A/N: Thank you so much to those who have reviewed so far. Makes my day. To the guest who asked, yes, definitely drama ahead. And Arthur78230 and WickedlyGleeful, thanks for the encouragement! :)
Rachel's here.
Fuck!
Finn was speechless, even though she'd been warning him since the start that this was going to happen… like exactly this.
"What are you doing here?" Finn's register went up like he was having his prostate checked.
He glanced at Santana, looking jumpy and guilty as fuck, even though she knew he hadn't invited Berry.
"I heard about the good news… the soap opera," Rachel said, seemingly proud.
Which only made Santana hate her more. You know exactly what you're here to do, Mariah-in-training. So, don't play nice! Santana mocked the Diva in her head, 'Oh, look at me in my New York fashion, pretending I'm not here to convince Finn to dump you, Santana'.
She glared at Rachel with her best stink eye, not that Prima Donna had even noticed her yet. She continued her silent commentary of what Berry was really thinking, 'I'm pretending I am willing to not make everything about me, since it didn't work out when Finn refused to give up every single piece of his identity to be nothing more than my boyfriend. Who else is going to stroke my massive ego now and hold my purse?'
Finn stepped aside to let Rachel into the apartment.
"Congratulations, that's amazing," She said, pulling him into a hug, trying to cling to him and take in his scent.
Santana felt so mad, she could feel her teeth grinding. She glared with crossed arms, hoping to incinerate the Hobbit with her hatred. Finn looked like he longed for her embrace too.
FUCK YOU BOTH!
He still looked like he was about to wet himself though, "If you know about that… then Kurt must have told you about my other news."
"That you're dating… her," Berry sounded unimpressed.
"Yeah," Finn said quietly, clearly feeling super self-conscious.
The Streisand Wannabe hasn't taken her eyes off Finn, if she had, she'd have noticed me sitting at the meals table.
Berry finally came into the living room, and they locked eyes for the first time since that huge blow out fight they'd had. Rachel did a double take. Santana could literally feel her breasts aching with rage.
"Hell to the no!" Santana said getting up and confronting Rachel, "you're not welcome here!"
And Berry's ugly fucking face turned all sad puppy dog, appealing to Finn to save her, "I'm not here to fight."
Santana couldn't believe Finn wasn't doing anything about this. MAKE HER LEAVE!
Rachel was all fake sweet, "When Mercedes moved here, she told me to come visit her some time," She shrugged politely like a fucking girl scout! "I just decided to take her up on the offer."
"Oh, yeah right!" Santana scoffed, "You found out Finn and I are dating and you're here to convince him it's a terrible idea!"
Rachel somehow managed to look affronted, even though Santana's comment was dead on. Finn was still just at a loss about what to do, and that pissed the hell out of Santana.
Finn tried abysmally to calm the situation. "Let's just be civil," He said.
But, to make matters worse he looked at Santana in an accusatory way, as if she was the problem here, and not FUCKING Rachel 'Diva' Berry!
Rachel nodded, putting up her hands in truce, "Okay."
Santana's head was about to explode, she hoped her intense frustration was somehow telepathically making it to Finn's brain and he'd get it. She's the one who just showed up here, because she wants you back! She's been fine for nearly ten months with you being miserable while she dates that fucking mannequin. But the second Diva-from-Hell knows you're dating me and might actually be happy and staying in L.A., now she hurries the fuck over here!
Seriously, Lumps?
SERIOUSLY!
"Rachel, how about we take a walk," Finn suggested.
Santana thought about warning him that if he cheated on her she'd cut his balls off. But she honestly couldn't see the point. Finn hadn't given her a sniff when Berry was around in high school. He would forget her like yesterday's news the moment Drama Queen batted her fake eyelashes at him.
'Words don't even begin to cover how I feel about Rachel' Finn had actually said those words to Santana in senior year, describing his underlying love for the most selfish bitch alive.
Santana couldn't stand to be in that room a moment longer. She stormed into their bedroom and slammed the door. Then she fell onto the bed face first, letting the mattress whack her face.
I've lost him.
Not long after, he knocked on the door and waited. She didn't respond. Finn came in anyway, shifting his weight between his feet, looking somewhat apologetic.
"Hey," Finn looked all innocent and naïve and shit. He smiled, but she wasn't impressed. "I'm as blindsided by this as you are," He said earnestly.
