It was much later that evening, after a very nice dinner and game of exploding snap in which Sirius had cheated outrageously when Harry got round to thinking about important stuff. The more he thought about it, the more he realised if he chose Sirius he'd have to tell him everything, and there was something he didn't want to tell him. He exchanged a couple of letters over the next couple of hours. Snape must be in the castle Harry thought after getter such quick replies.
Dear Professor Snape,
Do Sirius and Remus know about the cursed egg? You know what I'm asking, right?
Harry
Dear Mr Potter,
I hope you are settling into Hogsmeade. No, they don't know. While it is your decision to tell them or not, please could you give me some advance notice so I can visit Timbuktu? Or perhaps Antarctica, I hear it's nice this time of year.
SS
That was something Harry appreciated. Snape's sense of humour. This wasn't an easy decision. It would take time.
Dear Professor Snape,
If I don't tell them, can I have a house point?
Harry
Have two. I'm sure I'll find a way to take them away in our first mentor session next year.
Sir.
Harry had no idea what to do. The next few weeks passed by happily. He got on well with Sirius and Remus. But he mentally filed it away as staying with friends and visiting relatives, rather than living with family.
Jones didn't pressure him. Neither, thankfully did Sirius. Remus' first werewolf night passed uneventfully at the castle with Snape's improved Wolfsbane.
Dear Professor Snape,
Are you at the castle? Are you free sometime soon? I'd really like to talk to you about something important.
Harry
Potter,
If you're having any kind of problems with Black, tell me by return of owl, otherwise, I will be at the castle tomorrow evening after dinner. 7pm. I'm sure you can remember where my office is.
SS
Sir,
Thank you, I'm fine, I just want to ask you some things.
Harry.
Harry was more touched than he'd thought he would be that Snape would be willing to deal with Sirius if need be, although Harry had to admit, Snape would probably enjoy doing it.
Next evening after dinner Harry said, "Hey, um, you don't mind if I go out on my own for a bit do you? Just because?"
"Not at all," said Sirius, "Please be back before dark,"
"Sure. See you later."
Harry went up to the castle, idly wondering if Sirius realised it didn't get dark until far too late for a fifteen year old to be out on his own.
"Good evening, Mr Potter," said Snape standing up from behind his desk, "Come on, let's go somewhere comfier."
"Sir?"
"It's the holidays, Potter, my office reminds me too much of dunderheads for my liking."
Snape led the way out of his office through a different door into a more spacious room with comfier seats and friendlier decor.
"You have a study like Professor McGonagall!"
"All the staff do. Our quarters in the castle have a study. There are three doors, one to our offices, one to the staffroom and one to the rest of our quarters. Don't try to work out the geographical logic about the number of study doors and the size of the staffroom. This is a magical castle and door handles recognise staff. Professor Vector once tried to work it out one summer. Professor Sprout had to escort her off the premises after a while and insist she take a holiday."
Harry smiled.
"Why am I telling you this?" asked Snape, partially to himself. He summoned an elf and asked for some pumpkin juice to be brought for Harry and a black tea for himself. He waved Harry to a sofa and took an armchair himself.
Harry was looking at Snape's clothes now. He couldn't believe he hadn't noticed before. Sure, his robes were black, and yes, he still had on black trousers, but his jumper under that, yes, jumper, not waistcoat, was dark grey. And his robes were normal wizarding robes, not his Bat of the Dungeons teaching ones.
"Has anyone ever told you it's rude to stare?" asked Snape, raising what Harry recognised as a friendly eyebrow.
"Sorry, sir, I'm just surprised. I mean, I shouldn't be, it's the holidays, but I am."
"Imagine if I took off my robes, I'd just be a man in trousers, shirt and jumper, how would you cope? or if you'd come yesterday, my jumper was green?" asked Snape.
"I actually don't think I could cope with that sir," replied Harry sincerely.
"Alright, before you get to the point you can't cope, what's up, Mr Potter? Are the dog and the wolf driving you mad yet?"
