"It's the hottest ticket on Broadway this season and is already generating talk of Tony awards. Please welcome the cast of The New Normal - Kurt Hummel, Adam Crawford, and Tina Cohen-Chang!" Kelly Ripa announces to their screaming audience as Ryan Seacrest shakes Kurt's hand enthusiastically.
Kurt waves brightly at the audience as he takes his seat. He hasn't done many talk show circuits - The Boy from Oz had been a little noticed revival until he won the Tony - but he feels calm and confident as he faces the audience.
"The New Normal has been described as Pippin meets Hello Dolly, only for gay people. So what's it like starring in the first gay musical?" Ryan leans forward inquisitively.
"I'm sorry, wasn't that The Book of Mormon?" Kurt quips and the audience chuckles with him. "Seriously, this isn't the first musical with gay characters, so I don't want to discount what has come before. Broadway has had multiple musicals over the years with LGBTQ sidekicks or gay love stories but they tended to end in tragedy. That's not to say, I haven't loved them. I cried when Angel died in Rent. But musicals where the focus isn't on the fear of coming out or overcoming hostility and homophobia? Comedic musicals? That's much rarer. So it's an honor to get to be in such an important play."
"Adam, tell me about your character." Kelly says to Adam with a smile.
"Well, I play David." Adam says. "He and Brian, Kurt's character, have been together for almost a decade and are starting to talk about having a baby and it turns their lives upside down."
"I start hallucinating babies," Kurt drolls to more laughter, "as one does."
"It's refreshing to play half of a couple that is healthy emotionally in their relationship." Adam continues. "David has some concerns about adding to their family and how it's going to change them, but they really do love and support each other."
"Tina, you're their surrogate, correct?" Kelly questions
"Yes. I play a nun who feels that God has called her to assist couples in having virgin births."
Kelly blinks slowly. "That's a little... provocative."
Tina shrugs as if to say "it's a Ryan Durphy show, what do you expect?" "Some might think so, but I actually think that we've portrayed Christianity in a very positive light. My character is very devout and deeply loving and this is her divine mission."
"The soundtrack came out on Friday." Ryan transitions smoothly, holding up the CD for the cameras, "but there's a song on it that wasn't originally in the original score. Check it out."
A clip of the video of Kurt singing "Wanted" plays on the large screen and the audience applauds louder after it finishes.
"Tell us more about this controversy that has left the show biz world in a tizzy." Ryan presses Kurt.
Kurt smiles easily, his next words well rehearsed. "There's no controversy. If you've listened to the rest of the album, you know that we have two of the most brilliant songwriters for this play, Mercedes Jones and Marley Rose." He pauses for the audience's response before continuing, "Seriously, they are incredible and I– we are so lucky to perform their songs. We also have an incredible creative team who help bring their vision and their songs to life. Music directors aren't always given the credit they deserve in the musical world, but we wouldn't be putting on this show without the hard work of Brad Elliss and Blaine Anderson."
Adam and Tina clap loudly.
"Music inspires us. It reminds us of our human connection. It's the reason why we love what we do, why we get up on the stage every night, to share these emotions with all of you. This song happened because of that spark of inspiration. And luckily, it happened in an environment that supports that kind of creativity. Blaine Anderson wrote a beautiful song that blends perfectly with the theme of our musical. It's a dream come true to sing this song."
Kurt blinks back unexpected tears and his smile is softer than it had been.
"The New Normal opens on Broadway on October 26th. The cast will be performing the opening number after a short break." Kelly says.
"Don't go away, we're still here!" Ryan laughs.
Kurt hurries backstage for his quick costume change, a brown suit with a deep purple shirt. He's doing the last of the buttons, when Kitty appears at his elbow. She's dressed in a white medical coat, a stethoscope around her neck - her costume as the fertility doctor who will help Kurt's character in his search for a surrogate.
"Are you fighting with Blaine?" She asks without a preamble.
Kurt frowns. He has tried to keep all of this away from the usual gossip mills. "No." He lies easily. "We're all busy, as you know."
"Hmm." She scowls as if she doesn't believe him. "How's your boyfriend?"
"My boyfriend?" Kurt questions blankly. "Oh, Elliott. He's fine."
