Rinwell pretends not to see the streak in her hair.
It had become a lot easier, with a little bit of time. There's no more slight pause in the rhythm of her brushing when it catches her eye in the mirrored surface of whatever nearby lake their group had made their resting place for the night, and nor are there any horrified little noises which escape her and leave her dealing with Law and his stupid curiosity.
"You holding up okay, Rinwell?" One morning.
"You sure you're good?" On another.
"Rinwell, I'm serious. If something's wrong, you've gotta tell us!" One frustrating evening.
She'd snapped at him, then. The exact words escaped her, but she was grateful for that. Having the venom on her tongue emblazoned in her head in tandem with the obvious hurt on his face at the time would have served only to make her feel worse about the whole ordeal.
He'd not broached the topic anymore ever since then. Not even when she slipped up so bad that even Dohalim could tell that something was off; she could see Law holding himself back from saying anything, and he knew that she knew.
"Come on guys, give her some space." Alphen thankfully chose then to pipe up in his usual diplomatic way, drawing the group's attention just long enough to give Rinwell those precious few moments to compose herself. Then, when several sets of eyes would turn to look at her again, she'd be her perfectly normal self and nobody would be any the wiser.
But he knew.
And he wasn't the only one.
Shionne cornered her late one night, metaphorically speaking, when the remaining embers of their half-hearted campfire were all that lit the darkness – not even the cloak of night was enough to quell the oppressive heat of Calaglia, so truthfully there was very little point in lighting a fire to begin with. It wasn't like they were in short supply wherever you happened to wander.
Tradition was tradition, though, and Kisara was liable to start pacing nervously if she felt that their camp wasn't set up just so, and thus Rinwell found herself meeting a set of piercing eyes that used to set her nerves burning equally hot with resentment over the dying flames.
"You should talk to Law."
"I don't really want to."
"No, but you should do it anyway." The Renan huffed, smiling slightly in spite of the serious topic.
Rinwell could only blink up at her. "Is it really that obvious?"
Shionne shrugged and moved around the fire to perch on a rock nearer the mage. She managed to make even that seem elegant, somehow. "Have you ever been subtle about the things that annoy you?" She pointed out, making Rinwell wince.
Those early days in Cyslodia hadn't been a point of pride for her.
"You two barely used to shut up when you're fighting together, and now Law does his best to be as far away from you as possible." The markswoman continued, counting off the points on her fingers in a way that would be casual if she wasn't also paying rapt, stern attention to the way Rinwell curled in on herself the more she went on. "He went all red in the face and grumpy when Alphen brought it up, too."
"Well if Alphen's talking about it, I must be making it seem like a pretty big deal, huh?" Rinwell laughed weakly, stroking her thumbs over the top of Hootle's head as he made his way into her lap with a comforting, if tired, little chirp. The poor little guy was already unsuited to a climate like this.
"He's more observant than you're giving him credit for." Shionne murmured, looking down at the back of her hand for a moment.
Of course, that only brought to mind all those times before turning in to bed that Alphen had called one of them aside for a quiet talk that would often span late into the night – though not late enough to get Kisara on any of their cases for not getting enough rest. "Yeah. I guess he is. But can't it…" Rinwell winced again, knowing that she was about to sound petty, "Can't it wait?"
"Not really. Some of these Gigants are even tougher than Balseph was, and Alphen and I barely got away from this one back when we started out. We're going to need everyone in top form, and that includes the two of you. I can't always spare the power to bring you guys back all the time." At that, Shionne spared her the barest flash of a smirk. She absolutely would spare the energy to rescue them, there was no doubt about that, but the point was made. Seconds spent resuscitating one of them were seconds not spent blasting whatever stood in their way. And seconds added up.
"I'm not saying you have to totally make up." Shionne continued, gentler than before. "I'd be a total hypocrite if I told you to stop keeping secrets, you know."
Rinwell wanted to run a hand through her hair as she often did when she was thinking, but that would risk revealing It to someone else. She couldn't. Not ever. Not to Shionne, not to Alphen, and especially not to Law.
The taller woman picked up on her hesitation immediately.
"Is it about… Almeidra?"
"No!"
She knew her abruptness had given her away the moment the denial had spilled forth. Shionne's knowing stare was just icing on the cake.
