A/N: One year ago today, and nearly eight years ago... they may be gone, but they will never be forgotten. Naya and Cory forever.

Finn had a break on set. There was some kind of technical delay involving lighting. Now he had all too much time to brood. Santana wasn't home last night when he got in from set. It was her day off, and they usually went out for dinner, since it was their only opportunity for date night. Well, they had done the last two Mondays. They hadn't been dating very long to talk about having a set routine. They hadn't made plans for that evening, but he was expecting to talk. But he still wasn't sure what he wanted.

He'd waited up for her. And waited. His mind kept making up worse and worse scenarios involving her off making love to random women.

I've had three girlfriends and they've all cheated on me. Is there some lesson I need to learn here?

He tried to snap himself out of it. She'd looked guilty as hell when he confronted her about it. He just wished she would have said sorry, and admitted she got scared he'd dump her and so she… did that. But it was like she was too proud or too scared to apologize.

How did something good go to shit so fast?

At the moment he'd been talking to Mr Schue about once a week, and he still didn't think his mentor knew about the tell-tale kiss. He felt guilty asking for his help now. Finn wanted to talk to someone about what was happening, but he was finding himself short on friends. He had only told Mr Schue that he was starting to date again two weeks ago, and hadn't said he was seeing Santana. But he was an adult with more perspective or something. So maybe he would have some sage advice.

"Finn."

"Mr Schue… Will," He corrected himself before his mentor could. It still sounded weird calling his teacher by his first name. But once you'd been asked to be their best man… well, it was expected.

"How's the new job?" Mr Schue asked, "I've been bragging about how well you're doing to my kids."

Finn, felt his face pull into a one sided-smile. "Yeah, I still can't believe it."

"Well, I'm so proud."

"I keep thinking they're gonna turn around and say they made a mistake and fire me, but they don't."

"You're too modest!" Mr Schue countered, "you are so talented, Finn! Don't be surprised others can see it too."

Finn was sure he was blushing. At least his teacher couldn't see his face right now.

"The kids are gearing up for Regionals."

"That's awesome! Wish them luck from me," Finn thought on the club fondly for a moment. He'd enjoyed his time with them, but doing his own thing now felt right. "How's Emma?"

Mr Schue was a little thrown by the sudden change in direction, "She's okay."

Finn waited for his friend to say more.

"We've talked about what happened. Why she ran."

Finn froze.

Mr Schue continued oblivious to Finn's feelings of discomfort, "She felt so much pressure, you know, she wanted it to be perfect and everything, but the reality of it… it was too much."

"That's all?" Finn felt like shit for not speaking up.

"That, and she said she wasn't sure if I was still the same after… D.C. and everything," Mr Schue explained, "whether we'd still be on the same page, and want the same things."

"Nothing else?"

"No. Why?" Mr Schue finally cottoned on that Finn was trying to pry information out of him.

Finn panicked, "No reason. I'm glad you guys are working it out. You're meant to be."

"Yeah, I'm not worried. Emma's back living with me. The rest we can take slow."

"Can I ask you something."

"Sure, Finn. What's on your mind?"

Finn took a few deep breaths, where to even start.

"Have you ever been cheated on?"

Mr Schue gave the question the proper contemplation it deserved, "I don't think so."

"Oh."

"Terry had a lot of faults, but I never worried about that particular scenario, and Emma, well, I can't really imagine her doing that either."

"Yeah, of course not," Finn agreed feeling lower than a cockroach, "I… I'm just…"

"What's going on Finn? Are you in a relationship?"

"Yeah, and it got pretty serious pretty fast."

"Okay."

"And then it got complicated."

"Why?"
"Because Rachel just showed up…"

"Rachel's in L.A.?"

"Yeah, and the woman I'm seeing, she kind of knows that history… between me and Rachel."

"Okay…"

"Finn did you do something you feel guilty about?" Mr Schue asked sounding exactly like a school teacher, "You can tell me."

Mr Schue thinks I cheated on my new girlfriend with Rachel.

"I didn't."

"I want you to know you can confide in me."
"Rachel showed up, and… Santana ran out and cheated on me with the first woman she could find!"

There was a long pause.

"What about Santana?" Mr Schue was now lost.

"I'm dating Santana now," Finn finally stated plainly.