"Just fine?"
"Yes? Why?"
"No reason. I just haven't seen him around the stage for a while. I just hope there isn't trouble between the two of you." She smirks.
"If there is," he grits, "it's none of your business. Nothing about my personal life is your business."
"Right. Right. Just, you know, I'm here for you." She pats his arm in mock sympathy.
Kurt opens his mouth, however, Unique hisses at them to get into place. Kitty saunters away, a large, satisfied grin on her face.
This is their first of several performances on the talk show circuit and their performance goes smoothly - despite their harried rehearsals over the last several weeks, their hard work has come together in a slick, hilarious performance that has the audience laughing along with them. Kurt laps it up, as he leans over to kiss Adam and "promenades gaily" around the small stage, with "Sister Marigold" watching them longingly while the chorus dances a complicated west coast swing around them, setting the stage for the rest of the show.
Kurt grins broadly as they finish the song to thunderous applause. It's finally happening. In just a few short days, they'll be on stage, experiencing this energy from the crowd every single night.
Unique rushes out to them, waving her phone in the air. "Just got the call," she announces to the group, "we're already trending on twitter and it's confirmed: we're going to be the main act in the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade!"
Tina and Kitty shriek with excitement and everybody piles in for giddy hugs. Kurt squeezes Unique tightly - they wouldn't be here without their extraordinary director.
"I gotta call Blaine!" Tina announces and Kurt's stomach twists. Of course Blaine isn't here - Blaine's work is primarily off-stage at this point and the stage here at the studio is too small to have their orchestra, so they sang to a prerecorded version. But their interactions over the last several days have been strained, leaving Kurt aching for the loss of their easy friendship.
Oh, they've continued to work together, of course. Blaine was there when Kurt came to the recording studio to add the song to the album, but he only spoke through the microphone, giving Kurt his usual helpful tips in improving how his vocals mix with the music, but otherwise remaining distant.
The week has been tech rehearsals - full, all-day-long run-throughs with the entire crew and cast designated to find and fix any small flaw with sound and lighting. Kurt spends most of his time on the stage, perfecting every walk and choreographed dance, so that the lights hit him when they're supposed to. Blaine's busier than ever, working with the orchestra and tech to make sure that the microphones catch their voices, both spoken and sung. Kurt is constantly aware of Blaine's presence, his gaze drawn to him like a compass magnet, but Blaine rarely makes eye contact. It's not exactly like he's avoiding Kurt, but he's not seeking him out like he did before.
Kurt misses him. If anything, this mess has solidified the fact that Kurt's feelings go deeper than just a mere crush on a handsome coworker. He's just at a loss as to how to fix this ever-widening chasm between them.
The cast is still buoyant after their triumphant performance and news about the parade as they return to the theater. Their afternoon rehearsal is a little less than effective, as Tina and Kitty start mimicking Adam's British accent and dissolve into hiccuping giggles with every line that they try to say. Unique only shakes her head as she tries to reign in her "crew of racoons" as she calls them. Blaine's at the piano just to the side of the stage, laughing at their antics, and he grins broadly at Kurt when he catches his eye, shaking his head in bemusement. That knot of anxiety that had taken up residence in his stomach a week ago untangles a little at Blaine's smile. Maybe, just maybe, it's not as helpless as Kurt had feared.
"Alright, alright." Unique interrupts, her hands on her hips. "I'm calling it. You've got the afternoon off, but be prepared to come in early on Monday and ready to work, you hear me? Full dress rehearsal. We won't be stopping until it's perfect." She holds up her hands to silence their cheers. "I've got another surprise. In celebration of our hard work over these last few months, Ryan Durphy has rented out Callbacks tonight."
"Callbacks!" Kitty shrieks amongst the buzz.
"I expect all of you to be there. This is for all cast and crew, so no excuses, you hear me? First round of drinks is on Mr. Murphy. See you at 8." She dismisses them with a fond smile.
Kurt casts a look back at Blaine, trying to work up the courage to ask him if he's coming out tonight, but he's talking with Mike, their choreographer. He heads back to his dressing room with a sigh.
Kitty sidles up to him. "Hi Kurt."
