It all started with a look. It was freshman year, and Trish had been invited to a party by a cute sophomore boy from her marketing class. So naturally, Ally went with her so they could experience their first college party together.
As soon as they walked into the house, Ally's eyes caught on a messy mop of blonde hair and the pretty face attached to it. The boy stopped mid-conversation when she met his eyes—mouth half-open forming a word that was now long gone, a ghost of a smirk playing on his lips—and he looked her up and down from across the room. But before she could even consider how she felt about that, Trish had grabbed her arm and dragged her away to go talk to the boy who invited her.
She later learned the blonde boy was named Austin and lived at the house with Trish's boy, Jace. Her skin was still buzzing from that look he gave her when she first walked in, but she tried her best to pay attention as she and Trish (well, mostly Trish) talked to Jace. But then Trish squeezed her hand, which meant it was time for Ally to suddenly need a snack and keep an eye on them from a safe distance.
She was so distracted watching Trish and Jace flirt from the kitchen that she didn't even notice someone come up next to her until he spoke.
"I'm Austin," he said, and she jumped and looked up at him. He smiled a little. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."
She shook her head. "No, it's fine, I was just…" She nodded in the general direction of the living room.
"Spying on your friend?"
She narrowed her eyes. "Keeping an eye on her. In case your roommate decides to try anything."
"Fair enough. He wouldn't, though, just so you know. Jace is a good guy."
"Forgive me if I don't just take your word for it."
"Didn't expect you to. I, uh, wanted to apologize for earlier." He scratched the back of his neck. "I didn't mean to…Well, you know. It felt very douchey."
"It looked very douchey."
"Yeah, I'm really sorry. That's definitely not the kind of guy I am."
She stood up a little straighter and nodded. "Well, I appreciate the apology."
He nodded back. "It'd be even worse of me to check you out like that and then not even learn your name."
"It's Ally."
He smiled. "Nice to meet you, Ally," he said, holding out his hand. "Think we could start over and pretend that whole thing never happened?"
She smiled a little and shook his hand. "No way. You seem like the kind of guy who needs to be reminded of stuff like this to keep you humble."
He held her hand longer than he needed to before letting go. "I didn't realize I was that easy to read."
"Anyone who doesn't even realize he's being douchey until after the fact clearly needs a little humility."
He laughed. "That's very fair. I hope you don't judge me too harshly on a bad first impression, though." He nodded towards Trish and Jace and his smile softened. "Something tells me we're gonna be seeing a lot more of each other."
And they did. Trish and Jace started dating pretty soon after that, which meant more parties at their house, along with pool days and game nights and movie nights, and pretty soon they were all inseparable. She and Trish got to know Austin and Jace's third roommate, Dez, and the five of them formed a nice little friend group. And after months of shameless flirting and pretending not to see the knowing looks between Trish and Jace and Dez, Austin finally asked her on a date.
He took her pottery painting, and it went really well. And then he was even more flirty when they all hung out, even more annoyingly charming, and he kept getting that stupid little twinkle in his eyes whenever he looked at her. He took her to a horror movie and ice cream for their second date—just in time for Halloween—and as anti-horror movie as she is, she had a good time. Although cuddling and hiding her face in his shoulder probably had more to do with it than the actual movie.
But then, things went very bad, very fast. Which never really made sense to her, because they weren't very serious—hell, they were barely even dating. She went to the boys' Halloween party expecting that to be the night Austin finally kissed her, but she was sorely mistaken. Instead, he ignored her for half the night, and when she finally cornered him in the back yard and asked him what was going on, he broke things off.
Except, since they weren't ever together, it was a lot more awkward than an actual breakup.
"I just think we're better off as friends," he had said.
"I thought we were friends," she replied. Which, to be fair, was sort of a lie—of course she thought they were slightly more than that, but she'd never give him that satisfaction now.
"You know what I mean," he sighed. "I just don't think us dating is a good idea."
"Was that really worth ignoring me all night and making everything super awkward?"
"I wasn't ignoring you, I was…I didn't know what to say."
"And this was the best you could come up with? Austin, we went on two dates. But now everyone knows you've been ignoring me, and they know we're out here talking, and it's become this big deal that it really didn't have to be."
"I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"I don't know! You seem mad."
She crossed her arms. "I'm not mad, I just…I'm annoyed, I guess. You really couldn't have said all this before?"
