Author's Note: For Sab/Butterflies765, for the Gift-Giving Extravaganza! I realize it is seven million years late, but hopefully the pure fluff here makes up for the lack of urgency. We don't have canon sexualities for any Next Gen characters so I figured it was okay to play around with it a bit, but this comes before the Teddy/Victoire kiss, so it doesn't have much impact either way! I really hope you enjoy it!
Disclaimer: Neither the world of Harry Potter, nor the characters, belong to me.
"I was thinking…"
"That's dangerous," Harry said.
Teddy glared darkly at him. Considering he came up to Harry's armpit—a man who was not particularly tall to begin with—and had the hood of his baby blue hoodie tugged over his floppy fringe, it wasn't exactly a sight that inspired fear. But laughing would only put him in an even fouler mood and ruin the shopping trip, so he arranged his face into something appropriately contrite.
"Sorry, Teddy. What were you thinking about?"
"I don't want to say now."
An owl hooted softly in the background, stirring up a flurry of noises. The Magical Menagerie was crammed from floor to ceiling with gilded birdcages and aquariums bubbling with life. Creatures in all shapes and sizes fluttered and hissed and writhed. It was a lovely soundtrack to the scene of teenage disgruntlement playing out in front of him.
"That's too bad," Harry said. "Do you think Al would prefer a cat or an owl?"
"A toad."
"I'm not buying a toad."
Teddy rolled his eyes and stomped off. He vanished behind some shelves, earning a squawk from whichever indignant creature was preening in the shadows. Harry sighed, predicting an afternoon of sulking, and exchanged a commiserating glance with the witch behind the counter.
"I thought when we got to thirteen that the tantrums would stop," he muttered.
"Good luck with that, love."
Everyone had told him that tantrums were eternal. Andromeda had outright snorted when he asked about when the attitude would start to smooth out. He grimaced at the witch and headed for the back of the shop, where plenty of biscuit-coloured cats were curled up in wicker baskets, purring to their heart's content.
"If you need any advice," said another witch, popping her head out of a storage cupboard, hair in disarray, "I'll be right in here! Sorting cat treats! Since apparently that's what I signed up for when I asked to apprentice under an extremely talented animal trainer…"
She disappeared back inside the cupboard again, still muttering under her breath in cross tones. Harry blinked rapidly, edging away from the wall of wicker baskets.
"Maybe an owl," he said.
"Just get a toad!" Teddy said, when he slunk over five minutes later and found Harry agonizing beside an intricately-carved wooden perch. "You know Al would love a toad. You bought him that big book of frogs for Christmas last year."
"And I bought you that Buckaroo game for your birthday when you were younger, but I didn't follow it up with a donkey from the local petting zoo, did I?" He arched an eyebrow, glancing at him. "Are you going to tell me what's wrong, or do you just want to keep being a little troll all day?"
Teddy looked startled, indignant, and then guilty, all in quick succession.
"I'm not being a troll! I just…" His shoulders slumped, and he looked away, tucking his hands inside his hoodie pocket. "I just…"
"You were just thinking," Harry said, drawing him out of the way of a customer, and closer to a sweet barn owl with wide brown eyes. "Go on, I'm listening this time. What were you thinking about?"
Teddy ducked his head, and the hood fell lower over his eyes. A few strands of bright, turquoise hair poked out from underneath it. The colour shimmered, turning briefly yellow with anxiety, before settling again.
"It's nothing," he mumbled. "I just had a question, and I didn't know who to ask."
"You can ask me anything, Teddy."
It was something he felt strongly about. He stroked a finger over the wing of the owl, earning a soft chirp, trying not to look too hard at his sweet, gangly godson in case he spooked.
"It doesn't matter what it's about, or how weird it is, or how awkward you feel," he continued. "You can always, always ask me."
Petunia never let Harry ask questions. She hated it. And Harry grew up with so many questions on the tip of his tongue, but there was never anybody to ask. It felt like he spent most of his life floundering, grasping desperately at the sleeves of people bigger and wiser than him, begging for answers and feeling bitterly lost. He refused to let Teddy feel even an ounce of that confusion.
"It's embarrassing," Teddy said quietly. "You're not allowed to laugh. And you might not like it, so…"
There was plenty he could say to that. But he waited instead, patient and silent. There was something to be said for growing older, and learning that it was okay to let things come at their own pace.
"I asked out this boy last year," Teddy blurted out.
Harry stilled, brows rising in surprise.
"I'm not gay or anything," Teddy added hastily.
