You and I Collide
She had no idea how or why it had left her lips. It had come to her so naturally; being in his arms suddenly felt so easy and comfortable. Just this morning, Maddie had finished up with her therapist, claiming that she was over David Addison. She had thrown herself a party, ranted about his persona with her cousin and yet, here she was.
David had invited her and Annie to an evening out on the town, and sometime after they had arrived, he had asked her to dance. It had suddenly felt like old times, before the ambivalence, the weddings, hurt feelings and the loss of their baby. There had been bantering, joking even... and then David had casually suggested that maybe they ought to make a point of doing this more often. It had been on the tip of her tongue to blurt out, 'no, thanks.' After all, she had turned rejecting him into an art form. However, something completely different had escaped her.
"Yeah, maybe we should."
She watched as he blinked at her in surprise. Silence existed between them as electric currency suddenly ran back and forth. She hadn't meant to say that, yet somehow, it had set things in motion. Her heart suddenly seemed to want to burst free from her ribcage and the whole room fell away. A look of wonder went across his face and then he pulled her back into his arms, continuing their dance.
Oh, how a matter of seconds could change everything. The dance between them had started off as comfortable and a bit playful. Now, it was charged and filled with unspoken words. She could feel it in the way he had pulled her very close and how his hand, which had rested on the small of her back, was now softly, almost undetectably, stroking up and down her spine.
She should stop this, let him know that he was wrong about what he had obviously read in her reply. The words got stuck in her throat, though. Annie had been right in her assessment; she had been afraid of him for some time now. Emotionally, she had lived a lifetime with him in the past four years. Even more so than she had in the 34 years prior to knowing him. It was troublesome to realize that a man who rushed through life as if he always had the next train to catch had come to mean so much to her. Almost too much. It was a power that he had over her, a control that she wouldn't succumb to.
Right now, that fear of him was pushed to the back while her body took over. She breathed in his crisp, clean scent, feeling all kinds of strange things going on in her stomach. He rubbed his stubbled cheek against hers and she leaned into him. Where on Earth was this coming from? They had settled into their new 'pal' mode for quite some time now and any feelings that they might still have had for each other seemed to have been buried six feet under. Well, they had been dug up now!
She had no idea how long they had been dancing, or where Annie was for that matter, and she couldn't care less. For some reason, she was unable to pull away. Her eye fell onto a couple in love, kissing no more than a few feet away from them. David spotted what she was looking at and gave her a small smile. Damn. This whole thing was spiraling out of control right in front of her. What had changed? Why had one remark about doing this more often changed all the rules?
David was about to speak, when a hissing sound interrupted their moment. Maddie looked up in confusion to find Herbert Viola hiding behind a plant, trying to get their attention. He started yammering on about the Sapperman case. Just as quickly as it had started, the moment between her and David was gone again. Herbert wouldn't let up, leading them back to the table where Annie was sitting.
Oh right, Annie…. She had forgotten about her…
Completely stumped, Maddie slid into her seat, unable to speak. She had been sure that after the whole Chicago and Walter debacle, not to mention the loss of their son, David would never want to go down that road again. Heck, she was almost positive that her own personal fears would never allow her to explore those feelings ever again. What were they doing? Hadn't they been through enough? Wasn't it simply safer to remain… pals?
From the corner of her eye, she caught David gazing at her, obviously not really listening to what Mr. Viola was saying. Maddie could feel a red hue creep up on her skin. She couldn't breathe when he looked at her like this.
"Miss Hayes?" Herbert tried to get her attention.
Wait. Had he just said something to her?
"Huh?"
She couldn't focus. Her eyes darted around the room, when an escape suddenly came into view.
"Excuse me, I need to use the restroom for a bit."
She almost hurried from her seat and headed for her way out. The breath she hadn't realized she had been holding, wasn't released until she was behind closed doors.
