Welcome to my latest fever dream! This is a script of sorts, so here's some notes:
Italics = Narrator
[] = Stage directions/soundbites
And away we go! ^_^
Tonight, on Kitchen Nightmares. A unique situation. This Philadelphia restaurant is not in dire straits. But the feud between the owner and his wife is tearing this restaurant apart. He wants her to work in the restaurant. ["I feel that her place is beside me in the restaurant"] But his nurse wife wants to do just that. ["I already have a career. I have no interest in being a restaurateur"] Can this couple come to an understanding? ["Maybe the man who called you 'Bliss' isn't long dead yet."] Or will the restaurant tear this once happy couple apart? [It's time for a divorce. I'm tired… I'm-I'm just… I'm tired] All this, coming up on Kitchen Nightmares!
[Opening Theme]
We're in beautiful Mt. Airy, a suburb of Philadelphia, where Chef Gordon Ramsey is about to visit the Queen's Dish, a quaint little Bistro off Mt. Peasant Avenue. He has been told that the owners, Tyr and Mekena Anasazi, do not share equal responsibility in the restaurant.
"The Queen's Dish has been operating for three years. In that time, I believe that my wife has set foot in our restaurant that many times. She refuses to take responsibility for our business. I love her so much. I would like for her to help me with the restaurant. I noticed that she seems to have a great deal of respect for Chef Ramsey. Maybe, having him come and light a fire under her butt will help."
The Chef decides to visit Tyr's wife, Mekena Anasazi, before going to visit Tyr at the restaurant.
[To the camera] "I believe this might be a short episode. From what I understand, the couple opened a restaurant and now the wife is refusing to work there. From what I understand, she's a nurse instead. I'm just going to go and find out where her head's at in this venture. Is she just lazy? Does she believe the restaurant is going to go under? I have no fucking clue. Time to find out."
He knocks on the door and is surprised when the wife opens the door and then slams it in his face.
"Mekena? Mekena, it's Chef Ramsey. I'm here to talk to you about your restaurant, The Queen's Dish. May I come in?"
Through the door. "That bastard told you that I own that restaurant, didn't he? Because I don't. I don't have time for this. I-"
"You don't own that restaurant? Please, open the door."
"No, I don't own that restaurant. You go to The Queen's Dish and have him pull out the deed to the land and the license for the restaurant. My name is not on any of them. Owning a restaurant was his dream, not mine! And no, you can't come in here! You should be talking to my asshole husband. I can't believe that he opted to get the media involved in our fight!"
"Mekena, in order to get a clear picture of what's happening, I really need to speak to you. Please, open the door."
The woman is reluctant to open the door but finally agrees. She looks frazzled and very upset at being put on the spot like this.
"Thank you, Mekena. May we come in? I would really like to hear more about what's going on. If what you say is true, I've been lied to and I don't appreciate it one bit." She indicates that he may. After settling her guests in the living room without a word, she takes a deep breath and begins her tale.
"Tyr got it into his head to open a restaurant four years ago. There was no lead-up, no gradual talk; he just told me 'I want to open a restaurant' one day. So I said what any wife of a wealthy husband would. 'Go ahead'. I had been a nurse for six years, so with my career established, I wasn't too worried about what he did with his free time. I insisted on a prenup when we married, so I wasn't worried about losing my car or my house. Plus, his family is rich, what do I care what he does with his money, you know?"
"You insisted on a prenup?"
"Of course I did! Rich people are crazy and vindictive when they want to be. I already had everything I needed when Tyr started pursuing me. I wasn't going to lose everything one day because he changed his mind. Basically, I keep what's mine, he takes what's his, and he gets out of my life. Simple. I like simple. What I don't like is the fact that when he said 'I want to open a restaurant', he actually meant 'I'm going to open a restaurant and force you to give up your life to run it with me.' He's been relentless, trying every underhanded trick to get me to sign my life away to pursue his dream. I'm so sick of him trying to force me into the restaurant business. I already have a career. I have no interest in being a restaurateur."
"I… I can't believe what I'm hearing," Chef Ramsey said with growing anger. "Has he given you any indication why he wants you to be in the restaurant business so badly?"
"No! Whenever we get to that point in the argument, he's all like 'you belong by my side' or some nonsense like that. 'Doing what?' and he gets all vague, saying that a wife's place is by her husband's side. I don't know what he wants from me!"
The woman is distressed by this point, pacing her immaculate living room. "Are you a chef or something?" the man asked in a gentle tone, trying to calm her down.