He looked away. "I didn't wanna ruin the party for you."
"So you did it during the party?"
"I was gonna wait till after, but you're the one who came out here interrogating me!"
She rolled her eyes. "It wouldn't have ruined the party, you idiot, but now it has because you blew this way out of proportion."
"I didn't know where you thought we were at."
"We went on two dates!" she finally exploded, and he winced. She glanced behind her at the house, as if she might find people lined up at all the windows spying on them. But the blinds were closed, and music was still pumping from the living room. She took a deep breath and looked at him again. "All this drama was so unnecessary. That's why I'm annoyed. I thought we were just two people who went out a couple times—literally nothing more than what we actually are. But you had to go and be all dramatic and make it this big deal."
"So…you're mad."
"Have you been listening to me?"
"I just didn't wanna hurt you."
"You can't hurt me! We aren't even together!"
"Then why are you yelling at me?!"
"Because you're an idiot!"
He frowned. "I don't know what you want me to say."
"I don't want you to say anything." She took one more deep breath. "Whatever. I'm going back inside to enjoy the party. Your dramatic ass can stay out here and keep sulking until Trish inevitably comes to kill you."
His eyes went wide. "What?"
"Well, yeah. You've been ignoring me all night, and when she finds out that this is the reason, she's probably gonna come kill you."
"I thought you weren't mad!"
"I'm not. But she's already pissed at you for avoiding me, and this will probably make it worse. So good luck with that."
She walked back inside without giving him another chance to speak, and of course about ten people came up to her asking her what happened. She only told Trish and Jace, though, and Trish ended up going outside and having a thirty-minute conversation with Austin while Jace apologized profusely for his roommate's shitty behavior.
"I thought he really liked you," Jace said, shaking his head.
And then, later, when Trish came back in, she echoed the same sentiment, adding that Austin couldn't seem to explain why he broke things off, only that he was really sorry and he wanted all of them to still be friends. Apparently, Trish told him Ally could've been the best thing that ever happened to him and he responded with a dejected nod, which Totally Did Not make Ally feel a little better.
Ally thought he really liked her, too. But evidently she was wrong. And if that whole disaster wasn't proof enough, he started being an asshole all the time after that. He avoided her when he could and rarely spoke to her when they got stuck together, which was often. Apparently, the situation drove a wedge between the roommates, because Jace told Trish that he and Dez kept getting into fights with Austin because of it.
That sort of made Ally feel powerful.
But eventually, around the time when Trish and Jace became official, things relatively stabilized, and their friend group somehow survived. Sure, Austin and Ally didn't really ever speak to each other directly and there was almost always tension when they were in the same room, but everyone just kind of learned to live with it. It wasn't a perfect system, but it worked, and Ally was perfectly happy dealing with a couple death glares from Austin if it meant she could still have fun with the rest of her friends.
By the time Ally and Trish are seniors, everyone is pretty used to the routine. The group hangs out, Austin and Ally bicker over something stupid, and they all move on. But then Jace invites Trish on the boys' annual ski trip, which means Ally is getting dragged along too, whether she wants to or not. And all of that is fine, until Trish drops the bomb that she and Jace are sharing a room.
"Please don't be mad," Trish says. "But Dez is taking Carrie, so…it's kinda gonna be you and Austin in the third room."
"No."
"I figured it would be okay! You always sleep in his room after parties! What's the difference?"
"The difference is that we're both always drunk and I do it out of necessity since that couch is a nightmare."
"Ally, please? You have to come!" Trish begs. "You two will barely even be alone together—only to sleep!"
Ally crosses her arms. "Are there at least two beds?"
"If I say yes, will that make you come?"
Ally rolls her eyes. "You know Austin won't be cool with this, either."
"It'll be no fun without you! I promise, it'll be fine. And if you're that miserable, we'll figure something out."
Ally ends up giving in, of course, but that doesn't mean she has to be happy about it. And she tells Austin as much when they get to their room at the lodge.
"I really don't care how you feel, as long as you stay out of my way and don't ruin my fun," he says as he digs through his suitcase.
"You don't care about anything. What are you looking for?"
"No, I just don't care about you. So feel free to stay in here pouting the whole trip, but I'm gonna go hang out with my friends at the hot tub and then drink until I forget I'm stuck living with you all week." He finds what she assumes are swim trunks and walks into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.
She rolls her eyes and calls Trish.
