Her heart and respiration rates were both increased from the run, but the pace was manageable, and she was able to talk without too much difficulty.

"I don't have it all figured out either," Robert noted. "But maybe by talking it through, we can at least understand each other." The month apart had also given him time to reflect. He wasn't sure that they would ever be able to see eye to eye on the issue, but perhaps they could see the other's perspective and respectively "agree to disagree. "

For his part, Robert was still not clear about what he had done to make Andy so angry. The rest of the team seemed to have accepted that he made the best decision he could, given the situation, and was trying to make things work at the station.

"Ok," Andy began. It was now or never. "A few months ago I told you how upset I was that you went to Dixon and the Civil Service Commission, and announced our marriage to the station, all without asking me what I thought about it."

"But Andy," Robert interrupted. "It's not like I could say to McCallister, 'I know you want to shut down 19, and split us apart, but hold on a second while I discuss my plan with my wife.'"

"I know, Robert," Andy said, trying to keep the exasperation out of her voice. "Maybe it's not completely logical, but it's still how I felt."

Andy took a deep breath before continuing. Her next point needed to be said, but she didn't want to cause an argument. "And I was angry that two men sat in a room and made a decision that negatively impacted the women of Station 19, and it brought back memories of you and my father deciding I couldn't handle being the captain of 19 after Ryan's death."

Robert didn't say anything. He had thoughts, sure, but he decided it was best that Andy finish.

"And I know that I said the 'women' of Station 19," Andy said, anticipating Robert's comment even without asking. "The more I sat with my thoughts, the more I realized that I was angry that once again, there was a captain opening at 19, and it wasn't offered to me."

At that point, Andy stopped running. She wanted to be able to look at her husband directly and make sure he heard what she had to say. Robert paused too and turned to look at her.

"I'm sorry, Robert," Andy said sincerely. "I realized I was doing the same thing I criticized you for doing…putting your career ahead of our relationship. My anger about being left out of the conversation and my disappointment about missing out on captain again got all jumbled up in my mind, and I placed the blame solely on you. That wasn't fair."

Catching his breath, Robert nodded his affirmation to indicate that he had heard what she said. When it was clear that Andy was done speaking, he knew he needed to make his own apology.

"I've gone over that conversation with McCallister in my head a thousand times. I'm not sure I could have done anything to save Maya's job, but perhaps I could have suggested you or Jack as a replacement. I don't know. You have the experience at the station and could easily do the captain's job. I'm sorry, Andy," Robert concluded. "Maybe I let my desire to move up the ladder cloud my judgment."

"Thanks for saying that," Andy said. "We can't undo what's been done, so let's talk about where we go from here."

"Are you home for good?" Robert asked, tentatively. He hoped, with the push from Dean, that she was willing to continue to work things out together.

"Yeah," Andy said with a chuckle. "Dean all but packed my bags for me. I think he's ready to have his place back to himself."

"I'm glad," Robert noted. Even though they still had some work to do on the marriage, he was glad he wouldn't be sleeping in their bed alone anymore. After Claire's death, he had slept alone for the better part of 15 years, but Andy's warm body next to his was a routine he missed terribly during their periods of separation.

"Me too," Andy said. "Now let's finish our run." She took off quickly, leaving Robert behind, and giving him an excellent view of her perfectly toned legs and backside.

September 2020

"Where do they go every night after dinner?" Jack asked the group assembled in the break room. It hadn't passed anyone's notice that at some point after dinner and evening chores were completed, Andy and Robert disappeared for a little while. They didn't go far, because when they'd gotten calls in the evening, they were in the barn quickly, suiting up with the rest of the team.

"Has anyone checked their bunks?" Travis asked. "Maybe they're having a little husband and wife quality time."

"Not there," Vic replied, pointedly ignoring Travis's allusion to the sex lives of her boss and friend. "I wanted to ask Andy something a few days ago, so I went to her bunk first and then Sullivan's office. They weren't there."

"I don't care where they are or what they're doing," Dean quipped. "I'm just glad Andy isn't living with me anymore.

