RATING: T
GENRE: Modern/Non-Magical AU, Humor
SUMMARY: Loki happens upon a young woman stuck on a very bad date. He can't resist offering a helping hand.

AN ADVANTAGEOUS ENCOUNTER

The restroom door creaked as it opened, and Loki glanced up briefly from washing his hands. It was an involuntary movement, cursory at best, and his gaze dropped to the sink before he realized what he'd seen. His head snapped back up in a double take, and yes, there was a petite woman sagging against the door, palms pressed into her eyes as she muttered under her breath. Something about strangling people; it was a toss-up between a person named Darcy and "the idiot who invented Tinder."

Loki smirked, glad he'd needed to use the facilities after his monthly get-together with his brother. This might prove to be an intriguing, if brief, diversion. He leaned against the counter and cleared his throat. The young woman pulled her hands away from her face, mouth forming an "o" when her gaze landed on him. She tipped her head back with a mirthless laugh.

"Don't tell me," she said. "I'm in the men's bathroom." She went on before he could confirm her gaffe. "Because that would be the icing on the cake of this crappy night. I'd say it couldn't get any worse, but I'm pretty sure the universe would take that as a challenge."

Loki chuckled. She was a spirited little thing. "Bad date?"

"Oh, no," she answered with a snort. "I've been on a bad dates. What's happening out there is a disaster."

His interested was most definitely piqued. "And what, may I ask, makes it a disaster?"

Someone tried to push the door open, but she threw her body weight against it and yelled, "It's occupied!"

Loki gave a significant glance at the two empty stalls and the row of unused urinals.

Her responding grin was underscored with a tinge of pink in her cheeks. "I just want a minute to figure out a way to safely escape this guy. I mean the fact that he's photoshopped my Tinder pics with his is creepy enough. But then he told me the things he's planning to do to me—things that he feels he's earned the right to do because he's bought me a couple of drinks…" She shuddered visibly. "I'm a little bit worried that he'll follow me home."

Loki frowned. That was rather problematic. "Would you like some help?"

She looked him over, eyes narrowed. "I don't know," she said slowly. "I've already got a budding stalker waiting for me. It'd be just my luck that you turn out to be a charming serial killer."

He laughed. Charming, he'd take. Serial killer? No, not precisely. "You'll just have to trust me." He straightened and crossed the few steps to her, offering a hand to shake. "I"m Loki Odinson."

She peered at his hand for a beat before taking it. She clearly didn't recognize his name, but he wasn't surprised. He was well-known only in certain circles.

"Jane," she replied. "Jane Foster. You do realize that your given name doesn't exactly instill a whole lot of confidence in the trusting department."

His mouth stretched in a wide smile. Oh, he liked her. "No, it doesn't," he agreed. "But I can assure you that my idea of fun when it comes to the fairer sex is perfectly harmless—unlike your date."

She chewed the inside of her cheek, apparently weighing her options. "Okay," she relented. "How are you going to help me?"

"Go back to your date—" he nodded toward the door, "—and when I come along, follow my lead."

She made a derisive sound, shaking her head. "That's not cryptic at all." She raised her hands with a sigh. "But I guess beggars can't be choosers. Please don't take long. He really is freaking me out."

She yanked open the door and marched out. Loki waited a minute before he followed, and it took another for his eyes to adjust to the darker lighting of the main room. He hadn't noticed earlier how busy it had been, but he found the large number of bodies inconvenient now as he scanned the establishment for Jane.

Ah, there.

She was in a booth in the corner, appearing both annoyed and disturbed as she listened to the man opposite her. Loki assessed her date as he made his way to them. The fellow was somewhat attractive, though slight in both height and build. Good. He talked animatedly, waving his arms to punctuate whatever it was he was going on about. As Loki drew closer, he caught the other man's words.

"…have any special kinks I should know about? Because I'm not a selfish lover or anything. You're gonna be screaming my name several times before the night is through and begging me for more, trust me."

What a repulsive creature.