Tina appears on his other side. "Hi Kurt."
"Whoa. Hi guys."
"You're coming out tonight, right?" Tina demands.
"I was planning to?" He answers, not sure if this is the right response.
"WIll your boyfriend be there?" Kitty drawls.
"Probably not."
"Why not?" Tina asks.
"Why do you care?" Kurt replies, thoroughly annoyed by this point. He had hoped that the Elliott situation would just fade into the background, but it looks like he'll have to stage a more dramatic death to their "relationship".
"We don't." They chorus.
"We just want you to be happy." Kitty says.
"We're worried about you." Tina echoes.
"I'm fine." Kurt grits.
Trina slips an arm through his. "You'll sing with us tonight, right, Kurt?"
Kurt's thrown by the sudden change in conversation. "Uh, what?"
"The three of us should sing together. Unless there's somebody else you want to sing with?" Kitty says coyly.
Kurt stares at them with dawning understanding. He wills himself not to blush. He is not going to allow them to bully him into confessing his emotions that he thought he had kept closer to his chest, especially since it involves Tina's boyfriend. There's no way he's going to allow himself to be the center of the backstage drama.
"An apology song, maybe." Tina says, and Kurt lets out a long breath in relief. Right. They were worried about him arguing with Blaine.
He withdraws his arm and unlocks the dressing room door. "Sure. I'll sing with anybody who wants to."
Tina pouts, clearly aggrieved that he wasn't giving in.
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going home to get changed." He says pointedly when they don't leave.
"You should have let me do the questioning." Tina hisses as she draws Kitty away.
"You? You're about as subtle as a dumbbell." Kitty complains and Kurt loses the rest of their conversation as they turn the corner.
He shakes his head as he gathers his things. He loves this cast. Over the last few months, they've truly become family with all of the squabbling and stage pranks that that entails - Kitty has been exceedingly cunning with her tricks and everybody has started approaching doors with extra caution after the flour incident - but he's also learned that Tina's a little jealous and Kitty's a little more vicious when her friends are hurt and the last thing he wants is for this to all explode right before the show starts.
He sort of wishes that he could stay home tonight, but Unique would have his head.
And Blaine will be there. Maybe this is the chance that he needs to finally fix what went wrong between them.
Kurt nurses his drink as he listens to Unique talking (yelling really, over the clamor of drunken songs) about her weekend plans to go to the zoo with her boyfriend. "They've got tigers, Kurt, and the cutest baby elephants with the floppiest ears. I could just smoooooosh them."
She's at least three drinks in and her cheeks flush as she gushes. Kurt's had a little more to drink than he normally indulges, floating between tipsy and intoxicated. They're sitting at a table near the piano, where all of the cast and crew are singing along rambunctiously with the piano. Every once in a while, one of them will grab the microphone for a drunken rendition of "Turn Around" or "Sweet Caroline."
Kurt had dressed carefully tonight, wearing tight pants that showed off his legs and a deep blue waistcoat that accentuated his eyes. He may have given his lungs chemical burns from the amount of hair spray he used to sculpt his hair high above his forehead.
It was all for naught. Blaine hasn't shown up.
Earlier, Kurt had circled the room, chatting and making small talk with his friends, one drink becoming two then three when he realized that Blaine wasn't coming and he had no reason to avoid getting sloppy. He got corralled into a conversation with Chandler, awkward until he realized that Chandler was making moon eyes at a young man from the tech group. "Have you met Trent? He does the lighting and is so talented."
Trent blushed. "Well, it's easy when you have such beautiful sets to highlight."
Chandler didn't even notice when Kurt made hasty excuses when Unique gestured him over, relieved that Chandler had found somebody else to direct his attention to, someone who will reciprocate his intense affection.
Kurt hasn't had many chances to get to know his director outside of the theater. He never would have pegged her as a zoo aficionado though. He's kinda regretting his initial question after she pulls out her camera to show him all of the baby elephant videos she's collected.
Kitty plops herself between them. "Why are we talking about zoos? You're so boring." She whines.
Kurt rolls his eyes as Unique bristles. "Just because your idea of a good time is coming up with pathetic insults-"
"You sounded really great up there." Kurt interjects. They're both intoxicated enough that filters have disappeared and the last thing he wants is a shouting match and an ejection from his favorite bar.