Everyone nodded in agreement. They weren't sure what had led to the reconciliation, but ever since Andy had moved back home with her husband, the mood around the station had improved. Maya, surprisingly, was doing ok in her role as a lieutenant. No longer being captain meant that she was no longer the first call whenever there was a problem at the station, and she was enjoying life as a newlywed with Carina.

Ben sat quietly throughout the dinner. He had some thoughts on where the couple might be going, but if his suspicions were correct, he would respect their privacy. It was their story to tell if they chose.

Later on that evening, however, when Ben bumped into Andy in the beanery as they both grabbed a light snack before bed, he decided to see if she would tell him anything. It wasn't just idle curiosity, though. Over his seven years of marriage to Miranda, they had had their share of ups and downs. He was hopeful he might be able to provide support to his friends during their time of need.

"Hey, Andy, you can tell me to shove it if this is prying into your business, but everyone's noticed that you and Robert disappear for a little while every evening. Is there anything you want to talk about?" he asked.

Andy paused and considered how she wanted to answer the question before speaking. She wasn't embarrassed, but so much of her difficulties with Robert had been the subject of public comment from the A-shift, she also was a bit reticent to share. However, Ben had been a support to her in the past, and as the only one of the group with a long-term successful marriage, she figured it couldn't hurt to confide in him.

"If the weather is decent, we go up to the roof, or the steps outside. If it's raining, we might sit behind one of the trucks in the barn. It's something our marriage counselor suggested," Andy began a bit tentatively. "We find a little bit of time to just sit and connect with one another every day. If something happened that upset one of us, we talk it through. Like last week, when I was running the call at that nasty car accident and Robert overruled me on how to deal with it. I was upset with him, so we were able to discuss it before the feelings festered."

Ben nodded his understanding, and Andy continued. "Of course, we're not dealing with a problem every day, so usually it's just a few minutes to be with one another outside the prying eyes of the A-shift. Ever since we got back together, I feel like our marriage has been under a microscope."

Ben smiled a bit sheepishly. It was true that the status of the couple's relationship had been the topic of more than one conversation. None of it was mean-spirited, but just an attempt to determine if things were still going well. When there was even a bit of tension, like at the call Andy had referenced, everyone was on alert.

"Miranda and I did something similar when we went to counseling a few years ago," Ben noted when Andy paused her explanation.

"You and Miranda saw a therapist?" Andy asked, the surprise evident in her voice. "You two seem like you have such a strong marriage." As confident as Andy was that counseling was the right choice for her and Robert, she still felt a bit embarrassed that they weren't able to work out their difficulties by themselves.

"It hasn't always been perfect, but we keep it strong by being willing to ask for help when we need it," Ben noted.

Andy chuckled. "Our therapist said something very similar. He compared it to seeing a specialist for a health issue." With that comment, Andy's mind flashed back to their first appointment with the therapist, nearly three weeks ago.

"Robert, I can tell that you're uneasy," Dr. Gibs began. "Why don't you tell me what's bothering you?"

Robert took a breath, using the extra moment to think through what he wanted to say. "I'm determined and focused…" Robert began.

Andy, sitting next to her husband on the sofa, chuckled at his description of himself.

"Ok, my wife might say I'm a little obsessive. Once I can identify a problem, I analyze it, decide on a path forward, and implement my plan. It's how I live my life and it's how I can be successful in my career. Somehow, coming to marriage counseling makes me feel like I failed at the one thing in my life that is most important."

Andy reached out to squeeze Robert's hand. On their run almost a month ago, they had mutually agreed that seeing a therapist was a good next step, but she knew that her husband was still not 100% comfortable with the idea.

"Let me ask you both a question," the therapist began, doing his best to set his clients at ease. "When was the last time either of you went to the doctor?"

They each thought a moment, and Robert answered first.

"I got hurt on the job and needed to have surgery," he noted. "My last appointment was a follow-up visit with my surgeon."

"And you, Andy?" Dr. Gibs asked.

