"You know, if you ever need girl advice, I'm all ears."

"Sure."

"You say that like you don't mean it."

"Very intuitive."

"You see? That's your problem right there. You need an attitude adjustment. Here, let me give you some pointers. I bet Rinoa's exhausted from doing all the work for you."

"Irvine, I don't have time for—"

"Let me see you smile. Just a little one. Please? Pretend I'm Rinoa."

"No."

"Okay, fine. No smile then. You could always try showing some skin."

"I don't want that sort of attention…"

"No, man, you're missing the point. Girls love muscular men. Just try wearing a shirt that fits a bit tightly when you're around her and watch her drool over you."

"I'm have no intention of being a sex symbol."

"You're so dense, I swear to Hyne. Alright, forget the tight shirt. I've got it! You could compliment her. Ask her what shampoo she uses or something."

"Why the hell would I ask anyone something so inane?"

"So she can see you care, Squall. You want to know something about her. Even if it's a little strange, girls like that. Plus it'll lead to you two canoodling."

"I don't…canoodle."

"Don't you want to kiss Rinoa? Maybe do a little more than that, if you catch my drift?"

"It's none of your-"

"Business. Yeah, I get that. But I can't help but worry about you, man. You're letting smoking hot women pass you by like you've been castrated."

"I don't need a relationship right now."

"Believe me, Commander. You do. Stop staring daggers at me, you know I'm right. Oh. I know. Ask her for a hug."

"No!"

"Tell her you feel lonely. Maybe even start talking about how much it sucks being an orphan. That'll make her feel bad and wanna cheer you up."

"Irvine."

"I recommend putting on the waterworks. Girls love sensitive guys. It triggers their nurturing side and makes 'em wanna protect you. Tell her you don't let just anyone see you like this. That you trust her with this side of you."

"Irvine."

"Maybe go a little crazy and give her a peck on the cheek afterward. I bet she'd like that. If you wanna go the whole mile, try and lay one on her lips. But make sure your lips aren't wet, in case you tend to salivate when nervous. Some girls get weirded out by that."

"Irvine…"

"I told you I'm an expert on girls. If you listen to me, you'll never lose. Oh, and if you ever need protection, don't be afraid to—"

"Irvine!"

"What?"

"Please stop. Please."

"...Okay."