"God damn it, Ashley," Missy grumbled from inside the booth. "I blame you for this."
"How is it my fault?" Ashley asked.
"We're in an audio booth about to record songs," Missy said. "And you're the one who was always talking about doing a theme song."
"But we're not doing theme songs," Ashley countered. "We're recording a novelty Christmas Album."
"Yeah, yeah," Missy grumbled. "Recording a Christmas Album before it's even Thanksgiving."
"I mean, it takes time to edit this stuff so it sounds nice," Ashley said with a shrug. "Honestly, if they want it ready by the Christmas season they should have had us do it months ago."
"Yeah... Uh, Klara?" Missy said to the third girl in the booth. "You're on my side here, right? Spending days recording songs when we have more important things to do—"
"I'm only here becuase they asked me to be the third chipmunk," the somewhat creepy swiss girl said. "I'm really only doing this one song."
"Damn it," Missy. "There's gotta be a way out of this... Ashley, you're a pagan aren't you?"
"Thorites observe secular Holidays and acknowledge the legitimacy of other faiths and their traditions," Ashley replied. "Also, a lot of Modern Christmas traditions are derived from Norse and Celtic winter traditions. Like, Santa Claus is basically a conflation of the Christian Saint Nicholas and Odin, who would travel the world in winter and leave small gifts to good children who left snacks for Sleipnir. Of course, Odin doesn't do that anymore but somebody with a white beard has been seen using fantastical powers to travel the world and give people gifts on Christmas eve."
For a brief moment, Missy had an expression appropriate for a child her age instead of the old veteran she felt like inside. But then it was gone. "So, no religious exemption?"
"No," Ashley confirmed. "Besides, if you notice we're only scheduled to sing secular Christmas songs and non-denominational winter-slash-holiday stuff. The only way out of this would be if someone didn't observe Christmas at all?"
"Technically," Klara said evenly, "as a Swiss Calvinist I'm not supposed to observe any Holiday that isn't mentioned in the Bible," but she shrugged. "But I don't really practice anymore and that would at most only get you out of the one song."
"...I'm going to regret asking why you don't practice anymore, aren't I?" Missy began hesitantly.
"Probably," Klara admitted but did not actually explain.
"So, you've never celebrated Christmas? Or any Holiday?" Ashley asked Klara.
"After coming to the present I observed a few celebrations with my friends and later my foster parents," she admitted. "I was a little surprised that Molly was so religious, but.." She shrugged. "It was nice. What about you two?"
"I spent my last few Christmases on base," Missy said. "My parents are constantly fighting, it... It's better not to deal with it."
Ashley gave Missy an unprompted hug.
"So I was always really sick and really tired until I got Mister Snuggles." Ashley began after releasing the space-warping cosmic-hulk from the hug, "so it's not like we could go anywhere. Usually what would happen is on Christmas Eve my family would move the kitchen table into the living room so I could sit on the couch and eat dinner with the family. We didn't really have a traditional dinner, we just ate whatever. One time when the oven was broke we just made a big order at a deli and now I want a beef brisket sandwich." After a moment of getting her thoughts back on track after the non-sequitur, Ashley continued. "After dinner, we'd watch a couple of Christmas movies—I really like The Nightmare Before Christmas... Actually, they said we could do Kidnap the Sandy Claws for the album if I could convince two other Wards to be Lock and Barrel... Hey,"
"I'll think about it," Misy deadpanned.
"After that, I'd usually fall asleep on the couch. I'd wake up Christmas day. We'd do presents and then spend the whole day together and..." Ashley went silent.
And stayed silent.
"Ashley?" Missy asked.
"I'm sorry. I just realized that... I mean, last year too, but that didn't really count becuase I was in the bunker, but... This is gonna be my first Christmas without my parents."
Missy returned the hug Ashley had given her earlier. After a few minutes, she asked, "so, which one's Lock and which one's Barrel?"
Ashley smiled, but couldn't answer before the man from Image who was overseeing the recording sessions got there with the technician close behind him.
"Sorry I'm so late," the Image man said. "Some nut from the Inquirer showed up demanding to schedule an interview with the Wards and I was the lowest guy on the totem pole... anyway, are we ready?"
AN: I know this is a bit early, but the idea struct so I wrote it.
The bit about Ashley's family's Christmas tradition and preferences for Christmas movies is canon, but the rest of this is just a side story that has no bearing on the plot.