Loki stepped up to their table, wearing a mask of indignation as he addressed his new acquaintance. "What's the meaning of this, Jane?"

She started, and her shocked gasp was spot on. "Loki! What are you doing here?" Well done. This was going to be very amusing.

"If you're trying to make me jealous, darling," he said through gritted teeth, "you should have picked a more worthy foe." He gave the other man a quick once over, letting his authentic disdain show.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" the disgusting fellow demanded.

In a flash of movement, Loki grasped the other man's shirt and yanked him out of the booth. He jabbed two fingers into the guy's abdomen, knowing he'd mistake it as the barrel of a gun. "I'm her husband," Loki lied in a deathly calm tone. "And I don't take kindly to those who try to steal what's mine."

The other man's eyes went round. "Listen, I didn't know she was married! I swear! I mean, she's not even wearing a ring!"

Beyond the bleating coward, two of Loki's companions—tall, muscled gentlemen—rose from their seats at each end of the bar with identical expressions of concern. He gave them a bare shake of his head, and they lowered back onto their stools. He then stared down anyone else nearby who thought to come to the aid of this idiot. Fortunately, most seemed only interested in recording the confrontation on their cell phones.

"You know now," he bit out, turning his attention back to Jane's date, digging his fingertips deeper into the man's soft middle. "You don't look at her. You don't think about her. You don't desire her."

"Yeah, yeah," the other man stammered, voice cracking with terror. Pathetic. "She doesn't exist. I get it."

"Did you let him take a photo of you?" Loki asked Jane, though he kept his glare on her date. "You know how much I despise any man having photographs of you."

Her date fumbled in his pocket and retrieved his phone. "Here!" He held it up. "You can have it, man. Take it! Just take it!"

Loki held his gaze for a heartbeat longer before pretending to slip his "weapon" in the waistband of his trousers beneath his suit jacket. He took the device, dropped it to the floor and smashed it with his heel. He ignored the surprised cries from the gathering crowd as he said, "I'm glad we understand each other." He glanced at Jane and reached for her. "Shall we, my dear?"

She looked up at him with awe as she came to his side. "I'm so proud of you, honey," she said. "You didn't kill or even maim this one. You really have changed."

Loki had to swallow back his laughter. She had no idea. Good show, however. "Don't push me, Jane," he warned in mock sternness as he led them toward the exit.

"But I have to get your attention somehow!" she whined before they made it through the doors.

Once outside and a block away, she doubled over, guffawing. "Oh…my…god!" She steadied herself with a hand on his arm. "That was… That was amazing. His face was priceless. You terrified him."

"I quite enjoyed myself," Loki confessed. He had. "Your performance was rather noteworthy as well."

A fetching blush colored her face. She was pretty—beautiful, in fact, in a wholesome sort of way, though he doubted she ever played the doe-eyed ingénue. No, there was too much intelligence and fire to her.

"So, I guess I should say thank you and be on my way." She pointed to an old sedan. "That's me. It was a pleasure meeting you, Loki."

He considered prolonging their encounter, but unfortunately, he was needed elsewhere tonight. "Likewise, Jane."

She graced him with a brilliant smile as she backed toward her vehicle. He waited until she was inside, engine sputtering to life before turning to his companions who had lingered in the shadows behind him.

"Follow her date," he said to Algrim. "Make sure he doesn't accost any other woman—ever again." Algrim gave him a curt nod and headed to the bar.

Loki pulled his phone out of the inside pocket of his jacket and dialed his assistant. She answered on the first ring.

"Please tell me you're on your way to the hanger," she demanded without preamble. "You're late. If we don't get in the air in the next hour, you'll miss your meeting in Stockholm."

"I'll be there." Loki strode to his town car where Mal was already holding the door open for him. "I want you to find everything you can on a woman named Jane Foster."

"Jane Foster," his assistant repeated. "Who is she?"

Loki grinned. "I have a feeling she's someone worth knowing."

~FIN~

A/N: Thank you for reading! Thoughts? Comments? I'd love to hear them!