Nothing to Feel Guilty For
The howl of the blizzard winds roared just outside the windows, reminding Lincoln Loud of just how trapped he was there in Vanzilla, buried beneath the pile of new clothes that despite bundling in as hard as he could, could not shake the bitter cold that was clinging to every inch of his outside…and his inside.
Lincoln shook, both from another chill striking at his neck, and from a pang of an emotion he refused to give credence to existing within him.
I didn't say anything that wasn't true! He thought, gritting his teeth.
He shook his head again, resisting the urge to turn in his makeshift bed upon Vanzilla's flattened seats, resisting the urge to face the sister he had unleashed what he was trying to convince himself was fair ire.
The problem with that however? That sister was Leni; arguably the kindest of the Loud siblings.
Lincoln fumed and buried his face further in the faux fur jacket Leni had draped over him. He didn't care. Why would he? He was perfectly justified in what he said. Who cares that Leni hadn't shown even a fraction of anger towards him when he blew up at her? That was her choice!
He had nothing to feel guilty about! Nothing at all! Nothing…At…
Lincoln shook when the image of a swerving road and the sound of screeching wheels flashed through his mind, preceded by words cloaked in his own voice.
"Ooh, Leni! Look at this!"
He had nothing to feel guilty about…He wasn't responsible for them being in this situation. No way.
Right?
…
"Can you believe all the great deals we got, Linky!?" Leni lifted her arms, showcasing the bags upon bags of clothes she had over them.
Lincoln smiled appreciatively, glancing into one of the bags he himself carried. "Yeah, it was insane. I've never seen deals like that before."
"I know!" Leni gushed. "We managed to get new clothes for everyone! Dad's gonna love these new scarves especially!"
Lincoln blushed and looked up at Leni, pointing to his own new accoutrement as he spoke, "Thanks for getting me this cool Ace Savvy sweater by the way, Leni. I really like it."
"Of course, Linky!" Leni said, "It's the least I could do in exchange for your help!" She smiled cheekily and reached out to pinch Lincoln's cheek, "Plus, I get to see you happy! That's always the totes best to see!"
Lincoln chuckled, a little embarrassed by his sister's affection, but allowing it because of the fuzzy warmth said affection instilled in him.
"Ooh, Linky, would you look at that!" Leni released his cheek, gasping when they approached the mall's exit.
Lincoln looked up, his breath catching in his throat when he saw what Leni was referring to.
Just outside, an aggressive flurry of snow crystals rushed along the ground, joining together into continuously growing piles against the walls and doors, threatening Lincoln and Leni with their fangs of frost should they dare leave the mall.
And they would've listened, but, unfortunately, they had nine other siblings to compete over dinner with, and the longer they took, the greater the chance of them only having leftovers.
"We better hurry," Leni said, biting her lip. "That way, we can get to Vanzilla and get out of the snow right away." She licked the inside of her cheek, "Just don't be too quick, okay, Linky? I don't want you to fall."
"Right," Lincoln agreed, frowning when he imagined coming face-first with the frigid asphalt outside. He'd rather not see his blood freeze on the mall parking lot. He gulped and took a step forward. "Ready when you are."
"Ooh, just a second!" He was stopped by Leni, bringing her bags down to the ground and kneeling down to her baby brother. She reached out and tucked the plushy vermillion scarf he wore further into his collar, covering his neck in the warm fabric. "Gotta get you as covered as we can, right? I don't want my little Linky getting cold."
"Leni…" Lincoln turned bright red and he looked down, tucking his nose into the scarf bashfully. She really was a gem amongst the Loud siblings, a beacon of kindness that wiped away his apprehension of the frigid weather outside.
"There we go!" Leni said after straightening his jacket. She stood back up, taking her bags into her hands again. "Ready?"
Lincoln nodded, already feeling toasty warm thanks to his sister. "Ready."
The two of them turned towards the mall doors, taking a deep breath to prepare; mentally bolstering themselves, crouching down, and running forward.
FWOOOOO!
The snow's bite assailed the two siblings instantaneously, burning their skin and sneaking into the crevices of their clothes. They ducked, dodged, pushed, and shoved against the wrathful gale, using the viewpoint of Vanzilla to keep their spirits up.
"Just a little further, Linky!" Leni cried, putting her hand to help her brother forward.
"L-Leni!" Lincoln could barely force her name past his lips. Already, they felt frozen shut. "It's so cold!"
"Just hang in there, Linky!" Leni shouted. "Just a little bit more and we can get warm again, I promise!"
With her words of encouragement, Lincoln managed to trudge against the wind, staying huddled against Leni's side until they were finally within arms reach of the ancient vehicle.
Got it! Leni grasped the door handle, casting her palm against the cold metal and wrenched it back with every ounce of strength she could muster.
The sound of cracking ice blended with the screech of Vanzilla's metal door, and Leni quickly scooped her brother out of the snow, bags and all to deposit him into the back seat.
"Leni!?" Lincoln gasped. He'd forgotten how strong she was.
"Move aside, Linky!" She said, hopping in after him. She lowered her arms, letting her bags slide off of her and leaned out to pull the door back, shutting it with a booming slam.
