Chapter 20

"I have thought further, Severus, about Sirius' request to be Harry's godfather, in the real sense of the word," said Dumbledore. It was the tone that made Severus twitch. It was as if Albus was discussing student borderline grades, not the wellbeing of a teenage boy.

It was a week before the Easter holidays, and Albus had summoned Severus to his office. The usual students would be staying at the castle, plus a fair number of seventh years who wanted the time to study and have access to the professors. The staff were happy to help these students over Easter. These students were the keen and the dedicated ones.

"And you've come to the conclusion he's a selfish, immature idiot with no sense of responsibility?" asked Severus, hopefully, but with an impending sense of doom. He hated it when Albus had 'ideas', they didn't always conform to normal, sane human behaviour.

"On the contrary, I think you'll find twelve years in Azkaban for a crime he didn't commit has matured him and grounded his thinking. Azkaban does that to a person. Even those who are sent there for a short amount of time, for smaller, less significant crimes tend to be released with a different sense of perspective. I would have hoped you'd understand this point, Severus, what with having narrowly escaped that fate yourself."

Albus was rarely so blunt. He never brought up Severus' misdeeds so openly. He was likely annoyed at Severus' outburst in the man's office the other week, intimating that Albus was the one responsible for Potter's home life. Albus wasn't threatening though. He wasn't saying 'Agree with me or I retract any statement of support I may have made for you'. No, it was simpler than that. Albus was disappointed in Severus's opinion about Black and was making sure Severus knew it. This was the problem with Albus, he oscillated between greater good and human compassion at the drop of a hat, but only when the greater good allowed.

Reluctantly Severus walked back his words. He'd never forgive Black, but twelve years in Azkaban was a horror Severus didn't want to contemplate.

"I am sorry, Albus, that was closed-minded of me," admitted Severus.

"A chink in your armour, Severus, who knew," twinkled Albus. Severus ground his teeth. At this rate he'd need to sort out his teeth before they wore down entirely. "Sirius came to visit Harry. Minerva kept them company. Has Harry talked about it?"

"That's what alerted me to the Dursleys. Potter asked what a godfather actually did."

"Did you manage to not insult Mr Black thoroughly for the next half hour?"

"Mostly. Where's this going, Albus?" asked Severus, fed up with the man playing the benevolent grandfather figure.

"Well, as to that. Sirius is going to discharge himself from St. Mungo's in a few days. He's been responsible enough to stay there for what's it been? At least three weeks? Nearer four, with a few hours outside here and there. I've written to him because he sent me a letter expressing his thanks for acknowledging his innocence."

"I didn't realise he had that edge to him," replied Severus, admiring the fact that Black had sent Albus a letter thanking him for doing his Wizengamot job, only fourteen years too late.

"He didn't mean it anyway other than how he wrote it," said Albus, sounding thankful. A chink in his armour too, thought Severus, but he certainly wasn't foolish enough to voice that out loud. "That's the worst part. I should have insisted on a trial back then. I did not. I will never forgive myself for that, Severus. So much could have been different. He asked me if the Order wanted to buy Grimmauld or whether he could sell it to exorcise some demons."

"Where's he going to live?" asked Severus, curiously, "I assume he's selling?"

"A house in Hogsmeade village for now. He says the Healers asked him about where he was happiest. He wants to be near Hogwarts for now. Remus Lupin is going to stay with him for six months."

Albus watched Severus' face carefully. There was guilt there. A lot of guilt.

"You did it out of pure spite, didn't you Severus?" asked Albus sternly.

Severus nodded. As angry with Albus as Severus was, Lupin was a real chink in Severus's armour. Severus deep down knew his decision to speak out had been spiteful, however much Severus couldn't stand the man.

"He didn't have much, Severus. He couldn't have much, given his condition, but you told everyone his status and he lost his job. What for? Childish retribution? I swore you to secrecy years ago Severus over this, just for this reason."

"I am sorry about that, it is something that in hindsight I regret."

"It isn't me to whom you should be apologising, Severus. You brought your childish vendetta into the adult world and ruined him. You should by rights be apologising to him on bended knee."

"Alright, alright, I get your point. I was a total arsehole about that!" snapped Severus, his conscience finally giving up. It seemed both him and Albus had a lot to answer for these days.

"During the holidays, Sirius and Remus will be visiting the castle to see Harry," said Dumbledore calmly. "They don't know it, I've not invited them yet. I will give them some days to move into the house first. However, Sirius will be coming to the castle on Wednesday evening. He has asked me to sign some legal papers now that he's the head of the House of Black. Either stay out of his way or be civil, Severus."

Severus glared but backed down first. Albus was angry with him over Remus. He wasn't going to push his luck today.

"Thank you for signing these, Albus," said Sirius. And thank you for recommending the house. Remus is coming to stay. Oh, I told you all that already, didn't I? Sorry, sometimes my mind flits all over these days."

"My mistakes cost you twelve years of freedom, Mr Black, more. There isn't enough that I can do."