"Hey, hurry down here! Dez and Carrie are being all cutesy and it's making me nauseous," Trish says.
"I'm gonna kill him," Ally says.
"Oh, come on," Trish replies. "Can't you two just get over this? It was three years ago!"
"It isn't about that anymore. We just simply can't get along. I don't like him, he doesn't like me, and I'm pretty sure only one of us is gonna make it out of this trip alive."
"And it'll probably be you," Austin says, walking out of the bathroom, "because we've been alone together for about five minutes and I'm already about to off myself just to get away from you."
Ally grits her teeth. "I'll be down soon," she mutters to Trish before hanging up. She looks at Austin. "I hate you."
"Trust me, I know."
She grabs her own swimsuit and storms into the bathroom to change. Thankfully, Austin is gone when she comes out, so she gets a few precious minutes alone on her way to join her friends at the hot tub.
But if she's being honest, after a rocky first night, the trip isn't that bad. She and Austin really only sleep in their room, so they aren't alone together all that much, and after skiing all day they're too exhausted to argue anyway. In fact, they barely even interact, besides a few times when she catches him glaring at her and glares back.
Things somehow always manage to find a way to take a turn for the worst, and unfortunately it happens when they're all together in the lodge's bar about halfway through the trip. She and Austin got stuck shoved together on one of the couches in their little circle, and apparently the tension and discomfort is evident.
"So, what's the deal with you two?" Carrie asks, looking at Austin and Ally. Ally stiffens, and she feels Austin shift beside her. "I keep feeling like I'm missing something."
"Oh, you don't know?" Jace says. Then he looks at Dez. "You never told her?"
"It didn't seem necessary," Dez says, draping his arm over Carrie's shoulders. "I wanted her to actually like them before she heard the story."
"Well, now you have to tell me," she says.
"You do not wanna open that can of worms," Trish tells her. "Let's just say they have a history—" she shoots a sideways glance at the two of them "—and now they don't really get along."
"A history?" Carrie asks with a grin, sitting forward in her seat.
Ally rolls her eyes and crosses her arms. "We went on two dates, three years ago. Barely even counts as a history."
"What Ally means to say is that she's still super into me, while I'm completely repulsed by her." Ally smacks him hard in the chest, and he grins. "Hence Ally's grumpiness."
"I am not grumpy, and I am not into you." She looks at Carrie. "He hasn't even dated anyone since then. Although that probably has to do with the fact that no one wants to go out with him, rather than the other way around."
Now Austin rolls his eyes, turning his body to face Ally more. "Okay, you and Elliot dated for maybe three months, and you didn't even like him!"
"I did too like him!"
"He carried around a glue gun, Ally."
Trish groans and leans back against the couch, resting her head on Jace's shoulder. "Here we go."
"He was passionate about his hobbies! Unlike you, whose only hobby is being the absolute worst."
He narrows his eyes. "My only hobby is being the absolute worst?" He shakes his head. "You're better than that."
"You don't deserve my good insults," she says.
"I'm very sorry I asked," Carrie pipes up.
"Ally," Trish says before Austin can fire anything back, "why don't you go get you and me a couple hot chocolates? I'll pay." Ally gives Trish a look. "Jace'll pay," Trish corrects herself. Jace nods a confirmation, so Ally sighs and walks over to the counter.
Before she can get the bartender's attention, someone comes up next to her. He's fairly attractive and looks vaguely familiar, but she can't immediately figure out why.
"Hi," he says with too much forced charm dripping from his voice and his smile. "You just might make the snow melt."
"I'm really not in the mood," she says. "And that pickup line didn't do you any favors."
The guy clears his throat. "Right. I'm Dallas. What's your name?"
Before she can answer, she feels a presence behind her. Dallas looks up, and recognition washes over his face, followed immediately by a grin. "Austin?" he says.
"Dallas?" Ally watches in confusion as Dallas hugs Austin. "What are you doing here?"
"What do you think I'm doing here, bro? Ski trip! Man, what are the odds?"
Austin smiles a little, but there's a strange look in his eyes that Ally can't quite place. "Yeah," Austin replies. "Crazy running into you."
"Oh, is this your girlfriend?" Dallas asks, gesturing to Ally. She crosses her arms, annoyed at the thought that anyone might peg her and Austin for a couple. Before Austin gets a chance to respond, Dallas nudges her with a grin. "You be careful with this one," he says to her. "We were roommates freshman and sophomore year." So that's how she knows him. "This guy's a heartbreaker. Hey, are Dez and Jace here?"