Fwooooo…
The wind became muffled, signifying the sibling's relief from the brutal blizzard pelting Vanzilla's windows, intent on not sparing them from its icy grasp.
"Oh, thank goodness…" Leni fell back against the seat. She brought her hand up to brush a little bit of errant snow from her light golden locks. She then looked back at her brother, staring back at her blankly. "Are you okay, Linky?"
"Um…" Lincoln gulped, still thunderstruck from seeing his big sister ostensibly go superhero mode for a split second. "I—Yeah…"
"Good," Leni sighed. She scooched up to Lincoln, bringing up her hand to brush snow and frost from his trembling form as well. "Oh, just look at you! Poor baby! You look like a Linky-sicle!"
Lincoln blushed, bowing his head slightly to allow his sister to wipe the snow off of his brow, letting her still somehow warm hands spirit the chill off of him.
You wanna thank her, Lincoln? She did just get you out of the cold. His inner voice chided him, insisting that he give his savior her proper thanks.
"T-Thank you, Leni," He stammered.
"Hmm, what for, Linky?" Leni asked, tilting her head to glean a look at him.
"You helped get me out of the cold," Lincoln explained. He shook his head, "I didn't expect it to be that bad; I thought it was gonna actually push me down for a second there, but you kept me going. You even helped me into the car…"
"Aww, Linky…" Leni's timbre softened and she brought her hand to tilt his chin up, "You don't have to thank me for that. I'm your big sister, I'm supposed to help you." She smiled and leaned forward.
Lincoln jolted when Leni's lips brushed against his forehead. Somehow, that little touch completely warmed him from the inside-out.
"I'm just glad you're okay," She said when she parted from him. When she saw his bashful reaction to her affection, she laughed and moved for the front seat. "Now, we better get going. We should get home before the snow gets any worse, right?"
"R-Right," Lincoln murmured, moving to follow after her.
The two made their way to the front seat, leaving behind the shopping bags and taking their respective spots in the driver's seat and passenger's seat.
Okay, Leni, The girl told herself, There's a lot of snow and ice on the road at this point, and Linky's in the car with you, so make sure to drive extra carefully! Eyes on the road, and keep both hands on the wheel.
The engine sputtered to life with Leni twisting the keys into the ignition, and Leni immediately uttered a silent thanks to whoever ordained their fates for willing Vanzilla to cooperate with them. She went to crank up the heater, moving it to a toasty level that she really hoped would warm the car up in due time. Especially considering the little pang she felt when she saw Lincoln put his hands to the vent.
"Seatbelt on, Linky?" Leni asked.
Lincoln pulled his seatbelt out to show Leni its spot across his chest. "Uh-huh. Ready when you are, Leni."
"Great." Leni tried to keep her nervous tone to a non-noticeable level and moved to shift the car into reverse. "Let's get moving then. I'll get us home before you know it, Linky. Just sit tight."
"Okay…" Lincoln replied, his eyes tracking the falling snowflakes. He felt a sizeable lump form in his stomach when the car began moving, slow as molasses, but still frightening when taking the frost and ice into consideration.
I…I don't think I wanna look at this, He thought, bringing his phone from his pocket to distract himself.
As for Leni, she kept her sights on the road in front of her, keeping a laser focus on the lines of the parking lot. Okay…Easy peasy, Leni, She thought, bringing Vanzilla to a turn that would bring them on the expressway. Just like any other drive. Use your blinkers, your breaks, and most importantly, keep both eyes on the road.
She chanced a look at Lincoln just before she made her turn, curled up in the passenger's seat with his phone an inch from his face. You need more than your best this time. For Linky.
With that mission in mind, she took a breath to resolve herself, and took her turn.
Vanzilla puttered along the road, it's headlights just barely giving Leni any sort of visibility. As far as she could see, all that was in front of them was white nothingness with the barest hint of black asphalt not two feet in front of them at all times.
As for Lincoln, his eyes stayed squarely on his phone, scrolling through whatever he could find to distract himself from the perilous situation they found themselves in.
It wasn't that he didn't trust Leni. Far from it. Sure, she was one of the spacier Loud Sisters—Okay, she was the spaciest Loud sister. It was just that—Well, think about it. Driving in the best conditions came with its own lists of possible dangers. Add icy conditions to that, and what you have is a terrifying chance to wind up upside-down in a fiery ball of metal and frigid ice, brought onto innocent drivers by the whims of Mother Nature's cruel sense of humor.
Even with Leni trying her hardest, who was she against her?
That's why Lincoln was so deadset on keeping his eyes on his phone. He would wait until they got home, leap out of Vanzilla, give Leni a congratulatory hug of appreciation, and curl up on the couch with a mug of hot chocolate to wash the worries away.
KRRRRR! Lincoln squeaked in fear when Vanzilla creaked and shook with Leni bringing it to a stop at a red light.
"Oh, don't be scared, Linky!" Leni exclaimed. She pulled the parking brake up and reached out to place a hand on her shivering brother's shoulder. "I was just stopping for the light. We're still okay!"
Lincoln forced himself to relax, taking a few deep breaths to get his stone hard shoulders to soften. "I—" He opened his quivering eyes, flitting his vision around the front seat of Vanzilla.