"Your new girlfriend is…" Mr Schue sounded like he wasn't sure he'd heard right.

"Yeah."

"Well, okay," Mr Schue had a fake 'I'm happy for you' ring to his voice to cover his shock, "I… of all the dating combinations," And then he just sounded flustered, "I didn't think I'd see that one again… ever."

Silence.

Finn chose to ignore that Mr Schue was hung up on the wrong part of his story, "When Quinn cheated on me… I broke up with her, and I didn't question if that was the right thing to do, I felt so betrayed I could barely stand to look at her! I couldn't have done otherwise."

"I here you," Mr Schue sounded supportive.

"And when Rachel kissed Puck, I knew she just did it to be mean, to make me jealous, and on top of all the other spoiled and selfish things she kept doing, it just showed me I didn't want to be with someone who'd do that, you know."

"I get it," Will admitted, "You can't be with someone you don't trust."

"Exactly." Finn was so glad he got it, "But the thing with Rachel, sort of blew over, we were both mad, she only did it because she learned about… me and Santana, I knew that, but it didn't seem equivalent."

"Okay."

Finn didn't want to get into all the details, "Santana and I, we've been getting really close, and she gets me, even though she gives me a hard time, I know she sees me, and she's always doing things to help, even if she won't admit it."

"Okay."

"Like this acting job, she found this part, the perfect part for me," Finn didn't know how to express it, "the more time I spend with her, the more I like her, the more I get to know her the more I want to know, all this stuff she's done that made me crazy, it makes sense now. She's not…"

"Not what?"
"Mean, or cruel or selfish, she… just acts from weakness sometimes."

"What are you trying to say, Finn?"

"She has all these issues, and all this stuff going on with her, that makes her act out."

Mr Schue clearly wasn't sure why he was being asked for advice, "What do you want from me here, Finn?"

"I just feel so mad! And I don't want her to think I will just put up with her hooking up with other people."

"Okay."

Finn just kind of exploded, "How do you go forward after something like this?!" He felt hopeless.

If they were looking at one another, he could imagine Mr Schue would be contemplative, and nodding his head slowly as he mulled it over.

The answer was a while coming, "I can't answer that for you." Will said sounding full of wisdom, "But, no relationship is ever easy. No one is perfect. I think in a healthy relationship you've got to be able to tell your partner what you need, and tell them when they've hurt you."

Finn knew he sounded like a little kid, "But why didn't she care about me enough not to hurt me?"

"Finn, I don't know anything about your relationship, but I do know you need to have this conversation with Santana."

Finn nodded, then remembered Mr Schue couldn't see him, "Yeah, okay."

"Maybe take some time," Will suggested, "Take a breath, and think about what you want and what you need. And then ask her if she can commit to giving it to you."

"Thanks, Mr Schue."

"Will." His mentor corrected, "Any time, buddy."

"Good luck with Regionals. I wish I could be there."

"Thanks. You're living the dream, inspiring my students from afar," Will beamed, "You do you for a while, you've already gone above and beyond for Glee Club this year!"

))))))))))))))))))))))

Finn was determined to take Mr Schue's advice and not talk to Santana until he'd had a chance to consider what he wanted. Which was easier than he expected, since she seemed determined to avoid him. He didn't go to the diner that evening. He fell asleep on the couch, and she must have snuck in quietly, because he woke about 3 am, and went to check on her, and she was in her bed, snoring cutely as she always did. It had been hard to get used to sleeping next to someone after 19 years of sleeping alone, and now he didn't like to be missing the heat from her body and all her little habits he now found adorable. Like how she slept on her side, with her arms crossed with her hands balled into fists right near her face. And how Santana thought it was weird if he tried to put his arm around her. Or how she'd kick him in the morning to wake him up enough to initiate sex. Half the time she'd already be on top of him when he was still in a morning haze.

)))))))))))))))))))

Rachel kept messaging, apologizing for running out of the restaurant on Sunday. She said she had a better handle on her feelings now, and would like to meet up again to talk. Just as friends. Finn decided he should hear Rachel out. It wouldn't change anything, but he didn't want to be fighting with her. He was staying here and she was living there. But a dinner to catch up properly and talk couldn't do any harm.