It works.
"I did, didn't I, because I came to a piano bar to sing. Unlike some people. Why haven't you been up there, Kurt?"
"I… don't..." He trails off, his attention suddenly pulled away by Blaine, who has just arrived and is moving to the table just across from the piano. Blaine who is pulling out Tina's chair and is lingering close as she whispers in his ear.
Kitty follows his gaze and huffs loudly. "Oh my god. You are killing can just talk to him and apologize and stop making this so weird!"
Kurt doesn't hear her. His ears are ringing. He's … jealous. Green-eyed jealous. Jealous of Tina, jealous of Blaine who makes everybody love him instantly and doesn't seem to notice how miserable Kurt has been. He's mad at himself for getting into this trap and more than that, he's so incredibly lonely.
There's a lull in the singing. He slams back the rest of his drink, stands up abruptly and walks over to the microphone. The stage lights blind him to the people beyond, except for the table where Blaine and Tina are sitting. Blaine gives him a small smile.
Kurt looks away.
"Hi, my name is Kurt Hummel and tonight I'm going to be singing 'I'm Not The Girl,' he announces and doesn't even wait for the piano to join before he starts singing.
Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl
He pours out his soul into the song, feeling every emotion of dashed dreams and unrequited love and stupid arguments. He can't help but look over at Blaine and tears well in his eyes at what he can't have. What he'll never have.
He finished the last verse at a near whisper.
Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl
His friends whistle and stomp their feet when he's finished and he takes his seat next to Unique and Kitty in a half daze. Kitty stares at him in open disgust. "You are pathetic." She proclaims.
Kurt flushes in mortification. He had forgotten himself, forgotten that there are others here who have now witnessed him throwing himself on his unattainable coworker.
"Kitty." Unique says in a low no-nonsense tone. "Not now."
Kitty throws her hands up in the air. "Fine. If you want to drown yourself in baby tears instead of being a man and just talking to him, I'm done here." She snaps, gathering her purse and walking away.
Unique thrusts some chips and a glass of water his way. "Ignore her."
"Am I really that pathetic?" He is. He really really is. He just wants to cry.
She pats his arm. "Nah. You good, hon - it was a good song and you smashed it. I'm cutting you off from the alcohol, though, so you don't do something you'll really regret. Eat some carbs."
Kurt chews the chips morosely. Unique shows him more baby elephants - they really are adorable - before she gets called away. She kisses his cheek and ruffles his hair as she leaves. He doesn't even protest - what's the use really? His sexy outfit was for nothing.
"Kurt. Are you occupied?" Adam gestures to the seat beside him."
"Hiya, Adam!" Kurt looks up and up at Adam. "You should sit so you aren't so tall."
"Thank you. You were magnificent up there. As always."
"Awww," Kurt smiles coyly at the compliment, his sadness lifting momentarily.
"I, uh, wanted to tell you how much it has meant to me, sharing the stage with you these last few months." Adam says earnestly.
Kurt leans in closer. God, that accent. His alcohol-ladled brain searches to remember. They had had a thing, once upon a time, hadn't they? Why hadn't it worked out?
Maybe he should get over Blaine. Adam's here and he's sweet and single and gay. Good-looking too, even if he doesn't have eyes of melted caramel and dark curls that Kurt dreams of twists around his fingers. He's too tall; he won't fit perfectly against his chest like Blaine…
He sighs and listens again to Adam, who's talking about how to improve a certain scene. Of course. That's why they hadn't worked as a couple, because Adam only ever talked about work.
As they talk, Brad takes over the piano. Kurt opens his mouth to sing along (anything to get Adam to stop) as Brad plays a chord - and he transitions into a Rachmanioff symphony, if Kurt's memory of his college music theory classes are correct, to the cast's utmost confusion; they all whoop when he finishes, though, and Blaine stands and whistles loudly. Brad doesn't acknowledge any of them as he exits the stage, but Kurt thinks he sees a faint smile.
Blaine notices Kurt looking at him and a warm smile brightens his face, his hand raised in a small wave. Kurt waves back, Adam forgotten by his side. He watches as Blaine maneuvers his way up to the piano, sitting mere feet from Kurt.