"They've been nice. It's nice living in a wizarding house. Like at the Weasleys'. That was fun too. But I wanted to ask you… well talk to you… well see what you thought… I don't know," said Harry.
"Start anywhere, Mr Potter," said Severus, taking a sip of his tea and waiting for Harry to sort out his thoughts.
"Do you know Professor Dumbledore has guardianship of me?"
"Joint guardianship with the sorry excuse for relatives you've got, yes," replied Snape.
"Well Healer Jones asked me if I wanted it transferred to someone else, so long as that person isn't Remus. Do I want to leave my guardianship with Dumbledore?" asked Harry.
"Do you want it transferred to Black?"
"Not really."
"Why not?"
"He's… I don't know."
"Immature? Juvenile? Slightly nuts?"
"I wouldn't be allowed to stay with him if he were nuts, would I?" asked Harry.
"Perhaps not, but what I'm suggesting is that you'd be more the adult in that relationship than he is," replied Severus.
"Yes!" exclaimed Harry, "That's what I've been trying to find words for!"
"So Professor Dumbledore is better?"
"Er."
"Articulate as ever, Potter."
"I don't know if I trust him," said Harry.
"Why not?"
"Honestly? He put me at Privet Drive in the first place. I know he didn't know about them, but he didn't check up on me either."
"Professor McGonagall is your Head of House. She knows you. She's been married. Her children are much older than you."
"Her children must be like your age," said Harry, "And I know my actual parents are your age. And you just called her Professor McGonagall too, quite naturally, because you did when you were my age. If you cut her in half you'd find 'teacher' written down the middle like a stick of rock. She's not really someone I'd consider."
"She bought you your first broom, she cares," countered Severus.
"I know, she really does, but honestly, it'd be like Neville and his gran."
Severus stared at his mug of tea. Not quite, he thought. Nothing is quite like the Longbottom family dynamic.
"Are you looking for a family?" he asked eventually.
"It's a bit late for that. I'm of age the summer after next," replied Harry, slightly bitterly.
"So what are you thinking?" Severus asked, surprised by the brutally honest answer.
"I was wondering if you'd be a possibility, sir?"
"Do I need to find an antidote for Befuddlement Draught, or did you just suggest you might want me, Head of Slytherin and Bat of the Dungeons to be your guardian?"
"Would you want to be?"
"Would you want me to be, Mr Potter? While I'll admit I'm in the right age bracket and profession, I wouldn't describe myself as family oriented. I presume you must have guessed I'm single? There isn't a Mrs Severus Snape hidden away in my quarters. Not even tied up in a chest!"
"I guessed that. Hey, what do professors with families do?" asked Harry curiously.
"Over the years a number of professors have had families here. Students never see the staff quarters due to the magical castle effect. Their families live in their quarters with them. Madam Hooch's husband currently lives in the castle. He floos to work every day. It's why you don't always see Madam Hooch at mealtimes, she spends time with her husband. Heads of House are often old enough that their children have grown up, they're single, or, and I tell you in confidence, in the case of Professor McGonagall, widowed. Professor Flitwick is single and Professor Sprout's husband spends a number of weeks away on business trips so that doesn't interfere with her duties and her children are grown up. How did we get here?"
"You were oversharing, sir."
"Ah, yes, dunderhead questions. Back to the point. What makes you think I'd make a good guardian?"
"Well we're having this conversation, aren't we?"
"That is me being good at mentoring, Mr Potter. Being a guardian is something else. Do you see me as an uncle, not one like yours, obviously, or, Merlin forbid, a father figure? Because even if I screw my eyes up really tight and look in a mirror, I don't see it."
"No, true, but I see you as someone I trust to talk to," replied Harry.
"What do I do over summer, Mr Potter?"
"Healer Jones said you split your time between here, a muggle house and Potions stuff abroad."
Snape nodded. "That 'Potions stuff abroad' is research, it's the thing that I do that's not quidditch in your worldview, only it means so much more to me than quidditch does to you. It's more than a hobby or a game. I wouldn't, couldn't trade that and still be me. I'm not mentally cut out for family."