Rachel picked an Italian place, much more fancy call L'Aperitivo. She made the reservations and texted him the address. It was near the studio so he came straight from work. They'd wrapped early tonight so it was only 6:30 when he arrived, and Rachel texted for him to meet her in the bar, since they didn't have the table until seven. Finn couldn't see her so he sat at the bar and started to scan the room. The glasses hung from the roof of the bar, and they had all these exotic looking bottles lining the shelves, with spirits of every color of the rainbow on display. Stuff he'd never heard of. Rachel walked up slowly, looking like Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's.

"Hello Finn," She beamed, moving elegantly in a long black dress.

Finn was shocked. Her hair was up in a bun and Rachel was wearing pearls. He regained control of himself, enough to awkwardly say hello and invite her to sit on the stool next to him. He buried his head in a drink menu. Finn wasn't drinking, he didn't want to risk doing anything he'd regret.

Unlike Santana, I don't want to cheat!

He ordered a soda and Rachel ordered that same drink she'd had at that NYADA hangout.

He didn't complement her outfit, which may have put Rachel out a bit, since she'd clearly gone to a lot of trouble with her appearance.

"So, how was your day?" Rachel started the conversation.

"It was good. How are you enjoying L.A.?"
"I went to Sunset Boulevard today."

"Awesome!" He didn't bother asking any questions about it, because this was clearly the preamble chit chat portion of the evening.

"So, how's Santana," Rachel had an heir of someone who was dying inside trying to be so okay with something she was fundamentally not okay with.

Finn appreciated her effort. But he didn't want to tell her. He felt ashamed that 2 seconds after he was telling her how serious they were, Santana had shown him she didn't care.

"She's fine," He said, before moving on to, "How was coffee with Mercedes?"

"Helpful," Rachel replied.

"It's awesome about her album, right?" He commented, and then saw the confusion play out on Rachel's face.

She doesn't know what I'm talking about.

That topic exhausted, Finn needed to regroup. "So, what's the next big thing at NYADA now that Winter Showcase is over?" He asked.

Rachel shrugged, "Nothing just yet, I still have to pass my dance 101 class, I've been practicing my pirouettes."

"Is Cassie still giving you a hard time?"

She nodded.

"Don't let her get you down," Finn encouraged, "Just keep working hard, and don't let her mess with your head."

"There's a big recital worth 40% of my grade," Rachel looked nervous, "One group dance, and an individual dance we have to choreograph ourselves."

"I'll be rooting for you, let me know how it goes," Finn continued to be supportive.

"So, I'm allowed to contact you again?" She was a little snippy.

"I was just trying to give us both a chance to move on," He explained rationally.

He didn't want to keep fighting about this.

Rachel brooded silently. Finn knew to wait, there was a question on her lips.

"Finn," Rachel looked positively heartbroken, "Please, tell me, I've got to know… how did things happen with Santana."

Finn didn't want to get into this with her, especially not now that there was so much up in the air with their relationship. He worried he'd let something slip, because he didn't want Rachel to know about the cheating, not until he had his head around what he wanted to do.

He didn't like where he thought this was going, "What are you asking?"

"Were you just drunk and lonely?" Rachel was searching for answers. "Did she hit on you?"

Finn decided to give her a little closure, "It wasn't like that, I was really struggling," Which is an understatement, "Santana showed me kindness."

He remembered back, only two short months ago. He still felt a tingle whenever he thought back on the reception and the Dirty Dancing, and the way they had looked into each other's eyes. And how Santana had made him feel.

Rachel could tell something about how he was reminiscing fondly or something, because she got mighty pissed.

"What made you want to keep seeing her?" Rachel asked, it seemed to just be torture at this point. "What do you like about her? I just don't understand."

"Rachel," Finn just felt so frustrated that she just wanted to keep coming back to this, "you asked me to dinner in the name of friendship, but that's not what you're doing now."

"You want me to move passed it," Rachel reminded him pointedly, "I'm trying to do that, and I think it would help me if I could make sense of this."

Finn didn't think that was what she was doing at all. "I think my relationship with Santana needs to be… off limits, for now." He took a long swallow of soda, and decided to change the topic, "Guess what I did on set today."

She shook her head, "Tell me."

Finn couldn't help but be excited, "We shot the scene of me playing and singing 'Wonderwall'."

