RATING: K+
GENRE: Canon Divergence AU, Humor, Shenanigans, Established Relationship
SUMMARY: Throwing Loki a surprise birthday party was probably not the best idea.

SURPRISE GONE AWRY

Loki is far from amused as he scans the pathetic decorations made of swaths of computer paper and Mylar balloons. Jane's assistant blows on a funny little device that rolls open and makes an ear-grating noise. "Surprise," the girl says rather lamely.

Loki glares down at Jane. She beams back at him with a shrug as if to say, "What did you expect? You knew I was going to do it anyway."

Impossible woman. Simply impossible. Why he deigns to grace her with his presence, he'll never know. (Because she is intelligent, tenacious, resourceful, and reminds him of another headstrong woman who saw past the mask he displays for all. This, however, will not save her from a sound retribution.)

"My dear Jane," he says through a gritted smile, "I believe I made thoughts on this matter clear."
He had. Very, very clear.

In the haze following a particularly intimate interlude, she asked him when his birthday was as she traced a lazy scrawl over his chest. He thought it odd—why should the day of his birth have any importance?—but he humored her as well as he could. (After she'd done that glorious thing to him mere moments ago, he was feeling uncharacteristically generous.) In truth, he didn't know the day he took his first breath—though he guessed it was near enough to when Odin overthrew Laufey. (The remembrance of both so-called fathers left a sour taste in Loki's mouth.) And with the different calendars between realms, it was a somewhat irritating to calculate something approximating a birthday for her. She was terribly fortunate that he liked her.

Then came a discussion about ridiculous things called "birthday parties." Leave it to the mortals to celebrate something so banal as surviving another year as though they had accomplished some kind of impossible feat. (He supposes they had in a way, considering their fragility.) And when Jane learned he's never had any ceremony of the sort, there was that glint in her amber eyes—one that foretold of a kind of mischief that he would not enjoy.

"Whatever you're thinking in that small brain of yours," he warned, "stop."

She grinned innocently at him. "I'm not thinking anything."

Liar.

As he takes in the crowd waiting for some kind of reaction from him (a positive one, no doubt), he realizes that he underestimated her ingenuity. How had she managed to convince the Avengers to attend a party for him when not long ago, they were attempting to kill him? And Thor. Thor is here, holding a glass in salute with that doltish smile parting his lips wide. And Lady Sif and the Warriors Three (though the Lady looks decidedly less pleased to be in attendance).

"This is happening, so get over it," Jane admonishes through her smile as she links her arm with his. "And play nice."

The corners of Loki's mouth curve up in a smirk. He most certainly will not.

Hours later, it takes a small army of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents to settle the ensuing chaos of exploding birthday cupcakes, conical cardboard party hats which have become heat-seeking missiles, balloons on the rampage, among other things. It's surprisingly entertaining to watch Earth and Asgard's vaulted heroes fend off objects that should never be animated. There might be something to this silly Midgardian tradition after all.

After the dust settles, Jane sits with her head in her hands. "Next year I'm just taking you out to dinner."

Loki laughs, wiping a bit of frosting from her brow. "Oh, don't do that," he says. "I've found I'm quite fond of birthday parties."

He kisses away her protest, his devious mind already planning next year's festivities.

~FIN~

A/N: Thank you so much for reading this bit of crack! I'd love to hear your thoughts!