"Well, I've been thinking, what if I got a bit of everything, a bit of everybody, but one person was my guardian?"
"How do you mean?"
"Healer Jones has been great and I've realised some stuff. My friends are my family, more than anything else. Hermione, Ron, the twins, Neville. They're like siblings. We fight and argue, but they are the most important thing to me. More than Sirius and Remus. They're nice people, being with them is like being with my friends. But I also know I can't have a family in the Burrow.
"I don't think I'm getting parents out of any of this, it's kind of too late like I said. But I just don't want Dumbledore to be my guardian. But I don't want Sirius to be it either. But I really do like staying with him and Remus. It's fun. And I loved staying at the Burrow, but I feel like a guest in both places. I was wondering if I could do the same next year, so I get summer with my friends, maybe even find a way to visit Hermione too, but you be my guardian, in a mentor sense, not a family sense? Is that a thing?"
Severus thought about it for a bit.
"I am glad you see the genuine limitations on the situation and don't want some fairytale ending, Mr Potter."
"In case I think you're fluffy, sir?" asked Harry, images in his mind popping to the surface as Harry looked down at his lap to stifle the snigger.
"I would love to know what you think every single time, Potter. But yes, I'm not a naturally 'nice' person, but I would be willing to be your guardian if we were to iron out your expectations. Hypothetically speaking, if next summer Albus insists you spend a fortnight at Privet Drive, what if The Burrow or your godfather weren't available, what then?"
"You know a couple of summers ago I spent most of it at The Leaky Cauldron, don't you?"
"You would rather do that than ask to stay with me?"
"Would you want me to stay with you?"
"I'll be honest and say 'Not really,' however, I'd be happy to go away somewhere and stay in a hotel with you. I am a private person, Mr Potter. Before you make a comment about me inviting you into this study, I'll have you know a number of my Slytherins have been invited here, I'm sure Professor McGonagall does the same. But students never see my quarters."
"In case we find Mrs Snape in a trunk?" asked Harry, cheekily.
"Precisely," replied Snape, appreciating Potter's ability to make that joke given the seriousness of the conversation. "But logistics aside, if what you want out of guardianship is that someone checks up on you, makes sure you're safe and well, makes sure you aren't doing anything dumb and that you are accountable for your own actions, I would be willing to do that. The Headmaster hasn't done more because your day to day needs are more than covered by the Burrow, Black and Lupin."
"I was hoping you'd see it like that, sir. So would you?"
"I'd like to talk to Jones first, to see what his opinion of that solution is, but he would be willing, I'm sure, to consider what you want in all of this. It is certainly an unorthodox concept of being a guardian."
"So he wants his summers to be literally one long holiday, staying with various different people?" asked Jones after Severus had told the Healer most of what Harry had talked about.
"It seems that way. I can see why," replied Severus, "And to be honest, he's intelligently thought it through. There's one thing that surprises me though. I'm surprised he's not more upset that there isn't a solution for him. That his godfather isn't what he needs, Lupin is a werewolf so he's about as useful as a chocolate fireguard, and he's willing to live somewhere as a guest rather than somewhere where he's got a home. Did he himself come to the conclusion that he was too old to gain a typical family out of this mess?"
Jones nodded, "Yes, he did. Can I ask you a few questions about this?"
"I'd be surprised if you didn't," said Severus.
"Tell me about the cursed egg."
Severus winced. "He told you about that?"
"No, he didn't want to. He asked me if I knew about it."
Severus told him about Crouch's curse.
"That's harsh!" said Jones, "Sorry, Severus. How long did he hold a grudge?"
"Not that long, less than a week. He was Slytherin enough to use it to get out of other well-deserved punishment, though."
"Which brings me on to you. You are experienced as a head of house, and you do an excellent job of mentoring your more challenging students. But they are students. They leave Hogwarts, grow up and move on. You don't have to be personally invested in them after they leave. This is not how guardianship works. You would have to genuinely care about Harry. Do you? Care that is?"