"I never asked for a trial, I never protested. My stupidity kept me there, even if your lack of abiding by the rules put me there. I've had twelve years in there and two years since to get to grips with the shitshow that is my life, Albus. The Healers have been great. Talking it through has been cathartic. I just need time to decompress, to relax. To not wake up screaming in the middle of the night," he added ruefully.

"If there is anything you need that I can do for you, consider it done," said Albus quietly.

"I had hoped I could speak with Harry while I'm here this evening," said Sirius.

"Ah, now that is a little more awkward," said Albus carefully. "Mr Potter has a mentoring session this evening. It usually lasts quite late."

"Harry told me about those. He said Minerva and Filius and Sn… Snape mentor him."

Albus didn't speak for a while. This was going to be awkward. Nothing less than he deserved to explain however.

"I think Harry may have told you a white lie about that, Sirius. To protect your feelings." Albus took a breath. "There is only one mentor."

There was a pause.

"Him?" snarled Sirius, "He shouldn't be allowed within a mile of Harry! You know he'll take out his dislike of James on the boy. Albus! How could you?!"

"I prefer to think he'll take his friendship for Lily out on the boy, Sirius. He isn't the person you think he is. He isn't the person he was. He is very good with his house. He understands how to mentor students. He does it well."

"He was a dark arts obsessed, arrogant, nosey tosser with no caring for anything other than himself," growled Sirius.

"I believe we had this conversation once before, Mr Black. Over my desk. I believe we agreed you'd try to see things differently."

Sirius coloured in memory.

"I left him alone after that, mostly," said Sirius defensively. "But I don't see that he changed. Look who he ran with in the early years after we all left school. Look where he ended up."

"Yes, he ended up spying for the Light, Sirius, through great danger to his own life."

"And what did that get us? James and Lily are dead! It is his fault they're dead, Albus," shouted Sirius.

"I'm sorry you feel that way, Sirius. Severus did not cast the Killing Curse that killed them. It is not his fault. We all carry blame for a lot of deaths."

Sirius huffed. His anger subsided quicker these days, since talking to the Healers, but some things still set him off.

Albus cast a tempus.

"Perhaps there's something you could do while you're here?" Albus asked calmly.

"I was expecting a dressing down for yelling at you in your own office, not an invitation," said Sirius guiltily.

"Are you aware of the Room of Requirement?" asked Albus, waving away Sirius' awkwardness.

"Oh, yes, we found that quite early on," said Sirius with a smile.

"Perhaps we can adjourn there. We'll floo to the top floor to save you being spotted on the corridors, if you don't mind."

"Why are we here, Albus?" asked Severus, standing outside the Room of Requirement.

"I am giving you what you need, Severus, even though it's not necessarily what you want. Come." They entered the room. It was decorated how Severus had had it that evening with Potter.

Severus snarled. "What's he doing here?"

"For the same reason you are here," said Albus. "Now, before either of you say anything inflammatory to the other one, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like your wands for safekeeping. You can have them back when you're done."

"No!" snapped Severus.

"You don't require a wand right now, Severus. If the castle is suddenly attacked by a raging hoard of Death Eaters you'll get it back instantaneously. I don't trust either of you not to damage the other one. And this time, I won't protect either of you. You'll be up before the Wizengamot if you do anything permanent. Now, the pair of you, hand me your wands."

Neither man moved.

"I really haven't got all night for a staring match first, gentlemen. Hand them over," said Albus exasperated.

The other man moved first, slowly. He started to pass Albus his wand. Severus reluctantly gave up his into Albus' waiting hand.

"There, that wasn't too hard, was it? Now, I don't expect either of you to leave until you've come to some sort of agreement on your differences. Good evening."

Albus stepped out.

"Shall we get started then?" asked the man.

Severus punched Sirius Black in the face.

It wasn't pretty. Both men knew how to fight. It should have been balletic to watch. It wasn't, it was a brawl. By some unspoken agreement neither of them were going to be truly effective. Both of them knew how to snap a neck. That wasn't the point.

Sirius staggered back, his eyes darkened and he charged, his shoulder taking Severus in the solar plexus. Severus slammed into the wall. Severus just about managed to get an elbow in when Sirius' punch to the gut knocked the wind out of him.

"Feeling better?" snapped Sirius.

Severus kicked Sirius' legs out from under him and got a foot in the ribs. "Much," he growled.

"It's your fault they're dead, you know," snarled Sirius, getting to the point early, "Kicking me won't help."

"She's dead because you put your trust in the wrong person, Black!" screamed Severus, "You condemned her to die the day you gave Pettigrew the secret."

"They are dead, Snivellus," shouted Sirius, "Because you failed to spy for us. You didn't warn us in enough time to get them out!"

Sirius had rolled away. Severus followed him. Severus didn't see the foot that lashed out and kicked him in the ankle. Severus dropped and Sirius was on top of him.

