Two weeks had passed with no contact with Mick. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to go to him when I made up my mind, or if he would come to me for the final decision.
I crossed paths with Gina at work today with the team. She just shook her head at me and continued walking. That was enough for the team to know something was up with me and Mick. I brushed their concern and questions off and went home alone.

At about seven, I heard a knock on the door. I felt like I was going to be sick as I approached the door. It had to be him. When I looked through the peep hole, I groaned at the sight of my team. I unlocked and opened the door. "My turn to host again already?" I joked.

"I called Mick," JJ spoke as she walked past me, followed by the others. "He told me to talk to you. Said he wasn't going to share your personal relationship strain with me."

"Strain." I snickered to myself.

"Is he here?" Garcia asked as they sat.

I sighed and joined them, "Nope. Left the night I told him I didn't want kids and I haven't seen or heard from him in two weeks."

"What confuses me is that you have been together for what now, ten months? And he is already wanting kids." Garcia said as she stood and walked to my kitchen. I watched as she took out glasses and bottles of alcohol. I guess they were staying.

"So that's it? You say you don't want them, and he's gone and wants nothing to do with you?" Reid spoke this time.

"Well…not exactly." I told them the whole story. I wasn't sure why I was so okay with them knowing, but for some reason I had no concern about them being privy to my personal life.

Morgan snickered when I finished recounting the conversation the other night. "So it's all or nothing…after ten months."

"My second wife I only knew for six months, and my third only three." Rossi tried to make a point.

"And look how those turned out…" Hotch replied to him. We tried to hold our laughs back as Rossi stared at Hotch, trying to look offended. We all knew that he didn't care.

I made them change the subject and we drank as we discussed our last case.
I watched Morgan as he teased Reid with Garcia, and I suddenly wondered where Mick and I stood. I wasn't above going back to Morgan for more meaningless sex. I wasn't going to risk losing any more of Mick, though. If he was willing to wait a while and talk things over, then I wasn't going to ruin that chance by sleeping with Morgan again.
However, he seemed pretty sure that no marriage and no kids meant that we were done. I guess it was up to me, really.
I didn't particularly want Morgan per say, I just wanted to feel good again. I wanted to be distracted from Mick and our doomed relationship. Morgan would do that for me, even just for a little while.

He seemed to notice me watching him. He sat back beside me and looked at me. I smiled and then looked away, down to my drink in my hands. He leant over to whisper in my ear where the others wouldn't hear, "Are you thinking about asking me to stay?"

I looked at him for a few seconds before I sighed, "I thought about it, but I don't think so." I didn't think I could do that to Mick. He made a point that he did love me. I suppose this was another example of love not being enough sometimes. I wasn't enough for him just on my own.

It was Wednesday when I finally worked up the nerve to go see him, however he seemed to have the same idea. I opened the door for him and he walked into my apartment. He was still dressed for work, he looked exhausted.

"Did you just get back from a case?" I asked quietly.

He nodded, "Yeah, we did," He sat down on the couch, motioned for me to follow, "Have you made up your mind?"

I sighed, "Mick, I…I love you, but I don't know if I can get married and have kids and have that life. I don't want to have to sacrifice my career."

"Once again, I never said that I wouldn't," He looked at me as he removed a small jewellery box from his jacket pocket. He placed in on the coffee table, and I took in a deep breath, "I want you to take this and think it over again. Wear the ring every now and then, see how you feel. I leave for another case in the morning over in Montana. When I get back, I'll come see you. If you're wearing the ring, I know it's a yes. If you're not wearing the ring, I'll collect the rest of my things. Okay?"

I bit my lip and nodded my head. I opened the box and looked at the ring. It was gorgeous and expensive. "When did you buy this?" I looked at him.

"About two months ago."

"It's beautiful." I took the ring out and looked at it properly. He took it from me and slid it onto my finger. He kissed my hand and then my lips. "…Do you maybe want to stay here tonight?"

He smiled sadly, "No, love. I think that sex will just make your decision harder."

"I don't think so," I shook my head, "You could always show me what I'll be missing." I smirked.

"No, Emily," He stood and pulled me up. He placed three consecutive kisses on my lips, "I'll come see you when we get back from Montana. I love you."