"No! I was taught to cook as a child, but I'm not a secret chef or anything. I do well enough to fix my own meals for work and stuff and that's about it."
"Why don't you cook me something and let me be the judge of that."
"Oh, no. No, no, no!"
"Why not?"
"Why?" She looked at him as if he was crazy. "Because you're Chef freaking Ramsey! The stuff I make is good enough for dinner in the breakroom. But it's definitely not up to professional chef levels. I'd rather not embarrass myself by trying to cook for you and having you spit it out in my face, thank you very much! It's bad enough that my husband has opted to humiliate me by airing our dirty laundry on national TV."
"Mekena," he placed a hand on her arm, offering comfort. "I'm not trying to embarrass or humiliate you. I only want to understand why he wants you in his restaurant. The most obvious answer I can think of is that you have undiscovered talent in the kitchen. I'd like for you to trust me. I'm going to help you to the best of my ability, but you have to work with me, okay?"
"Okay," she said in a dejected voice.
The nurse heads off into the kitchen, no doubt nervous about cooking for a world-famous chef. She wastes no time putting together meals of baked chicken breasts, roasted vegetables, and rice while the chef watches. While he tastes her creation, she separates the food and packs it away in the fridge for lunches.
"This isn't bad, Mekena. A little salty for my taste, but it all tastes good. I especially like this buttery rice concoction of yours."
"Yeah, well, you're lucky I went shopping today. I usually freeze my chicken and cook it a few days later," she shrugged. "So… You really like my food?"
"It's not up to restaurant standards or anything, but you're a perfectly acceptable cook, Mekena."
"Please, call me Kena."
"Kena then. Shall we go and talk to your husband?"
"You'd be better off talking to a rock. Tyr is stubborn as the Rock of Gibraltar. He'll never change his mind about this."
"Well, I'm known to be pretty stubborn myself," the chef told her with a smile. "Besides, I want to know why he lied to get me here. I'm not appreciating having my time wasted."
The two set out for the restaurant in separate cars, Kena being silent for the camera the whole ride over. Once Chef Ramsey pulls into the parking lot, Tyr comes out to greet him, pausing briefly when he notices his wife pulling up as well.
"Ah, chef. You've met my wife, Kena, then?"
"Why'd you lie on me?" Kena shouted, wasting no time. "You know good and well that I'm not on any of the documentation on this restaurant! You've been trying for years to get me to sign for your business and I've refused every single time!"
"Now is not the time for this," Tyr said with a stern look at his wife. He glared at her while trying to smile at the chef as he ushered the two into the establishment. The afternoon rush is over; only a few patrons remain. There are three servers and four chefs behind the line. All look bored now that the rush is over. They stand up a little straighter when they notice the cameras.
"I think now is the perfect time for this," Chef Ramsey said, ignoring the staff. "If you hadn't lied about your situation, I wouldn't be here. What is it you expected from me, Tyr? I'm not a marriage counselor."
"Kena needs to be a part of my restaurant, Chef. She needs to stop with her futile pursuits and focus on her responsibility to her husband. I'm convinced that you are the only one that can convince her of this."
"'Futile pursuits'?" Kena growled. "I've wanted to be a nurse since high school. I've been a nurse for ten years. Tell me, what is so futile about that? And as for my responsibility to you, what does that even mean? I'm not your mother! I don't need to babysit you like you're some little kid. I have my own life and I refuse to give it up for you!"
"See, it's exactly this kind of selfishness that is going to lose us this restaurant," Tyr spat.
"The restaurant is yours to lose, not mine," she shot back, looking just as furious.
"Alright you two," Chef Ramsey interjected. The couple settled with withering looks at each other. "Tyr, what exactly do you expect her to do in your restaurant?"
"She can do whatever she wants in our restaurant. She just needs to be a part of this place. It's going to be our legacy after all."
"Your legacy," she bit out. "I want nothing to do with it. It's your venture, your dream. Stop trying to downplay mine."
"Yours isn't as important as mine," he snapped at her. "Anyone can be a nurse. I'm trying to build something lasting with you and you're refusing to cooperate!"
"I will never-"
"That's enough," the Chef roared over both of them. "It's obvious that this is an old argument for the two of you. I give myself a week with these shows, and it's obvious that you two are in desperate need of a referee. So, you have one week to show me why your wife needs to give up her life and join yours."
"What?"
"Easy as pie," Tyr said with a smug grin.
"Starting with explaining to me what clearly defined position you had in mind for her in your restaurant."
"Our-"
"Show me the deed and license for this restaurant. Let's start with the basics of who owns this restaurant."