What was she doing? Hadn't she made a choice regarding David Addison? A choice that had resulted in him putting up a brick wall around himself, never for her to penetrate again? She had made that choice and learned how to live with it. It had been the right one for her at the time. Now, everything was out of sorts again.
In the past, she had been so sure that falling in love with him would be pure suicide. He wasn't the type of man who was in anything for the long haul and he never took anything seriously. At least, that's what she had thought. Their four week long relationship had only been based on one thing: sex. While it had been an exhilarating month and the physical aspect between them was fantastic, she had been so nervous about trusting her heart with him. Then, she had run off to Chicago for four months, putting as much distance between them as possible and came back married. It wasn't up until that point that she noticed what she had put him through and that he had, indeed, been very serious about her.
She had messed things up considerably. Her not talking after the loss of their baby and the fact that she had put him in the friendzone permanently had been the final nail in their coffin. While she had been so afraid to get hurt by him, she had ultimately been the one to wreck him and he would obviously never forgive her for her stunts.
So what was that out there?
Her hands fidgeted with the seam of her dress. She couldn't stay in there forever. She dabbed some cold water to her forehead and straightened her shoulders. It was time to return to her party.
Herbert Viola was still rambling on about the Sapperman case. He was obviously struggling with some recording device and looked very stressed and cranky. David sat there, shaking his head at his antics, before focusing his eyes on his returning partner. Maddie avoided his penetrating gaze for a moment and addressed her employee, putting a hand on his shoulder to get his attention.
"Mr. Viola, while I appreciate you coming all the way over here to discuss your findings, I suggest we go over this a little bit further tomorrow at the office."
Her tone was stern, but kind.
"All right. It doesn't look like we're getting anywhere like this," Bert mumbled petulantly, packing up his equipment.
Maddie smiled at him and nodded.
"See you tomorrow, Mr. Viola."
She watched him go until he was no longer in sight. Then, she knew that she couldn't stall facing David any longer. He was still watching her undeterred and she almost blushed.
"Are you okay?" he asked her, his eyes searching hers.
"Yes, I'm fine. All though, I think I'm ready to go home if you don't mind?"
"Wait.. what?! Already?" Annie suddenly spoke up. "We just got here. David here still owes me a dance."
Maddie frowned at her cousin, who was beginning to feel like the third wheel to this evening.
"I'm sorry. We'll make a night of it some other time, okay?"
Annie almost pouted.
"I'll get both your coats," David told them, briefly touching the small of Maddie's back as he passed her, making her shiver a bit.
"What's really going on, Maddie?" her cousin asked, as soon as David was out of range.
"Nothing's going on. I just felt a little flushed and fatigued all of a sudden. I'll make it up to you, I promise."
Annie's eyes narrowed a bit, but she said nothing.
David quickly returned and helped them with their coats. Then, he escorted them out of the building and towards the car. The air felt thick and heavy during the ride back. Annie was in the backseat, chatting up a storm. David did his best to politely answer her, but his eyes were elsewhere. Maddie tried to not return his stare, but found herself failing. Her body was on edge, very aware of his nearness and the shift in the atmosphere ever since their dance. When they pulled up into her driveway, Maddie almost wanted to make a beeline from the car. If Annie was aware of the sudden change in her cousin and her partner, she didn't let on; she continued trying to draw the attention to herself with her stories. No one was listening, though.
"So, I had a great time. I appreciate it," Maddie muttered once inside. She leaned forward to give David a kiss on his cheek. It was meant to be harmless, but for reasons unbeknownst to her, they both seemed to be lingering. Her lips hovered mere millimeters above the skin of his cheek, while he turned his nose into her hair and clasped an arm around her midsection.
Annie was still waiting on the sidelines, and Maddie quickly snapped out of it. She gave David a gentle nudge, pushing him off.
"I'm tired. Goodnight."
She turned to head upstairs, when David's voice interrupted her.
"Are you sure you don't want me to come up there and help you get undressed?"
