Sunday. When she was a child. Sunday meant long hours sitting in church with Mama. Amanda had never understood why they did that to themselves. What was the point, when Mama was busy back by that same night, drinking, smoking, and bedding whichever man she was with that week. Amanda hadn't put much stock in religion, even as a little girl, and even less so now. If there was a god out there, he sure as hell wasn't listening to her.
Now, Sunday's were an entirely different day. She woke up late, made a large breakfast of pancakes, scrambled eggs, sausage, baked beans, and toast for her and Frannie, then sat down in front of an online poker game while she watched re-runs of How I met your Mother. In the afternoon she and Frannie went over to the park, to practice for the frisbee competition she had entered against several other pit bull moms in the area.
It was a beautiful day in Central Park. The most beautiful Sunday Amanda could remember in a very long time. Frannie ran circles around her as she locked the car, and walked over to the grass, keeping the frisbee high over her head to avoid Frannie's excited snapping teeth.
"Get it girl! Go on now! Go Get it!" Amanda only winced slightly as she sent the disc soaring into the clear blue sky, laughing as Frannie raced after it, running it back to her with a proud wag of her tail.
"Good girl Fran! Good Girl! Go get it!" She tossed it again, and again, for nearly two hours. Her arm was on fire, yet the dog still ran tirelessly, longing to play more.
A cold sense of dread filled Amanda as she saw two tourists running towards her out of the corner of her eye.
"Stop that man! STOP HIM!" Amanda was frozen in place for a moment, then leapt into action.
"Go get 'em Frannie! Go!" Amanda took off at a flying run after her dog, her sense of dread increasing ten fold as she saw the stranger petting her dog.
"Frannie. COME" She ordered, her voice tense, something about him causing her not to even be able to look into his eyes. She heard frantic steps behind her, sighing in relief as Amaro ran up and cuffed the guy, nodding to her as he read him his rights. Amanda and Frannie ran back to the girls.
"He..He tried to..that man. He tried to rape us. He…He pulled out his…his.." The taller girl, Esmerelda, knelt down and wrapped her arms around Frannie's neck, the pit bull softly licking her cheeks.
"His dick." Olly, the other girl finished, kneeling beside her friend, laughing shakily as Frannie turned and licked her face as well.
"Okay. Why don't you girls come with me? I'm a police officer, and I need to take your statements." Amanda did her best to speak calmly, comfortingly, but it was hard to do with the lump in her throat. Something was wrong. This man, there was something there, something she couldn't place, but made her skin crawl all the same.
"Can the dog come?" Esmerelda asked softly, standing when Amanda nodded. She led the shaking, frightened girls to her car, helping them into the back, signally to Frannie to hop in back between the tourists.
"We'll be there in a bit. Go ahead and try to relax. Frannie, stay back there with your friends."
Amanda knew she shouldn't be on her phone while driving, but she texted Olivia, Fin, and Cragen, telling them to get to the station as soon as possible. Her heart was slamming against her ribcage, it was almost hard for her to breathe. She hadn't felt this afraid since Patton. But this WASN'T Patton. This man wasn't a cop, wasn't even a rapist, for all anyone knew as of now. But something in his eyes, it was like a cottonmouth seizing up a mouse for supper.
"You called us all in on a Sunday? This better be good Rollins." Cragen was annoyed, but Amanda pressed forward.
"We cant get a fingerprint read off of him, he burned off his prints. Fresh. Says its some kind of kitchen accident. But I think He's full of shit." She sucked in a breath, not realizing shed begun to pace until Olivia subtly grabbed her arm to steady her, expression soft, yet steady.
"Take it easy. You need a break. Amaro and I will have a go at him. You go talk to the girls. Get their statements, alright? They seem to really like Frannie." Olivia smiled at her, and Amanda swore she knew what that smile did to her. Every single time Olivia smiled that way, it sent shivers down Amanda's spine, and not the cold kind either. She smiled back, though she wasn't put at ease just yet. No. She doubted if calm would come easy to her now. She was as on edge as shed ever been, and she knew it was bad if Olivia couldn't even calm her down.
"I don't know Captain. He says he was jogging. Says he was chaffed. Everything happens TO him." Amanda huffed. Pacing again like a hound dog on the scent of a vicious mountain lion. She threw her hands up in the air in exasperation, not having time to disguise the wince at the pain in her shoulder.
"Amanda, when was the last time you took your medication?" Olivia was beside her in an instant, soft, strong hands beginning to massage her shoulder, trying to make the pain disappear.
"Had a dose this morning. Around ten." Amanda leaned back, feeling the heat of Benson's body against her own, causing her to suppress a moan.
"Ten? Damn it Rollins, that was hours ago. It's six now. Honey, let's you and I go get something to eat, Im dead hungry as it is, and you cant take your medicine on just those cheese fries out of the vending machine." Olivia made no effort to disguise her hatred for Amanda's go to junk food. She smiled that smile again, and Amanda, despite her best efforts, found herself nodding.