"I didn't say you were," Harry said, trying to sound as casual as possible. "But if you were, you know that's okay, don't you? Nobody would have a problem with it. And if they did, I'd have a problem with them."
Teddy grumbled something inaudible and went slinking down another aisle, leading them away from the wide, dust-smeared window. It was cooler here, where the snakes and reptiles slithered in their dark boxes. Harry reached up to fiddle with his glasses, letting Teddy find his words in his own time.
"I know it's not a problem, but I'm really not gay. I like girls first. Or too. Whatever." He waved a hand like he could shoo the words away. "It's not about that! We were about to go home on the train for summer and I asked him if he wanted to go out with me, and he said yes, but only if we could go to Hogsmeade for our first date, because it's s'posed to be fun."
"Oh, remind me to sign that permission slip," Harry said, clicking his fingers. "I keep forgetting."
"Gran already did it! And stop getting distracted, I'm trying to ask you something embarrassing and you're dragging it out."
"Sorry, sorry. What did you want to ask me?"
Teddy went all furtive and shuffled over to a long slim tank, scowling through the glass.
"How are you s'posed to… you know. Act."
"Act?" Harry frowned. "Are you asking me what to do on a date?"
"Well, how am I supposed to know what to do?" Teddy said, throwing one arm out wildly and almost whacking a corn snake off the shelf. "All of the advice is for girls! They say 'act like a gentleman' but he's also a gentleman! He's probably been told the same thing. What if he wants to hold the door open for me or pull my chair out instead? We're not even going to make it into the cafe because we're going to be stuck in the doorway forever saying 'after you!'"
"Alright," Harry said, a little alarmed. "I think you might be spiralling."
"And then it's like—kissing." Teddy went beet-red but soldiered on. "Is it like dancing, where there's someone leading? Because how does that work with two boys? And am I allowed to bring him flowers?"
"Er, I don't think there are hard and fast rules," he said. "Why wouldn't you be allowed?"
"I don't want him to think I'm treating him like a girl." Teddy groaned, and fell forward until his forehead hit Harry's jumper with a soft whump. "Tell me what to do, Harry."
Harry laughed, tucking one hand behind Teddy's head and pulling him in for a proper hug.
"What am I going to do with you?" he murmured.
"Love me, feed me, never leave me."
"Easy."
"And then tell me what to do."
He felt an overwhelming urge to squish Teddy's cheeks, but that had been outlawed at the age of seven. There was a list on the fridge of all the things that were not 'Publicly Acceptable' now that Teddy was entirely grown-up. Referencing how cute and badly-spelled the list was had taken the number one spot.
"You think I'm some sort of expert on this stuff?" He watched Teddy's vibrant turquoise hair turn inky black under his touch, and chuckled. "It took me ages to woo Ginny, and she did most of the work. I'm sure you've got it under control."
Teddy's voice was slightly muffled by his jumper, but as grumpy as ever. "I wouldn't be coming to you for help if I could handle it myself."
"Hey, look at me," Harry said, tugging on his hood until he swayed backwards, staring up at him with a petulant expression. "You're thinking about this too hard. What do you like about this boy?"
Teddy's mortified blush was truly something to behold. Harry laughed, directing him back towards the owls while Teddy reluctantly reeled off a list of things he liked. He grew slightly more exuberant as the list grew, and a glimpse of his usually bright and cheerful demeanour shone through. Harry had missed it. There was a time when Teddy was never anything less than ecstatic to see him—and it hadn't quite stopped, but it was a little dimmer lately.
"He's way better at Charms than I am. He can do that Fifth Year spell that lets you pickle things instantly," Teddy rambled, before pausing to frown thoughtfully. "I don't know why he picked that one to master, but it's still cool. Oh, and he knows two other languages. And he's, you know. Nice. He laughs at my jokes and he never asks me to do weird transformations or change my face or anything."
"Nobody should do that," Harry said, frowning. "That's a pretty low bar."
Teddy looked away. Feathers formed on his neck, sleek and just as dark as the feathers on the nearest owl. They fluttered as he breathed, studiously examining the label attached to a birdcage sitting in the window. It was a nice birdcage, made of twisted vines of copper and decorated with dainty ivy leaves, but it didn't warrant that close attention.
"I'm coming back to that," Harry warned him.
"You wouldn't be you if you didn't."
A little nudge sent Teddy skittering back, snickering under his breath. Harry sent him a dry, warning look and then endured the persistent attention of the witch behind the counter, who seemed desperate to tell him about the offer they had on talon-clippers. It might have had something to do with Harry's fringe shifting, revealing the thin lightning bolt on his forehead.