Now Ally speaks before Austin can say anything. "What do you mean, he's a heartbreaker?" she asks.
Dallas laughs. "Well, sophomore year, he went out with this girl, right? She was hot, but kinda nerdy, which usually means secret freak." He nudges Austin, who looks about as confused as Ally feels. "Anyway, I don't exactly remember what happened, but she must've gotten clingy or annoying—probably a whore or something, too—and he dumped her ass after, like, a month." He keeps laughing, and Ally clenches her teeth. "Yeah, you actually look kinda like her, too, but you're way hotter, obviously. I guess the lesson here is don't be crazy, right?"
Ally's face burns, and she can't even look at Austin to see his reaction. He's probably wearing that stupid smirk, enjoying her silent suffering. She rushes out of there as fast as she possibly can, not stopping until she gets safely inside her room. Then she leans against the door and cries.
She slides down the door and onto the ground, burying her face in her hands and allowing herself to purge all the embarrassment and frustration she's been feeling all trip. In the back of her mind, she isn't entirely surprised. After nearly four years, she knows exactly the kind of person Austin is. Of course he thought she was annoying, of course he talked about her like that to Dallas without Dez or Jace being the wiser, because he knew Dallas was the only one who wouldn't call him out for being such an asshole.
She takes a deep breath and pulls herself together. Somehow, she feels a sense of closure. It really wasn't anything she did wrong—besides thinking Austin might actually be a decent guy underneath all his hatred for her. She stands up and walks into the bathroom, cleaning the smudged makeup off her face.
Then she hears a lock click, and in the bathroom mirror she sees the door to the room open and Austin walk in. She sets her jaw.
"Ally?" he calls, and he has the sense to look uncomfortable. "You in here? I, uh, thought we should—I wanna talk."
She marches out of the bathroom. "You don't get to talk," she says.
He holds something out to her. A brown cup, with steam escaping through the hole in the lid. "I brought you hot chocolate," he says matter-of-factly. "No whipped cream, um, marshmallows, and caramel drizzle."
She doesn't know how he knows how she takes her hot chocolate—she knows Trish never would've told him, especially if she knew why he was getting her hot chocolate, and she didn't even get a chance to order before Dallas came up and started talking to her.
She stares at the cup, and then looks back up at him. "Seriously?"
He swallows and sets the cup on top of the dresser. "I didn't say any of those things," he tells her. "Dallas, he…He's one of those guys, where he thinks that's how to talk up his friends to girls. He thinks that hearing all of that about an ex will make a girl somehow avoid doing those things or something. It's dumb and sexist and doesn't make sense and you can probably see why we stopped being friends with him."
"I don't care about the kind of person Dallas is."
He takes a step closer to her, and she takes a step back. He purses his lips and takes a deep breath. "I never said those things about you. I swear, he was just making shit up. I never told anyone anything about what happened, or why…"
She crosses her arms. "I don't believe you."
"I—I know," he says. "And I know you have no reason to. But the real reason why I broke things off or whatever wasn't anything you did."
"I really don't care why you decided you just wanted to be friends three years ago. I'm over it, and so are you, and that's not why I'm angry right now."
"It was just too much for me," he blurts, and that stops her in her tracks.
She drops her arms to her sides, taking another step back. "Too much for you? Well, I'm so sorry, Austin, that I was too much for you to handle."
"Wait, that's not—"
"I'm not gonna let you make me feel bad for being myself! I like who I am, okay? I'm a nice person, and I'm fun to be around, and I refuse to hold back my personality just because some guy is intimidated by it! If I was too much for you, you never should've asked me out in the first place!"
"Do you ever stop talking?!" he shouts, his face going red with frustration as he scrapes his fingers through his hair.
"I guess that's just a part of me being too much for you, right?" She holds her hands out, crossing her wrists. "Take me away, officer, because apparently I'm just too much—"
In one swift motion, he grabs her wrists in one hand and pushes her back against the wall, pinning her hands above her head while his other hand comes to her waist, and she inhales sharply. He searches her eyes, breathing heavily, his body pressed so closely to hers that she can feel his heartbeat against her chest. His grip on her is gentle enough that she could push him away if she wanted to, but with the way he keeps brushing his thumb over her ribcage, she sort of doesn't remember how to move.