"Hi all," Blaine says with a somewhat shy duck of his head. "When I joined this show several months ago, I was … floundering and I didn't even realize it. This song has reminded me of why I love what I'm doing. So this song is dedicated to you-" he looks down and makes direct eye contact with Kurt before sweeping his gaze across the room "-for believing in me."
Kurt's breath catches. At first, he thinks that Blaine is going to sing another original song, but the melody transitions into a slow, sultry version of a pop song.
You think I'm pretty without any makeup on
You think I'm funny when I tell the punchline wrong
I know you get me, so I let my walls come down, down
Before you met me
I was alright, but things were kinda heavy
You brought me to life, now every February
You'll be my Valentine, Valentine
Kurt can't look away. The room fades away as Blaine's rich voice fills his mind. He's not imagining that Blaine's gaze lingers on him, right? That he's singing this song just for him, right? He catches Tina's shining eyes at the table beyond, and that's a sharp reminder again that no matter how much his imagination wishes differently, he is nursing a crush on a very much unattainable man.
Let you put your hands on me in my skin-tight jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight
Blaine finishes the song, the last notes lingering in the silence. Kurt comes back to himself abruptly as the crowd hollers loudly.
Adam leans over. "You were right about him. Blaine. I doubted the wisdom of having him as our music director, given how young and inexperienced he was. I was wrong. He's quite good."
"Quite." Kurt murmurs.
Kurt drains the rest of his water and stands up. "Good to see you tonight, Adam." He says, and clasps him on the back. He's a good guy, but he's not the right guy.
Kurt pays his tab and winds his way towards the door. He's still feeling off-kilter, but the drunkenness has waned at least, leaving behind exhaustion over how the night has gone.
Kitty stomps up to Kurt, dragging Blaine behind her, Tina trailing behind. "You two-" She pokes them both hard in the chest "-are going to stop moping and apologize and then you owe me a song."
"I don't think Blaine wants to sing with me."
"Of course I do." Blaine says softly.
"You do?"
"Kurt…" Blaine looks around at their audience. "May I speak to Kurt alone, please?" He doesn't wait for an answer, just takes Kurt by the hand and leads him out into the hallway.
The door shuts behind him, the noise instantly dimmer. The bouncer gives them a speculative look before turning back to his book.
"Kitty said that I was being stupid."
"She said the same thing to me." Kurt admits.
"I'm sorry." They say together and Blaine laughs slightly. He lets go of Kurt's hand and rubs the back of his neck. "I'm so sorry, Kurt. I was short-tempered and took it out on you when you were just trying to help."
"No." Kurt interrupts. "Don't apologize for that. You had every reason to be upset. I should have never performed your song without your permission. I'm the one who is sorry for being selfish and not considering your feelings."
"You were just doing what you thought I needed."
"But it was still wrong. I was wrong."
"Okay. I forgive you."
"You do?" And those damn tears well up again. This time, Kurt lets them spill over before he wipes them away.
Blaine takes his hand again, rubbing his thumb across his knuckles. "Yes. Of course I do. You're my friend."
The word has never sounded better. "And you're mine."
"Will you come sing with me?" Blaine asks. "I was thinking–"
Kurt's phone interrupts with a loud ding, and then another. And another. He fishes it out of his back pocket. "It's Elliott." He says dumbly. "His partner's appendix ruptured and they're in the hospital." He looks up at Blaine, an apology in his eyes. "I have to go. I'm so sorry, but El needs me."
"Go." Blaine says firmly. "I'll tell everybody where you went."
"Thanks. I. Thanks."
"Did you come with a jacket? Do you need me to get you a cab?"
Kurt shakes his head, trying to clear his mind. "No, I'll just take an uber. My jacket - my jacket's over there."
Blaine helps Kurt get his jacket and guides him out the door to the waiting car. He pulls Kurt into a hug, his arms a comforting weight across Kurt's back. He pulls away much too soon. "Text me if you need anything. And I mean anything."
The Uber drives away and Kurt does not look back. He's halfway to the hospital when he realizes - he just blew up his "fake boyfriend" story.
"Shit."