"That's really alright," Harry said, taking a step backwards. "I don't even know if I'm picking anything up today. My son is upset that he still has a year left before he goes away to Hogwarts, so I said I'd get him a pet to keep him company while his brother's away. But I don't know if a cat or an owl would be better…"
"How about a toad?" Teddy suggested sweetly.
"Oh, that's a lovely idea," the witch said, beaming. "We have some very warty amphibians over here that would make sweet friends, I'm sure. Bertrand is a little older than our other toads, but he's fairly good with kids."
"Thanks," Harry said, after an exasperated pause. "We'll go take a look at the toads."
He dragged Teddy there by the hood, shaking his head while Teddy dangled from his grip, cackling. The labyrinth of baskets and birdcages opened up to reveal a cool, mist-soaked portion of the room. A slab of rockery took up most of the room, brimming with green water and surrounded by a thin shield of magic. Soft chirps and croaks bounced off the stone walls.
"Woah," Teddy said, glancing around appreciatively. "Just think, all this could be yours. You've been wondering what to do with that study now that you're too old and creaky to work as much."
Harry met the eyes of the fattest grey toad he'd ever seen in his life, and sighed.
"The reason I'm so old and creaky is because I spent six long, painful years of my life chasing down Trevor, and it aged me. I'd like to live the rest of my life in peace. I'm not buying him a damn toad."
Diagon Alley was seething with people, everyone surging towards the bank or ducking into various shops to hide from the sudden deluge of fat raindrops. Harry conjured an umbrella with the tip of his wand and ushered Teddy away from the Menagerie, heading towards the Apparition Point. A large shopping bag dripped from his wrist, crammed full of shrunken amphibian-appropriate equipment.
"It's kinda cute," Teddy said, holding the toad-safe container up to his eyes. "I mean, it's definitely creepy and the eyes bulge too much, but there's something cute about it anyway. You'll have to show Molly so she can make it a little jumper."
"I draw the line at a toad jumper."
"You drew the line at a toad too," Teddy pointed out, allowing himself to be steered through the sea of bobbing hats and swishing cloaks. "See how that worked out for you? Now Bertrand is a loving member of this family, and your line looks pretty smudged."
He went to rattle the toad-safe container, as if to make his point, and then froze, stricken.
Harry snorted. "Let's not turn it into toad soup before Al's even seen it, eh?"
Teddy rolled his eyes. "You're so embarrassing."
"All I did was speak."
"Exactly."
Harry side-stepped, taking the umbrella with him and leaving Teddy at the mercy of the rain. Teddy yelped, reaching up to yank his hood back into place, and clutched the toad to his chest.
"You're awful," he complained, while Harry laughed at him. "I'll tell Ginny."
"She'll laugh at you too," he said. "If you think that was embarrassing, just wait until I have to give you the safe sex talk. We can start now, if you like. First thing you want to know is that not everybody's private parts look the same, and that's okay."
He didn't get much further before Teddy launched himself at him, scrambling to grab the wand out of his hand so he could curse Harry's mouth shut. Harry roared with laughter, holding it up high while dodging the furious slaps. One particularly vigorous shove almost sent them both sprawling into the crowd of shoppers. The toad croaked, sounding faintly alarmed, and both of them froze. Teddy relented, stepping back on his tip-toes, and Harry began urging them down the street again before they caused a traffic jam, still chuckling.
"Hey, about the date," Harry said as they came to a corner, softening his voice to show that he was serious. "I'm glad you told me. And I'm glad you came to me with questions, even if I don't have all the answers. But from what you told me, he seems like a nice boy, and I'm sure he's madly in love with you already, so just be yourself and everything will be fine."
Teddy went red and tucked his chin against his chest, hugging the toad container. "Embarrassing."
"Uh-huh." He ruffled Teddy's hair, sending the umbrella wobbling, and decided to give him an out. "Do you want to stop for ice cream or go straight back to the Burrow?"
"What kind of question is that?" Teddy perked up, grinning, embarrassment forgotten. "Ice cream, please."
"Ice cream it is. God, what a morning. I hope they have coffee flavour."
"Thanks, Harry. And thanks for, y'know. Answering my questions." Teddy smiled, still a little pink, as they switched courses for the Fortescue's. "I guess you're not totally embarrassing when you want to be."
"I think you mean not toad-ally embarrassing."
"I take it right back."
[Word Count: 2,606]