"I had my yearly physical a few months ago," she answered.

"Ok," the therapist said, before asking another question. "And when was the last time you took your car in for service."

Andy, not sure what the maintenance on their vehicles had to do with therapy answered first. "One of the warning lights went on in my car a few weeks ago, so I took it in to be checked."

Dr. Gibs nodded, and turned his attention to Robert: "How about you?"

"A few weeks ago; my SUV needed an oil change," Robert explained.

"So," the therapist began, finally getting to his point. "You see your doctor and your mechanic regularly."

Robert and Andy nodded as they began to understand what the therapist was getting at.

"But," he continued, "Sometimes when something outside the norm occurs, you make a separate appointment. While the metaphor isn't perfect, marriage counseling is kind of like that. Many things in your marriage you can deal with on your own. You talk, apologize, do something nice for your partner, plan a date night to reconnect…all of these things are the routine maintenance of your marriage. However, sometimes, you need some outside support. That's my job. It's no different than taking your car to the mechanic or seeing a specialist for a medical problem."

When Robert and Andy remained silent, the doctor continued.

"If you wouldn't stop yourself from seeing a doctor or getting your car serviced, why would you avoid doing something that can only make your marriage stronger?' Dr. Gibs asked rhetorically.

"We wouldn't," Robert confirmed. "We love each other, and we want this marriage to work."

Andy smiled at her husband and nodded her agreement. In the few days since Andy had returned home, things seemed to be moving toward normal. There were, however, still moments when the tension returned, and they both knew that the help of an unbiased outsider would prevent them from returning to some of their old, unproductive habits.

"So," Dr. Gibs said. "Let's get to work."

In the beanery, Ben's words brought Andy back to their conversation. "They must all learn the same stuff in school," he said with a smile. "Are you learning anything helpful?"

Andy laughed. "Yeah, the little daily check-ins have forced us to talk about stuff, rather than sweeping it under the rug. That's been helpful, but some of the stuff is a little goofy."

"That it was. Were you guys told to gaze into each other's eyes lovingly?" Ben asked with a laugh.

"Oh my God, yes," Andy said smiling at the thought. "We couldn't get through it without laughing.

Andy thought back to that particular exercise. They had tried it a few times, felt ridiculous each time, and gave up trying.

Ben chuckled. "Miranda and I failed at that one too," he said. "But in addition to the daily check-ins, our therapist also suggested we write thank you notes to each other once a week. We started it a few years ago, and we still do it. I've kept every one Miranda has written to me. While I love reading hers, it's also a good opportunity to remind myself why she is the woman I pledged to love for the rest of my life."

Andy paused for a moment. She had been wanting to do something special for Robert, to thank him for putting up with despite the turmoil she had put him through. She hadn't settled on an idea that seemed quite right until Ben mentioned the idea of the letter. Robert didn't need an ostentatious declaration of her love; he just needed to know that it was real and true.

"Ben, that's a great idea. Thank you!" Andy said, as she turned and headed toward her bunk, effectively ending the conversation.

Once in her bunk, she looked around for something to write on. She didn't have any nice stationery, but she did have a notepad, so that would have to do. It took a few minutes, but once the ideas started flowing, they came quickly.

Dear Robert,

Thank you for loving me. Thank you for being my safe space, my home, even when I pushed you away, or doubted the very love that I desired all along. Thank you for going to counseling to work on our marriage. You try to hide it, but I know you hate almost every minute of it. Thank you for doing the laundry because you know it's the one chore I absolutely hate, and for not commenting on the fact that I still can't load the dishwasher to your satisfaction. Thank you for being my friend, my partner, and the man I want to spend every moment of the rest of my life with.

Your loving wife,

Andy

Andy headed downstairs to the desk, where she knew she could find an envelope. Robert's office was dark, but she could see a small bit of light from his bunk. He was likely settling in for bed. Before she could second-guess herself, she put the note in the envelope, sealed it, wrote "Robert" on the outside, and slipped it under his door. Unless they were awakened by a call, he would find it in the morning.