"Yeah. I can go for something to eat. Italian alright?" Amanda asked as they walked out to Olivia's car, Frannie racing along side them, her tail slapping Amanda's leg like a helicopter blade as they walked.
"No. I was thinking about my place If that's alright? I tossed a roast in my slow cooker this morning, and I've got a pie in my fridge. Frannie can come in, and wont have to wait out in the hot car. Wont you like that puppy?"
Amanda found it adorable how Olivia spoke to Frannie, and even more adorable how drawn the dog seemed to be to her. Frannie loved Olivia, that much was clear as day. As they climbed into the car, Frannie kept licking Olivia's face, trying to climb into her lap, and, when Amanda shoved her into the backseat, contented herself with licking the back of Olivia's neck, her cold nose causing the woman to giggle, which made Amanda blush.
"Frannie, leave her alone would you?" She asked through a round of laughter. She pushed Frannie back, wincing at the effort it caused her shoulder, and tried to be discreet as she lay her head on the window.
"Manda, are you ok?" Olivia reached out, taking her hand in her own and rubbing it with her thumb. "Maybe I ought to take you home, so you can rest?"
"No…No.. Ill be fine once I get my medicine. It's in my purse." Amanda gasped as she realized where they were. "Hey. Liv. You live in my complex?"
"Yeah. I told you, we live in the same building. I'm a floor up, directly. Don't you remember?" Olivia teased, opening the car door and grabbing Frannie's leash.
"Liv, I..I can get it, its fine." Amanda stammered, wincing as she even lifted her purse off the floor of Olivia's Mercedes.
"You cant handle a three pound bag. Id hate to see you try an eighty five pound pit bull." Olivia led Frannie inside the building, heading to the elevator. "You sit on my couch, I'll get the beast up to your place and feed her. I know. Two cups of dry food, an egg and half cup of cubed chicken and green beans. I know hon. You relax."
"You still got the spare key?" Amanda asked, already making herself comfortable on the soft couch. She pulled the couch blanket over herself, a feeling of utter exhausting passing through her as she lay down.
"Yeah. I do. Still got the key. Don't fall asleep Sweetheart." Olivia's innocent use of pet names would be the absolute end of her. Her heart leaped as Olivia crossed the room to place an affectionate kiss on her forehead. "I'll be right back. Youre not getting back up again until your meds have kicked in, alright?"
Amanda must have nodded off, because by the time she opened her eyes, Olivia was standing over her with two plates of steaming roast, mashed potatoes covered in gravy, and carrots dripping butter.
"Hey honey. Are you feeling alright?" Olivia set the plates on the coffee table, helping Amanda to a sitting position before rushing to grab two cans of pink lemonade from the fridge. She smiled as she returned, setting one in front of Amanda, and placing two yellow pills in her hand. "Take them. Then hurry up and eat. If you don't eat right after youll throw up. And I cant have that."
"Gee, glad to know you care." Amanda's voice was teasing, but there was so much truth to her words. Years ago, she never imagined that Olivia Benson would be having her over for dinner, taking care of her dog, and being the one to comfort her after a stressful day. She never imagined she'd deserve such a thing. This woman, would be the absolute death of her.
"How'd you like it?" Olivia asked around a forkful of mashed potatoes. She grabbed the TV remote, flipping through channels, finally settling on an Animal Planet special about Emperor Penguins, partially just wanting background noise, and something she didn't have to pay much attention to.
"Like I said before Liv, you're a damn good cook. So far I've had your chicken noodle soup, your split pea soup, chicken pot pie, fried chicken, steak, and now pot roast. You haven't had a single bite of my cooking." Amanda responded around a mouthful of roasted carrots.
"I will. After you heal up a little bit. I thought you were going to pass out in the car." Olivia's eyes shone with worry as she looked at Amanda. "You scared me."
"I'm fine Liv" Amanda set her plate down on the coffee table, hesitantly moving to rest her head on Olivia's shoulder. Olivia surprised her by wrapping her in her arms and laying down on the couch, her chin resting on Amanda's shoulder.
"I'll be the judge of that." Olivia whispered, her fingers entwining with Amanda's, falling silent for a moment.
"You ok Liv?" Amanda asked, worry in her voice as she turned, looking Olivia in the eyes. Their lips were inches apart now, and Amanda's breath hitched as she leaned closer, ducking her head, and burying her face in Olivia's shoulder.
"Amanda, I…Im just going to come right out say it." Olivia whispered, her hand running through Amanda's long, soft golden locks. "I…I am….well, I…I'm attracted to you. I..I mean I…Well, I..I.."
Amanda silenced her by crashing their lips together, hard at first, needy and desperate, the same as all her other kisses had been over the years, and then, just as suddenly molding itself into something soft and gentle, warm and safe, both of them pulling away at the same time. Olivia, rather than Amanda, kissed first this time, her lips tracing Amanda's jawline in a series of gentle, loving pecks, her hand trailing down Amanda's back, running lightly over her butt, giving her a soft, gentle squeeze.
"Liv…don't. Please." Amanda leapt up, falling backwards over the coffee table, nearly smacking her head on the leg. Her shoulder hit the ground first and she cried out.