"You abandoned them, Black, you should have stayed with them and kept them safe. But it wasn't ever about others with you, was it? You did whatever you wanted, just like you always did. Rich, arrogant pureblood with his family's money behind him."

"My family," Sirius got a couple of good punches to the face, punctuating his words, "Are a bunch of tossers with no more right to live on this earth than a cockroach. I'd take your half-blood status any day!"

"What did you actually do during the war, Black? I saw you, the night we lost the Williams family when the Greenwich Arms burned down. I gave you all advance warning, and what did you do, run off after Rookwood for a personal vendetta instead of saving the people inside." Snape blocked Sirius' fist and turned it, forcing him off him and rolling on top himself.

Severus got a decent punch in before Sirius blocked his next, grabbed hold of his robes and pulled, head butting him in the forehead.

"Rookwood, for your information, had spent the day before Crucioing the Prewitts, you remember them, don't you? Some more people you didn't save?"

The force of the blow drove Severus onto the floor on his back. Sirius crawled to his feet and kicked Severus in the ribs.

"I fought, Snape, what did you do, hide? Turn up in a mask? Pretending to help us, but actually did the torturing. I saw you slice open that muggle woman."

"You haven't a fucking clue what I had to do, do you?" screamed Severus. "You've never actually been in the presence of the Dark Lord, have you? The anger, the rage, the sadistic nature? Yes, I did that. Because it was the lesser of two evils." Sirius got another kick into the other ribs that Severus didn't manage to block. "Do you know how I got us good information, Black?! Do you?!" snarled Severus. "I had to get into his inner circle. You don't get there by being nice. If you fail that entry you don't stay in the lesser ranks. There aren't enough pieces for a funeral. So Black, have you ever had to kill someone and then prostrate yourself in thanks that the Dark Lord gave you the opportunity to have done so? I have. Have you?"

"You didn't have to! You could have died!" shouted Sirius. Severus had got back to his feet . A very solid kick to the stomach drove Sirius to his knees.

"And what was the purpose of that? We wouldn't have had any information, the man I killed would have been dead anyway and I'd have died a pointless death. Your Gryffindor stupidity astounds me!"

"It's not all about your woes, Snape," said Sirius, between breaths, Severus' kick had properly winded him, "Do you know what it's like, knowing you trusted the wrong person? Knowing your trust condemned others to death? Knowing that you suspected your friends when you should have realised who your enemies were? Knowing that you willing gave the information away? I spent years in Azkaban contemplating that. Have you been in Azkaban, or did Albus give you a cushy life here?"

Sirius managed to ward off the incoming fist, and hauled Severus off-balance onto the floor. They both lay there panting.

Severus coughed, the kicks to the ribs had hurt.

"Are we blaming ourselves, or each other?" asked Severus eventually, after he'd got his breath back.

"Both, isn't it?" asked Sirius. "Are you up for round two?"

"Give me a minute."

"Should we stop soon?" asked Sirius, gently feeling his nose.

Severus looked over, "Why? Losing your good looks?"

"I couldn't save them," screamed Sirius to the room at large.

"And I didn't find out until it was too late, Black. By the time I got there they were dead." There were tears on Severus' face.

"Do you think Albus thinks we've killed each other yet?" asked Sirius. Neither of them had got up, it'd been ten minutes.

"I think he knew we wouldn't," said Severus. He was silent for a moment. "Did you mean to kill me by sending me down the tunnel to Lupin?"

There was a long silence.

"You know when you're a kid and things don't have actual consequences? That some stuff isn't real?"

"No."

"Right. You know when you're a kid and you don't think through to the end of your actions? You think things will be OK? That tomorrow is another day? Well, it's more that I never considered the fact that you would be killed or turned into a werewolf."

"You said it served me right."

"Yeah, more like stop being a nosy bastard cos you never know what you'll find, not stop being a nosy bastard else you'll end up dead."

"There was no going back from there, was there?" said Severus

"I toned it down after that. Albus drove that message home."

"Yes, he did. I never knew at the time. I'd have been less aggrieved if I had. I assumed he was all pro-lion like usual."

"I thought you knew. You found out everything else."

"Do you need to go again, or should we stop?" asked Severus.

"I think I've had enough. We will never like each other, but we can probably avoid mutually assured destruction," replied Sirius.

"Dobby?" called Severus.

"Professor Snape, sir?" squeaked Dobby, taking in the scene and looking very worried.

"Could you bring a couple of healing potions please? And some bruise balm."

"And a couple of pain relievers too," added Sirius.

Dobby popped away.

Severus knocked on Albus' door. Black had gone back to his quarters to change his clothes. His robes had a nose bleed on them.

"Come in."

Severus entered the room and made a 'hand it over motion'. Albus nodded to the two wands on the corner of his desk. Severus snatched his wand back.

"Well? Did you settle your differences? Or did you find there's more than enough guilt to go round for the pair of you?"

Severus stalked out, refusing to acknowledge that Albus was right.