I saw JJ in the break room as I entered the bullpen. I took a breath and decided to go ahead with what I was thinking about on my drive to work.
I went straight to her and made sure we were alone before I spoke, "Hey, can I talk to you about something?" I felt uncomfortable even asking.

She turned when I greeted her, and smiled, "Anything, anytime. You know that."

I motioned for her to follow me. I left the bullpen, acutely aware that Morgan, Reid, and Garcia were already at our desks and watching us.
I led her down to an empty office and opened the door for her. She asked if I was okay, and I nodded. I asked her to sit, and she did slowly.
"I think I may have made a mistake. A bad one."

"I'm going to need more info." She shook her head.

"I have been playing with Mick, leading him on almost—"

"I know you have." She cut me off. I huffed and tilted my head. "Sorry, continue."

"I was doing that because I didn't want to date, I didn't want to form an emotional attachment. I didn't want to rely on him, I didn't want to have to let my guard down. I didn't want to be in a relationship.
"However, now I think that I do, but I think that I've ruined my chances." I only stopped to take a breath before I continued. "On Sunday morning I was confused and shocked when he told me how I ended up at his place, and I asked him if he took advantage of the situation."

"Oh, Emily." She shook her head.

"Stop interrupting!" I sat down on the chair adjacent to hers. "He asked me why I was treating him how I was. He looked so hurt, and I realised that I was in fact being a terrible person. I feel so guilty and I want to try to fix it, but I don't know if I can, let alone how."

"Do you love him?"

"…I…I don't know, JJ. Maybe, maybe not."

She nodded, "Then just tell him that you're sorry and that you will understand if he says no, but will he give a second chance."

"He already gave me a second chance. I might really like him, Jayje, and I ruined it. At my age, there is no room for ruining things."

"Okay, first, you're only 36. Calm down," She laughed, "And you also may not have ruined it. Maybe it'll take some time and work to fix, but he seems too infatuated with you to just move on."

"He told me he loved me on the night when I introduced him as a friend, and I couldn't say it back. He said he didn't expect me to return the words, but it just scared me." I stopped speaking when I heard a knock on the door. JJ called out for them to come in and Hotch opened the door.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"Talking." JJ answered easily.

"Is it urgent? We have a case, but if you need to finish—"

"All good." I stood and walked past him quickly. I headed back to the bullpen and dropped my stuff to my desk before heading up to the round table room. JJ and Hotch entered a few minutes later, both looking at me as they entered. I busied myself with the file in front of me instead of looking back to them.

Within four weeks, I had three casual dates in between cases. Now it was the next weekend, and I was home alone.
I had been asked out for this weekend a few days ago, but I turned him down. It wasn't that he was unattractive or seemed dull, I just didn't want to.

Morgan and Reid had also offered to take me out, but I turned them down too.

Now as I sat alone with a beer and a book, I decided that I didn't want to be alone. I grabbed my phone from the table and texted Morgan to come over.
He replied almost immediately, telling me he'd be twenty minutes. His apartment was a thirty-minute drive away, so he must have already been out.

It was less than twenty minutes when I heard the knock on the door. I checked the peep hole before I opened the door for him. He smiled and I stepped aside so he could come in.
"That was quick, were you already out? I didn't ruin your night, did I?"

"No, not at all. Reid and I went out for a few drinks, and I left with him a pretty redhead. He'll be fine," He winked at me, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I am," I nodded, "Um…I was just feeling particularly lonely and I didn't want to be."

"You need a friend lonely, or you need sex lonely? I'm fine with either, I just gotta know so I know how to act."

I smiled and tilted my head, "The latter."

"Got ya," He smirked now, "Well I went straight out from work, so I haven't showered. Let's start there."

He turned and made his way upstairs. I locked the door, grabbed two beers from the fridge, and then followed him. I broke open both beers and passed him one. He turned the shower on and pulled his shirt over his head. I bit my lip when his muscles tightened with his movement. I set my beer down on the counter, and he did too. Just when I was about to start undressing, his lips were on mine, almost hungry. I moaned into his kiss, and I felt his hands moving down the front of my shirt, unbuttoning as he went. He broke the kiss only to catch some air, and then he continued it.
When his hands met my pants button, my hand instinctively grabbed his. He parted from me and met my eyes. I let go of his hands and looked back, "Sorry."