"Amanda. Honey. I..Im sorry. I swear I didn't…Oh no. Are you hurt? Did you tear your stitches? Can I see?" Olivia was at her side in an instant, and Amanda shook her head, surprising herself by bursting into tears. "Sweetheart….hey…what happened to you?"
"I don't want to talk about it. It doesn't matter anyway. It was a long time ago. I was young, stupid, I..I know youd never hurt me" Olivia pulled her into her arms, snapping off the television and tossing the remote aside. She pulled the blanket off the couch, and sat there on the floor, holding Amanda close to her.
"Talk to me. Please. It will help, and I promise, It wont leave this room." Olivia whispered, still stroking Amanda's hand gently with her index finger. Her voice was softer, more desperate than Amanda had ever heard it before. She wanted to make that sadness go away.
"He was like my father." Amanda whispered. "My first real boss. I…I was alone with him in his office one night and…well. He….he put a gun to my head. Raped me. No one had touched me since. I…It's not like I've actually BEEN with anyone since then. I…I was a virgin, if that even matters. I'm not even straight. I only like women." She fought the tears, but melted when Olivia put her hand gently to her cheek. Desperate, broken wailing filled the apartment, and somewhere there was a dog howling, and Olivia was holding her and whispering soft assurances into her ear, gently and lovingly trying her best to calm Amanda's grief.
"You don't have to tell me who he is. DON'T. Because I want to shoot the son of a bitch. I want to kill him for what he did to you. I want to kill him. I'm so incredibly sorry for what happened. Come here." Olivia's voice was filled with a fire, a rage that Amanda had never heard before. It didn't frighten her, not like it should've. Instead, it brought her safety she hadn't felt in a long time.
"What is that?" Olivia asked softly, gently prying Amanda's hand off the locket she wore around her neck.
"This? Well, I bought it, after the rape. It…well, I was going to kill myself, after it happened, but someone gave me a reason to keep living. I..I put her picture in here. Keeps me going every day." Amanda took a deep, shuddering breath. She rolled up her sleeves, revealing the nearly faded scars to Oliva, silently hoping she wouldn't be angry. Instead, Olivia bent her head down, kissing each and every scar gently, almost reverently. When she looked up, her eyes were glistening with tears.
"Why?" She asked, tears rolling down her cheeks.
"I felt worthless. Broken. I'm a cop. I should've known the man was a piece of shit. I should've seen the signs. Instead, I …I let…"
"NO." Olivia's voice came out so strong, yet so cracked, that Amanda jumped. "NO. You didn't LET it happen. It just happened. Its not your fault. NEVER let me hear you say that again." Olivia whispered. "But I meant, why did you stop? HOW did you stop?"
"I had help." Amanda responded, smiling sadly as Olivia adjusted them back onto the couch, her head in Amanda's lap. "I was in the bath one day, and the locket fell open, and well, call me crazy, but those eyes were staring at me with the most disapproving look, and I just…I stopped. I never did it again. But every time, every single time, I'd call her, and hang up. Just needed to hear her say something, anything. To prove that I was alright. " She paused. "I know its silly. Probably bugged the hell out of her, all those late night phone calls. Sometimes, it was just her voice mail, which, honestly, I was grateful for. Meant I wasn't bugging her."
"Im sure you weren't a bother." Olivia whispered, holding her hand, bringing it to her lips and placing soft kisses on each knuckle. "You wouldn't have bothered me. I get hang up calls all the time, Manda. Sometimes several times a week, sometimes several times a day. It's a normal thing. Not even suspicious." She laughed softly. "Now What I DID hate was the idiot who got my number and kept calling every night at 2 am for a solid WEEK. Screamed 'cat food' and hung up." Olivia laughed, and soon both of them were laughing so hard their sides ached.
"Hon, come on, you can sleep here tonight. We've got the Lewis Trial at 8 tomorrow. Its midnight." Olivia stood, holding out her arms for Amanda, who stood, and fell into them, loving the soft, secure feeling in Olivia's embrace.
"Thankyou." Amanda whispered, placing a soft, chaste kiss on Olivia's lips, blushing as Olivia pulled back and stared into her eyes.
"For what?" She asked, leading her down the hall, and into the bedroom, letting go of her hand briefly to toss her a pair of shorts and an oversized T-Shirt. Olivia herself pulled her blouse off, unclipping her bra and tossing it over a chair in the corner of the room, back to Amanda, pulling a grey t shirt over her head before turning around. She grabbed a pair of gym shorts and tossed her work pants and underwear into a corner, pulling on the shorts before sinking down onto the bed.
"I've got a spare toothbrush in the bathroom if you want?" Olivia stood again, leading Amanda by the hand into the restroom, pulling the toothbrush out of the cabinet and taking out the toothpaste. "I'll let you get changed in peace."
Amanda emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later, crawling into bed beside Olivia, unable to escape the feeling of how natural it seemed to her. Liv instantly wrapped her arms around Amanda, placing a loving kiss on her lips.
"Sleep well love." She whispered. "I'll keep the nightmares away. I promise."