"See, we're okay, Linky," Leni soothed.
"I…" Lincoln shook his head and curled away from Leni, "I'm sorry, Leni."
"Don't be sorry, Linky, I get it," Leni whispered. She brought her hand back to the steering wheel and put the parking brake back down. "Don't worry, I'll get us home in two shakes of an alligator tail, okay?"
Lincoln was too embarrassed to point out the incorrectness of that idiom. Instead, he brought his attention back to his phone.
Great, way to go, Linc, He thought, shaking his reddening face. On top of making Leni practically carry you to the car, you gotta make her worry about you while she's driving through a blizzard?
A seed of simmering anger took root in Lincoln's chest, casting a burning sensation in the pit of his ribs. Why did he have to be such a coward? Why did he have to be such an inconvenience?
He had to make it up to Leni.
That's when he saw it. Right at that moment, the Ace Savvy Wiki he was on brought up an ad.
"Grand Sale Extravaganza! All items 75% off!"
That was perfect! If Leni liked getting things at 50%, a sale like this would have her over the moon!
And he would be there to carry every single bag for her! That was the least he could do!
"Ooh, Leni! Look at this!" He said, now much more chipper.
"What is it, Linky?" Leni asked, not taking her eyes off the road or the approaching curve.
"Check this out! Next week there's another sale!" Lincoln held up his phone to Leni, "Everything's 75% off!"
"75% off!? O-M-Gosh! We totes gotta—"
SKRRREEEE!
Before Leni could finish her response, Vanzilla's tires squealed, bringing Vanzilla itself into a terrifying drift.
"Augh!" Lincoln yelped when his cheek hit the window, and his phone fell from his grip, clattering over the dashboard and putting a sizeable crack in the screen.
KRRSSHHH!
And just as soon as the swerving whirl began, it ended with Vanzilla coming to a thudding stop in a snowbank, tilting over on two wheels for one terrifying fraction of a second before falling back down on all four, situating the vehicle in the snow bank.
All was silent in Vanzilla for a moment; the engine dying down with a final few sputters before it went completely quiet, leaving the two siblings with the uncaring whistle of the blizzard winds.
"Linky!" It was only with the frightened cry of his name that Lincoln was able to shake off the daze that was still rattling his mind, bringing him back to the present moment.
And back to the throbbing pain that was now ripping through his cheek.
"Linky, are you okay!?" Leni asked, leaping from her seat so she could get closer to her brother.
Lincoln whimpered, bringing his hand to his cheek and shaking in the shock of what had just happened.
"Oh, did you hurt your cheek?" Leni asked, crouching down so she could get a closer look at him. "Oh, it's all bruised up! My poor little Linky, I'm so sorry!"
"L-Leni…" Lincoln's eyes watered immediately, dousing his cheeks in two sizeable trails of big, glisten-y tears. "L-L-LENI!"
Every ounce of big sister instinct took hold of Leni in that moment, and she immediately unbuckled her brother and took him into her arms.
"Shh, shh, we're okay," She whispered, rubbing his back and letting Lincoln sob into her sweater. "We're still okay. Your big sister's got you. Don't you worry about that bruise one bit, I'll make it all better when we get home, okay?"
But Lincoln wasn't crying about the bruise, at least, not entirely. He was crying because in the depths of his mind, a frightening possibility took root.
Was the crash that just happened his fault?
…
As luck would have it, Vanzilla was beyond cooperating after that crash, leaving Leni and Lincoln to sit in their seats with their phones in their hands, trying to contact their family.
Lincoln frowned, staring at his blank, cracked phone screen.
Leni hummed over in the driver's seat, rousing Lincoln's attention.
"Are your calls going through?" Lincoln asked with a gulp.
Leni pouted for a second, being sure to wipe the expression away in favor of a comforting smile when she turned to Lincoln. "No luck yet, I only got one bar." She looked back to her phone. "All my calls refuse to even start, but if we're lucky…" She brought her thumb to the screen, tapping and swiping to where she wanted to go. "I might be able to send a text."
A moment of tense silence passed in which Lincoln watched Leni tap away at her phone. Her tongue poked out the corner of her mouth as she composed her message, focusing with all her might on what she needed to say. Then, when she was finished, she pressed on the send button.
"Did it go through?" Lincoln asked.
Leni bit her cheek, "The little wheel is still spinning, give it just a second…" She watched for a good while after that, praying that the message to her parents would eventually acquire the word "sent" next to it.
Longer and longer she waited, watching that accursed little wheel spin and spin around, taunting her with the possibility of salvation from the icy winds assailing Vanzilla.
Finally, after what had to be at least two minutes, a little red 'X' spawned next to her message.
Leni frowned and lowered her phone. "Looks like we aren't that lucky right now," She said, turning to Lincoln again. She smiled comfortingly when she saw a tinge of fear flash over his face and held her phone up placatingly, "But don't worry, I'll keep resending the message. I'm sure it'll go through with another couple of tries."
Lincoln gulped, and he looked down.
Fwoooo! His nerves were amped up a few notches when he noticed the outside screech of the wind again.
What if the message didn't go through? What would they do? What would happen to them?
Did he put them in danger?
