I took the last two weeks off work and returned today. The team was suspicious; I hadn't answered many calls, and only a text every so often. I hadn't told them why I was away, and I didn't tell them that I was late this morning because I had an appointment with the Bureau's therapist.

We had a case, and we discussed it as we always did. I didn't share as much as I usually would; I was anxious that if I said the wrong thing or reacted to something the wrong way, then they would somehow know what happened. They all noticed my silence, which probably told them more than speaking would have. When Hotch dismissed us, I took an extra second to get a hold of myself before I stood and gathered my file together. When I turned to the door, Hotch was there, watching me. Before he could ask if I was okay, I dropped my head down and walked past him quickly, leaving the room. The team was watching as I descended the stairs from the catwalk. I ignored their eyes the best I could as I grabbed my go-bag and continued through to the glass doors. We had two hours before we were leaving, so I decided to go downstairs and get a workout in, hoping that it would help calm me.

I was a little bit later than I usually was to the plane, courtesy of losing track of time in the gym. I had a quick shower and changed, almost running out of the Bureau and to my car to meet the team at the airstrip. I caught their concerned eyes as I sat down on the plane and I dropped my eyes to the file in front me. When I knew they moved on, I still felt like I was being watched. When I looked up, Hotch was still watching, observing almost.

"We don't profile each other." I reminded him quietly, although everyone heard it.

"Sorry." He looked to his file and I returned to mine.

We reviewed what we knew, our beginning theories, and then what we needed to find out. Hotch paired us off, leaving me with Morgan how he usually does, thankfully. Nothing would cause more concern in the team than him switching up the partnering and leaving me with him.

As Morgan drove to the first dumpsite, he kept glancing at me. "Do you want to tell me what's going on?"

"I don't know what you mean." I acted oblivious, but I still kept my eyes out the window rather than on him.

"Two weekends ago you called me to come over, you were wearing a hospital bracelet, but you didn't notice it was still there. I didn't say anything. You took the week off two weeks ago; I still didn't say anything. You took last week off too, and I didn't say anything. You called me last Friday, asking me to come back. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, except you looked absolutely exhausted. Something is going on, and I think you need to talk about it." He pulled up at the dumpsite and turned the car off before turning in his seat to face me. I met his eyes but I kept my mouth shut. He sighed quietly, "Well, if not me, talk about it with someone else. Please? We're worried about you."

"I'm fine." I opened the door and dismissed the conversation as I stepped out. He followed behind me as I approached the site and we reverted right back to the professional agent behaviour we needed to maintain.

We visited the second dumpsite next, and then finally the third and most recent. The victim was still here, covered with a tarp as we walked the perimeter together before approaching the body. I knelt and pulled the sheet away from her face. She was beaten pretty badly, but you could still make out her face. I sighed as I assessed the rest of her body, and then I reset the tarp. I stood back and waited as Morgan spoke with a few of the cops here, and then we went back to the car.

The drive back to the local precinct was silent, although Morgan tried to coax a conversation out of me in the beginning. When we got back and joined the others in the small room, I sat and listened as Morgan filled them in. "Anything to add?" He turned and looked to me. I shook my head. He let out a frustrated noise, "You know you're not hiding your emotions very well like you usually do, right? You're never this quiet. What's wrong?" His eyes were filled with frustration.

"Nothing that concerns you." I challenged him.

"I swear to god, if this is another Doyle situation, I'll kill you myself."

I snickered and looked down as I opened my file, "It's not."

Morgan came to my room tonight and I let him in, although reluctantly. He begged me to talk to him, to tell him what was on my mind. Considering the lack of sleep I had gotten since the incident, I was too exhausted to argue with him. I told him to sit at the table, and I paced back and forth across the room. "Emily, do you trust me?" He asked softly.

I nodded, "I do, Derek, I promise. This is just something that I don't want to share, because it is humiliating, and I makes me feel weak and useless and disgusting—"

"You're not weak, you're not useless, and with how you're acting, I seriously doubt that this is something I could ever judge you for or tease you about. Please, just let it out."

I took a deep breath and swallowed my sob as tears sprang into my eyes. I knew he saw them, but right now I didn't even care. "That night that I called you to come over…I had been at the hospital. You know that, though, because you saw the bracelet. I don't know how I got there. The last thing I remember, was I was walking home with…a guy."

"He raped you." He concluded easily. I broke into tears and dropped down to sit on the bed, dropping my head into my hands. He approached me and sat beside me, hugging me. "Emily, I am so sorry. Look at me," He waited for me to calm my breathing and lift my eyes to meet his, "This does not make you weak or useless. It was not your fault, and you are not alone. You know that no one on our team is going to see you any different. You are still the strongest, most beautiful person we know, inside and out. I don't think you realise how much we all admire you.
Does Hotch know?"

I nodded and wiped the fresh tears from my eyes, "Hotch is my emergency contact so the hospital told him. He called Rossi and told him that I was in the hospital, but he guessed the reason. Will took my case, but he promised that he wouldn't tell JJ."

