I don't own these characters; Disney/ABC does.
11: Delusions of Grandeur
Regina was not sure how she let D'Artagnan talk her into coming to this… club. She did not like the fact that they left Mikey alone, even if she was asleep. In fact, that made it worse. Mikey would be caught unaware if someone were to break in. Not that the neighborhood was riddled with crime and the neighbors would probably protect her should someone try anything, but still Regina worried.
"Why do we have to come here?" Regina asked as D'Artagnan led her through the crowd. They earned stares, which did not surprise her, even with the darkness surrounding them. The patrons were probably as confused as she was about why she was there.
"I want to meet my fellow defects," D'Artagnan replied, waving around the crowd. With the flash of multi-colored lights she could see she was in a less traditional crowd than those who tended to walk the streets of Storybrooke. She would not be surprised if Ruby was somewhere in the club as there was a lot of skimpy clothing, dyed hair, and piercings.
"I wish you wouldn't use that term," Regina said. If anyone heard D'Artagnan say it, they were quite unbothered by it.
D'Artagnan shrugged. "It's what we have for now. We're trying to reclaim it and own it, like queer. Come on, let's get a drink."
Regina did not argue, mostly because she could use a drink. It had been a long time and there was so much going on. D'Artagnan saddled up to the bar like someone with a lot of practice at it. Regina had rarely been to bars in her life, both here and in the Enchanted Forest. She was not even sure what drink to order. The bartender smiled at D'Artagnan, as if he was familiar with her.
"Do you know what you want?" D'Artagnan asked, staring Regina directly in the eye.
"I'm going to pretend you mean to drink and say no since I doubt they have cider," Regina replied. She was not sure what D'Artagnan really wanted bringing her here, but she would make D'Artagnan say it aloud or she would have to insinuate them both to death.
"I'm sure they have something that can satisfy your sweet-tooth and get you to wherever you're trying to go."
"Where are you trying to go?" Regina scanned the area, taking in more, wanting to be super-aware of her surroundings just in case. She could understand why D'Artagnan mentioned defects. Everywhere she turned, she could see someone who would not fit into Enchanted Forest society for any number of reasons. It was a bit shocking how many she could tell were halflings. She frowned. "This is about me running for mayor."
D'Artagnan shrugged. "Running for mayor or at the least helping Aramis win. But, it's more than that. You need to get out and relax. Be among people who won't judge you because their lives are actually better here. Yes, they're rightfully pissed over the mind-control, but it's better than death."
Regina sighed. "Why do you think I'd be any different than other noble in caring about them?"
"Because you are them. Deep down, you know that."
Regina gave D'Artagnan a side-eyed glance. Once again, it felt like that was about more than just being a "defect." In a technical sense, she very much was one of them. The second she decided to murder her husband, she became one of them. Hell, maybe even before that, when she was an adventure-craving princess out in the countryside, but definitely when she killed her king and husband. That sort of thing just was not done, even though it actually was. It typically was not done in such an obvious fashion and it was never the king. Something was defective with her mind as far as regular citizens were concerned.
"Would you like to mingle?" D'Artagnan asked, motioning around them with one hand.
"I would sooner slit my own throat," Regina replied. She never "mingled." That sort of thing was for peasants.
D'Artagnan snickered. "Several of your former ladies-in-waiting frequent this place."
Regina rolled her eyes. "You mean the ladies you used to hide behind curtains with?"
D'Artagnan smiled. "Ah, youth." Her eyes drifted to the dancing crowd. "I doubt that helped our rumors, though, now that I think about it. My point is, you know these people in the same sense that you know me. You know what will happen to them if you don't take charge. I have to assume everyone who ended up in a decent place under your curse was at least someone you felt deserved better than they got."
"Well, some were rewards for my fellow villains, obviously. It was time for the bad guys to win."
D'Artagnan scoffed. "And me and your ladies-in-waiting? There are several peasants living it up in my condo complex with nice jobs and their families were kept whole. Not everyone can say that. What of them?"
Regina frowned. "Do you honestly think I care about everyone who got a good life here? You're mistaking me for the doll you befriended all those years ago."
"You were never a doll mentally. You were trapped, yes, but you still had your mind and your heart. You still cared. You still care."
"You must be drunk already to believe that."
D'Artagnan shook her head. "I could never accuse you of being self-aware, though."