And Santana knew that was true, but it was also true that Finn was never going pick her bitchy ass over Berry.
Never. Gonna. Happen.
Finn continued to try and soothe her, to no avail, "I didn't invite her here."
Then tell her to leave!
Santana snapped, "She's not staying here! We're crammed in enough as it is." She glared at him, to leave him in no doubt that that was final.
"Agreed," Finn tried to appease her, "You need to trust me."
Santana put her headphones in and resigned herself to the fact that their brief moment of… whatever the fuck this had been, was over.
'Oh, you think you get to be all happy and content and shit, Little Girl!' Sometimes she could hear her father's voice saying it to her.
Santana laid on the bed facing away from him. She found Jagged Little Pill on her iPod and turned up track 2. It was her angry jam. Just hearing Alanis' voice was cathartic.
'I want you to know, that I'm happy for you,
And I wish nothing but the best for you both
An older version of me
Is she perverted like me?
Would she go down on you in a theatre?
Does she speak eloquently?
And will she have your baby?
I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother'
Finn knew enough to know not to disturb her now.
"I'm just going to be around the corner," He spoke hesitantly to her back, "Rachel and I are only going to talk."
She pretended she couldn't hear him. You were supposed to be different. She turned up the volume. Alanis' nasal sound filled her ears.
''Cause the love that you gave that we made
Wasn't able to make it enough for you
To be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me
You'd hold me until you died,
'Til you died, but you're still alive
And I'm here to, remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know!'
Santana heard the door jam click. Finn was gone. She felt a heaviness pressing on her chest, just when I was starting to really like you...
)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Finn POV)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
"How about you give me the tour?" Rachel suggested sweetly.
Finn said, "Maybe later."
Because Rachel seemed okay right now, but she probably wouldn't be once she realized he and Santana were sharing a room, meaning effectively living together as a couple. And therefore, their relationship was past anything he and Rachel had done in their year and a half of dating all up.
"There's a pizza place around the corner," Finn suggested.
Rachel nodded, "Sounds good."
They walked, and Rachel went to take his arm, but Finn didn't allow it.
"So, was Santana just visiting you right now?" Rachel inquired trying to sound casual, "I thought it was just you and Mercedes living there."
"No, she lives there too," He admitted.
Rachel's face reacted as if she felt betrayed.
"How long do you plan to be in L.A. for?" Finn redirected the conversation.
"I'm not sure yet," Rachel said noncommittedly, as if that answer depended on him.
Finn knew she wasn't going to be happy that he was putting down roots in L.A., and his choice of girlfriend, but just showing up like this… "Did Mercedes know you were coming?"
"I thought I'd surprise you all," She said, nonchalant as if she had no idea what the problem was.
Finn needed to say something, "After we agreed to no contact and space?"
"You agreed," Rachel retorted sounding hurt.
He figured he deserved that.
"How've you been?" Finn asked, taking the high road.
"Awful," Rachel sounded overly dramatic. "All the accolades I earned from my Winter Showcase win were lost in this singing duel I did with Kurt."
Kurt had already told Finn about it, but he wanted to hear Rachel tell it her way.
"Ms July still hates me," And Rachel took a deep breath before blurting out, "Brody and I broke up."
There was an awkward silence.
"I know, Kurt told me." He didn't bother saying he was sorry to hear that, because he wasn't and it would only sound dishonest.
"But the worst thing is…" Rachel turned towards him, "how much I miss you, every minute of every second of every day."
Finn couldn't help but feel that flutter. He'd wanted nothing more than those words for so long. They were Finchel and they were epic. They were meant to be everything to each other forever…
Rachel looked at him, full of love and longing, "Nothing works without you with me," She urged, "I need you by my side."
Finn wasn't sure what to do. All he wanted two short months ago was for Rachel to make some gesture to show that she was willing to meet him halfway. And now she kind of was, not that she was willing to rearrange anything in her life to come this way, but still, she was here. He was sure he'd wanted to marry her forever not long ago... And not only hadn't they, but they had grown apart so quickly.
"I've got a job here now, Rachel," Finn explained, "Don't make me feel bad for going after what I want."
Rachel went to say something then stopped.
Finn was so excited about it, he couldn't contain himself, "A real acting job! Maybe it's only going to be a few episodes, but even still, I landed a role with no drama school behind me, and after this I will have experience…"
"And I'm happy for you," Her voice was measured.