"Are you pressing charges?" He raised his eyebrows. I hesitated. "Emily, you cannot let him get away with this."

"I had been drinking so—"

"So? Just because you were drinking, doesn't mean it is ever okay for anyone to use you or take advantage of you, especially like that."

"It wasn't the first time; it's happened plenty of times…it's just the first time in two years. It doesn't ever get easier to deal with." I looked down and shook my head as I took a deep breath, "…Stay with me?"

He smiled at me and nodded, "I'm going to run to my room and grab a few things, and I'll be right back. You get ready to sleep, because you need it." I nodded and he stood, taking my room key as he walked out.

I went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth, brushed my hair, and then got changed into a pair of sweats and a tank top. I walked back out and plugged my phone into the charger before climbing onto the bed. I got underneath the covers just as Morgan came back in, and he only took five minutes in the bathroom before he joined me. He lay down and opened his arms to allow me to snuggle up to him. Once I felt safe in his arms, I let out a breath and let myself relax. Just as I was almost asleep, there was a knock on the door. Derek told me to stay put, and he slid out from under me and went to the door. I heard he and Hotch speak for a few minutes before the door closed again and he returned to my side. I lifted myself so he could get comfortable again, and then he turned the lamp out, leaving us in silent darkness.

We got home Friday morning. After a day of paperwork, Garcia insisted that we get a few drinks tonight. Hotch was reluctant, as he wanted to see Jack, but he eventually agreed to come for an hour. JJ called Will and said they would both be there, and I declined the invitation.

"Please?" Garcia begged me for what felt like the hundredth time.

I let out a vexed sigh, "Fine!" I took a breath, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay." She smiled at me, but she shot a worried glance to the guys behind me. She went to her office to get her things.

I ran my hand through my hair and began to bite at my nails. Reid pulled me hand away from my mouth and told me to stop. I had my bag ready, so I waited for the others to get their stuff together before we all left the office together. We broke off to our cars, agreeing to meet at the bar in an hour.

I drove home on autopilot and went up to shower quickly. I reapplied my daily makeup and tied my hair up into a ponytail. I walked into my closet and stared at the dresses in front of me. I caught sight of the short black dress I wore those weeks ago and felt bile rise in my throat. I took a deep breath to calm myself and I managed to get the bile back down. I opted for jeans and a high-cut long sleeve shirt. This way I wouldn't show much skin. People can't be tempted if they don't know what's up for offer. I called a cab, realising that I hadn't eaten anything in two days, so even two drinks would leave me in a state too dangerous to drive.

I showed up about twenty minutes late, not willing to sit alone in the bar. I would be more comfortable with all the guys already here. I walked in slowly, looking around for the team. I spotted them and stopped at the bar to get a beer before heading over to the table quickly. I felt skittish and uncomfortable. I was relieved that the chair saved for me was between Hotch and Morgan, and I knew that the two planned it that way. I greeted them all without meeting their eyes, and then I caught Will watching me. He smiled softly and I looked down to my hands quickly. The pity in them made me mad, but I took a deep breath to keep it together. I felt Morgan squeeze my knee momentarily and realised that both he and Hotch had noticed the breath. "You're safe." Morgan whispered to me, just loud enough for me to hear.

After a few beers and the team's playful banter with each other, I relaxed more. I felt almost normal again. I realised that the better I felt, the better the team seemed to feel. I knew that when one of us was down, it did affect the others, even without anyone really knowing it, but I hadn't noticed it until right now.
It didn't last long, however, as I caught his eyes on me from across the bar.

"Are you okay? You just turned like sheet white!" JJ looked extremely concerned.

They all looked at me before they followed my eyes. Will spoke first, "That's him, isn't it?" My silence was enough of an answer. I saw a smirk spread on his lips as he held eye contact. "If anyone asks, I hadn't had a drink yet." Will spoke as he stood and removed the cuffs from the back of his jeans.

"Wait! Please don't." I pleaded with Will and he hesitated before he apologised and left the table, approaching him. Morgan stood and followed him, obviously providing back up. Hotch took my hand comfortingly. Rossi sipped his drink, and the other three looked confused, moving their eyes between me, the guys, and the blond man they were approaching.

I shook my head and looked down to keep my tears hidden as he made the arrest, Morgan getting his phone out to call someone to come pick him up. Only a short while past before two uniformed men entered the bar and took Jay from Will. JJ turned back to me as they left with questioning eyes, "Who was that?"

I stood abruptly with my clutch and coat and walked around the table. Will caught my arm just a few steps away from the team as I tried to pass him "Emily—"

"I asked you not to!" I almost yelled. The whole team sat silently, JJ standing slowly, the protective instincts kicking in, "How am I supposed to explain what just happened to JJ, Reid, and Garcia?" I knew they could hear me.

"I'm sorry." He didn't look sorry. He looked mad, although I wasn't sure if that was with me or with Jay. I tore my arm away and walked towards the exit quickly, "Emily!" He and Morgan both called after me, but I ignored them and went straight to the bay of cabs near the entrance of the bar. I got in the first one and gave them my address quickly, finally letting my tears fall willingly.