SM owns Twilight.

(CozItRunsInMyBlood /Rose B. Mashal) owns the plot.

(BandMum) is the wonderful beta.

(hlsmith) is the amazing pre-reader.

Chapter 6

My brow furrowed, and my teary eyes tightened with confusion at Dr. Cullen's words. "But you just said that there's no cure for the disease I have."

"There's no cure that the medical universe knows about. But I do."

"I don't- I don't understand." I was even more confused now. "You have the cure?"

Dr. Cullen sat on the edge of his chair, a stern look on his face as he spoke. "Bella, you need to be very open-minded for what I'm about to tell you, and try to understand."

I nodded.

"Good. First, I have to ask you; can you keep a secret?"

"I can." I was eager to know what all the fuss was about.

"Many years ago, I researched diseases similar to yours; diseases that kill people slowly. Many doctors don't know some of these exist, and when the patient dies, they can only say it was a sudden death due to unknown causes. I spent the majority of my time searching for the cure, and just last year I found it."

"What? That's great! How come nobody knows about it?" I knew that people don't keep things like this a secret . Hell, scientists who discover such things are often rewarded.

"Let's just say that the ingredients used to make the cure aren't, err, legal. I can't get a license for it, therefore, it would be very difficult to try it on humans," he explained, and somehow it all made sense.

"So, it was never tested?"

"It was, on a lab rat and a monkey with a similar illness."

"And? Did it work?"

"Only the monkey survived." Dr. Cullen's lips formed a thin line.

"But- but the monkey is now healthy, right?"

"He does look healthy, and his test results are great. But he can't exactly tell me what he's feeling. A human is needed for testing."

"A human with a rare disease, like me." I stated.

"Yes."

There was a long moment of silence; my eyes locked with Dr. Cullen's as I tried to figure out if he was being honest or making all of this up.

Maybe he was giving me false hope because he felt sorry for me and wanted me to die with a smile on my face. Maybe he was trying to get me to agree by saying that the monkey survived, just to get to test his cure on a human. I didn't know. The thoughts kept revolving in my head.

"Why didn't the rat make it?" I asked in a low voice.

"To be honest, I don't know. Probably because the monkey's biological system is larger and more complex than the rat's. Smokey was able to handle the adjustment process and side effects better."

"Adjustment process? What does that mean?"

He smiled softly, "There are many details involved in the treatment. We will discuss it all if you agree to the deal I'm offering you."

I already had a clue to what the deal could be, but I asked, anyway. "What kind of a deal?"

"Will you agree to have the cure tested on you? You'll be the first human to receive the treatment."

Dr. Cullen was always frank. He never tried to confuse me with his words or took a roundabout way to get to his point. I liked that about him, but this time I didn't feel like I was prepared to hear it. Things seemed to be going too fast and I couldn't begin to think if I wanted to agree to the deal and try that cure he was talking about.

"Why would I do that? What is in it for me?" I asked.

"If you agree to this, you'll be under my supervision for a couple of years. You'll have food, clothes, and shelter. All of your needs, not affected by the treatment process, will be met. And when the testing is over, I'll provide you with a job, a place of your own, and a decent sum of cash to start up your life with."

The offer sounded too good to be true. It was very tempting.

"What if it doesn't work? What if I die?"

"You're dying, anyway, Bella. But this way, you would die while serving an honorable cause. Plus, what do you have to lose?" His words stung the tiniest bit, but he was right.

"Is that why you choose me? Because I have nothing?"

Dr. Cullen's lopsided smile appeared as he shook his head. "I'm not trying to seduce you with my proposal. I offered you what I think could be a fair payment for what you'll have to experience."

I nodded, and after a moment of silence, I asked, "But if it works, how will you be able to face the world with a cure made of illegal things? What would be the point if you still couldn't use it?"

"I'll worry about that later. Right now, I just wish to help you. I want you to survive."

"Why?" It didn't make sense to me.

"You remind me of someone who wanted to live so badly, but I couldn't find a cure for her." I could see the sadness in his eyes bright and clear. Whomever that girl was, it was obvious that Dr. Cullen cared a lot about her. "She left behind a younger brother who would do anything for her but couldn't.

"He had to watch death taking her away so slowly. Then he spent the majority of his life studying medicine to help other people not feel the pain he once felt when his sister passed away."