"Oasis?" Rachel wasn't sure.

"Yeah," Finn beamed, "The song suited because I'm trying to tell Marisol I'm in her corner, but she ultimately needs to save herself or something."

"That's great, Finn," Rachel smiled, and she did seem happy for him.

"They loved that I sung John Lennon at my audition," Finn couldn't help but smile, "'Stand by Me' was Santana's idea."

Rachel smiled.

"It's not the whole song or anything. Just a couple of versus and a chorus," Finn wanted her to understand, "They showed it to me at the end, I'm really proud of it."

It occurred to him that the person he was really dying to tell about it was Santana. Rachel asked a few more questions about shooting, how he was liking his costars, what he thought of the arc so far, was he finding his feet.

The actor playing his dad, Reg, had taken a liking to Finn. He was helping him with the nuances of dramatic scenes, how to use props, how to convey the emotions on his face while connecting with his scene partner, and ensuring he made never turning his back on the camera look natural.

It was after seven now, so they went to the bistro and sat at their table. The place had a maître d' and table cloths and everything. There was even a pianist playing somber songs under low light in a corner. Finn hadn't been anywhere fancier than Sardi's when he was in New York with Rachel. But this place was another level again. Was he paying? It was a friendly dinner so they were probably going halves? Finn ordered spaghetti and meatballs. Which was somehow $28. Rachel got pesto.

"Do you know how much longer your character's storyline is going to be yet?" Rachel asked.

"I still don't know, which I guess is a good thing…" Finn explained, "I think, because by the time they tell me, it'll be the end."

Rachel pulled a pamphlet out of her handbag, "I found out about a niche acting program at Columbia."

Finn was taken aback.

"Rachel, I can't leave L.A., I signed a contract with the studio."

"But, if you're done by September," Rachel countered, "You could apply now, and defer if you're still on the show, I can't imagine they wouldn't take you, I mean if you're good enough for The Bold and the Beautiful."

"Rachel," Finn sighed.

"You said you didn't want your passion to be sidelined by my ambition, and I heard you," Rachel continued to argue for him to come back to New York, "In New York, you'll be exposed to all the right people, I can tutor you with all the knowledge I'm getting from the finest teachers at NYADA."

This is not a friendship dinner.

"Here, with Santana…" Finn started to say.

Rachel practically winced at her name.

"… I'm figuring it out at my own pace," Finn smiled, "I still don't know what I want, but I'm enjoying trying things, and she's not sure either and so we've been working it out together."

"And Santana is helping you?" Rachel scoffed.

"She is actually," Finn defended his girlfriend, "she's the main reason I got the soap opera, she found the perfect part for me."

And for a moment he forgot he was mad at Santana.

"Santana only cares about making it herself," Rachel snapped.

Pot calling the kettle black, much! Finn chastised her in his head, but didn't fire back.

Finn didn't want this to descend into another mudslinging match, "I don't think soap operas are where I'm going to end up, but I'm getting a taste."

He checked her face, she was upset for sure, in disagreement, but Rachel was listening.

Finn kept explaining, "Maybe I'll miss music too much, maybe I'll try movies, or TV comedies, or Shakespearean plays…" Finn was exaggerating with the Shakespeare, he definitely couldn't rock tights, and an old timey English accent. He felt all jittery, "I don't know… but I want to just… get out and do."

"I want to help you do all of that," Rachel sounded ready to burst into tears.

"I don't doubt you when you say that, that you mean it," Finn started to explain again, "but the reality of your life, Rachel, is that you want so many things for yourself, and you want them so badly… that my dreams just get lost," Finn watched her face, that what he was saying was truly being understood.

Rachel was just so sad. He had to stop himself from continuing to speak, he needed to just let it sink in. A lone tear ran down her cheek. It was going to hurt. He'd grieved the loss of their relationship in the month before he decided to go to L.A. He needed to let her do the same, she hadn't accepted it was over yet.

"You're a star Rachel," He said, meaning every syllable, "You don't need me to succeed, I would never want to stand in the way of you getting everything you deserve."

But Rachel wasn't there yet, her contempt was palpable, "Here, you're just going to be Santana's boyfriend."