Regina growled and was about to let D'Artagnan have a huge piece of her mind, but the sound of glass crashing reached her ears. She, D'Artagnan and several people looked around. Then, there was shouting from outside, loud and vicious. Patrons rushed out, including Regina and D'Artagnan, feeling the cool night air mix with humid heat and smoke. They were met by an angry mob, complete with their damn torches and pitchforks, and the front of the building was on fire. With a sigh, Regina waved her hand and the fire was gone.
"How many pitch-forked mobs are you yokels going to form before you understand it does nothing?" Regina inquired. She could disappear them all with a wave of her hand, but first she would like to know why they were there — for her or for the "defects." Aren't we one and the same? Either would be a prize to these morons.
"Why don't you come with us and find out?" One of the idiots said as he waved his torch.
"You'll have to get through us first," D'Artagnan replied as she stepped in front of Regina.
"D'Artagnan, I think you're speaking for too many—" Regina did not get a chance to finish her statement.
"Yeah, how about you morons just get out of here?" Several people stepped up to stand with D'Artagnan. Regina could hardly believe her eyes.
"You defects are disgusting. You'd actually protect the Evil Queen?" The spokesman curled his lip at them.
D'Artagnan chuckled. "You guys really are stupid. We're protecting you from her."
Regina rolled her shoulders. "They really are." She held up her hand, dancing with purple and gold flames, very different from her usual fireball, much more evolved. There were the appropriate gasps and steps back. But, then the pitchforks came up and the torches were waved.
"We're not scared of you!"
Regina smirked. "Oh, no? You should be." With a flick of her wrists, a wall of fire shot up between her defenders and the mob. She made sure the mob could feel the heat before she doused the fire. "That's not even a taste of what I am currently capable of. I suggest you all go home before I get really mad and recall that you referred to anyone here as a defect."
The crowd murmured, probably at a loss for what they should do now. They did not move like they should have, though. Mobs typically did not have plans, but they also were never stronger than Regina, so she did not see the point of this. Maybe they had been attacking the club and it was just their misfortune she was there that night. Time to find out.
"I think maybe you dullards would like to explain what you're doing here before I paint the street with your blood and litter it with your bones," Regina said.
"Burn her!"
Regina rolled her eyes as they flung molotov cocktails. With a curl of her lip, Regina made a slicing motion with one finger and the bottles exploded above them, raining glass onto the mob. Some of them winced, flinched, or whined, but they did not back down.
Before things got out of hand, Emma appeared with David by her side. Emma had actually used a teleportation spell. It was kind of impressive that she used her magic to do something beyond crack a joke or complain. Emma took command of the situation, as much as Regina would allow her anyway.
"What's going on here?" Emma said as she looked over both sides. Hands were on her hips and her body radiated power, as always.
"And who called the cops?" someone questioned.
"The 'cops' were already here." Emma pointed to D'Artagnan. "Or did you guys forget she's a deputy around here? We got a call about a fight."
"You got a call about the Evil Queen throwing fire!" someone in the mob said. Well, it was obvious who called the cops.
"Yeah, but I know when you guys call us about Regina, it tends to be you antagonizing her," Emma replied.
"You're always on her side!" There was a clang and clattering of weapons.
Emma was not moved. "I'm on the side of keeping everybody safe."
"Then, just give us the Evil Queen, so we can do what should've been done a long time ago." There were cheers in the mob and more banged weapons.
"I'd love to see you try," Regina said.
Emma glared at her. "Not helping."
"Well, unlike you, I'm not here to help. I have to assume these curs came to start trouble because they heard I was here and felt like it was fine to hurt people they determined were undesirable to get to me. Newsflash, you're all undesirable," Regina said, staring right into the mob.
"Regina, no," Emma said. It was said in a way like she was telling a child not to do something.
"They started it!" Regina replied. That was probably not the best answer for that tone.
"And you're going to be the bigger person and not let this go any further." Emma gave her a hard look. Regina challenged it with an arched eyebrow. Emma did not back down. "You really wanna make my day worse?"
Regina sucked her teeth. "Get them out of here then." She put her hands down. The people standing to defend her were not as relaxed, which was fine. They were not the ones who could rain down fire and brimstone with their hands, after all.
"Fine." Before Emma could make a move toward the crowd, the ground shook, almost like a sudden drop. It was enough to startle the crowd and projectiles were released. Crossbow bolts and arrows whizzed through the air. Emma hollered and went down as the ground shook again.
"Emma!" Regina teleported to her side, holding her close.
"It's okay." Emma hissed at the crossbow bolt in her bicep. Blood bubbled out onto her coat. "I mean, it's probably okay."