It was just David being David, but for some reason, everything came across differently now. Maddie's head whipped back in his direction, looking at him wide-eyed.
"Oh David.."
It was meant to sound chastising, but instead, it sounded a bit breathy. Her skin felt hot underneath his scrutinizing stare and she fidgeted.
"Maddie, can I talk to you for a sec?" Annie spoke up suddenly.
The sound of agitation in her voice had Maddie rip her gaze away from her partner. She focused on her bubbly cousin, who now seemed to shoot daggers at her. What was her problem?
"Yeah, sure. I'll see you at work tomorrow, David."
"Sure thing."
She watched as he pressed two fingers to his lips, blowing her a kiss. Then, he headed out the door.
"Okay, what was that?"
Right, Annie. Something was bugging her. Maddie turned to find her standing with her hands pressed into her sides, looking at her as if she were a child who needed to be chastised. The glare she sent her was almost frightening.
"What was what?"
"I've been hearing you complaining about David Addison all day now. You were going on and on about what an embarrassing person he was to be around and how strained things were between the two of you. Then, suddenly, you're making googly eyes at each other again?"
"Googly eyes?!" Maddie protested, but Annie held up her finger to silence her.
"I'm not a fool, Maddie. Why did you cut things short tonight? We were having fun! I don't want to tag along just so you can use me as a protection shield from your partner, only to have you push me aside the minute you decide that you want to drop all your guards."
"I don't understand what exactly you're mad about right now. Are you mad because we didn't stay longer?"
"I'm not a third wheel, Maddie. I have never been one."
"You felt like a third wheel? Well, I'm sorry about that, but it wasn't my intention. There's nothing I did tonight that was on purpose."
Annie huffed, shaking her head.
"Right. So the way the two of you were almost nuzzling each other on the dance floor and just now was not on purpose?"
"We weren't nuzzling."
"You know, I'm beginning to see what exactly went wrong in your relationship. Do either of you ever come forward about what exactly is going on between the two of you and what you really want?"
"Nothing is going on!" Maddie defended herself, her voice taking on a chagrined tone.
"Fine. Have it your way. Just ask yourself this, Maddie: If some other woman snatched him up and he ended up happy with her, how would you feel about it?"
Annie didn't wait around for the answer. She walked past her cousin with a huff and retreated towards the guest bedroom.
Maddie shook her head, not understanding what in the world had just happened. This night was definitely full of emotions that she could not grasp. David was acting funny, Annie was angry and she… well, with whatever she was feeling, maybe she had been a bit too hasty with quitting her therapy. Heading up towards her bedroom, she briefly glanced at Annie's door, which was standing ajar. The light was on and she briefly debated whether to head inside, before deciding against it. Her cousin had obviously been in a mood and those usually didn't fade away until some time later. It would be better to talk in the morning.
She headed straight towards her bathroom and went about her usual routine. By the time she slipped into bed, she was positive that she would be asleep within minutes. Closing her eyes, she snuggled into her pillow and sighed.
Just ask yourself this, Maddie: If some other woman snatched him up and he ended up happy with her, how would you feel about it?
Just like that, Maddie's eyes shot open again. Annie's voice resounded in her head, making her question yet again what had happened tonight. She and David weren't right for each other. They never would be, as they differed too much. However, the underlying current was something that would always be present between them. She should just accept that. After all, she had accepted that she was attracted to David and yes, she had accepted that she loved him. She loved him enough to understand that they both needed different things. Therefore, she would be happy and encourage him if he ever found someone that he wanted to spend time with…
Right?
A nauseating feeling grabbed hold of her stomach as she tried to picture him with someone new. She could do that, right? She could be partners in business with him… she could sit at his wedding if he ever decided to get married and she would congratulate him if he ever became a father.
The nauseating feeling expanded, giving her a bad case of heartburn. David…a father…. He really would have been a great father to their baby. The idea of him holding another baby suddenly made her eyes sting.