Finn directed her in, since they were now at Joe's Pizza Place. It was a very casual neighborhood place, with surprisingly nice food. Finn loved woodfire pizzas, and that doughy smell that wafted out of those ovens. The place had these bottles with like woven basket things that the glass wine bottles sat in, it was something authentic and Italian he thought. There were plastic runners of Italian flags framing the roof. He found a booth, and they sat facing one another.
Finn needed for her to understand, "The director already told me, the test audiences have responded well to me."
"What does that mean?"
Finn gushed, "They want to make my part bigger, they're going to rewrite parts so my character stays in town."
"That's wonderful," She said in a monotone.
Finn wasn't letting anything get him down though, "I was supposed to play guitar in the second episode, but when they heard me sing, they changed it so that I will play guitar and sing. I am going to be on TV singing!"
"That's amazing!" Rachel said holding back tears.
"I'm really happy," He hoped she could at least try to be happy for him, "New York didn't feel right for me, I was just your boyfriend there." Finn was proud of his accomplishment, "Here, I'm… gonna be me."
Rachel looked like she wanted to run off. They were silent a while. Finn didn't know what to do, because he hated to hurt her feelings. He stood up, got menus, poured over what to order, while stealing glances at the woman he'd planned to spend the rest of his life with.
))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Santana POV ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Santana found the last remaining lesbian bar in L.A., The Palms in West Hollywood. Early afternoon on a Sunday wasn't exactly a good time to meet women though. She just wanted to be in a woman's arms, to be kissing a woman, tasting her.
Fuck you, Berry!
And fuck you, Mama's Boy!
She ordered a shot of Tequila with the salt and the lemon to start with, then a vodka and diet soda to chase it with.
The bartender was hot, with her head shaved on one side and a heap of tatts on an athletic body. She had a silver septum ring, she appeared mixed race, and darker than Santana with medium brown eyes. She looked about 30 and was about the only prospect in the whole joint.
Santana kept drinking and flirting with her, her name was Sian.
))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Finn POV )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Their food arrived. A gluten free, vegetarian pizza with no cheese. Also, known as a 'why did I even bother ordering pizza' Finn joked in his head. Rachel always ordered like this, and he'd never stopped thinking it was hilarious. He took a slice of his stringy Hawaiian pizza and started munching away. They'd hit a long patch of silence since ordering, he was giving her time to process everything.
Rachel decided to change tact, "So, a big city isn't the problem after all?" She stated, with reproach in her voice, "You seem to be finding your feet here okay." She glanced up at him, "More than okay."
"Yeah, L.A.'s… not as scary as I thought it would be," He acknowledged, "I don't know if it's because Mercedes was already set up here before I arrived, or…" Santana's been helping run my life for me… He knew he shouldn't say that out loud so he didn't.
"Then why couldn't you have lived with me in New York?" She asked.
We're doing this.
"It's completely different," He said, "L.A. was what I wanted for myself, the right kind of acting. New York is your dream, Rachel."
"I thought being with me was your dream," She replied, her voice breaking just a hint.
Finn thought long and hard, not about what the problem was, he was already becoming clear on that with the space, but Finn still wasn't sure how to say it to her.
"Rachel," He began tentatively, "Sometimes… it just feels like you already have everything mapped out." Finn struggled to put it into words, "And I feel like… I'm just the guy you want with you while you do it all."
"That's not fair!" Rachel rebutted, he'd clearly hit a nerve, "I was planning a life with both of us, for us to grow together."
He sighed, "But only if it's doing everything you want to do, and me supporting you."
"So, you're jealous?" Rachel snapped, with that look that he expected to be followed with an accusatory finger and a yelp of 'treason', as if this thing she'd always feared was now true, "I thought you were different!"
"Rachel!" Finn felt flustered, you don't get it! He knew this was going to be difficult. Finn took a few deep breaths to compose himself, "I think it's awesome you are sure about what you want. You seem to have known from the time you could talk. And you're so talented and hard-working, I know you'll get there. I love that about you."
Rachel seemed confused now, "Then what's the problem? We can get there together."
He lost his cool, "There's no room for me in your world!" Even his hands made an angry 'it's hopeless' gesture he didn't intend to do.
Rachel was wounded by his assertion, "That's not true," She said quietly, her body retreating from him slightly.