"Well, she hasn't signed anything yet, but I made sure that her name was-"
"If she hasn't signed anything, then she is not an owner of this restaurant," Chef Ramsey said in annoyance. "Do you file your taxes jointly? Or do you-"
"We file separately. I want nothing to do with him and his business," she glared at her husband. He glared back.
"Let's have a look at that license and deed, shall we?" The owner of the restaurant led the two to his office, which was a disaster zone. After sorting through some overbalanced piles, he dug out his license and the deed to the land. Just as he'd indicated, there was a space left on each for his wife to sign. But as she'd pointed out, she hadn't signed either one.
"This is your restaurant, Tyr. Nobody but you owns it. Without her signature, you are the sole proprietor of this property."
"That's bullshit," he roared.
"You getting upset isn't going to change the facts, Tyr," Kena glared with narrowed eyes at her husband. Tyr looked like he had a lot to say to his wife. Looking to forestall another argument, the multi-Michelin starred chef spoke up.
"I've sampled your wife's cooking. It's not a chef's level of good, but it's fine for what she does for a living."
"I don't need another chef. I have four already."
"Then what do you need, Tyr? I'm not understanding what exactly you want from your wife. Your restaurant isn't failing from what I've seen so far. You appear to have servers and all the help you need. Why does Kena need to be a part of your business for it to succeed?" The man went quiet at that question, looking embarrassed.
"I want to look around your establishment and I want to observe a dinner service. Maybe I can see what your restaurant needs that Kena must be here for. After that, we'll discuss things."
"I will never join your restaurant," Kena told the men.
"Oh, I think you will," Tyr told her with an arrogant smirk.
"This is the most humiliating thing you have ever done to me," she growled. "After this, I'd rather just get rid of you altogether. I have errands to run now. Good day to you both." With that, she swept out of the restaurant altogether, looking like a Queen. Tyr eyed her form, his mouth watering at the picture she made walking away from him.
"Has she ever threatened divorce before?" Gordon asked, noticing the possessive look on his face.
"No," the man shrugged. "Kena doesn't believe in divorce. She's a very religious woman and believes in the sanctity of marriage. She would never-"
"What she just said was a threat of divorce, Tyr. What are you, stupid or just delusional?" Tyr's eyes narrowed in fury, but he managed to hold his piece.
The two spent the rest of the afternoon showing off his baby, the restaurant. Ramsey was introduced to the staff and inspected the kitchen. There was no mess, the walk-ins were the correct temperature, and no vermin inhabited the building. Everything was stored correctly and there was no frozen and thawed food to be seen. In short, Tyr's restaurant was a kitchen dream, rather than a nightmare.
"Tyr is always talking about his wife; she's like the mystery member of the staff."
"And you are?"
"I'm the Floor Manager for the restaurant," Evelyn smiled. "My name is Evelyn Grace."
"Thank you, Evelyn. What would you say is the number one problem with this restaurant at the moment?"
"I would say that nothing is wrong with the restaurant itself. But the war between Tyr and his wife is definitely affecting us. He talks about her and how much better this place will be once she joins the staff, but all they do is fight whenever she steps foot in here, which thankfully isn't often. I was there when the fighting first started. He invited her in for a romantic dinner and then announced to everyone that she had agreed to run the restaurant by his side. That night, whoo… She exploded and they had a huge row right in the middle of the restaurant. She was so furious that he had tricked her into coming into his establishment. She-"
"So, this isn't the first underhanded trick he's played on her?"
"Sorry, Chef. But you are only the latest in a long line of ways Tyr has tried to scam his wife into quitting her job and working for him. No one has any idea why it's so important to him; the restaurant is doing fine as you can see. But he simply won't consider this place a success until she's chained to it. And he'll have to chain her here to get her to stay."
"Would he really do that to his wife?"
"He would. Tyr loves his wife to the moon and back, he just doesn't seem to know how to show it. It's really a shame that he's working so hard to destroy her happiness and all the while thinking that he's guaranteeing it. Those two need to make peace before they both end up with broken hearts."
"Have you ever told your boss this?" The woman was already shaking her head.
"He would fire me on the spot. He gets a little crazy when it comes to his wife. That's why we're all so happy that you're here. He can't fire you."
"Well, thank you for your candor, Evelyn."
[First Commercial Break]
It's begun! There are going to be a bunch of parts to this story. I'm separating the drama by commercial breaks as if this WAS an episode of Kitchen Nightmares. See ya after the break! ^_^