"I'm so sorry for your loss, Dr. Cullen." I told him; it didn't take a genius to figure out that he was talking about his own sister. My heart broke for him.

Dr. Cullen nodded with a sad smile, apparently too upset to say anything in response. A few minutes later, he got up to leave. I wished he didn't have to.

"I'll give you some time to think. Whatever you choose, I'll support your decision and will help you as much as I can. I'm sure you'll choose wisely. Just don't forget that if things work out all right, you'll actually be able to live to celebrate your choices."

~WtSGD~

The heater worked just fine, but I felt colder than I'd ever been. I wasn't sad. I wasn't crying; I was empty inside.

I couldn't come up with a good reason for my existence, and thinking about it, I realized I was born to suffer. My whole life was miserable, and I just learned that I would die soon without accomplishing anything. Not one thing. I would die and not even one person would be sad. No one.

My chest felt hollow, but my eyes were dry, as was my throat. I wanted to curse, kick, and scream, but I didn't. I couldn't even feel sorry for myself; I was beyond that.

I ended up curled into a ball on the uncomfortable bed and wished the hours away. Maybe time would bring answers to my purpose in life.

I had no desire to fall asleep, and I was grateful for that. It meant that I didn't have to deal with my nightmares.

The more I thought about it, the sooner I wanted my death to come.

Just a few days ago, I thought that my life was getting better, that I would finally find peace and comfort now that Dr. Cullen was helping me. But I was such an idiot to think for the slightest moment that life was going to look up for me.

Idiot! Why would things get better for me now? They never had.

Around seven, there was a knock at the door. It startled me at first, since I wasn't expecting anyone. After a moment, I thought that it might be Dr. Cullen, because, who else ever visited? But his knock was always very gentle, and this one wasn't. My emotions ran from fear to hope and back again.

Who could it possibly be?

Fear gripped me as I called out: "Who's there?"

Her voice was like a rusted hinge when she replied, "Mrs. Coper."

My hands shook as I cautiously opened the door. I was still afraid that she wasn't Mrs. Coper, although a visit from her wouldn't be pleasant. But at least, it wasn't him.

"Hello, Bella! May I come in?" Her face was blank, as it was most of the time; she only smiled at customers, and even those were as fake as her tan.

I nodded in response and moved aside to allow her in. I knew why she was here right away, and it only added to my misery.

She looked around the studio, and I would've laughed if I had it in me. It seemed like she was taking inventory of the sorry excuses for furniture in the place. I was sure she was trying to come up with something to get her two hundred dollars back.

When she found the bed, the nightstand, and the chair were still there, she spoke. "It's the eighth of the month and you were fired on the second of September, the day you stopped coming to the store."

"Yes, ma'am." I was aware of all that.

"So?" she motioned with her hands, as if telling me I was stupid not to get what she was saying.

"I'll – I'll leave the studio tomorrow." I said in a small voice.

"Today." She raised an eyebrow and gave me a hard look, daring me to say anything.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good. You owe me one hundred and seventy dollars for the extra week you spent here."

"What? That's insane! You know I don't have that kind of money." I was fighting hard not to start crying in front of her; this was so unfair.

"It's not my problem, Bella. Besides, you were just paid. Or didn't your oh, so scary pimp give you what he ripped off of me yesterday?"

"He's not a pimp!" I let go of all she said about me, and how she dealt with me, but I couldn't stand her saying that about the only man who had treated me with kindness.

"Sugar daddy, then. I don't care. Give me my money." She reached her hand out, palm up, and waited.

I didn't correct her; it didn't matter. Whatever she thought wasn't important. I reached in my pocket and handed her the two hundred dollars I had. I wanted her out of here as fast as possible.

Mrs. Coper put the money in her purse, then handed me thirty dollars back. "If you're still here by the end of the day, I'm calling the police." It was the last thing she said before she left.

I didn't cry.

As I started gathering up the few pieces of clothing I had, I tried to figure out how I was going to survive with only thirty dollars in hand. I was back to square one, or even less, now that I knew I was dying.

I put the clothes and what little food I had into my worn-out backpack. I looked around to see if there was anything left, but there was nothing other than the heater.

When I tried to pick it up, I found it to be extremely heavy, too heavy for me to carry around along with my backpack in this bad weather, especially since I already felt weak.