Finn felt bad for yelling, he wanted to explain himself, "Just because I haven't figured it all out yet, doesn't mean finding my passion isn't as important as yours."
"You can find your passion in New York."
He tried to make her see, "No, I can't… not with you, because my stuff will always be second."
"No, it wouldn't, Finn," Rachel disagreed.
"Just listen to me," Finn fought to express himself, "How am I going to figure it out in New York with you being too busy for me all the time? Putting everything you've got into every class, audition, showcase that NYADA and Broadway can offer you?"
Rachel stopped, she wasn't sure what to say, "I'll make time to help you."
But Finn shook his head, "I end up being the guy who helps you practice your lines, or picks up your sheet music or makes your tea," He tried to explain. "Because you always want it so badly, and I can't help but support you. But it means I always pass myself over for you," Finn really hoped that she would really hear him.
Rachel looked as if she'd been slapped in the face, before adding, "So, you agree with Santana, that I'm a selfish diva who will suck the life out of you."
Finn was taken aback, "Santana said that to you?"
Rachel didn't really answer him, she got up, "Not in those words."
Rachel glanced back at him, as if she was looking at him for the first and last time. Then her chest seized and her hand instantly covered a sob trying to escape her lips, and she fled, setting off the bell above the door as she desperately escaped into the sunlight beyond.
I really wish that had gone better.
))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Santana POV ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
"Girlfriend trouble?" Sian finally asked, after about an hour.
Snixx was well on her way to smashed by then.
"Kind of," She said.
Santana didn't want to elaborate, because she barely had her head around dating a guy after going through all that crap to accept that she was a lesbian, only to have Finn fuck with her head again. And it seemed like a sin to admit to having a boyfriend in a lesbian bar of all places, like she didn't get to belong here anymore, either.
Santana decided to explain, but lie about the pronouns, "My girlfriend's ex just found out we started dating about a month ago, hopped a plane from New York to try and win her back."
Sian nodded, "Sounds rough."
Snixx licked the salt. This was her third Tequila shot.
"It is," Santana said before downing the clear liquid and letting it burn her throat. She sucked the lemon. "There's all this history between them…" Santana started to say, "I'm about to get dumped."
"So, you are hoping to lick your wounds… so to speak?" Sian asked knowingly, raising a perfectly sculpted eyebrow.
Santana's response was a slow 'come fuck me' look, she'd perfected years earlier. I want to lick something.
Sian appeared to be considering it. She came back over with the Tequila. Snixx indicated to just leave the whole bottle.
Santana reached out to cover the bartender's hand with her own, "So Sian, you got a break coming up?"
Snixx did her best slow look, all the way down Sian's rockin' form, starting at her eyes, down down eventually to Sian's boots and back up again not missing a thing. From the Santana Lopez school of 'eye sex' foreplay. And then she waited. The hot bartender smiled deviously.
))))))
Santana held Sian's wrist and led her into the bathroom. But far from Sian being the tentative one, she pulled Santana into her and began kissing her, without abandon. She tasted like cigarettes and gum, but she was a very good kisser. I'd forgotten how good this feels! Within moments, Sian had hoisted her up on the counter next to the basins, and stood between Santana's spread legs, making short work of her top half of layers. Santana felt the cool air on her breasts as Sian began massaging her tits, thumbing her nipples. Sian kept kissing her like she needed her mouth for dear life. Santana just went with it.
Her own hands began a ministration of their own, pulling up the olive green tank top, enough to work on Sian's skate belt with a big silver clasp, holding up her baggy black jeans. She had a tattoo beside her left hip of an infinity symbol. The waistband of her Bonds undies was showing.
And she remembered Finn laughing at a joke at the reception about Bond's undies. Finn. Santana pushed him from her mind. Fuck you!
This place was really dingy. There were posters for indy rock gigs, vagina monologues, empowering permaculture seminars, poetry slams, and roller derby competitions. There was even graffiti come advice column. The original question written in black marker was a woman who'd asked if it was okay to cut yourself. And there were a whole lot of diverging responses.
Sian's other hand left Santana's mini skirt for now, instead starting to stroke the crotch of her panties. God, I've missed this. Santana closed her eyes and was letting her arousal just wash over her. Her panties were soaked through in no time.