I'm beginning to see what exactly went wrong in your relationship. Do either of you ever come forward about what exactly is going on between the two of you and what you really want?
Annie was right, they didn't talk. Neither of them wanted to be the first one to open up and that had definitely been the weak link in their relationship. But that was water under the bridge now, right? There was nothing left to say. They were over….done….
She could suddenly picture the feel of his stubbled cheek against hers perfectly and she breathed deep and evenly, willing the confusion to go away. God, he had felt so…
"What are you doing?!" she mumbled to herself aloud.
Rolling over onto her side, she determinedly squeezed her eyes shut, but sleep had never seemed so far away. The vision of David getting married and becoming a father beckoned her again and she groaned in frustration at the turmoil in her stomach. With something akin to despair clawing at the edges of her brain, she realized that she couldn't do it: she could not sit at David Addison's wedding and wish him well and she certainly couldn't bear to look at him with a baby in his arms.
Oh God, Annie was right! They needed to talk. For if she couldn't do those things, if she could not wish him well…. Well, then there were only two options here: choosing David for herself or walking away from Blue Moon all together.
But she couldn't walk away.
She shot up in bed, instantly becoming overwhelmed by the intrusive thoughts that presented themselves to her. The pictures of herself that adorned her walls mockingly stared back at her, challenging her. Oh, how she had played her hand perfectly in the past couple of months, she now saw that clearly. In a bold move, she had made him an equal business partner, ensuring that they would be bound to each other. He wasn't allowed to leave… she wasn't allowed to leave… They were in this together, acting out an eternal dance in their own limelight. Back then, the notion had been pushed to the back of her mind, but it all spoke to her so vividly now. She couldn't walk away, so she had made sure that he couldn't do so either.
Her breath caught in her throat at the realization. Therapy wasn't necessary here, she understood everything now. She could not walk away from David Addison.
She dashed from the bed and put on her sneakers, before slipping into her coat. Careful not to wake Annie, she quietly went downstairs. She was really going to do this…she was going to pay David Addison a midnight visit. Quickly finding her keys, she retreated to her front door - the same door he had exited through not too long ago, leaving her behind in a confused state. Well, she was ready to settle that confusion now.
The drive across town seemed to take forever. Maddie watched the trees whiz by her window, wondering what she would say to her partner once she was there. Maybe she should just start with asking him what had gone on tonight. Yes, that would be the way to go.
David's apartment building loomed up in front of her and instantly, she felt her heartrate speed up a bit. Well, this was it. In a few minutes, she would be standing in front of his door, asking him if he still felt whatever they had felt for each other once upon a time. It was a pull, a force unbeknownst to her that had her rushing through hallways a few moments later. She stopped just short of the door that might hold her future, if they both wanted it. With shaky hands, she dared to lightly knock. Of course, she knew that David slept like the dead, so the fact that she didn't hear any acknowledgement didn't surprise her. She knocked again and again, until it became a full-blown pounding.
"Hold your horses, will ya?!" she finally heard him yell from inside. "Who's there?"
"David," she spoke up, letting him know that it was her who had woken him up.
"Maddie?"
She heard him quickly unlock the door to let her in. She didn't even wait until she was fully inside to blurt out: "What was going on tonight?"
"Huh?"
Obviously, he was still groggy from sleep, but she couldn't wait until he was fully lucid.
"What was going on?!"
"Maddie, it's two o' clock in the morning."
"What was going on between us!?"
Realization dawned on them both when they understood the familiarity of the situation. Her, dressed in nothing but a coat and sneakers, pounding on his door in the middle of the night. Him, being sleepy and slightly evasive. Maddie watched as the corners of his mouth suddenly curled up.
"Want me to break out the trunk for ya?"
Maddie returned his sideways smirk with a slightly insecure smile of her own. It felt as if they had travelled back in time to a moment that had been very important to them. Oh, if only they could go back. If only the past year or so hadn't happened.