She's the one that was driving… Suddenly, a thought zipped through Lincoln's mind, completely unbidden, and shocking Lincoln like the bite of an insect on one's neck.
Where did that come from?
"Linky?" Lincoln jolted with Leni saying his nickname.
"Huh?" Lincoln said, looking up at her.
Leni smiled, noting her little brother's obvious tension and reached out to put a hand on his shoulder. "Why don't we set up? Make things a little comfier in case we're here for a bit?"
That didn't make Lincoln feel much better, and for some unknown reason he just couldn't place, he found himself feeling a small surge of something ugly rear its head in his chest, prompting him to shrug off Leni's hand a split second before she removed it herself.
This accident had nothing to do with you… And again, another thought came to his mind, completely out of nowhere and far more malicious than anything he normally would have thought. She was the one driving. If she paid attention for once in her life, you two wouldn't be in this mess.
Lincoln normally would've brushed such thoughts away, but in the face of the cold snow still clinging to the inner bits of his clothes and boots, the sound of the howling wind, and the scraggly fear wriggling around within him, he had to admit…
It was nice. The thought of this situation not being his fault was nice.
…
"Alright, Linky!" Leni laid the final artifact of clothing over the now flattened back seats of Vanzilla, "Looks like we've got a nice cozy bed to relax in while we wait now. And blankets to boot!" She giggled and turned towards Lincoln, "It's a good thing we got so many clothes today, isn't it?"
"Mmhmm." Lincoln wrenched the fresh pair of socks onto his feet, thanking the stars for something dry to change into, but neglecting to put any thought to his sister who brought up the idea of changing into them in the first place.
Lincoln looked down at himself, taking in the new clothes he wore. Sports jerseys and yoga pants were far from his preferred clothing style, but he supposed he would have to make do, considering the circumstances.
Considering what Leni got us into. Every time another thought came to him, the festering little seed burning in his chest grew a little hotter, and he had to grit his teeth to avoid snarling whenever Leni said something else.
"I have never been happier to have faux fur than I am right now!" Leni chipperly declared. "We'll be totes toasty and warm with these, huh, Linky?"
"I'm hungry." Lincoln didn't respond to Leni's question, instead interjecting past it with a statement of his own. "Has the message gone through yet?" He asked, folding his hands over his stomach. "I really don't wanna go hungry all night."
If Leni took any offense to Lincoln's tone, she certainly didn't show it. "Hmm, let me check," She said, picking up her phone again. She unlocked it and went to her message app. "No dice yet," She said, not showing any semblance of fear or anxiety to the boy. She tapped the send button again, starting yet another attempt of a sending sequence. "But don't worry," She said, placing her phone down rather than staring at the spinning circle again. She smiled at Lincoln, trying her absolute best to soothe his clearly frazzled nerves, "You won't have to deal with an empty tummy, Linky! Wanna know why?"
"Why?" Lincoln asked, his voice hardening slightly.
Leni made her way for the very back of Vanzilla, "Because…" She stuck her arm beneath the spot past the furthest row, releasing a clicking sound before she pulled it back up. "We've got snacks!"
Lincoln's eyes widened, and the alien feeling of resentment disappeared for a fraction of a second at the sight of the numerous bags of snack food and bottles of water Leni had plucked from seemingly nowhere. "Wait! What were those doing there?"
Leni giggled, happy to see her brother a little less agitated. "Family secret," She said, pulling open a bag of pretzel sticks. "We've always wanted to be prepared in case we ever got into a situation like this, so it's been kind of a thing for us to keep snacks in a little hidden spot beneath the back row."
"Why didn't I know about this?" Lincoln asked.
"None of the younger kids know about it," Leni informed, opening another bag, this one filled with cheese crackers. "That way, they don't ask for snacks on random car trips."
"But I'm not like the other younger kids!" Lincoln protested, his emotions flaring again.
"I know," Leni patiently replied, grabbing a bag of cookies. Dessert was a must, after all. "Each of us usually finds out about the emergency snacks around your age." She smiled lovingly at him and pushed the bags towards him. "Congrats, Linky! You're part of the group now! Make sure to only save them for emergencies!"
Lincoln was left a little dumbstruck, stricken silent with the legitimately congratulatory way Leni was speaking to him; like she really was welcoming him into some sort of coming-of-age ceremony. On top of that, she was laying the food before him, completely offering first grabs; a gesture of utmost rarity in the Loud family.
"I—Um…" He blushed, and the seed of resentment withered slightly. "Thanks, Leni…"
"Of course, Linky!" Leni exclaimed, twisting open a water bottle and placing it down for him as well. "Now eat up! Full tummies are happy tummies, y'know!"
Lincoln gulped and reached his hand into one of the bags. "Right…" He mumbled.
Maybe he was being unfair with Leni. Maybe he should have a little more faith in her.
"Aw, shucks, the message didn't go through that time either…" Then, Leni made the mistake of speaking out her phone's latest failure, and Lincoln jolted, dropping a pretzel stick back into the bag when he heard it.
She could have at least kept that to herself, And like a cat swiping a claw at prey, another thought struck itself to the forefront of Lincoln's mind, rekindling the burgeoning resentment like a lit match to a ball of cotton.