"The arrow in your arm is probably okay?" Regina shook her head, but did not take her eyes off of the mob. Someone would pay for this! How dare they harm my Emma?
"Hold your fire!" David barked out, spreading his arms between both groups as the club patrons shouted and moved forward.
"The Queen is the one casting a spell!" There were shouts of agreement.
"I'm not, you moron! I just agreed to be the bigger person!" Regina glared at the mob and motioned to Emma. "Not that it takes much to be bigger than a worm." The ground rumbled again and there were more arrows, bolts, and stones.
"Stop!" Emma snarled as she waved her hand and executed a very good shield around her and Regina. Regina expanded the shield to include D'Artagnan and her club people.
"Regina, what the hell is going on?" D'Artagnan asked, hands out to keep her balance as she scanned the area, ready to fight whoever or whatever caused the disturbance.
"I'm sure I don't know, but this does seem magical in nature," Regina replied. What was Storybrooke without a magical crisis now that magic had been unleashed?
"It's your doing!" More trash from the mob.
A pulse rippled through the air, like a small shockwave. It carried the scent of burnt sage. "No, that's definitely magic and it's definitely not me. Let's get out of here." Regina waved her hand and they were gone.
-8-8-8-8-
Emma hissed as they appeared… somewhere nice. A coconut scent lingered in the air. They were in the living room of someone's house, probably D'Artagnan since it was her, Regina, and Emma. It was a big space with leather couches and a huge television on the wall. There were family pictures everywhere and one of those music stands in the corner by the window. Wow, D'Artagnan's living nice here, but I've got more important things to worry about. She had to get this crossbow bolt out of her arm.
"Who shows up someplace with a damn crossbow and they're not Granny?" Emma huffed, snarling at the offending weapon in her damn arm. Her bicep throbbed and was on fire. Another wound in life, but damn. Out of all the things, she never thought she would end up hurt by a crossbow.
"You're just lucky you had on your heavy coat," Regina replied.
Emma shrugged. She would not use the word "lucky" to describe this. She took a deep breath as Regina waved her hand and gone was Emma's coat. There was still a crossbow bolt in her arm, though. "Really?" She dropped her arm, which only made it hurt more. Pain shot up to her shoulder, neck, and even her teeth. She groaned and blew out a breath.
"I need a better look to access the damage before I just remove it," Regina replied. That was probably sensible.
"We have to clean that," D'Artagnan said. That was definitely sensible.
Emma nodded and yanked the bolt from her arm, sending blood flying everywhere. She screamed as pain ripped through her like a dog had torn her bicep from the bone. Regina and D'Artagnan gawked at her, like she had done something wrong.
"You don't just pull it out!" D'Artagnan slapped her palm to her forehead.
"Are you insane? First of all, Mikey is sleeping!" Regina motioned behind them.
"Yes, because that's the important thing here, not the hole in my arm." Emma pointed to her bloody bicep. Skin and meat hung from the wound. She covered it with her hand and hoped it would reduce the pain. She winced. Nope. Definitely made it worse. She gritted her teeth as blood soaked her hand and dripped through her fingers. "And what did you do with my dad?" Not that she wanted to see him right now.
"Charming is home. The club-goers are in the park, and good luck to the mob, but not really," Regina replied. She stepped over to Emma. "Let me see it." She held out her hand.
Emma sucked her teeth, but put her injured hand in Regina's and uncovered the injury. Regina tilted her head as she examined it. She pressed on Emma's fingers, making her wince. And then, with a flick of her wrist, Regina healed the bolt wound. Emma breathed a sigh of relief while Regina tapped her fingers again. She wiggled her fingers to show Regina everything was good. They smiled and stared at each other for a moment.
D'Artagnan cleared her throat. "Should I leave the room?" They glared at her and she held up her hands in surrender. "Just asking. You're going to clean the blood up, too, right?"
Regina's nostrils flared, but with another flick of her wrist the blood was gone. "There now."
Emma looked around. "What the hell was that?" She pointed out the window, hoping they understood she meant back at the bar.
"Mom! Regina!" Mikey rushed into the room, but she looked different. She was… not fully human anymore.
"Mikey!" D'Artagnan rushed and wrapped her arms around Mikey, pressing her tightly to her body. They both turned to Regina for answers.
"I can't be sure what just happened without more evidence." Regina stepped over to Mikey and ran her hand through Mikey's hair. Regina grimaced. "I can't change her back."
"Wha-what?" Mikey's voice cracked and a vein in her neck jumped. Her green skin seemed pale at the idea of staying as she was.