"Or… I mean… yeah. It's her." Rinwell mumbled, tucking her knees under her chin and letting Hootle flutter back to rest in her hood.
Immediately, Shionne's expression softened; subtle, visible only In the relaxing of her shoulders and audible in the ever-so-slightly dulled edge to her voice, but present nonetheless. Exactly as she'd been afraid of.
"None of us blame you for what happened."
No.
"It wasn't your fault."
It was.
"Besides, Vholran would have finished the job even if you didn't-"
"It's not about that!" Rinwell snapped. And once again, she was treated to the sight of a friend rearing back in shock. Somehow, this instance hurt less.
It was a wonder that nobody else had been stirred from sleep by their discussion. Maybe one of them was lying awake, pretending. No, that didn't make sense. The day had been long and arduous, and Calaglia didn't lend itself to conserving energy very well. Law didn't have that kind of subtlety, Dohalim wouldn't have the social tact, Alphen wouldn't have let the conversation get this far without interrupting, and Kisara…
Well. Rinwell hoped, somewhere deep down, that Kisara would understand.
"I don't… I don't care that Almeidra- that I killed her." She continued, hissing the admission out loud for the first time since it had happened. They'd always skirted around the topic, given her the space they thought she wanted. "That should bother you guys, right? I don't! I'm glad that I did it. Even if Vholran was about to do it himself. Just the thought of her… getting away with it. Thinking about all the things she did. I couldn't stand it! I had all the reason in the world! That doesn't make me a bad person, does it?"
Those memories still flared vividly in her memory. Her artes blazing at a greater strength than ever before, fueled by anger the likes of which she'd only rarely felt before. A maelstrom that she'd plucked straight from the gobsmacked hands of the murderer herself, one that blasted straight back through her hasty barrier and the zeugle she commanded – stronger than it would have been even in Almeidra's hands.
There had been praise layered upon her all throughout the battle. From Law, mostly. His familiar, wide grin spotted just from the corner of her vision while she focused in the brief moments where even the martial artist had to let someone else take point for a moment, congratulating her on how outstandingly she was performing. In fewer, cruder words.
Streaks of crackling lightning became great, vengeful bolts that ripped the air apart.
Pillars of water swelled to powerful tidal waves that even the dragon-like zeugle couldn't easily escape from.
Every blast of astral energy had brought a fresh round of praise from whoever happened to be nearest to her at the time.
That had been before they realised the stolen cyclone had ripped straight through Almeidra as well as her pet, leaving her staring breathlessly into the sky, eyes wide and panicked in those precious few instants before she fell to rest eternally.
And then Vholran had come, bringing ruin to any kind of understanding they could have come to in that moment.
Even now, they didn't know the full extent of her mistakes.
Moments passed in tenuous silence until the sharp snap of a smouldering log made the both of them jump. A small thing for people as battle-hardened as them. Small enough for Rinwell to let out a disbelieving huff of laughter.
Shionne followed suit shortly afterwards. The upturn of her lips was less certain. Measured. "I'm… not exactly the best person to tell you that." She said, gesturing vaguely to herself and the firearm she'd left perched against the nearby cliff face.
If not for the prior tension being broken, Rinwell might have found it in herself to be annoyed at ever having doubted her own decision when they were all quite happy to follow along with the Renan's quest to gun down the reigning Lords.
"Like you said, you had your reasons." Still, Shionne pressed on. "I can't judge you for that. I'd be the biggest hypocrite on Dahna. If you don't feel bad about it, then… that's good, I think. It'll keep your head clear. As long as whatever's bothering you doesn't get in the way of your teamwork, you can keep as many secrets as you like."
"Shionne… thank you. I'm not… trying to keep secrets, exactly. There are just some things you can't tell people, you know?"
She nodded slowly, glancing down at her hand as if seeing it properly for the first time. "Yeah. Yeah, I get it."
Rinwell looked over her shoulder to see Hootle sleeping soundly in the confines of her hood, and smiled.
He had the right idea.
"Good night, Shionne."
"I'll keep watch for a little longer. I'm already awake."
Tomorrow, she decided, in the bleary moments of half-consciousness just before sleep took hold. Tomorrow would be better.