Leni stiffened and brought her hand to her lips, realizing her faux pax right after she said it. "But don't worry about it! I'm sure it'll go through any time now!"
Yeah, just keep saying that, Leni, it's really making this situation easier to deal with… This time, the unbidden thought matched more with the forefront of Lincoln's mind, and he felt his eyes narrow as more unkind words bubbled in his chest, only held back by the residual desire Lincoln had to not lash out at Leni.
But how long would that last? The snow outside was only piling higher and higher, and it's not like he was at fault for the situation they were in.
Wasn't he?"
…
"Alright, let's get all nice and cozy, Linky!" Leni nestled herself beneath the massive pile of clothes, now garbed in a pajama set she had fortunately purchased for herself earlier.
Outside, the sky had darkened with the final vestiges of the day, leaving the only bit of light to grace the inside of Vanzilla be that of the oncoming dark blue of night.
And they were still there, on the side of the road with nary a car passing by, familiar or otherwise to offer any chance of help upon the two siblings.
Still, Leni was as optimistic as ever, much to the increasing chagrin of Lincoln, who was currently buried beneath the clothes as well, far away from where Leni was laying herself.
"You don't wanna come any closer, Linky?" Leni asked. "It'll help you stay warm if we stay close. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone."
"I'm fine, Leni." Lincoln hid himself further in the clothes, leaving only his turkey tail to poke out from the top.
"You sure? You look like you're sleeping under the more thin clothes of the bunch. You sure you don't wanna just scooch a little closer and let me hug y—"
"I said I'm fine, Leni!" And suddenly, like a striking snake, Lincoln snapped at Leni, bolting up from the impromptu blankets to glare daggers at his sister. "Don't you know how to take no for an answer?!"
Leni seized up slightly, her eyes widening at her brother's outburst. "What? No, I just don't want you to get cold, Linky."
"Well, if you didn't want me to get cold, maybe you could have avoided crashing!" And that's when the bad thoughts became a hurtful outspoken reality, leaping from Lincoln's lips like venom being spat by a cobra.
Leni blanched, "Linky…What do you mean?"
Lincoln bit his lip, his fists clenching at his side, failing spectacularly in keeping anything else from coming out of him. "It's your fault we're in this mess," He rumbled. He looked up at his sister, eyes burning with rage. "It's your fault we're stuck out here, your fault we're in trouble."
"Linky…" Leni stuck out a hand to try and calm him down. "Linky, I know you're scared, but—"
"I'm not scared!" Lincoln protested, ignoring the fact that the inside of Vanzilla seemed to be getting smaller as his heartrate increased. "I—I'm not! I'm just annoyed that I'm stuck here! With you!"
Leni gasped, "Lincoln. I know you don't mean that." She gulped and lowered her hands, a strange expression of resoluteness coming over her. "I know you don't. I get that."
"What do you 'get'?" Lincoln gasped as well, more from the feeling of his lungs being squeezed by tension than shock. "That we're here because you had to get to that sale?!"
Leni shook her head. "No…" She moved a little closer to Lincoln, holding her arms out towards him. "It's like I said; you're saying these things because you're scared. And when you get scared, it's my job to make you feel better with a hug."
Lincoln's heartbeat grew a little quieter, and he stared at Leni, taking in her outstretched arms, somehow still willing to comfort him despite the horrid things he just said.
Under normal circumstances, he'd leap into her arms, apologizing a couple hundreds of thousands of times to try and atone for the vicious words he uttered.
But Leni was right, he was scared. Scared of freezing to death, scared of never seeing the rest of his loved ones again, but most of all…
He was utterly terrified of himself being the reason they were in this situation; not Leni. And because of that, he couldn't go for the hug.
"Leni, I said I wanted to be left alone…" Lincoln said, sounding suddenly exhausted. "Just…Can you do that for me? I—I really don't wanna look at you right now."
Leni would be lying if she said that hearing her baby brother say that to her didn't break her heart a little, but seeing him fall from his outburst to such a depressed state gave her a glimpse into something else plaguing her brother.
Lincoln wasn't just scared. He was traumatized.
And as much as she wanted to comfort him; to quell the trauma clearly clinging to his heart, she knew she had to give him the space he wanted.
"Okay, Linky," Leni whispered, watching him burrow back into the clothes. "Just know that if you wanna talk some more, maybe sort this whole thing out, I'm right here, okay?"
Lincoln didn't respond. He just hid himself in the pile completely, not letting a single bit of him show.
"And my offer still stands," Leni went on, speaking to the boy now curled up in the darkness. "If you get cold, you're free to snuggle up to me to warm up, okay?"
And that's when Lincoln was left a little amazed. Leni was still willing to look after him? Even after his vicious tirade?
Even with all that anger he felt, and with no clear direction where to send it, Lincoln couldn't keep the water from crawling into his eyes, and he swiped his wrist roughly at them, dispelling the tears, but reddening them regardless.
This wasn't his fault. No way.
…
And that's how Lincoln had stayed for a fair while after that, buried in the darkness, trying in vain to get warm.