A part of her is awestruck and a little angry that his face is even prettier up close. She's been so busy hating him all these years that she forgot how attracted to him she used to be (and, evidently, still is). She watches him as his eyes shift down to her lips, the anger in them dissipating.
"You were never too much for me," he says quietly, though she isn't sure whether he's talking to her lips or to her. He swallows, and his eyes meet hers again. "Can I please explain?"
She doesn't say anything, but he must take that as a yes because he slowly lets go of her. She lets her arms fall limply back to her sides as she watches him, trying to catch her breath as he steps back.
"I liked you," he says. "A lot. Too much. I knew that if we kept going out, I could actually…I would f—" He takes a deep breath, and her heart pounds. "I knew you'd be it for me, and I wasn't ready for that. Those feelings, the—the certainty of it, it was all too much for me. No nineteen-year-old should be able to see his entire future falling into place with someone after two dates. I panicked."
"If that was true, why didn't you tell me that?"
He laughs a little. "Are you kidding? 'I think we should just be friends because I like you too much?' Even I wouldn't believe me."
"Well, if you liked me so much, why have you been such an asshole?"
He looks down. "I thought if I acted like I didn't care about you, I'd actually stop caring. But you said yourself, I haven't dated anyone in three years, so…"
"You don't honestly expect me to believe all this, do you?" she asks, and she hopes he can't tell she's struggling to breathe.
He shrugs. "I don't know. I guess not. I just needed you to know that everything Dallas said was bullshit, and that is not who I am." He looks at her again. "And I'm sorry, for what he said, and that night, and everything in between."
"You can't just apologize and expect everything to be okay."
"I'm not. I'm apologizing because I'm genuinely sorry. I…I never wanted to hurt you. I guess I didn't realize I ever was, until I saw your face when Dallas said those things, like you were upset he was saying them but you weren't really surprised."
She crosses her arms and looks away from him. "Yeah, well, I liked you too. Getting dropped like that with no explanation when things seemed to be going well doesn't feel great." Then she takes a deep breath. "But it was three years ago, right? Let's just…forget about all of this and go make sure Trish isn't murdering Dallas."
Austin's silent as she walks over to the dresser and takes a sip of the now-lukewarm hot chocolate he brought her. When he speaks, his voice is quiet. "Um, me and Jace held her back. They all went upstairs to change and go to the hot tub so she could cool down. Which I guess doesn't make much sense."
She doesn't say anything, just grabbing her swimsuit and going in the bathroom to change. She doesn't wait for him after, instead rushing downstairs to look for her friends. Which is kind of a mistake, because Trish immediately gets angry again when she sees Ally's still-puffy eyes.
"Dallas is a piece of shit," Jace says, rubbing his hands up and down Trish's arms. He looks at something behind Ally. "Isn't that right, Austin? Dallas, piece of shit, please change the subject before someone commits a murder…"
"Yeah, uh, right," Austin says, getting in the water and sitting next to Dez. "The slopes were awesome this morning, weren't they?"
Dez hops on that topic and the tension eases, but Ally catches Austin glaring at her again. She's about to glare back, but she hesitates.
Knowing what she knows now, it doesn't really seem like a glare anymore. Maybe it never was. He clears his throat and looks away.
She doesn't say much, and then too soon the two couples excuse themselves to go get ready for their double date to dinner, leaving Austin and Ally alone in the hot tub. Ally keeps her eyes on the sunset as Austin sits across from her, the swishing water the only sound to be heard. But eventually, she can't take it.
"Stop looking at me like that," she says, meeting his eyes.
He knits his eyebrows. "Like what?"
"I don't know. Like you're trying to read my mind."
He smiles a little, in that lopsided way she's positive always marked him as a troublemaker to his teachers growing up, and she has to look away before her thoughts get dangerous. "I wouldn't have to if you'd just tell me what you're thinking."
She narrows her eyes at the sunset. "I don't owe you anything, Austin. You've been a jerk to me for years just because you couldn't handle your own feelings."
He purses his lips. "I did apologize for that, right?"
"Apologizing doesn't make it any better." She looks at him again, and she hates that she actually believes he's beating himself up over this. But the pained look in his eyes can't be faked. "I really did think we were just gonna go back to being friends," she continues. "Did you know that? I liked you, but I also liked being friends with you too. It's like you abandoned me and then kept rubbing it in my face that you never intended to be friends at all."