"Before I answer, I'm just going to put the thought out there. The Wizengamot made Albus his guardian. Does he genuinely care?"
"Fair point. Perhaps I should say that in order to be a good guardian you have to care," amended Jones.
Severus didn't answer. He thought. Silence went on for some time.
"This one is different for you, isn't it?" asked Jones. "I'd like to know why, Severus."
"I loved his mother," whispered Severus quietly. "She shouldn't have died. I tried to save her. Them. I promised to protect him when I failed to protect Lily. I don't wish to tell you the details."
"You can tell me as much or as little as you like, but you do have a personal connection to Harry. I would support you being his guardian on that score. Now, I know you have a regime, I know you 'escape' the castle for some time in summer. Is that compatible?"
"I need to escape the castle, Artemis. Need. It is my adult interaction and my escape into Potions. I love Potions, I'm not giving up going away and immersing myself into that. Potter is safe with various people he'd rather spend time with. He would rather be with them than me anyway. If there was an emergency, apparition is a thing."
"Are you offended to be considered last?"
"Bat. Dungeons. I'm sure you know I've never tried to be popular. Often, the opposite in fact. Potter and I ironed out that hurdle at the beginning of all this. He is aware mentoring is different from my usual classroom persona. Guardianship would be an extension of that. And I will be perfectly honest, if it doesn't work for either of us, Albus can take it back, the Wizengamot isn't going to let the boy go back to his abysmal relatives."
"How would you deal with next summer?"
"Hopefully, like this one, although I might hope he investigates spending some time with Miss Granger, she's good for him. Next summer he will be sixteen. Plenty of sixteen year olds are trusted to have a certain amount of independence and responsibility, and to be honest, Potter has always been that way."
"Then if you and Harry are willing to try this out, I will speak to Harry about asking Albus to transfer guardianship to you."
"You'll probably have to tell Black too. Even I would recommend you phrase that carefully. He had a lot of hope of a fairytale ending. It will hurt that it's Potter that doesn't want it. You're the Mind Healer, you can work out how to phrase that one."
"I am aware. I think I'm going to have to stretch the truth. Perhaps make Albus the scapegoat. But Harry is very fond of him and his company, that at least is true. Harry enjoys staying with them. Harry will happily visit him during the year on Hogsmeade weekends too."
Harry sat in Dumbledore's office with Dumbledore, Snape and Arthur Weasley.
"And you are sure, Harry?" asked Arthur. "You'll forgive me for checking, and I am not trying to cause offense, but it seems a slightly odd choice?"
"I'm sure, Mr Weasley. Honest."
"I have to admit," said Albus, "When I handed you over to Professor Snape back in November I never envisaged this."
"He's good to talk to," said Harry, "Even if he isn't fluffy," he added with a grin.
Severus snorted with repressed laughter. "One day I will discover what you're thinking, Potter."
"And you don't feel you're going to be cut up for Potions ingredients?" asked Albus. "In all seriousness, the Wizengamot wants you to be with someone who makes you feel safe."
"I have friends, and the Burrow, Mr Weasley, is a brilliant place to stay, and staying with Sirius and Remus is also great, but the person who's helped me the most this year is Professor Snape. I feel most at home here in the castle because that's where my friends are, but I can't recreate that elsewhere, so this way I get the best of all of it."
Albus and Severus signed the transferral of guardianship, witnessed by Arthur.
"Come along, Mr Potter," said Severus, "We're going to meet Healer Jones so he can break the news to Black and Lupin."
Harry stood up to go with him.
"I'll rephrase that while it's the holidays," said Severus. "Come along, Harry, time to offend the mutt."
A/N: I'm going to end this story here, but I can see the path to a sequel. I've been killing off Dark Lord bad guys again, so resurrecting that story arc might not happen, but hey, I could find a way to include a toad. I'll have a think about it because I like where this has gone. My favourite chapter to write - Severus visiting Vernon in his office.
Thank you to everyone who's reviewed. Some of your thoughts made me revise parts of my vague story plan, I enjoyed that. Thank you.