Even when Leni had draped a faux fur jacket over him a while after she thought he fell asleep, Lincoln was unable to get warm. It seemed like no matter what position he tried to find comfort in, some part of him wound up sticking out into the cold air. Turn on his right side, a leg stuck out. Turn on his left, now he had a cold arm.
So he was left awake, mentally battling his erratic mind for some way out of the guilt that was becoming increasingly difficult to push back.
So what if it was a little mean? He thought, shaking his head. She wouldn't leave me alone! And that stupid message just isn't going through! What would it take for her to acknowledge how bad the situation is getting! I didn't say anything that wasn't true!
The thoughts were getting harder and harder to maintain. Like static on a radio, and Lincoln just wished he could get warm.
Just go to sleep! He mentally cried. Please! Just sleep! Just sleep! He really wished Luna was there. Even a completely improvised song would probably lull him to sleep at that point.
Suddenly, the sound of shuffling movement roused Lincoln away from his frantic thoughts, and Lincoln found himself suddenly growing even tenser than before.
"Okay, once more." Leni's whispered voice flittered through the air, soft and gentle, but still feeling like sandpaper against Lincoln's emotions. Before Lincoln could ponder what she was referring to, the clicking noise of her phone's passcode being punched in caught his ears.
Oh, she's sending the message again. Lincoln's jaw clenched and he curled up a little tighter. Please let it go through. Please let it go through this time! He uttered that solitary prayer over and over again, hoping with all his heart that luck would be on their side this time.
The sound of Leni clicking her tongue confirmed Lincoln's fears.
No… Lincoln's eyes watered again, and he brought his hands over his temples. No. Please. I—
FWOOOOO!
Lincoln closed his eyes in response to the screeching wind, I don't wanna die here! Please!
"Okay, just stay positive, Leni…" Just before Lincoln broke down completely, Leni's soft tone saved him. "You gotta stay positive, for Linky."
Lincoln's eyes sprung open, letting a few tears roll down his cheeks, warming his face for a few fleeting seconds.
"Don't worry, Linky." Leni's voice became a little clearer, thanks to her turning towards the spot where her brother was, to where she thought he slumbered. "I'll get you back home, okay? As your big sister, I promise to take care of you, no matter what."
The flattened seats creaked with Leni lying back down.
"So if you can hear me, just relax, okay? I'll protect you."
Yeah, she better, considering she got us—
Lincoln shook his head, shoving the thought away. He didn't want to hear it. He just wanted to focus on what Leni had said. For some reason, those things she had said didn't agitate him. For some reason, Lincoln felt oddly soothed.
And with that comfort, Lincoln's eyes grew heavy in collusion with his suddenly fatigued body, and before he could put any more thought into his sister's touching declaration, he fell into a deep, cold slumber.
…
FWWWOOOOOO! The screeching wind was by far, the worst alarm clock Lincoln had ever dealt with. In addition to feeling like the sound itself was drilling right into both his ears, the absolutely brutal state of the weather was no less merciless than before. His whole body absolutely screamed with aches from the cold, like every inch of him had been punctured to his very bones by frost.
"Ohhh…" Lincoln groaned and sat up.
CRICK! He winced when his bones cracked, sounding frightfully like actual cracking ice.
Oh, jeez… Lincoln thought, bringing a hand to his aching arm. I'm really not feeling so hot. Please tell me Leni got a hold of someone.
"Leni?" Even to him, he could hear the weakness in his voice, nearly drowned out by the wind. He turned around to face his sister.
But something else caught his eyes first.
All around Vanzilla were all encompassing piles of snow, completely covering the windows and denying any light from coming into the vehicle.
They were trapped! How were they to get out!? How would anyone see them!?
"LENI!" Lincoln sprang to Leni's side, placing his hands on her turned back. "Leni, the snow's gotten higher! We're surrounded! What're we going to do!"
Again, the walls began to close in on Lincoln, and his heart hammered in his chest, inflicting another strong ache into him.
And Leni didn't respond.
"Leni!" Lincoln's voice heightened and he shook her. "Wake up! We need to figure out a way out of here!"
Leni still didn't answer. She didn't respond whatsoever.
Suddenly, Lincoln felt another fear sprout within him.
"Leni?" Lincoln reached over, and, with a numbing dread beginning to squirm in his chest, turned Leni over to him.
His breath hitched when he saw her.
Leni's eyes were closed, looking relatively peaceful to the boy, but with a terrifying detail that drew Lincoln's attention further.
Her lips held a frightening blue tint to them, and when Lincoln listened, he realized that he couldn't hear her breathing!
"Leni?!" Lincoln gasped and he started shaking her. "Leni, wake up! Please wake up! We need to get out of here! We need to get home! Both of us!"
His eyes began to water, and as panic overtook the boy, tears spilled down his cheeks, somehow completely lacking any semblance of warmth.
"LENI, PLEASE!" Lincoln screamed for her to wake up, bringing his hand to her frigid cheeks. "I'M SORRY FOR WHAT I SAID! THIS WASN'T YOUR FAULT! IT WASN'T! PLEASE, LENI! PLEASE!
CRICK! KRSHHH! FWOOOO!
Then, as if to punish the boy further, the windows cracked, then shattered in an instant, letting the gale and snow swarm in to overtake the siblings.
