"Come on," Rachel squeezes her eyes shut and pulls as hard as she can on the shackles around her wrists, binding her to the fancy radiator in the fancy room her dad stuffed her into hours earlier. She strains, scraping the metal against her skin and winces when it burns. Her heart thumps a new beat, a deep ache spreads across her chest because inside her head is silent.
Ever since a child, she knew she wasn't alone. She'd always felt the presence of the other her – the Raven, and she'd spent all those years being afraid of her, but now, trapped and alone, she's more afraid of the silence. There's no teasing, or goading, no invites to rescue her – just silence. "Please," she growls against the burn, wiping her tears against her shoulder.
Since her father had shown her his new world, one that was on fire and in chaos, she hadn't been able to sleep. Her mind buzzed with ideas and escape plans, but she couldn't even free herself from the chain around her wrist, thinning her skin, turning it raw. Finally, she sighs and slumps against the metal frame, bringing her knees up to her chest and presses her forehead into them.
The sound of a big bang, an explosion, startles her and she flinches as another, bigger this time, follows, cutting the lights. She sits up as commotion ensues, trying to make out the sounds, the voices mingling together. "Help," she screams. "I'm in here. Somebody help."
The walls rattle and the floor vibrates beneath her, and then nothing. Silence. Rachel swallows, watching as the light under the door slowly disappears behind a shadow. She jumps as the door flies open, crashing into the wall behind it, splintered by a boot. Dick's boot. "Dick," she cries with relief, reaching out for him.
He runs to her and kneels, cupping her face. "Are you okay?"
She nods and tears spring to her eyes. Glancing up at Kory, stood at the door on guard, her heart squeezes tight. "Gar,"
"He's coming," Dick says with a smirk, trying to yank the chain free, and just then, Gar runs in and joins them. "Get this off,"
"Hurry up," Kory growls, her palms burning bright with flames.
Gar pulls the chain apart with ease and watches it fall away. "Gorilla strength, I guess," he chuckles with a shrug, and stands up as Dick ushers her to her feet.
"Let's get the hell out of here," Kory says, as Gar follows her out.
"Where is he?" she asks, though her stomach twists as she considers the answer.
"Kory took him out, her powers are growing," he says. "but we have seconds, he's already regenerating," he pulls her arm around his shoulder and lifts her up, cupping the back of her knees. She buries her head in his shoulder as he carries her out of the room. They enter the foyer and she peeps the ashy corpses embedded in the carpet, scattered. "Don't look," he pants, gripping her tighter. "We're almost there."
She closes her eyes and burrows deeper into Dick's shoulder, but then she feels the air change around them, and she can't stop herself from glancing up. They're moving through the long hallway towards the elevators. The doors open with a ping. Inside it is a black cloud filling the space with red eyes. Dick pauses and settles her on her feet, and she swallows, standing in front of him. "Stay away from them."
"Is this what you think about?" Trigon's disembodied voice asks.
Rachel turns to Dick, gasping when she sees black veins pouring down his face. "No," she cries, and glances behind him to find Kory smiling with dark eyes too. "Gar," she pleads as the tiger passes her to stand by the elevator door. The black cloud laughs, and she grips her head to block the sound. "Get out of my head," she screams until her throat burns, until there is no air left in her lungs, until she – wakes up.
She sits up on the couch and roughs away the sweat collecting above her brows before turning her body, and setting her feet down. Her nose flares at the smell of coffee and she glances up to find her dad sat at the table facing her, his legs are crossed and he's smiling over his cup. "Please, stop."
Trigon smirks. "You think I'm doing this to you?" he shakes his head with a sigh and takes a long sip. "You're doing this to yourself," he turns his torso to the table and slips a plate of pastries off to hold out to her. "Hungry? It's still warm. Vanilla and almond."
Rachel shakes her head. "You were there. I felt you there – inside my head."
"Oh, I was there," he confesses with a smug grin. "just observing," he palms his chest. "I promise, that was all you," then he stands and crosses the short way, placing the plate in front of her on the glass table. "I mean, I don't even look like that."
Swallowing hard, she dares to tilt her head and look at him. "Then what do you look like?"
Trigon pins her with a glassy look. "When you're ready," he says, "I'll show you." And then he's back in his chair, sipping on coffee. The distance is enough for her to relax her body against the couch, though she pulls herself closer into its corner, forcing every inch of space she can.
"What are you?" She asks.
"Your father," he answers simply, taking another sip. Steam rises and dances above the cup as he places it down, and finds her eyes. "I go by many names, but it really depends on who you're asking,"
"How long will I be staying here?"
He chuckles. "You forget you volunteered," and picks up a slice of golden toast, crunching down on it. "You're free to go whenever you wish," he mumbles over a mouthful.
"You're lying," Rachel snarls.
