Chapter nineteen
Riza was curious and she was worried. Ed and Mustang had been gone for over an hour now. Al was sitting on her lap, finally assured that she wouldn't send them away no matter what.
The door was opened and Mustang arrived, holding the door open for Ed.
… Who was carrying a large bouquet of wild flowers.
Riza's eyebrows shot up.
The boy had Mustang's coat draped over his shoulders too. He stomped over to her, staring wildly at her, obviously not wanting to look into her face, but forcing himself to do it nonetheless. He held out the flowers, looking absolutely mad, his face reddening. "I'M SORRY FOR WHAT I SAID EARLIER AND I DON'T HATE YOU AND PLEASE FORGIVE ME BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT A BITCH AND I HAVE BEEN AN UNGRATEFUL BRAT FOR THE LAST TWO WEEKS AND YOU DON'T DESERVE IT AND PLEASE DON'T SEND US AWAY!" Ed shouted without drawing breath. He then looked down at his feet, which Riza now realised were covered with dirt. "You're the best foster home we've had and I'm sorry for saying those things to you…" Ed mumbled.
Riza took the flowers from him and placed them on the table. She then pulled him into a hug along with Alphonse. Ed barely even protested against it. "Please don't send us away," he said quietly and Riza could hear that he was crying.
Riza pressed her luck and kissed the top of his head. "Of course I won't. Now I suggest that we get you cleaned up, your feet are covered with dirt."
Ed, however, didn't seem to want to move. Instead he clutched his fingers around the side of her T-shirt and dug his face further into her chest. Something had definitely changed. Riza didn't complain, though, this seemed to be the beginning of things turning for the better between them.
And it felt good to get some reward for her work with them.
Ed felt odd as he sat in the car. Things were all right. It was okay. They weren't going to be sent back and they wouldn't be forced to live with someone else. And Riza didn't hate him.
Ed looked at the two adults in the front seat. Ed had seen a new side of Roy Mustang this morning. He was actually a pretty okay person.
But Ed felt a lot more vulnerable now. He had become dependant on those two adults.
And it scared him.
Because he had found out how much he already had come to trust Riza and how much it had hurt when he thought she had swapped them out. And it was scary because he was afraid that he was the one swapping Mom out instead.
Because Riza was kind and she was pretty cool too. And Ed liked her. He hadn't liked any of the other foster parents. Riza actually asked what they wanted. She didn't treat him differently because of the nightmares. She helped him massage his shoulder when he had phantom pains. She treated him like he was a clever boy, just like Mom did. She didn't patronise him like others did. She didn't act like he was a bomb about to go off.
So the question was: was she too good to be true? Because if she was, then Ed couldn't take being dependant on her and then have her turn out to be someone else. Maybe it would be safer to just push her away before it was too late?
But if she was as good as she seemed, then Ed would be cruel to a woman who was only being kind to him. That wouldn't be fair to her.
That would make him just as bad as Hohenheim.
Ed didn't know what to do or what to think anymore. He just didn't want to get hurt again. He was afraid to trust them.
"I wanna see Mom's grave," Ed said. He hadn't seen it since the funeral. But he needed to talk to her, to find out what to think. What to do. "Now. Please."
"Brother?" Al looked at him curiously.
"I need to see her alone," Ed told the adults in the front seat. "Please." It felt as necessary as breathing right now.
Ed saw them exchange a look and then nod at each other. "We can go there right now," Mustang said.
"Are you sure you want to go alone?" Riza asked him.
"Yes."
"Brother? What's wrong?" Al was looking at him confusedly.
"I just need to talk to her."
Al thankfully knew him well enough not to ask to come with him. Ed couldn't ask her what he needed to if he wasn't alone. He didn't want Al to know about his fears.
Ed knew he didn't have any flowers and that the flower shops were closed. He wished he could bring her a large bouquet of tulips, they were always her favourite, but that would just have to be the way it was.
"You know where she's buried?" Ed asked Mustang as he began recognising the buildings and streets around them.
"I went to the funeral too," Mustang answered.
Ed didn't ask anything else and left the car in silence once the car was parked. He found his way through the cemetery, walking past hundreds of gravestones until he finally found the one marked "Trisha Elric."
Ed sat down on his knees in front of it. There weren't any flowers, just grass.
"Hi, Mom. I-I'm sorry I haven't come to see you before now." Ed felt his stomach twist a bit, tears were already pressing in the corners of his eyes. "But I need your help. We've just moved in with this woman, Riza Hawkeye, she's a Detective. I think you'd like her. She's learning how to make your stew."
Ed smiled sadly and felt a couple of tears run down his cheeks. It hurt a lot to talk to her. He missed her so much. "But I'm scared, Mom. I've met so many people who don't like me because of what happened. I know you wouldn't treat me any differently, but now I've met another woman who's like that, but I don't know if I can trust her. She's been so good to us, but I don't know if I can be good to her too. Because it hurts, Mom. It hurts to care. It's so scary. But if I'm not nice to her, then I'm just gonna be as bad as Hohenheim. I don't wanna hurt her, because I think she really is a nice person. But would that be okay with you? I-I don't want you to feel like you're being replaced, because you're not. If I could just take Al with me and buy a house, I would. I tried, but the social services people caught me." Ed sighed, his whole face was wet with tears. "What I'm trying to say, Mom, is that I need you to tell me what to do just one last time." Ed waited for some kind of answer. "Please, Mom. What do you want me to do?"
"If it was me," a voice said behind him. Ed froze. He hadn't even heard her coming. "I would want my sons to have a happy life. I would only be grateful to know that they weren't on their own in the world and had someone to look after them and care for them, now that I couldn't do it myself."
Ed couldn't get himself to face the stranger, he was still crying and he couldn't wipe the tears away because of his arm. "Yeah, and how would you know?"
"Because that is what a mother who cared about her sons would want. If your mother truly loved you, then there is nothing that would make her happier. There is nothing I wouldn't do to let my son have a happy life. It would be the greatest gift you could give her."
Ed thought about it. Maybe this was Mom's way to reach out, to tell him her final wish. He stood up and took a glance at the stranger. "Thanks," he said.
She smiled sadly at him and wiped the dreadlocks out of her face. "I hope you take my advice."
Ed nodded and left.