SM owns Twilight.

(CozItRunsInMyBlood /Rose B. Mashal) owns the plot.

(BandMum) is the wonderful beta.

(hlsmith) is the amazing pre-reader.

Chapter 5

"This will hurt just a bit," Dr. Cullen said as he inserted a needle in my arm. I didn't look away. I didn't even flinch as the needle broke my skin and my friend started drawing my blood. "Tough girl," he teased.

My smile was sad when I replied to him, "I've seen worse, trust me,"

It was difficult to accept that someone felt for me, but when Dr. Cullen's smile dropped, it seemed like he was feeling sorrowful. I couldn't believe it, or at least I didn't want to. I was nobody. Nothing. Why would anyone care? It was ridiculous to imagine.

When the draw was finished and separated into lab tubes, he packed them into a small specimen container that kept them at the correct temperature.

"All set," he said, closing his medical bag, then standing up to leave. "The test results will come back in a few days. Your heaters batteries are charged for today. I'll be back tomorrow to replace them. Is there's anything that you need?"

"You've given me so many things already. I couldn't need anything more." I told him.

He shook his head. "I gave you enough things to help you survive, Bella, that's all. I hope that soon you'll trust me enough to let me help you to a better life. You're too young for all you're going through. You deserve more."

"You don't know that," I told him bitterly. "Maybe I'm a bad person. Maybe I deserve it all; the loneliness, the cold, the hunger, the poverty… You don't know me."

"I can read people's personalities easier than written words. I know you don't deserve this." He sounded so confident that for a second, I almost believed him. I almost believed that I deserved more. But I knew better.

"See you tomorrow, Bella."

For some reason, I hated to see him go.

I had been so lonely for a very long time. I couldn't even remember when I felt like someone cared for me like Dr. Cullen seemed to. I had no friends, no caring parent, no siblings. I had nobody.

I realized he was helping me out of pity, but at least he did help me. He had spent most of the past few days doing nothing but taking care of me and my most basic needs. That was much more than anyone had done for me in years. Many, many years.

So, of course, I didn't want him to leave. But I had to smile and say goodbye, hoping that he would return tomorrow.

I was doing exactly what I prevented myself from doing for a long time; I was allowing myself to hope. I knew that by hoping, I was setting myself up for a huge disappointment. It had always been like that for me.

But I couldn't help it this time.

~WtSGD~

I counted the hours until Dr. Cullen's next visit. I couldn't stop thinking that he wouldn't come back. I kept thinking that he could dig for information about me, then call me out once he found who I was and what made me run.

The negative thinking wasn't new to me; it was what I did best. I realized I shouldn't be thinking that way, but I couldn't force myself to do otherwise.

If Dr. Cullen wasn't honest, at the very least the police would find out about me. Then the rest would come – my mother, my step-father… God! I couldn't even think of it.

The longer I stayed alone with my thoughts, the more aggressive they became. Unfortunately, it was unavoidable. My mind kept playing scenarios that my anxiety invented again and again. I covered my ears with my hands but it didn't help; the scenarios came from inside my head, not outside – I was aware of that. But they were too loud, and for a moment, I thought maybe I could block them out.

I was mistaken.

At some point, I succumbed to sleep. I awoke from a horrible nightmare in which Dr. Cullen replaced The Asshole's image, and he was the one hurting me.

For the rest of the day, I couldn't shake the dream from my head. When Dr. Cullen came to change the batteries and give me a freshly made dinner, I couldn't even speak to him.

Pathetic.

Perhaps he realized I was fighting demons in my head, as he didn't stay long. I was angry with myself for not even thanking him for his kindness, but then again, I guessed he probably knew what an awful, rude person I was by now. He was only helping me out of pity, after all, and to stick to his promise to his wife of helping humanity.

He was paying for his sins, he said. I certainly didn't deserve his help.

~WtSGD~

The next day, my anxiety turned to even nastier ideas about what Dr. Cullen could want from me in exchange for his help, but I fought them with all my might.

Sadly, my negative thoughts shifted from his intentions, to worry over the test results and how awful they could be. I knew quite well that I wasn't okay, but safety was my top priority. I didn't particularly care if I was healthy, as long as I was safe and away from the two people who hurt me the most.

As I waited for Dr. Cullen, I busied myself by tending to the garbage can I lived in. I don't know why I bothered since he already saw it at its worst, but it was a good way to distract myself from the chaos in my head.

When I finished, I was breathless, and the pounding in my head and ache in my bones were back. It seemed very weird since I had taken all the medications my good doctor friend got for me. But I supposed he was right, that whatever the cause, it hadn't been treated yet.

That train of thought took me back to what I was avoiding, and I started imagining that I might truly be very ill. This time, I couldn't shrug the thoughts away. And when Dr. Cullen walked through the door, I was instantly certain that the results were not good. His face said it all.

"Hello, Bella!" Dr. Cullen's smile was smaller than usual.

"Hey!" was all I said before I began chewing on my bottom lip from nerves.

He sat down on the chair which I deemed 'his', and seemed to be organizing his thoughts, I could tell he didn't know where to start, so I decided to make it easier on him: "Is there something you want to tell me?"