"I want you free, Raven, not controlled," Trigon says. "If I wanted something from you, I would've taken it already. I won't keep you against your will."
Rachel wants nothing more than to gather her coat and make a run for it, but she knows what she agreed to, she knows the promise she made to save her friends. He just wants to see her squirm, or cry, or beg, but she won't do it, she won't cower or plead. "If you let me go, then my friends get hurt."
"We both made promises to each other," Trigon says. "I kept mine."
She clenches her fists. "I hate you."
Trigon sighs heavily, flinging the toast aside, his appetite snatched away. "Do you hate your mother, too? She lied to you. Kept secrets."
Rachel grinds her teeth, clenching her jaw tight.
"Do you even know which one I'm talking about?" he shrugs. "I can see why you'd be confused. Both betrayed you. Melissa," Trigon rolls his eyes back as though he's tasted the sweetest thing and makes a sound. "she was exquisite, powerful, fearless, - when she was young that is,"
"Don't talk about her," Rachel snarls.
"I knew her before you did, little one," Trigon says. "Your mother, your real mother, she met Melissa as a young girl, after we broke up actually." He sighs. "I won her back, but Melissa, she almost turned your mother against me for good. She was so strong willed, tough, I think maybe she passed that one to you," his eyes are faraway and glossy as he reminisces. "Angela was always a little more – delicate."
Rachel's chest aches. She's realizing not only does she know next to nothing about Angela, she knows even less about Melissa, the one who raised her. She wonders if the woman who tried to protect her until her last breath did so out of love for her or duty to everyone else.
"She was immune to my charms," Trigon continues pridefully. "Melissa," he watches her, takes her in, and her stomach knots. "Do you miss her?"
Rachel crushes her teeth against each other as the pain rushes up, and swallows as many times as it takes to stow the tears away. Her mother had tucked her into bed every night until she was thirteen because she was afraid of the dark. 'd changed her sheets after a nightmare and prayed with her every night. She combed her hair after a bath, and every Saturday, they took turns skidding along the shopping aisles on their trolley. Sundays was movie night, Up for her and Castaway for her mom because the woman was obsessed with Tom Hanks. She was all Rachel had and she hadn't thought of her since the day she was killed, shot in the head right in front of her.
Does she miss her? The question makes her queasy with rage. The sound the bullet made piercing through her flesh and bone, and brain is stored in her memory. The spec of warm blood on her face, her last words and the look in her eyes, the fear, not for herself but for her daughter who was going to be alone in the world, is stored in her memory. But she's been running from those memories ever since she'd escaped the man who did it, because it was too painful, too vivid, too real, and it was her fault. Her entire body missed her, but she didn't deserve to.
"Must have been horrific," Trigon says. "I'm sorry you saw that,"
"You're sorry?" Rachel chokes out, lifting her gaze to him. Her heart beats in her ears so loud she can barely hear him. The thump against her temples, her wrist, and the soles of her feet pump blood, hot as lava through her veins. "You did this." Irresistible energy surges through her body and her breaths slow down, the grief quickly letting go as rage burns away its grip. Clenching her fists, she stands up and the doors burst open. Bee's on the other side.
Trigon holds his hand up and the woman freezes at the door, but his eyes never leave hers. He wants this. But why? The question cools her down.
Rachel's breathing hard now, as the anger slips away, escaping with her breaths. She sits back, her eyes hot on him, challenging him because she is not afraid of him, she hates him too much to be afraid. Hates what he's going to do to the world, what he wants to and threatened to do to her friends, what he did to her mothers. She can't let him stay. She won't, but she needs to get inside his head.
Bee strides in and settles at the table, and only then does Trigon drop his eyes from her. She drops an envelope in his hand, and he glances up at Bee. Rachel senses excitement spike in the room.
"Did you get it?" He asks.
Bee's smile fades. "It's moved," she says with a shaky breath. "But I found-,"
The lines in Trigon's jaw sharpen and his steely blue eyes grow dark and wide when he stands, towering over her. "Where?"
"I'm trying to locate it now," Bee sings.
He scoffs, making a circle around her, regarding her frame with derision. "If that were true, you wouldn't be here – being in two places at once isn't your charm,"
Rachel stands, taking small steps around the coffee table while her father, too busy scolding the help to notice her passing them. She takes another and another until her heel is pressed up against the door. She reaches behind her back and touches the gold steel handle.
"Asa?" Trigon inquires.
"Perhaps your gesture was too humble," Bee offers.
Trigon smiles, and then reaches for her suddenly, pulling her face to his by her scruff. Around him, Rachel watches in horror as his shadow grows and breaks shape, leaving the room in darkness and the walls trembling under his voice when he bellows at her.
She flinches at the hideous sound as it pinches at her skin like shards of glass. Bee scurries away, cowering like a dog when he drops her to her knees, and then she sees red eyes, a flash of red eyes beneath his pale skin. She turns the doorknob and rips the door open, darting out into the hallway.