"Good luck." I said quietly as he walked past me. He let himself out and I locked up once he was gone.
I sat back down on the couch and looked at the ring on my finger. It looked nice there. I played with it for a few seconds before I took a breath and sat back, closing my eyes. Why was this so hard. Why couldn't I just say yes and be with him. I suppose having kids wouldn't be the end of the world. The end of my career though, maybe. I didn't really think he would resign to care for our kids; his job and his team meant too much to him.

JJ and Will made it work, but Will didn't have quite the same job requirements as us. He didn't need to travel across the state every time a killer was discovered. He got to go home every night. JJ didn't see Henry as much as she wanted, and we could all see the way it killed her, Will, and Henry when we were called out or when we returned after a long case.
Hotch didn't see Jack often either and that was probably the one aspect of the job that may cause him to quit. It was almost torture for him.
Henry and Jack struggled enough with one parent gone, I couldn't leave my kid without either parent around.

I walked into the round table room with a coffee mug in my hand. I sat down and put the mug down and looked at the four men at the table, all staring at me. JJ and Garcia weren't in here yet. "…What?"

"Congratulations." Rossi spoke first. I was confused at first, and then I realised I had forgotten to take the engagement ring off from this morning. I removed it quickly, just as JJ and Garcia walked in. They both smiled at everyone, but neither saw the ring. I slipped it into my suit pocket and avoided looking at the guys.
They were confused, clearly, but I decided that it wouldn't be discussed.

We briefed the case and Hotch told us to be on the jet in an hour. JJ left the room first with her phone in her hand, calling Will. Garcia grabbed her laptop and went off to her office, and then Morgan spoke, "You're not going to tell them that you're engaged?"

"I'm not engaged." I looked back at him.

"Really? Because that ring really looks like an engagement ring." Reid tilted his head.

"What ring?" I grabbed my file and left then before anyone else could say anything else.
I felt anxious about it now; the four of them saw it, and knowing Rossi and Morgan, I would need to have an explanation soon.
I didn't want any of them to find out until I knew what I was doing. If I was going to say no, there is no need for them to be aware. If I was going to say yes, then I would tell them after I told Mick.

It didn't exactly go as planned.

When we sat on the jet, we spoke into further detail about the case. Three middle-aged men were murdered in parking lots in Colorado. Very little evidence was left, so the local police weren't sure how to go about finding someone that left no prints, no viable DNA, no weapon, and who seemingly was only acting on opportunity.

It would be hard to find this guy, but I didn't doubt that we would.

"So have you spoken with Mick?" JJ asked once we wrapped up the briefing.

I hesitated for a second before I shook my head, "No, I haven't heard from him."

"Are you going to talk to him?"

"I don't know yet." I smiled weakly. She nodded and looked back down to her file. I could feel four sets of eyes on me and did my best to ignore it. I felt my finger where the ring was sitting this morning. I had been wearing the ring on and off over the past two days, but it seemed strange to have my finger bare again.
I didn't want to get too comfortable with the thought of feeling of wearing it, though. I wasn't sure if I was saying yes yet.

After our fourth day in Colorado, I removed the engagement ring from the box and slipped it onto my finger. I would wear it for the day and see how I felt.
I met the team out the front of the hotel, and we headed for the local PD.

When we got there and right into work, about an hour past before I heard JJ gasp and take my hand. "Emily!" I hadn't factored JJ's presence into my plan today. "When and why didn't I know?"

"Relax, I haven't said yes." Before I could continue with my explanation, one of the local cops ran in and let us know there was another murder. I stood and left the room quickly with the others, and JJ dropped the topic for now.
I knew it wouldn't stay that way.

We caught him after the fourth murder; he swung back around to view his handywork, only to find us already there and alert. It didn't take too much effort for Hotch to take him down, much like how Morgan usually does.

When we were back on the plane, JJ sat across from me and tilted her head. Reid was beside me, and Rossi sat beside JJ. "So?" She asked. I gave her a confused look, unsure of what she was asking. She motioned to my left hand, "The ring, duh. Oh, you're not wearing it anymore."

"He gave me the ring and told me to wear it and think about it. He had a case the next morning and told me he would come see me the next time we were both home. If I was wearing the ring, it was a yes. If I wasn't wearing the ring, then he would take the rest of his stuff."

"So you're seeing him tonight?" She asked. I nodded in response. "Are you going to be wearing the ring?"

I took a deep breath and dropped my head, shaking it, "No." Tears filled my eyes and I tried to tame them before I looked up and the team saw them.

"No?"

"I'm not marrying him, Jayje."