Regretfully, I had to leave it there. There was no way I could keep it safe, anyway; it could easily get stolen. I wondered if Dr. Cullen would visit again, and maybe find it and take it back.

I don't know how much I walked in that freezing weather, or even where I was going. I walked for miles and miles, feeling no appetite to eat or drink anything.

I sat at the station and watched buses coming and going, but I didn't take any of them. I had no idea what I was going to do next.

Dr. Cullen's offer was tempting. I could call him and end all this suffering, but I was afraid of the unknown. I was afraid of the treatment killing me in a horrible way, even worse than my illness would.

But would it be that bad? Would it be any more terrible than what I was already facing? I didn't know, but I doubted it.

When a woman sat beside me on the bench, I gathered all of my energy to ask if she'd allow me to use her phone to make a call. She was hesitant, as though she thought I would grab it and flee. I guess the sickly pallor of my skin and the dark circles under my eyes told her that I was in no shape to run. She gave it to me with a smile.

"Thank you," I smiled back as I took the phone. My voice was shaky; I wanted to cry, but I still held it all in.

My fingers hovered over the keypad. I desperately wanted to call my mother. I wanted to tell her that I missed her, that I needed to hug her and cry on her shoulder. I wanted to unload my troubles and tell her how badly life was treating me.

But I didn't. I was too afraid of her husband finding out where I was that way. It wouldn't be the first time. It was too risky. And my mother wouldn't actually listen. She wouldn't take me in her arms and tell me that everything would be okay. She never had, because she never cared.

My throat tightened when I realized I couldn't even complain to my own mother about how miserable I was. I had absolutely nobody. It led me to think that going into a medical experiment that might end up killing me wouldn't be such a bad thing. At least, then I would have died for a reason. My life wouldn't have been in vain.

I reached in my jacket pocket and took out the card Dr. Cullen gave me the first day we met. Without further thought, I dialed the numbers, then waited for the call to connect.

"I'm so sorry, but my bus is leaving. I have to go." The lady who was sitting beside me was now standing in front of me. It took me a moment to realize that she wanted the phone. I looked at the screen and saw it ringing, but Dr. Cullen didn't pick up.

"It's okay. Thank you." I gave the phone back to her and watched as she handed her suitcase to the driver before climbing on the bus. She chose a seat on the side farthest from me, and though I could no longer see her, I waited. She'd been kind. Loaning me her phone was more than my own mother would have done. I waited and watched the bus leave. Although she couldn't see me, I still waved goodbye.

When I left the bus station, I had a destination in mind. About ten minutes later, I entered the cemetery. I counted the graves until I reached the one I intended to visit.

I let my bag fall to the ground, then dropped to my knees next to it. Snow was falling, and it covered the headstone. I wiped it away with my hands, and my chest tightened when I read the inscription.

'Charles M. Swan. A beloved husband and father. 1967 – 2008'

I knew very well that my mother wasn't the wife who was meant by this. But I had wondered if I was thought of at all when they had it made.

After my parents divorced, they each moved on and re-married. My father had two boys who were probably teenagers by now. He forgot about me, but I never forgot about him.

I recalled the few times we met, and how nice he was to me. In the few hours I spent with him, he was kinder to me than my mother was throughout my life. I often wondered what my life would have been if he was still alive. I liked to think that he would have taken better care of me than my mother did.

My tears finally broke free, streaming down my face as self-pity flooded my senses I wanted to cry and cry until there were no tears left to shed.

When I felt someone standing in front of me, I knew who he was by the scent of his cologne. The snow stopped falling on my head, and I guessed he must have shielded me with an umbrella.

A wave of comfort washed over me when I realized he was there beside me. For some reason, I felt safe when he was near.

Through heavy tears, I spoke in a shaky voice, "If I die during the testing, I want to be buried here, beside my father." With those words, I agreed to Dr. Cullen's offer. At the time, I had no clue it would change my life forever.

~WtSGD~

Author Note:

Longest chapter so far. Hope you liked it. ;)

I have a new book coming out in 20 days. It's available for pre-order on Amazon. Just google: Heart of Steel by Rose B. Mashal

A question:
Bella breaks my heart; do you think she did the right thing?

Leave your answer in a review and/ or on my Facebook group.

Join my readers' group if you haven't yet. I post teasers of next chapter on Wednesdays there. (CozItRunsInMyBlood)

Until we meet later…

Love and kisses.

Cozy.