"Are you sure you want this?" He asked quietly. I replied by initiating another kiss, and I grabbed his hands again, only this time I brought them to my pants for him to continue undressing me.

When we finally made it to the shower, it was rather uneventful to begin with. He focussed on making sure I was warm first. Then I was pinned to the wall with my arms above my head, and he was kissing me again. His other hand met the apex between my legs and he teased as he moved his kisses from my lips to my neck.

After two orgasms in the shower, he turned the water off and wrapped me in a towel. He led me through to the bedroom and lay me on the bed. "Enough with the caring shit." I breathed quietly. He was being kind, making sure I was warm, being gentle, wrapping me up. I wanted rough now.

He raised his eyebrows and a small smirk played at his lips as he turned me over quickly. He guided my arse up and I positioned myself how he wanted. I felt his hand caress my cheek for a second before he slapped it. I let out a content sigh at the sting and closed my eyes. He did the same on the other side, eliciting a moan, and then he entered me with no warning. The force pushed me further into the bed and I let out a small cry of both pleasure and surprise.
It had been a few years since I told him that doggy style was my favourite position, but I guess he remembered.

He lay asleep wrapped around my back, a hand over my waist with his hand resting on my stomach. I couldn't sleep. I cried for a little while, only after I knew that Morgan was asleep. Was sex with him great? Yes. But was it what I really wanted? No. I didn't have any romantic feelings for Morgan. We had tried exploring that years ago, and mutually decided that it wasn't for us. No, we were only friends…with occasional benefits. Who did I want sex with? Mick. I did have romantic feelings for Mick, and I think that the longer I didn't see him, the worse I got at handling it. Sex with Morgan just made me feel guilty and made me miss Mick.

When Morgan woke me up in the morning I had really only had about four hours of sleep. I got up and made coffee as he called Reid, who had texted him to call him when he woke up.
When he came downstairs, I handed him a mug and bit my lip.

"What?" He sat down at the counter island and looked at me.

"I think that last night needed to be our last night."

"…Okay. Why?" His eyes widened as I felt tears prick my eyes, "Emily, are you okay? I didn't hurt you last night, did I?"

"No! God no, last night was amazing," I wiped my eyes before the tears fell past my lashes, "I just…I love him."

"Are you still with him?" I saw the panic in his eyes now.

"No, I screwed that up royally. Don't panic, I'm not the promiscuous type." I saw him relax at my assurance and I smiled. "I'm sorry, I just don't think I could do it again."

He smiled, "Don't apologise, Princess. It's not like this was anything other than friends helping friends. That's all it ever was – apart from those few months way back when – but things end. We stay friends and we don't worry about anything else."

"I wasn't trying to use you last night."

"I know," He assured with a nod. I smiled back, but it dropped when he spoke again, "So how'd you screw it up with Mick?"

I shook my head and looked down at my coffee, "I was playing with his feelings because I was scared and I didn't know what I wanted. He called me out on it, and then I left in tears because I'm a terrible person, and we haven't spoken since."

"So…that case we had where Hotch interrupted you and JJ talking? When we all went down to the parking garage without you, we ran into Mick. He asked if you were okay. JJ said you were fine…and then she told him that you're pushing him away because he told you he loved you, and that you always run away from your emotions."

My eyes widened, "In front of the other three as well, I assume," I rolled my eyes now, "Fantastic."

"She only meant to help."

"I'm sure she did. I'm sure it worked, too. Who can disagree with JJ?" I shook my head, "I should go see him today."

"You should; you need to be happy, Emily," He nodded, "Anyway, Reid is stuck at a hotel with no wallet because the redhead took it this morning, so I've got to go get him," he laughed as he told me. I followed him to the door and he turned. He kissed me, "One for good measure. Good luck Princess."

"Thank you…for everything." I smiled. I watched him walk out, and then I closed and locked the door behind me. I would go see Mick today, but first I needed to remove all traces of sex with Morgan. How well would it go down if he could smell Morgan on me.