Regina frowned. "Whatever the hell that magic that pulsed out was a damn spell. Someone just cast a spell, so I can't put Mikey's glamor back."
"Was it a spell to interfere with your magic?" Emma asked.
"Can't be. I just healed you and I transported us here. Do you think you can try a glamor spell? I know we only discussed it in theory in Neverland, but see what you can do," Regina replied.
"What if I mess up? I don't want to disfigure a twelve year-old-kid," Emma said. She would not know how to live with herself if she made things worse for this kid.
"You won't. Just try. For Mikey's sake," Regina said.
Emma took a breath and stepped over to the mother and daughter. "Hey, Mikey. I know we haven't been properly introduced, but your mom works for me and you hang out with my best friend a lot."
"Best friend?" Mikey looked between Regina and Emma and then grimaced for some reason.
"And they were roommates, kid. They were the most roommates of them all," D'Artagnan said. Whatever that meant at least got a laugh out of Mikey, so that was good.
Emma tried to use her magic, but it felt like something was blocking it. It was almost like running into a glass door. She was surprised it was not accompanied by a thud noise. She turned to Regina and then waved her hand, so her badge appeared in her hand. Well, the magic worked, but not to change Mikey.
"We're gonna hafta to go outside, aren't we?" Emma asked with a tired sigh. If she never had to deal with some stupid magic thing again, it would be too soon.
"Apparently." Regina sounded as enthused as Emma felt.
"This is gonna be annoying, isn't it?"
"Most definitely."
"And this is probably not a good time to be sick of magic."
"Definitely not."
Emma groaned and rubbed her eyes with her two fingers. Before they could even take a step toward the door, a loud screech shook the windows. They looked outside and Emma could hardly believe her eyes. Storybrooke was too much sometimes.
"Is that a giant ass eagle?" Emma asked.
"Regina, why are we looking at roc? Did someone open a portal?" D'Artagnan asked.
"I have a theory, but to confirm it, we definitely need to go outside. D'Artagnan, obviously, you stay here with Mikey," Regina replied.
"We can help," Mikey said.
"Nice try. I don't know what's going on out there and I'm not in the mood for you to find out," Regina replied. With a wave of her hand, she and Emma were gone.
They reappeared outside where the roc used its sharp talons to rip through the roof of a house. Without a thought, Emma took off toward it and threw some magic at it. That got its attention and it screeched at her while flapping its wings with enough force that the wind knocked Emma over.
"Try not to die on the first one, Emma," Regina said as she helped Emma to her feet.
"First one?" Emma looked around and her jaw dropped. "There's like a dozen of them!" Their wings were large enough to cover the night sky.
And the ground rumbled beneath them. Regina's eyes darted back and forth as she looked at her shoes. "I fear it's not just rocs."
Worms the size of trains burst out of the asphalt right in front of them, hissing, showing off long, sharp teeth, dripping with green venom. Regina acted fast, waving a hand, and poofing them away. The worms went off in every direction as Emma and Regina appeared on a balcony in the condo complex.
"What the hell's going on?" Emma asked as she saw other monster creatures out in the streets. "We have to do something."
Regina nodded. "Indeed. I think I might know what this is, but I need to see more to be sure."
"And help people."
Regina sneered. "And help people, I suppose. Are you confident enough in your magic to make it to the library?"
Emma winced. "That's pretty far."
"You're the one who wants to help. I want to see if our dragon came back. If she did, then I know what this is and if not, I need to come up with another theory."
"Fine. Let's go."
With a wave of her hand, Regina put Emma back on the ground. Emma wasted no time rushing to help people, throwing fireballs at the rocs and whatever those worms were. She then dodged what looked like a house cat on steroids. The thing was as big as a tiger and very unhappy when she used her magic to splash water in its face. It yowled and rubbed its face with its massive paw. She waved people off of the street while it was occupied.
More worms slid in and Emma acted fast, throwing more fireballs to take them down and draw them away from people. She did not even realize when D'Artagnan showed up, swinging her sword like it was an extension of her arm. D'Artagnan cut down several monsters.
"I thought you were Regina the way you're throwing fire," D'Artagnan said.
"It's effective," Emma replied.
"And reflective of who your teacher is. We have to move, though."
"What about your kid?"
D'Artagnan smiled. "Her mama showed up to protect her. Thankfully, cursed-me taught her how to use guns and other forms of self-defense."