"Where else am I going to sit?" Maddie shot back, surprised by the steadiness of her voice. "One of these days, you should buy yourself at least a chair."
"Well, you know I never entertain in this particular room."
A full-blown smile crept up his face, making Maddie feel a stirring deep in her loins.
"Go get the trunk then."
David did as he was told and padded over towards a nook in the large living room. He pulled until the familiar rectangular shape was in direct view.
"Here you go, ma'am."
He patted the surface of it and waited for Maddie to have her seat. They both settled next to each other and waited for the other one to speak. Of course, as usual with them, silence entered the room.
"David, what are we going to do?"
"I don't know."
Frustration crept up inside of Maddie when she understood that they were skirting around the issue like they always did. When were they going to learn to talk about what was inside of them?
"This right here is what's wrong with us, isn't it? Talking is such a huge undertaking," she told him.
"Hey, we talk."
"Yeah, we talk. About everything but what's really important."
"Okay, then talk."
"Why do I have to go first?"
David stared at her incredulously.
"Because you're the one who showed up here at two o' clock in the morning."
"Yes, but only after you were acting funny tonight!"
"I was acting funny?"
"Yes, you changed the rules!"
"What rules? I wasn't aware that there were rules to follow."
"There aren't…. Oh, to hell with you, David! Why are we on the verge of arguing yet again?!"
"I'm not the one who is arguing here."
"Why can't you ever be serious about anything?!"
"Why can't you just say what you were going to say when you showed up here?" David threw back at her.
"Because I'm afraid to get hurt!"
Maddie buried her face in her hands, overcome with so many different feelings that she didn't know what to do with them.
"So am I," David softly spoke up.
The sincerity in that admission made her look back up at him. Did he really just say that? Could it be that David Addison finally showed his true colors? She opened her mouth to say something, but the words got stuck in her throat. Instead, she swallowed the lump that threatened to become painful.
Those words were all that she was getting from him; she understood that much when he simply gazed at her, not saying anything else. The look in his eyes told her that he was coaxing her to speak, though. Could she do it? Could she really say what was in her heart?
A deep sigh escaped her, before she opened her mouth.
"You and me…. We… We're so complicated. There are days that I want to throttle you and then there are days… When I first met you there was nothing that I would have liked to do more than to throw you out onto the streets with your lewd comments and overconfidence. I never wanted to lay eyes on you again. And now…"
For some reason, tears began to cloud her vision and she felt somewhat embarrassed. She couldn't stop now, though.
"I just can't imagine not seeing you tomorrow. You've become such an integral part of my life and yet, for someone so close, you've never been further away from me."
"How so?" David suddenly spoke up.
His eyes were soft, encouraging her to continue.
"Neither of us wants to give in first, neither of us wants to show what cards we are holding. While it can be a great defense mechanism, it's what ultimately caused us to drift apart. Especially after…"
She couldn't say it. She tried her damnedest to be as open as possible, but she could not address their loss out loud. It appeared that she didn't have to, as she saw the dark cloud of grief cross over David's face. He looked away for a moment, not wanting her to see his pain.
"You don't have to hide it from me anymore, you know? I'm aware that you did it because…well, I did it. No more of that. We can talk about him. I mean, if you want," she mumbled.
He pursed his lips together and shook his head. Okay, too much too soon. Better try another route.
"It's not just about him. What happened between us tonight… well, it threw me. Then, I realized that this would always exist between us. I can admit to that now. I love you, David."
Maddie had hoped that he would understand with those three little words. Instead, he raised his eyes up towards the ceiling in a dramatic gesture and sighed an irritated sigh.
"Yeah, you've said that before. It doesn't change the facts and it doesn't change the pacts."
Oh, he was a tough man to get through to!
"You're right. I can't change the past. There are things that I did that I wish I could take back. We can't turn back the clock, though. What we can change is what we give. We're always walking on egg shells around each other, waiting for the other one to drop their mask. I'm here to drop it, David."