-x-
Tomorrow, as it happened, was significantly worse.
As long as they'd all been travelling as a party, they'd never really made the decision to come together and come up with a specific game plan for the zeugles they'd end up encountering on the roads. It was more of a 'feeling' thing than anything else.
Law and Alphen would rush in and either apply pressure or outright destroy whatever creature was in their way. Shionne, Rinwell, and Dohalim would hang back and provide covering fire from afar – until the hordes were thinned enough for the latter to concentrate in a melee engagement, and Kisara would flit back and forth between offense and defence in the blink of an eye, whichever suited them best at the time.
If a zeugle needed its rampage stopped, Kisara would be front and centre.
If a zeugle was a little too swift for their frontliners to pin down, Dohalim would take the stage.
None of them had ever said as much out loud, but the more they all fought as one the less needed to be said in the first place.
And sometimes battles just broke down entirely.
"Get it off Dohalim and Rinwell!" Alphen shouted, turning on his boot heel to slam the pommel of his sword into a stray zeugle that had been lured by the sounds of combat. A wolf type: vicious, and fast. Fast enough that he couldn't properly disengage to lend a hand.
"I'm already trying!" Law called in return, slamming a closed fist into the giant mantid's armoured hide from behind in a blow that would have stumbled any lesser creature. This one just muscled through as if it had never been touched.
"No, I mean Kisara!"
"Already on it! This thing just isn't stopping!" The ex-guardswoman in question affirmed between grunts, the only thing separating her from the grasping mandibles being her shield and her considerable strength.
Her heel dug a groove into the ground as she was pushed back, her mace batting furiously at a monstrous talon that tried to sweep around her guard.
Vines courtesy of Dohalim had tried just as ferociously to keep the mantid at bay, yet they withered and snapped apart with even greater ease. The Lord hummed at the revelation, switching almost immediately to more potent astral artes after leaping a distance away.
Rinwell had only just been able to dive out of the way when Kisara interposed herself as the zeugle's new target, scrambling against the dry, cracked earth to pull herself to her feet, sparing a single vain moment to dust herself off before her tome opened and she felt the power swelling within her once more.
Kisara's teeth were grit. She was fighting a losing battle regardless of her valiance, and all of them knew it.
Her reprieve came in the form of an explosion lighting up the back of the zeugle's head, the creature pitching forward with a shriek of irritation – the first sign that they'd been dealing damage at all.
A way's off, Shionne chambered a new round into the barrel of her smoking rifle with a dangerous smile on her face.
The mantid turned with grace ill-befitting a creature of such prodigious size, snarling and snapping in the Renan's direction before the rest of it's body followed suit and barrelled towards the new face of its ire. Spittle and acid fell from its jaws as it ran, the ground sizzling with more than just heat in its wake.
Shionne was already on the move, as was Kisara now that she was free of keeping Rinwell safe. One of the gunner's bombs was already in mid-air as she jumped back, almost pirouetting in the air and lining up another shot as she did so.
Before her feet even touched the floor, a cage of arcing lightning bloomed into being around its upper body, stopping it in place with another pained growl just long enough for Kisara's mace and Law's fist to find solid purchase on its legs, which served to make it bow forward and dig its scythes into the dirt for support.
"Now!" One of them called – it never mattered who. They were all experienced enough to follow whatever opening an ally had spotted whenever somebody found one.
Rinwell let loose blades of her own lightning into the wounded spot at the base of the creature's skull as Law set about making certain it would move poorly on a particular leg for a long while even if they had to retreat. Kisara even turned to ramming the hard base of her shield into its side along with her mace, and Dohalim's staff was quick to find its own spot to attack as Shionne reloaded her weapon.
A fierce cry broke their pattern.
Alphen finished off the wolf that had been harrying him with one quick thrust through its belly and was sprinting towards their main foe before the wolf's body began to dissipate. Tongues of fire licked at his wrists as he moved, the Calaglian climate paling in comparison to the raw heat flowing from the swordsman among them.
Over his back, the sigil of the Sovereign flared.
That was another of those things that didn't need announcing.
Whenever Alphen made to draw the Blazing Sword, everyone made themselves scarce.