Lincoln cried out from the pain of the stinging ice crystals biting into his skin. He was shoved into the opposite side of the van, the snow pinning him against the hard surface of the car door, creeping up his body as it piled higher and higher.
But Lincoln didn't care about himself. As the tears on his cheeks actually froze, he kept his eyes focused on his sister.
"LENI!" Lincoln shoved himself against the wind, trying to get to his sister, trying to bring her back with his voice. "LENI, PLEASE WAKE UP! WE NEED TO GET OUTTA HERE!"
More tears rolled and froze down his cheeks as Leni was shrouded further in the frost, disappearing in an icy tomb of crystallized snow.
"LENIIIII!"
…
"LINKY! LINKY, WAKE UP!"
Just as Lincoln was swallowed in endlessly cold whiteness, a familiar voice pierced the oblivion he thought he was doomed to, dimming it and bringing the smallest bit of warmth upon his cheeks.
Lincoln shook his head, rubbing his cheeks against the warmth, and like a seedling bursting out of arctic soil, his eyes sprang open.
He was still in Vanzilla; but unlike the setting before, there was not a single snowflake inside the vehicle.
More importantly, Leni's eyes were open. She was laying on her side next to her brother, her hands on his cheeks and her bright blue eyes wide with concern for the terrified boy.
"Lincoln?" Leni whispered his name, "Are you alright? You were having a nightmare."
Lincoln regarded Leni wordlessly, taking in his sister who he thought he had lost forever less than a minute before. "Leni…?" His pupils began to quiver along with his lips and his breath caught in his throat. Then, with an ugly cough of a sob, he broke down and threw himself against her.
"Oh, Leni!" He wailed, taking refuge against her, against her welcoming warmth. "Leni, you're alive!"
Leni wasted no time in wrapping her arms around her baby brother, pulling him tighter against her and cloaking his frighteningly cold and trembling form in her loving embrace. "Of course I'm alive," She said, tilting her cheek along his head. "Is that what you were dreaming about? Don't worry, Linky. It was just a nightmare."
"But it felt so real!" Lincoln cried, shaking his head against her. "You weren't moving! A-A-And you were so cold!"
Leni frowned and began rocking her brother in her arms, shushing him as she felt his tears dampen the front of her shirt. "But it isn't real," She assured while rubbing his back. "See? I'm right here. And do I feel cold to you?"
Lincoln shook his head. No, Leni felt warm. In her arms, Lincoln felt his frigid and achy limbs finally become eased.
"See, just a dream," Leni whispered. She lifted her hand to give Lincoln a little tap on the head, prompting him to look up at her. "I'm totes okay, Linky," She said, smiling at him when he did. "We're both okay."
Looking into Leni's kind eyes, Lincoln felt his eyes water more. "Leni…" His voice caught and he hid his face from her again, ironically taking refuge against her chest once more. "Leni, I'm sorry. I'm so, so, sorry!"
Leni quirked an eyebrow, "What for, Linky?"
"For blaming you for all this," Lincoln replied. He hiccupped and gripped her shirt in his hands. "For being so mean to you!"
"Linky, it's okay—"
"No, it's not!" Lincoln objected. He sniffled and peered up at Leni, guilt painted all over his expression as more tears fell. "It's not," He urged, curling up more. "Leni, I blamed you because I didn't want to admit the truth! That this was all my fault!"
"Linky…"
"If I hadn't been so stupid and tried to show you that sale while you were driving, we wouldn't have crashed." Lincoln sniffled and hid himself again, "I'm so sorry, Leni! I got us into this mess! Not you!"
"Lincoln…"
"It's my fault we're stuck here!"
"Lincoln."
"It's my fault if anything happens to us!"
"Linky!" It wasn't until Leni raised her voice that Lincoln was silenced, and in response, Lincoln cringed quite dramatically, afraid of whatever harsh reprisal he was about to receive.
No such harshness occurred. Instead, he felt Leni lean down and brush her lips against his forehead.
"Linky," She cooed, her tone soft and sweet again as she nuzzled him lovingly. "This absolutely wasn't your fault. Mine either. This is just a little bit of a bad situation we ended up in."
Lincoln shook his head, unwilling to let himself off so easily. "But—"
"Lincoln, do you know what I did when you showed your phone to me?" Leni whispered. "I kept my eyes on the road, driving as slow and careful as I could." She brought Lincoln away from her so she could hold his face in her hands again, transferring the warmth on her palms to his cheeks. "The road was icy, Linky," She said. "What happened was just kind of out of our control. Nobody is at fault. Not me. Not you. Understand?"
Lincoln blinked, absorbing her words as a few more errant drops of water crept out of his eyes. "But—I—Really?"
"Really," Leni assured with a smirk.
Lincoln sniffled and looked down, closing his eyes and letting the tears that had come fall. "But I was still so mean to you…" He quailed. "I hurt your feelings."
Leni frowned, "Yeah, you kind of did." She shook her head and disposed of the pout in favor of a soft smile, "But I knew you were scared. I forgive you."
"Why?" The question came out before Lincoln could stop it.
Leni giggled in response, soothing any fear before it could manifest in Lincoln. "That's a silly question." She leaned towards Lincoln and kissed the spot below his right eye, stopping the tears that were still coming before they could fall any further, "Because I love you, Linky," She said, moving to kiss the corresponding spot below his left eye.