His face falls. "I…I don't know what to say to make this better. I don't know how to make you believe me that I cared about you." He swallows, and she closes her eyes. "That I care about you."
She doesn't tell him that somehow, a part of her does believe him. Or worse, that she wants to believe him. But now that they've opened the can of worms that is their almost-relationship, she can't help remembering how much fun they had together, how sweet and funny and charming he was, how good she felt just being around him.
She opens her eyes and looks at him. "It's all just so stupid. Our whole thing lasted no longer than a month, we went on like two dates, and we never even kissed. All of that really sent you into a panic spiral big enough to make you treat me like shit for three and a half years?"
He frowns. "I told you, it wasn't what we did, it was what I knew would've happened if we kept going out. That's what scared me. But I still never should've treated you like that just because I was trying to convince myself I didn't like you."
"Was it worth it?"
He shakes his head. "Not at all."
"Then why keep doing it?"
"I think I somehow made myself believe you didn't care, that it was only hurting me. And I was okay with that. But then, obviously, everything came crashing down today, and…"
"You should've just dated someone else to move on like a normal person."
"That's the thing," he says with a shrug. "I didn't want to date anyone else."
"You're one of the most impossible people I've ever met."
He smiles again. "So you see my dilemma."
"The dilemma that you created, and then perpetuated."
"Hence why being around you seems to make me irrationally angry."
"This is exhausting."
He laughs a little. "Yeah. So now you know what's been going on in my head." He nods to her slightly. "What's going on in yours?"
She shrugs, shifting uncomfortably before standing up. She rests her hands on the surface of the water, moving them in back and forth slowly so she has something to look at besides him. She can feel his eyes on her, what she would have immediately considered a glare before but now she realizes is him just watching her, focusing on everything he can from a distance.
"I don't know," she says quietly, and she can barely even hear herself over the hot tub's softly bubbling water. It's so cold out she can barely feel her face, or her hands. She dips them under the water before trailing them over the surface again.
"Come on. You're always thinking about something," he says. "What's going through your brain, right now?"
Well, right now, all she can think about is their moment back in the room, the feeling of his body pressed so close to hers and his dark eyes staring at her with such intensity and his breaths tickling her lips.
"Did you almost kiss me earlier?" she asks before she has time to think about it. She's so surprised by her bluntness that she freezes, her eyes snapping up to his.
A tiny smile forms on his face that he tries to hide, something between a smirk and amusement. "Maybe. But, you know, you were mad, and I was mad, and it probably would've made everything about a million times worse." He searches her eyes. "Did you want me to kiss you?"
Her heart drops into her stomach and then leaps into her throat. "You can't ask me that," she splutters.
He looks around at the lodge's empty pool area. "I mean, I kinda just did. You don't have to answer, though."
"Good, because I'm not."
"Okay." He keeps watching her, and she keeps watching him watching her. "Now what are you thinking about?"
She looks down. If he doesn't stop asking annoying questions, she's going to get violent. Especially because she hates her answers to said questions. Like now, for example, all she can think about is if he had actually kissed her earlier. Her brain goes a little fuzzy.
"Ally," he says, standing up and stepping towards her. She meets his eyes. "Can I kiss you right now?"
She swallows and nods slowly before she can stop herself, and he raises his eyebrows in surprise. But he moves closer to her and leans down to press a soft, uncertain kiss to her lips. She knits her eyebrows and kisses him back, and her face slowly relaxes as she lets her eyes flutter closed.
He pulls away just slightly. "Good or bad?" he whispers.
"Good."
"Do you want me to keep going?"
She nods, her nose bumping against his.
He kisses her again, more confidently this time, and she feels his lips curve into a small smile as he takes one of her hands and presses their palms together before slowly intertwining their fingers. His lips are warm, and she manages to actually forget about the cold as her face heats and her entire body buzzes. She rests her free hand on his chest, and his heartbeat races under her palm. He pulls their hands back into the water, keeping their fingers intertwined, and wraps his free arm around her waist to pull her against him even as he slowly breaks the kiss and presses his forehead to hers.
"Hate to ruin this," he says quietly, and she can hear the smile in his voice, "but it is freezing out here. Your nose is literally an ice cube." He pulls away to press a kiss to her nose before leaning his forehead back against hers. She shivers, and he lets go of her hand to wrap both arms around her, stealing another soft kiss to her lips as he does.