The very earth smouldered beneath his feet as he slid to a stop and braced himself by driving his usual sword into a gap in its chitin. Then, sheathing his blade for the moment, he gripped the burning weapon on his back and swung it down into that same gap, a wave of fire following in its wake.
Armour cracked and flew from the wound, and sickening green-and-crimson blood spilled forth to paint the soil with evidence of their deeds.
The beast made to rise in anger and, for the first time in the battle, fear, but its attempt fell short thanks to the combined effort of a lightning bolt crashing upon its back and another explosive round being delivered straight to its face, tearing off a mandible with the force.
Alphen wasn't done.
Again and again he swung the weapon that had become his signature, each pass calling forth another wave of searing flames until it looked almost as if he was dancing on his own amongst the blaze.
The 'Explosive Ring' technique, he called it. Certainly apt. Even his allies had to back away lest they feel the surging heat as well.
The waltz came to a brilliant end with one last pillar of fire ushered in by a rising slash, and as the haze cleared it was blatant that the beast was much worse for wear.
A shame that that was usually when zeugles became the deadliest they could be.
Alphen realised this, of course, as did the rest of them, but that didn't stop them from silently celebrating the decisive hits for just a fraction too long.
A shriek rent the air just as Shionne made to dash over and start healing Alphen of the wounds he'd brought upon himself with the effort he'd just expended, blasting those closest to the zeugle away and leaving those slightly further out keeled over and clutching their ears, eyes held tightly shut in the hopes that the pain would recede faster.
Rinwell's only warning that something was about to go horribly wrong were the quakes underfoot growing in intensity and frequency, bleary eyes opening to see the full force of an angry Gigant bearing down upon her, as well as the distant male voice piercing through the ringing of her ears to call her name.
No time to think.
No time to scream.
Every ounce of astral energy that she could muster coursed through her body and welled at her fingertips; her book having been knocked from her hand only moments prior.
Her teammates were all running towards her in slow motion, each with varying levels of panic or horror on their faces.
To say that she'd practiced the spell beforehand was an overstatement.
An idea, half formed in the middle of the night when she was supposed to be resting up. A more common occurrence than she'd willingly admit. Flicking through pages in the dark, and a concept that she'd no room to practice.
Even so…
Sacrificing the arte's chant for speed, a pulsing sphere of water appeared before her, writhing and churning with barely suppressed force.
It was incomplete. Shoddily crafted. But that didn't matter.
"Maelstrom!"
The orb burst forth.
She felt something snap in her connection to astral energy.
A pained gasp burst free of her lips just as agony spread through her chest.
The spell fired, that much was certain: the mantid's charge was halted by a brief geyser of raging currents launched straight into its loosened chitin, but a swipe from its scythes scattered the beam into countless harmless droplets.
As Rinwell's vision blurred and she staggered in place, she was met with the snarling visage of the monster she'd failed to stop as it stepped towards her once more.
One of the last things she felt as she fell to the ground was someone crashing into her, knocking her out of the way of the charging zeugle as Kisara's familiar yell signalled her own approach.
Searing crimson lit up even her darkening sight, and she'd just enough time to spot Alphen's Blazing Sword pierce straight through the beast's neck before Law's face filled her vision.
"-inwe… Rinwell!"
He was calling for her.
Why?
"-ou oka…? Hold on! Sh…onne, hurr-"
Then, his expression morphed. Gone was the panic over her safety, leaving only a brief flicker of horror in his eyes.
"Your hair… what did you…?"
She let unconsciousness take her.
-x-
Rinwell had half expected not to wake up at all, the pain from before had been that intense. Yet there she was, staring blankly at the roof of some inn or another, still wearing the dirty, sweaty clothes she had fought the zeugle in. That was good.
As much as she respected her friends, she wasn't at all comfortable with any of them having changed her without her knowing. Not like it was the worst condition any of them had ever slept in, anyway. At least she wasn't bleeding.
What had happened?
She felt that she knew, but she didn't want to know in turn.
She'd pushed herself past her limit – tried to control a little too much astral energy without knowing what she was doing.
Except it shouldn't have been too much.
Rinwell tried to move, but all she ended up doing was shifting her hand slightly. Any delusions of mobility were promptly shattered by the thorny tendrils of pain coursing through her arm as she did so.