At that moment, not a single bit of the previous chill was left in Lincoln, and after Leni parted from him, he threw himself against her again, back into her loving embrace.
"I love you too, Leni," He declared, tilting his head so he could give her a kiss of his own on her cheek. "I love you so much. Thank you for forgiving me! And for taking such good care of me!"
Leni smiled and nuzzled her brother again, "No worries, Linky. That's what big sisters do." She chuckled and rubbed Lincoln's back again. "Now, how about you head back to dreamland?"
Lincoln tensed up slightly, "You'll be okay tomorrow, right?"
"Yup!" Leni replied, rocking him a little for good measure. "In fact, I'm gonna hold you right here in my arms until then. I don't wanna get in trouble with Mom and Dad for bringing home a Linky-sicle, after all."
Lincoln couldn't help but giggle in response to that. "You got a point there," He said, his body tensing for a moment when a yawn came over him. After it passed, he felt himself relax against Leni, his eyelids growing heavy. "I love you, Leni…" He said as he settled against her.
"I love you too, Linky. Sweet dreams."
Leni continued to hold her brother as he fell back into slumber, sheltering him in her warmth to make sure none of the coldness she had found him experiencing during his nightmare harmed him once more. When she was sure he was sleeping peacefully, she slowly looked up at the windows of the car.
No snowflakes could be seen passing by, no single fleck of white dotted the blackness of night. On top of that, the ever-present howling wind was finally absent.
Had the blizzard passed?
Leni looked forward, at the spot where her phone laid.
Would luck finally be on their side?
Carefully, Leni extended her arm out towards her phone. She brought her fingers over it, sending a slight chill down her digits as she grasped it and pulled it towards her.
She tapped her passcode in, opening the phone and bringing her right back to her messages.
Her message still showed that irksome red 'X' next to it. But maybe fortune would smile on them this time.
With bated breath, Leni brought her thumb over her screen and tapped on the 'X'. Immediately, that same spinning wheel came up, and Leni stared at it, placing every ounce of hope she could muster that the 'X' wouldn't pop back up.
Minutes passed by, agonizingly slow for Leni, only slightly assuaged by the sound of Lincoln's small breaths.
It'll work this time, She told herself. She looked down at Lincoln, completely at peace in her hug. It has to…
Then, like a dulcet tone in an uncaring and soundless world. Her phone chimed, wrenching Leni's attention back to the screen.
Sent
Leni's expression went blank for a second. Then, a silly, joyous grin overtook her and she began to tear up.
I was right… The tears fell and Leni buried her face in Lincoln's white locks. It finally went through! We're gonna get some help! She sniffled, and Leni nuzzled her sleeping brother again, I'm gonna get you home, Linky! Just like I said!
Immense pride filled Leni, pride at both being right, and the fact that she was going to fulfill her duty as an older sibling.
She was going to get her brother home. She was going to succeed at protecting him.
…
Ka-Thunk! Ka-Thunk! Ka-Thunk!
A rhythmic clicking and bumping sound was the first thing Lincoln registered upon waking up again; that and the faint sensation of movement.
Movement? They were moving!
Lincoln gasped and jolted awake, looking around with the surprise of the revelation.
"Whoa! Hi, Linky!" Leni looked down at Lincoln, still holding him in her arms and matching his wide-eyed gaze with her own calming one. "You okay? You didn't have another nightmare, did you?" The way she said that made it very clear she was ready to hug him tighter should he have said yes.
"We're—We're moving," Lincoln looked over to the window, confirming his statement when he saw passing streetlights.
"Uh-huh!" Leni cheerily replied. "The text finally went through! And Mom and Dad sent a tow truck out to get us."
Lincoln turned back to Leni. "They did? We're going home?"
"We sure are," Leni assured. She smirked and squeezed him in her hug. "We'll be there before you know it! And guess what? Dad says he's making a pot of hot chocolate, just for us! Doesn't that sound nice?"
Lincoln was awestruck. They were going home? They were going to be okay?
Lincoln would be embarrassed years later, but there in Leni's arms, he began to cry again. Only this time, it was not out of fear or guilt. This time, it was out of relief.
And Leni understood that. Smiling, she rested her head on top of his and nuzzled him again. "Aww, I know, Linky. I know…" She cooed.
"Thank you, Leni," Lincoln wept. "Thank you for everything."
Leni brought her gaze down so she could kiss the top of Lincoln's head. "Absolutely, Linky," She whispered. "For you, I'd do anything…Even share hot chocolate."
And Leni fulfilled her promise, holding her brother in her protective and caring embrace until they arrived home; safe, sound, and closer at heart than when they had left the mall.
A.N: And the Wholesomeverse gets another entry! And it's a Leni centric story! I hope you guys liked it! This was sort of extra practice writing for her, so feedback is extra appreciated this time. I myself really enjoyed writing this story. Getting to write with a character who would probably be more open with their feelings than some of the other Loud sisters was interesting.
Look forward to more stories! And as always, reviews and feedback are the lifeblood of a writer and are always appreciated!
Manegie, Out!