"I've lost all feeling in the upper half of my body," she agrees, hoping his eyes are closed so he can't see the smile on her face.
"It's gonna be so much worse when we get out, though. Maybe we should just live in this hot tub."
She laughs a little and pulls away to look at him as he opens his eyes slowly, like he's waking up from a dream. "It'll be warmer inside."
He sighs and nods, and together they get out, wrap themselves in their towels, and rush inside. Her face tingles as soon as she enters the heated building, and she feels her body slowly thawing as they wait for the elevator.
Austin doesn't say much in the elevator, and he trails behind her as they walk down the hall to their room. But as soon as he pulls the door shut when they get inside, he walks over and grabs her face to kiss her again. This time, there's no shred of uncertainty left, but there's no smile either. Her skin tingles, and she isn't sure whether it's because of the intensity of the kiss or if she's still thawing out from the cold. Then he pulls her lower lip between his teeth and she practically turns to butter in his hands.
He lets go of her face to wrap his arms around her, and she plunges her fingers into his hair, combing her fingers through it like she imagined doing all those years ago. She almost wishes she was wearing more than a swimsuit, because she can feel every muscle in his arms tighten on her back as he pulls her flush against him, and then everywhere his skin touches hers feels like it's on fire.
Ultimately she has to pull away to catch her breath. "This is insane," she manages as their chests rise and fall against each other. He kisses her again. "Two hours ago I hated you." And again.
"Things happen," he murmurs. "I don't think you ever really hated me."
She pulls away more so she can actually breathe without him trying to reconnect their lips, and he starts kissing her neck with the same intensity. "After what Dallas said, I'm pretty sure I did."
"Please tell me you're not thinking about that prick right now."
"You said you don't think I hated you, I'm telling you an example of why I did."
"Well, do you hate me now?" he asks against her skin.
The way she shivers and tilts her head back more should be answer enough, but she says, "No."
"Then none of that really matters. And no offense, but you're kind of ruining the moment."
She pulls on his hair hard in annoyance, but he must get the wrong idea because he presses his palm to the back of her head to keep her where she is and kisses her harder, biting her harshly under her jaw and then soothing it with his tongue. She gasps, and she knows he's leaving a mark, knows he's doing it on purpose, but she doesn't have the willpower or desire to stop him.
Eventually he pulls away enough for her brain to start working again. She holds him at arms length. "Austin," she says, and he searches her eyes. "Here's what's gonna happen. I am going to shower, and you are going to order us food."
He frowns a little, but he nods and does as she says. Then they actually hang out, eating pancakes for dinner and talking for once without bickering. She can't fathom how they went so many years hating each other when this side of him always existed, the same side of him she liked before he broke things off freshman year. This Austin, the real Austin, is flirty and funny and fun to talk to, and if the butterflies in her stomach are any indication, she's pretty sure she likes him again.
They also make out more—a lot more—and his shirt ends up on the floor and she doesn't know how she ever lived without this. They're laughing one moment and then the next he's grabbing her hand to push her down to her back on the bed, and she rests her free hand on the back of his neck to pull him down with her. She kisses him before he can say anything, and he smirks as he pins her hand next to her head on the bed and positions himself on top of her, shoving his knee between her legs.
She moves her hand into his hair and combs her fingers through it, and he hums his approval. He shifts all his weight onto the arm pinning her hand to the bed and moves his free hand to her hip as his kisses get lazier, and then he slowly pulls away.
She opens her eyes to look at him, and he brushes a strand of hair out of her face. "I want to be with you," he tells her.
She presses her lips together, and she can still taste him. "How do I know you won't just run away again when things get serious?"
He shakes his head. "Before, I was confused and scared of my feelings, and I'm not anymore." He searches her eyes. "I wanna be with you."
"If you screw this up again, I'll never forgive you."
He smiles. "Deal."
And then he kisses her again, hard. But before she can even enjoy it, there's a knock on the door. He doesn't seem to hear it, because he isn't fazed, instead resting his hand on her waist where her shirt is riding up and rubbing slow circles with his thumb. She starts pulling away.
"Don't do it," he says against her lips.
"We can't just not get the door."
"We totally can."
She opens her eyes to glare at him, but his are still closed. She gives herself a minute to appreciate his flushed cheeks and swollen lips and disheveled hair before gently pushing him away, and he sighs and opens his eyes.