"Oh! Rinwell, you're… you're awake!"
Apparently she hadn't been able to suppress that whimper she'd felt bubbling up just then, and apparently Law was in the room too.
Being extra careful not to make any sudden moves that her body didn't want her to make, she turned her head on the pillow to see Law scrambling to sit up properly on a bedside chair, rubbing at his eyes.
Had he… been there the whole time?
Despite herself, she smiled. That was kind of him.
"Hey. You didn't have to keep watch. I'm fine, see?" She said, doing her best to fight against the dry croaking in her voice.
Law scoffed and shook his head in clear disbelief. "Like hell you are! Do you even remember what happened to you?"
"Yeah, I just… I just pushed myself a little too far, okay?"
"No!" He scowled, "Not okay! That wasn't a 'little too far'. What even happened out there? One second you were just fine, and the next…" Law paused and took a breath, swallowing some invisible lump in his throat.
Only then did Rinwell notice the lines under his eyes, and the fact that judging by the scenery outside the window they were clearly in Cyslodia.
They had fought the zeugle in Calaglia. That journey wasn't short.
But that meant…?
He must have seen the realisation on her face.
"Three days." He spoke, barely above a whisper. "Ulzebek had no room for us, something about a zeugle attack and illnesses… Cysloden was our only choice."
Three days.
She'd messed up. Badly. If she'd slipped up like that before they'd properly dealt with The Wedge, there was no telling what might have happened. Would they have left her behind in some random Inn, or would they have had to wait and put all of Dahna in danger just because of her?
Stupid. She was so stupid.
"I'm sorry."
At that, Law finally cracked one of his usual smiles, however weak it was. "Hey, it's… alright. Kisara says the gear she had to hike with during guard training was heavier."
"That's not what I mean!"
"We beat the zeugle, we got paid for the job, and you're safe." He said, refusing to rise to her own raised voice. "You've got nothing to apologise for. We'd have carried anyone that far if we had to – and you're a lot more important than just 'anyone'."
In any other circumstance she might have caught herself flushing, but it didn't sound like Law meant it like that either way.
Of course, what she failed to see was Law averting his eyes and coughing into his fist for a second to quell his own embarrassment. It didn't help that there were loose strands of hair covering her face, which she had to give little shakes to dislodge every now and then.
Where was her hairclip?
"Is… is everyone else okay?"
The safer topic seemed to ease the tension in his shoulders. "Yeah, we're good! Dohalim's shoulder was a little rough after that zeugle's scream knocked him into a boulder, but Shionne cleared that right up. Me, Alphen, and Kisara didn't even have any real scratches on us by the end."
"Alphen, Kisara, and I." She corrected, absently.
He blinked. "Wha…?"
Rinwell laughed, ignoring the way even the gentle rise and fall of her chest made her hurt all over again. "Heh. Never mind."
"This is one of those things everyone's meant to know 'cept me, right?" Law frowned.
"I said never mind!"
"It totally is, isn't it!?"
She tried her best not to start giggling in earnest, but when Law got all pouty she just couldn't help it. Although the attempt quickly devolved into a strained wheeze, making him move to stand up in panic before she spoke up. "I'm fine! I'm fine…"
It said a lot that Law chose to stay quiet then, sinking back down into the seat he'd probably been all but trapped in for the last day or so.
Throughout all the little returns to normalcy, she couldn't shake the feeling that he was being a little too calm with her. Something more was bothering him; she just didn't know what.
"Are you…" He started to say before catching himself, moving his gaze to his lap. "Y'know. Are you, like, sure you're okay?"
Well that was as much of a giveaway as anything else.
"Law…?"
The boy refused to look at her, turning something that she couldn't see over and over in his fingers. Rinwell failed to recognise what it was until the light caught it at an odd angle and a glint of reflective gold caught her eye.
"Is that my hairclip?"
Still, he failed to give her an answer, though he did finally deign to look her in the eye, and she quickly had to suppress another gasp.
He'd already looked and sounded tired – such was to be expected after a trek like the one they'd made on top of keeping an eye on her while she recovered – but something about the obvious fatigue wracking him was different from mere physical weakness.
The more that he failed to say anything, the more afraid she grew.