Finn explained, "I need to be honest with you, I doubt you could tell, but that apartment, it's a 2-bedroom place."

Rachel didn't appear to get it straight away.

"Santana and I are sharing a room."

"You're living together," She repeated, spilling her non-alcoholic cocktail.

He told her gently, but he wanted to be direct, "Until a few weeks ago… we worked at the same diner, we spend a lot of time together," And before Finn knew it, he'd said, "I'm really happy."

Finn had just been thinking of his relationship with Santana before Sunday, and it was true. But he was so upset, and he wasn't sure what they were right now.

"Happier than you were with me?" Rachel asked, clearly feeling insecure.

It's not a competition. "Rachel, let's not do this," He warned.

"I need to know, Finn," She insisted.

Finn felt that this was a trap, he settled on, "Different."

He may as well have slapped her, based on how distraught Rachel was that he didn't say he loved her more.

Rachel started to cry more obviously now, "Because she's sexy, and experienced…"

"Rachel, don't do this," Finn felt dismayed.

"She picked on me…" Rachel tried a different line of attack, "she insulted you, for years! She's a horrible person!"

"Rachel!" Finn appealed to her to stop this.

But Rachel was lashing out, "How bad does your self-esteem have to be to date the person who went around telling everyone that you're fat, and bad in bed, Finn!"

"Come on, Rachel," Finn said, "that was never what her attacking me was about."
"Oh, really?" Rachel folded her arms, "Then what was it about?"

But Finn he had a much deeper understanding of Santana now. Santana is brutally honest, that's why I thought what she said about me had to be right. But I rejected her after we had sex, and in Santana's world being rejected like that is about the worst thing anyone could do. He could see that now. Her insults to me weren't on the money, they just reflected her own insecurities. Why was I hurt she said I had weird nipples? I never even noticed, she's the one who got implants. Santana's funny about her weight, and is worried she isn't quite good enough to make it on her talent. She was just tearing herself down when she was attacking me. Calling me dumb! She was in love with the dumbest person alive! Besides, Santana was dealing with a lot when she was acting like that, she'd changed since she had finally accepted herself.

Finn was pulled from his contemplation when he realized Rachel was still talking.

Rachel was saying, "Some of the worst insults I remember from high school came directly from her mouth." Rachel wasn't nearly finished, "She deliberately tried to break us up in Junior Year when she announced to everyone about your little motel room tryst!"

Santana threw herself at me at my Mom's Wedding, but now Finn knew that was the week after her real father had rejected her after she told him she was his kid. And I rejected her, again. And a week later Santana threw napalm on my relationship with Rachel because I'd said publicly that 'she wasn't worth it'. Santana isn't cruel for the sake of it. Her anger and her feelings overwhelm her sometimes and lashing out is the only way she can feel any sense of control. Finn got it now, but he wasn't going to tell any of that to Rachel.

Rachel's voice pulled him from his thoughts, "Finn, I just don't understand, how after all of that you can date her?"

"I don't need your approval," Finn stated.

"She's all wrong for you, Finn," Rachel stated as if it were just obvious.

Rachel wasn't taking the hint to beg off though, "My relationship is for me to figure out, not you… this is exactly why we can't be friends yet," Finn knew. Because you want me, so you are going to act to sabotage this. He loved her, and he knew her all too well.

"I want you back," Rachel was practically begging.

And Finn felt horrible watching her cry over him.

It just takes time. I grieved the loss of you too.

Rachel suddenly decided it was all too much, getting up from the bar dramatically and saying, "You said you'd love me forever, it hasn't even been a year… and you've given up on us."

She moved awkwardly in her high heels across the room, past the maître d'

She got to the door, but Finn's voice stopped her and she turned back.

"If we're meant to be, then… one day, we'll both be in the same city, and single, and still feel that spark."

That was the only bit of comfort he had for her, what little that it was. He saw her face pull in pain as she retreated towards the door.

I know this sucks. It sucked for me too.

Finn didn't go after her. While Rachel was ranting, he'd made a realization of his own. Their food hadn't even arrived yet. Hopefully they do doggy bags. Because if he was paying that much for some pasta and meatballs he wanted to be able to eat it for a few days.