And then Finn's face entered her mind. Is he different? Should I wait to see what he will do? Rachel obviously wasn't going to move to L.A., and Finn had a job here. But she didn't want him to be with her because it was convenient. She wanted for him to be with her because he wanted her. For him to adore her. That was one of the things she liked most about… whatever they were, she felt cared about. That was one of the main things Brittany offered her, a feeling Santana had never been able to get enough of. And Finn really took cheating seriously. He'd broken up with Rachel in Junior Year over a kiss.
Did she really want to blow them up, without even giving him a chance to make a decision? But she just felt it was so hopeless…
'I won't let you close enough to hurt me, no I won't let you… you'd have just desert me' Santana remembered Holly singing Adele at the Night of Neglect.
Santana had stopped doing anything, and Sian was the one doing the caressing now, under Santana's very short mini skirt. Santana felt Sian's finger slip inside her. And then she felt really guilty.
"I can't do this," Santana said so quietly, she wasn't sure if she'd only said it in her head.
But she must have said it out loud, because Sian stopped. To her credit, the hot bartender didn't look all that surprised, "Go home, talk to your girl, tell her how you feel," She spoke knowingly.
Santana sat up and nodded, like a child, because she didn't know what else to do, and started finding her clothes.
Sian placed a hand on her shoulder, "Trust me. It feels way better than lying and a cheating."
"Thanks for being cool about this." Santana said, feeling a big lump in her throat. The last thing she expected was random understanding from a stranger.
"Been there," Was all Sian said as she retreated from the bathroom, zipping up her fly and fixing her shirt and crop top. She glanced at herself in the mirror, adjusted her ring, and said, "But you know, if you do end things for good, by all means, come back." She shot Santana a suggestive look and swaggered out.
)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))Finn POV)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
She finally came back at 5:40, leaving them precious little time to talk. Santana clearly didn't want to discuss Rachel being there, she was jumpy and immediately locked herself in the bathroom. Finn decided to take advantage of the fact that she couldn't run away from him in there, and came up to the door to talk to her. But he heard the shower turn on. She has to be at work in 20 minutes!
He waited, once the water was off, he raised his voice above the ceiling fan, "I think we should talk."
She came out of the bathroom moments later dressed in only a towel.
"Just do it already!" She exploded.
Finn didn't understand. "Do what?"
"Break up with me!" She crossed her arms defensively looking ready to hit something, "we both know you're going to."
Now Finn was the one who was shocked. Santana promptly went into their room. She was still fuming, all her movements were so aggressive. She snatched her waitress ensemble off the hanger. She didn't care he was watching her change from completely naked and angrily zipped her boots.
"Rachel's not staying," Finn offered, "I told her I'm serious about you."
"Yeah, well, the joke's on you," She snapped. She went back into the bathroom, but she left the door open this time. "Because I'm just going to leave you for the first hot woman I find anyway!"
Finn smiled. For all the lesbian jokes and digs she made about cheating on him, Santana hadn't so much as checked out a woman that he'd noticed. And her anger at Rachel's arrival only just confirmed that she didn't want their relationship to end.
She stood at the basin, looking first at herself then at him through his reflection in the mirror. She still looked ready to explode and her body language said 'back off'. Finn slowly came up behind her, calmly, hoping she wouldn't slap him away.
Finn came up behind her, "I know this is still pretty new, and I'm trying to go slow and not freak you out, but I want you to know, you make me really happy."
He was right up at her back now, he leaned against her.
She looked at him through the reflection, and that he clearly meant every word and then her face looked pained. She turned to push past him, clearly wanting to be away. Finn held her waist, getting her to physically stop.
"I like this life we're carving out for ourselves," He said, lifting her chin up so he could make her look at how much he meant it.
But she wouldn't look him in the eye. Santana was silent for a few beats. She was shaking.
"I cheated on you," She suddenly blurted out, "with a woman… this afternoon," She sounded ready to cry, then began to run away.
What?!
"Why would you do that?" Finn lost it.
He could see the tears in her eyes. "Now you don't need to feel bad when you inevitably leave me for her," She spat bitterly.
And somehow, she was the one that sounded pissed.
Finn couldn't hide his anger, "I just told Rachel to back off because we're happy!" Finn exploded, "What the fuck, Santana!"
Santana just shrugged, "I tried to warn you." As if this was just what she did and he had to accept it if he wanted to be with her.
And with that she left.
Finn wanted to kick something or throw something.
I can't fucking believe this shit!