"Yes, Bella." He paused, "I actually have good news and bad news. Which one do you want to hear first?"

"The good news." I chose immediately, thinking that it would ease my worries to hear something nice. Also, I was curious to know what it could possibly be.

"I paid a small visit to Mrs. Coper at the mall today," he said, and my eyebrows shot up to my hairline.

"What? Why? What for?" I asked in one breath.

"To get your payment for the past month." He reached into his pocket and handed me two hundred dollars.

My jaw dropped. "Oh, my God!" I exclaimed, barely believing my eyes. "And she gave it to you, just like that?"

"She tried to be difficult, but I only had to hint that I would report her for hiring a minor for a full-time job, and paying her well below the minimum wage." Dr. Cullen relaxed in his seat and crossed his legs, giving me a smug look that made me giggle.

"Unbelievable!" I said, and after a moment I asked, "Were you really going to do that?" Because if he did…

"No, Bella. I wasn't going to report her. It would risk the authorities finding out about you. I only did what it took to force her to give you your hard-earned money. It's bad enough that she paid you so little."

My grin was genuine. "Thank you, Dr. Cullen. I really appreciate this."

"You're most welcome, dear," he smiled warmly.

"Actually, you should take the money," I said, as I offered it back. "I know it won't cover everything from the past few days, but…" I trailed off.

"Don't be silly. Keep the money."

"Please, I insist." I truly hoped he would take it; it didn't seem fair that he'd spent so much money on a perfect stranger.

"It's yours!" Dr. Cullen reached out to close my grip on the money in the most natural way people often did, but of course – I flinched away like a complete moron.

It wasn't the first time he touched my hand, but he always had gloves on. Something about not making skin-to-skin contact made me feel more comfortable when he drew my blood or gave me the IVs.

Now, he wasn't wearing any gloves, and the flinch back was a reflex. I hated being touched. I couldn't bear it.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry."

We spoke at the same time. I felt the heat creeping up my cheeks, and the atmosphere was awkward for a few moments before I started talking again.

"So, you said there was bad news?"

"I'm afraid so. I have your tests results." His face was stern, and I couldn't understand why he was being so dramatic. Even if I was very sick, I just needed the right medication. It couldn't be that bad: I wasn't trapped in bed twenty-four seven, and I felt okay.

"What? Am I going to die?" I chuckled. Dr. Cullen was unnaturally tense.

"Nothing is confirmed until I do a few scans. But given your test results – yes. You are dying."

As crazy as it seemed, I started to giggle. "We're all going to die, Dr. Cullen. We're all dying."

He frowned at my reaction. "Bella, this is serious."

"I'm serious, too." I said, "Plus, it can't be that bad. I feel fine."

"You feel fine because of all the pain killers you're on right now. The tests indicate a chronic illness, one you've probably suffered from since you were a child. You may have gotten used to the pain, but it will only get worse over the next few months. It won't stop until it kills you."

I gulped, finally realizing what he was saying. I was going to die soon? I was going to be in a worse state than I was now? I was going to feel even more pain? The questions invaded my mind.

"Kill me?" I asked in a low voice, my smile and giggles now gone. Only heartache and misery remained.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. You do need further tests, though, before anything is confirmed."

It didn't matter. He wouldn't have told me if he thought it wasn't serious. "What do I have?" My voice cracked.

"It's a rare disease called 'Maglos'. It's the main cause of your blackouts, but that's just a part of it. Maglos presents as increasingly intense localized pain. It works as a radical decay, destroying cells all over the body: muscles, tissue, bone, your brain will all be affected."

"Oh, God!" I breathed out, covering my mouth with my hand to muffle my cry. It sounded horrible.

"I'm so sorry, Bella." Dr. Cullen said sincerely.

"What percentage is curable?"

"Unfortunately, there is no cure for this disease yet."

"What?" I was shocked beyond words, "You mean I will die soon, for real? You weren't joking?" I held on to the tiniest of hopes.

"I wish I was, but it's not a laughing matter."

"Oh, God!" My heartbeat raced, and my breath hitched. "You're saying that I have an illness that has no cure, and I will die soon, writhing in pain and wishing for death?"

I wasn't really seeking an answer. My thoughts were so jumbled in my head that they poured from my mouth. There were too many emotions at once and I didn't know how I was going to live with this knowledge.

I was terrified.

"You can show your tests results to another doctor. Get a second opinion."

"So somebody else can tell me that I'm going to die? Forget it." Tears began to stream down my face. After all I had been through, I was going to die like this. "I can't believe I have a fatal disease and there's absolutely nothing that can be done about it."

"Bella, there may be something we can do."

~WtSGD~

Author note:

I'm very sorry for not being able to update earlier. My youngest daughter just had a surgery and things were pretty awful in RL.

Please, keep her in your prayers. She's been through a lot. :(

Your reviews feed the muse. Keep them coming.

A question: Poor Bella! What do you think Carlisle will offer her?

Leave your answer in a review and/ or on my Facebook group.

Join my readers' group if you haven't yet. I post teasers of next chapter on Wednesdays there. (CozItRunsInMyBlood)

Until we meet next Saturday…

Love and kisses.

Cozy.