"I always kinda wondered, you know?" Law said eventually, contemplating the object in his hand yet again. "When we were up against Almeidra, you were amazing. Amazingly strong!" He amended, hastily. "I mean, I'd never seen astral artes as strong as that. Shionne and Dohalim were impressed, too. And that… that new arte you tried against the Gigant. It wasn't even as strong as some of the stuff you pulled out against her. That's how crazy powerful you were."
He looked at her again, and for a second it was like he was looking straight through her.
When she didn't respond, he kept going.
"We never questioned a thing. We just thought… maybe you were just that mad at Almeidra, and your astral energy, I dunno… reacted to that or something. I figured something was up when you snapped at me a little while ago, but I didn't… I never thought… I don't understand, Rinwell! You saw what it did to Migal! You saw what happened to the people in Niez!"
His voice got louder and louder as he went on, and every little increase made Rinwell feel smaller and smaller, sinking down into the pillow as best she could to try and hide away from the truth for just those few seconds longer.
He should never have known. Law was the very last person who she wanted to find out.
"And then I got you out of the way of that zeugle, a-and your hairclip got knocked loose – I wondered why you'd been wearing it a little differently. Do you have any more? Please, Rinwell. Please tell me you haven't eaten any more."
"No!" She finally broke her silence, lifting her head to face him regardless of the pain shooting down her back. "No, I swear, that was the only one! I wouldn't ever eat another one!"
"Then why'd you take one in the first place?!" Law growled, tossing her hairclip onto the bedsheets and opting to grasp his knees instead. His fingers shook with the effort.
"Because Almeidra needed to pay!"
Whatever retort he'd readied died on his tongue at her outburst.
"She needed to pay, and I didn't think I was strong enough to do it." Rinwell continued, chest heaving with the effort of restraining her volume – for politeness' sake, and her own wellbeing. "I found where they were keeping it all after we saved Menancia, I just… took one with me before I told everyone else where they were. Migal said they pushed a Dahnan's astral energy output to the maximum for a little while, and seeing as he survived getting fed the fruit for weeks and weeks with only his hand being hollowed, I just thought… if I just had the one, maybe it'd be the boost I needed to… you know…"
"Kill Almeidra." Law finished, palming his forehead like he couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Rinwell, your hair…"
"I know! I don't understand why it happened so quickly! Maybe because mages circulate astral energy way faster than a regular person, or maybe because I was just more active after eating it than Migal was. But it's not spreading! It's not going any further. I'm okay! I'm not going to… end up like them."
Law leaned forward; hand outstretched to make contact with hers for the briefest of moments before thinking better of it. "You're sure? You're absolutely sure you're going to be okay?"
"As long as I don't take any more, then yeah. I'm gonna be fine."
There was an explosive exhale as he practically melted into his seat. "Okay! Alright… that's good. You're gonna be okay… you're okay." Law spoke as if he were reaffirming the fact in his mind.
That was when Rinwell realised the problem.
Three days. She'd been out of it for three days, and only in the last few minutes had Law finally heard the confirmation he'd been wanting – needing – to hear for all that time. Three days of walking, helping to carry her between cities, no doubt having to fight off other hordes of zeugles all the way there, all that time not knowing whether Rinwell was on the verge of dying or not.
He'd seen her collapse, not knowing.
He'd seen her carried unconscious on Kisara's shoulders across the burning climate of Calaglia and through the frigid wastes of Cyslodia, not knowing.
He'd stayed by her side as she recovered, not knowing.
Almost half of the fatigue that had gripped Law this whole time melted away, and she saw him smile breathlessly into the air, laughing in happy relief.
"Everyone else knows, don't they?" She asked, quietly running her fingers through her hair to get it back into proper place.
"What? No, no they don't. I kinda, uh… hid it. I'm not so good with hairbands and hairclips and stuff, but I tucked it away the best I could." He admitted with a bashful chuckle.
Rinwell looked down.
That was good. Wasn't it?
On the surface, yes it was. It meant that she didn't have to face the judgement of everyone else for what she'd done. Kisara had no idea Rinwell had eaten the same fruit that killed her brother. They would all accept her back without a care in the world, and she'd never have to bring it up.