"Please don't," he whines, but she stands up anyway. He groans and rolls onto his back.
"Quit being so dramatic," she says as she opens the door.
And sees Trish standing there.
Ally's eyes go wide and she clears her throat. "Trish. Hey. Um, I thought you were on a date."
"We were," Trish says, raising an eyebrow. "But now we're going to the ice cream place for dessert, and we thought we'd invite you guys so you don't kill each other."
"No thanks!" Austin calls from inside the room. She turns to glare at him.
"What he means to say is that we'd love to," Ally said.
Trish knits her eyebrows together. "Okay, what is going on?" she asks, pushing past Ally and into the room.
Ally watches her friend take in Austin, all shirtless and disheveled and grumpy, and then slowly turn to look at Ally again.
"Oh my god," Trish says. Ally's cheeks heat. "You two…"
"So, ice cream? Aren't Carrie and the boys waiting?" Ally says.
Trish meets her eyes. "Something happened between you guys. You kissed?!"
Austin sits up. "We were gonna kiss some more until you ruined it."
"Oh my god! They're gonna die when they find out. Ally, you have to tell me everything."
"Can we just go?" Ally asks.
Austin rolls his eyes and grabs his shirt off the ground. "I told you not to answer the door," he says as he pulls his shirt over his head. "We could be making out right now."
"Oh my god," Trish laughs. "I need a minute." She walks out of the room, chuckling and shaking her head.
Ally narrows her eyes at Austin. "You're making it worse."
He snorts and grabs his wallet off the desk before walking over and kissing the top of her head. "When Trish is making you relive every excruciating detail of the past four hours, just picture me telling you I told you so."
She whacks his chest, and he smiles. "I really am gonna kill you," she says as they leave the room.
"Jace thinks I'm pranking him," Trish says, giggling at her phone in the hallway. "This is the funniest thing that's ever happened."
"You act like we never liked each other," Austin says, raising an eyebrow.
"You're acting like you never hated each other," she argues with a snort.
He rolls his eyes. "Why does everyone think I hated you?" he asks Ally.
"Because you acted like it!"
He frowns a little. "Fair. But for the record, once and for all, I never hated Ally," he says to Trish. "I was just…emotionally immature."
"Ally definitely hated you," Trish says.
"Well," he says, draping an arm around Ally's shoulders, "she doesn't anymore. In fact, she likes me."
"It's true," Ally sighs, and Austin smiles down at her, his eyes doing that stupid sparkly thing they used to do when they went out.
"I like you too," he says, and he leans down to press a soft kiss to her lips.
Trish makes a gagging noise. "Yeah, I already hate this," she decides, even though she's smiling. "But, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart, thank god. Now we can do double dates that don't involve Dez!"
"Triple dates," Austin says. "Dez has to come. He's gonna be so excited."
"Really?" Ally asks, and he nods.
"Oh yeah. I didn't tell him anything, but somehow he's known I loved you this whole time."
All three of them freeze, but then Trish comes to her senses and practically runs away. Ally looks up at Austin, and he clears his throat, his cheeks turning pink.
He's loved her this whole time. Her heart pounds.
"Please say something," he says nervously, searching her eyes. "Not that, obviously, but…something."
She smiles a little and stands on her tiptoes to kiss him. He sighs and responds immediately.
"You said that you knew how strong your feelings would get if we kept dating back then, right?" she asks, and he nods. "Well, obviously it's gonna be a little weird going from hating to you liking you so fast, but I do like you. A lot. And I think I know how you felt back then, because…I think I'm kind of actively falling in love with you. Which sounds a little insane. Am I insane?"
He laughs and shakes his head, kissing her again. "Not at all. That's the best thing I've ever heard."
"I'm definitely losing my mind," she says, although she's grinning like an idiot too.
"No backing out now, Dawson."
"Hey, only one of us has a history of backing out," she says, putting her hands up.
He rolls his eyes, but the grin is still on his face. "Yeah, yeah. If I say I love you again can we call it even?"
"Maybe."
"I love you."
As she stares up at him, takes in the sparkling eyes and dopey grin that probably mirror her own, an entire future with him flashes through her mind. Because this time, she knows they're both going to stay
didn't mean for this to be so long whoops. inspired by something shitty a man did to me and my insane ability to romanticize the hell out of anything. anyway idk how i feel about this and it's 2am on a school night so sorry if there are typos mwah love u all