"I have questions, but they'll wait. Let's get moving." Emma cleared a path with them, flinging worms out of their way with magic. Damn things were heavy and it was a strain on her muscles, even though she was using her powers. "Regina makes this shit look so easy."
"Yeah, well, compliment her later. We have to keep moving," D'Artagnan replied as she cut down what appeared to be a flying deer. "Damn, even perytons."
"What are these words you keep saying? Are they even words?" Emma asked as she made two rocs crash into each other and land on a giant worm.
"These are all creatures from the Enchanted Forest. We're familiar with them."
"Of course they are and of course you are." Emma would have to let out an exasperated sigh when this was all over. "Why are they here suddenly?"
"I think they've always been here."
Emma was not sure what that meant and did not have a chance to ask more questions. They focused on battling their way to the library. Regina was there, using her magic like she was conducting a symphony, taking down monsters, and getting people to safety with a flourish. They ran to stand at her back.
"You know what's going on?" D'Artagnan asked.
"The magic we felt stripped away the facades of many people and creatures in Storybrooke. Everything is going back to its natural state. Thankfully, the dragon under the library isn't actually a dragon and also out of commission. But, why are you here? Mikey needs to be kept safe," Regina replied.
"Nanette showed up to protect her and told me to get my ass out here and save the town. I just sort of reacted," D'Artagnan said.
Regina rolled her eyes. "You are so whipped."
"You shouldn't even know that phrase," D'Artagnan said and then she glanced at Emma. "But, I guess you both pick up bad habits from each other."
Emma snickered. "We're good for each other. You said so yourself. So, what do we do to get everyone back in their facade, I guess?" She flung a column of fire at approaching mega-cats.
"Counter spell, which I unfortunately don't know. We have to go to Rumple," Regina said the name like it physically hurt.
"This day just gets better and better, huh?" Emma had no desire to deal with Rumple anymore after his insanity in Neverland where he was absolutely no help, much like his useless son.
They made their way to the pawn shop and Neal, of all people, was there to greet them. He had a thick, worn book in his hand. He smirked at Emma.
"Hey, Emma, here to tell me something?" Neal asked with a weird, almost smug light dancing in his eyes.
"I'm pretty sure I told you everything this morning, but it's never too late to add an extra 'fuck you' in your direction. So, fuck you." Emma pointed at him, so he knew just who she meant. Clarity was important for people around here. "Now, move. We need to stop the shit storm outside."
Neal frowned. "This doesn't make any sense. You should have to tell the truth about how you feel about me, face the way you feel about me." He held up the book.
"I truthfully feel you're lower than a roach," Emma replied.
Regina stepped up. "Give me this." She tried to take the book from him, but he moved it away like a child protecting something he was not supposed to have. "You fool. You cast this spell hoping Emma would have to face the truth? Just give me the damn book before you hurt yourself." She glared at him.
"The truth of what?" Emma asked.
"We are meant to be, Emma!" Neal slapped the cover of the book and dust blew into the air. "We have a kid." He held up a finger, like he was about to prove a point. "You broke a curse and then came to find me." He held up another finger. "We're True Love. We can be the family we never had."
Emma was not sure how her jaw was not literally on the floor. "Wow, you're so delusional. You think any of those two whole things erase what you did to me." He did not even have a list, just bullet points. He was pathetic.
He frowned. "I've been told Regina did worse and you act like none of it happened."
Emma stepped into his face. How dare he! "You don't have the history with me that I have with Regina. You don't know what we've gone through together because unlike you, she stayed. Yeah, we fought each other, but we've also fought together, like right now. She has my back. I trust her. I'd never trust you." She snatched the book from him as he stood in shock. She turned to Regina. "Can you fix this?" She held the book out for Regina.
Regina scoffed as she accepted the book. "Can I fix it? I should leave these ingrates to be eaten."
Emma smiled. "But, you won't."
"Only because Henry or Mikey could end up hurt," Regina replied.
"Fuck us, though, right?" D'Artagnan said with a laugh.
Regina only rolled her eyes. She stepped outside with Emma and D'Artagnan flanking her. She scanned the pages of the book while Emma and D'Artagnan took care of any monster that came too close. Regina read some lines in a language Emma did not understand, snapped her fingers, a pulse strong enough to knock them off of their feet rang out, and it was over. Just like that. I gotta remember to go punch Neal in the stomach after this. But, first, she needed to check on Henry and finally have that talk with her parents.
-8-8-8-8-
Next time: the aftermath of this mess, and a couple of other messes, with Henry finally coming to his senses.