))))))))))))))))))))))

Finn got home. Mercedes was home early, she usually stayed in the studio all day and would be home after nine. Finn reheated the food, and he ate his meatballs. She enjoyed the pesto, so it least it didn't go to waste. The chicken nuggets and chips she'd made last night would keep another day. Finn hadn't felt like sitting in so fancy a restaurant alone, being thoroughly underdressed.

"So…" Mercedes asked between mouthfuls, "What's going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"You two have stopped being bunnies since Rachel showed up."

Finn didn't know what she was talking about.

Mercedes clarified, "The walls here are really thin."

She can hear us having sex.

"Talk to me," She invited him to be open.

"One second everything was going so… good, and then… POW!" He made a motion like an explosion.

"Well, it's not surprising Santana's feeling insecure about Rachel showing up."

"I know, and I told her to trust me, and she ran out and…" Did he want to admit it, he felt so ashamed that he'd been cheated on again.

"Ran and what?"

"… cheated on me with the first girl she could find."

Mercedes was unable to hide how unexpected that was to her. "I thought she really liked you."

It hung in the air.

"So did I."

"Are you two breaking up?" She asked tentatively, hoping the answer was 'no'.

"I guess that depends on her," Was all he said in the end.

He showered and did the dishes and then he waited until midnight.

The truth was he didn't want to be apart from her. Then he hated himself for feeling weak.

)))))))

Finn was at the diner as her shift finished, feeling like the golden retriever he clearly was at this point. Santana was shocked to see him, again. She gave him a leftover baggy of grilled cheese sandwich, which made him remember them getting room service together. They walked home in total silence. He let her shower and change, and then she came out into the lounge room so they could talk.

"You first," Santana insisted.

Finn was prepared with what he wanted to say, "I need you to tell me why you did that."

Finn was sure he knew why, but he needed her to admit it out loud so he knew she consciously understood why.

Santana just hung her head in shame.

"I don't know," She shrugged, "I told you I'm a shit girlfriend, so just fucking break up with me already."

What she was saying was, 'I'm no good, Finn' With a scared look in her eye that said she was distraught, 'get out, save yourself'.

He wasn't letting it go though. "I need you to do better than that, how were you feeling?"

"Pissed off."

"Why?"
"Because you were looking at Berry like you were so happy she was back in your life!" She snapped, before quietly admitting, "I knew I was on borrowed time."

"You were afraid I was going to dump you," Finn repeated what he was sure was the real reason now.

Santana stood up and started pacing the room, her arms crossed. This was really hard for her, and he could see it.

Finn had a few more questions he needed answered though, "When you and Brittany started dating, not when you were just fooling around… did you ever cheat on her?"

Santana looked offended, "No!"

Good. She isn't just a cheater.

He took a deep breath, "Have you been… craving women since we got together?"

She was clearly surprised by that question, taking a moment before shaking her head.

Good.

He decided to give her the reassurance she clearly needed, "I'm not breaking up with you."

Her head snapped around and her brow furrowed, she couldn't understand why. But she was listening.

"But I think we should take a step back, for now," He said, feeling more sure about this than anything at the moment, "We both need to learn to trust each other, and I think we maybe got too serious too fast."

They hadn't discussed the ground rules of their relationship yet, but 'don't cheat on me' sort of went without saying.

"I am sorry, Finn," Santana couldn't look him in the eye but her remorse was evident, "I want to be with you. Only you."

She leaned over to kiss him, but he held up his hand to prevent her.

He kept explaining what he needed, "We need to take things slow, for a while, to rebuild. Puck is getting a place nearby, and I'm going to move in with him."

Santana nodded. She wasn't really in a position to object.

"I'll take the couch tonight," He said.

She nodded.

"I think we should keep spending time together," He explained.

She nodded.

"Next Monday, after work, let's go out, you choose and plan what we do."

She nodded.

"Surprise me," He said.

She nodded.

"That's what I need from you," Finn reiterated and then he waited.

"Yes… okay," Santana's eyes were filled with tears. She looked so relieved.

She was terrified I was going to break up with her.

They didn't hug or kiss. That's where they left it that night. Finn felt hurt, but he also knew what they had was worth trying to salvage. What did 'going slow' with Santana Lopez even look like? Finn honestly didn't know.

A/N: As always, thanks so much for the encouragement, to anyone who reviewed.