Except she did. Sooner or later, they had to know. They had the right to. And it would have been much easier to have that bandage torn off while she was unconscious, leaving her no choice in the matter.
But it was a kind thing that Law did, and for that, she was grateful beyond words.
"Aren't you mad at me?" She asked, faltering for just a moment when Law glanced her way. "For what I did to Almeidra. I thought you were upset with me because of that."
Before she had the time to tell him otherwise, his hand fell gently on her shoulder. Even that contact ached ever so slightly, but she was of no mind to tell him to move.
"Of course not. I mean, yeah, maybe at first. But I've been thinking a little bit. About… revenge. It wasn't fair for me to stop you." He hushed her when she went to open her mouth, knowing that if he didn't finish admitting stuff then he wouldn't feel up to it any time soon. "I mean, I had mine, right? With Ganabelt. Hitting him like that felt great, for a while anyway. I guess I was just scared."
"Scared?" She probed after Law fell into quiet contemplation.
"Yeah. I mean, what we saw in Niez. It hit Alphen pretty hard, but it made me sick to my stomach too. All those people, without any warning… and then seeing your face, just like theirs. It scared me. Almost as much as seeing dad up on that platform. I just didn't wanna… uh." Law mumbled the end of the sentence inaudibly and cleared his throat with a definite flush on his face. "A-Anyway! Point is, I'm not mad at you. Plus, Vholran would've done it if you didn't. Not like it would've mattered in the end."
She really should have been happy to hear it. It was so much more than she deserved to hear for just how idiotic she'd been, but the more he spoke the more she felt ugly tears welling up before she could do a thing to hold them back.
"Rinwell? Rinwell, what's wrong?" He stuttered, drawing his hand back like someone who'd just touched fire. "Oh shit, did I say something stupid again?"
"She won."
"I- huh?"
"Almeidra. She won." Rinwell said in a hoarse rasp, hating how red her face was by virtue of tears and something else she wasn't in any mood to name. Strands of disgusting, monstrous silver hair were held before her eyes "She left her mark on every last Dahnan mage. And it's all my fault! If I just hadn't… if I hadn't been so weak, weak enough to eat the fruit of Helgan, we'd have won anyway! She wasn't all that tough! But now I've got to carry this around forever! Now I've got to be extra careful when I use artes not to knock myself out, and now you're telling me that my revenge never mattered to you anyway!"
Whatever anger she'd mustered let her muscle through the pain just enough to prop herself up, sheets bundled between clenched fists. She didn't even know who her wrath was directed at anymore, and so all that was left were tears.
"I thought you said you weren't going to do stupid stuff anymore." Law pointed out, blunt as a club, though it was clear by the sympathy in his eyes that he wanted to say so much more.
Hearing something so blatant took her aback for a moment. "What?"
He scoffed and gestured vaguely to her, the room, and everything else. "In case you hadn't noticed, Almeidra's dead. All of us are still alive, and her ally was about to run her through either way. She was never gonna become Sovereign, she was never gonna win against us, and she was never getting off Dahna alive. I don't know about you, but none of that sounds like winning to me."
"But I-"
"You're alive. You're here, with m- with us." He drove onward, blushing all the more at his Freudian slip. "We're the ones who won. Not her. In fact, I'd say she's the biggest loser of all the Lords. All the help in the world, all the advantages, and she was still the worst off."
Law smiled ruefully and looked to his own fist. "My old man wouldn't tell me off for putting an end to Ganabelt, and your parents sure as hell wouldn't think less of you for getting rid of Almeidra after everything she did."
"But… but…" Rinwell uttered between silent sobs, though the tears were easier to see through, now. A little less pervasive. And then, just like that, she threw herself against Law. No matter how much it stung, how much her body shrieked at her to be more careful, she buried her head in his chest and continued to cry.
The boy stuttered for a moment with his hands reared back, eyes wide and disbelieving, but he was quick to let his arms settle around her back. Embarrassment took a backseat to making sure she was okay.
"Why couldn't you just hate me?" She mumbled into his shirt.
"Well… 'cause I…" He bit down on his words and sighed when they refused to come.
Maybe some other day.
She was alive, after all. They had all the time in the world to figure this stuff out.
"Because I couldn't ever hate you, Rinwell."