"What does that mean?" he wanted to know.
"I mean that I want to dance with you more often."
"And what does that mean?"
"Can't you figure it out?"
"Hey, you said that you wanted to drop your mask. Drop it, Maddie. Show me."
His gaze suddenly turned intense and just like that, the temperature went up a few degrees. Maddie shifted nervously on the trunk, carefully contemplating what to say next.
"There's a reason why I made you partner, you know," she started. "I didn't want you to up and leave my life, so I bound you to me. I could never leave you, so I made sure that you couldn't leave me as well. How's that for an admission?"
He sat astonished.
"That's some admission. Here I thought that you made me partner because you thought that I had deserved it." His tone was somewhat miffed, but there was a teasing undertone as well.
"It's embarrassing, but the truth. That doesn't mean that you didn't deserve it, by the way," she quickly made sure to point out.
"Sure, you say that now."
"I love you, David. Can you believe that?"
He stared into the distance, not really answering her.
"You felt it too tonight, didn't you? When I told you out on that dance floor that I wanted to dance with you more often, things shifted for us. We both realized what that meant. It was why we lingered around each other."
Again, she was met with silence. She was quickly becoming annoyed. In a huff, she flew off the trunk, ready to storm off, when she felt him grab hold of her wrist. He was still sitting down, looking at her through heavy lidded eyes.
" .Mask, Maddie," he calmly instructed her.
For a few seconds, Maddie frowned, not knowing what he wanted. Then, it hit her like a ton of bricks. She quicky sat down again, trying to find the right words.
"I came here because Annie said something. She had noticed the change in atmosphere between us and called me out on it. She asked me how I would feel if some other woman snatched you up and made you happy. I didn't think much of it, sure that I would be very pleased for you if you did. But then, I don't know. When I was in bed later on, pictures of you with someone else crossed my mind. I broke on the vision of you holding a baby you made with someone else. That's what made me rush out of bed to get over here as quickly as possible."
Maddie could hardly look at him, but she dared to anyway. There was that same intensity in his eyes, just like earlier. But there was something different as well. Right now, they shone with a new emotion…something akin to…happiness…
"Wow," he breathed.
A small smile broke out on Maddie's face.
"Was that enough?"
David almost leapt forward and buried his hands in her hair, pulling her close.
"More than enough," he breathed.
Then, his mouth closed over hers in what started off as an intense kiss, conveying every emotion that tonight had brought to the surface. When the first feelings of passion and despair had been released, the kiss turned softer… more gentle. Finally, they broke away completely.
"There's something about this trunk, isn't there?" David joked, trying to lighten the mood somewhat. "I think I'm keeping it."
"You should," Maddie shrugged. "I mean, it's your one piece of furniture here."
"Well, there's another piece."
"Right….that other piece…. At least tell me the sheets are washed this time."
"Washed and dried," David retorted with a grin.
"Now this, I've got to see."
"Let me lead the way, Miss Hayes."
As Maddie and David disappeared into the other room, the lone trunk sat undeterred as a ray of moonlight hit it perfectly. A few hours later, Annie Charnock awoke on the other side of town to find her cousin's bed empty…
A/N: In my opinion, When Girls Collide is the worst episode ever in the Moonlighting universe. I think it's safe to say that this one broke my heart, even more so than A Trip To The Moon and Tracks Of My Tears combined. I watched bits and pieces of the episode to get the dialogue in this story right, but other than that, I can never bring myself to watch it again. Ergo, I wanted to fix it. This fixer upper (lol) is my treat to you. I hope you enjoy it, since it may be a while until you hear from me again. I've delved into a Moonlighting story that is going to contain multi chapters and an actual case! This one is going to take time, so I might be off the radar for a couple of months. Anyway, I hope you all take as much comfort in this as I did while writing it. Thank you for reading.
*story title inspired by Howie Day's song Collide*