It slams behind her and she faces the narrow stretch to the elevator. She runs towards it, reaches out, but it stretches out in front of her, the elevator shifting back and out of her grasp.
Out of breath she stops right where she is, and takes a step back, and the hallway shrinks. So, she takes another step back, and another, and when she finally has her breath back and her heart has stopped thumping, the elevator stands right at her feet.
It pings as the doors open and she steps inside, turning to find Bee in the hallway growling, and dribbling and panting. She's hunched over like an animal with shiny lust in her eyes, and her head tilted to the side, but she doesn't move. Rachel breathes out when the doors close and pushes the last button, she can almost sense what Bee is, the smell and the shape leaving a lingering clue at the back of her mind.
Dick. Kory. Gar. She turns her thoughts to her friends – reaches out, and-
"Almost," Trigon says.
Rachel turns to find him standing behind her, and she gasps, stumbling back into the mirror.
"Sleep," he whispers.
And it all goes black.
Images flash in her mind like pictures on a TV screen. Mom. Angela. Dick. Gar. Kory. Angela. Mom. Gar. Kory. Dick. Angela. Deer. Adamson. Mirror. Kory. Gar. Mirror. Angela. KoryGarMirrorDickAngelaDeerMomAdamsonGarDickMirrorKoryAngelaMomDeerDeerDeerMirrorMirrorKoryDickMirrorAngelaMomAngelaMomAngelaMirrorAngelaMirrorMom—
Rachel springs forward on the sofa and settles back into the crook where she started. Trigon hurtles a bottle and she catches it in her lap, snatching the cap off, she chases the water down.
"These human contradictions are quite fascinating," he says with a smile, "the night you left through the portal, with me, why did you do it?"
She pants, swallowing the rest of the water before she sets it down. "You know why," she forces out, her voice scratchy.
"It wasn't just to save your friends," Trigon smiles, like he knows all her terrible secrets. "It was to escape them, too." He walks past the couch and stands where she assumes is now his favorite spot, in front of the window overlooking the skyline. "You left to escape the inevitability of hurting them," he laughs, turning over his shoulder to look at her, frowning, like he's really trying to understand. "But now you're apart from them you want to fight your way back."
"I left so you'd leave them alone," Rachel growls.
"Everybody I get close to," Trigon mimics her broken voice. "If they stay around me long enough, they get hurt."
"Stop it," Rachel cries, horror-stricken.
"There's something inside me," he continues.
"Dad," she says, and his face softens.
"You're only lying to yourself," Trigon says. "I've seen it remember," he taps his temple. "I've taken a look inside your head." He clasps his hands behind his back. "You left to protect yourself, after all, everyone leaves you eventually. Angela did, then your mother," he smiles, "then Angela again. Dick twice, and-,"
"What are you trying to prove?" Rachel whispers.
"You never answered my question," Trigon says. "Do you miss your mother. Melissa, the one who raised you – tucked you in bed, combed your hair, watched movies with you, or did you forget about her as soon as you met Angela?"
Rachel slams her fist against the table, and it cracks under the pressure. She flexes her fingers and gulps hard as the forceful and wild power growing inside her simmers under her skin. There is no escape, not from Trigon, and not from this feeling sinking deep into her. This power and strength pulling her under, into the shadows. There's no escape from herself, but if there's no escape, what's the next choice?
"You don't have to deny yourself the pleasure of destroying something if it's in your way," he walks around the sofa and slams his fist against the crack, and the table collapses into pieces.
Sobered, she leans back, staring at the mess at her feet. "Yes," she relents. "I miss her – so much." And the ache is back, but it's the only thing keeping her tethered to herself, to her humanness. "My mom, my real mom is Melissa. She held a wet cloth to my head when I had a fever and she climbed into bed with me when I had a bad dream. She's my mom, not Angela. Angela's just a slave."
"A slave?" he says, "Your mother is loyal. Loyalty is a special thing to have. Do you want to know what makes you special, Raven? Your resistance," he says. "it's so human. I'm deeply impressed, but it robs you of power. Power you sourced so easily from me to save Dick."
"I don't want anything from you,"
He sits beside her. "I don't want you to be afraid of me, don't you understand, I came back for you,"
"Then why don't we go back to wherever you came from?"
"Would that make you happy?"
She sighs.
"You think everyone around you dies, and if that's true, if you really believe that, then escaping me won't change that. Earlier, I said you had no intentions of ever seeing your friends again," he smiles, "but maybe that was the other you, the one you keep buried under teenage memories and foolish childlike fantasies of being normal." Hesitantly, he reaches out and cups her shoulder. "My point is, I will never die, and I won't ever leave you, unlike everyone else in their short lives, so think on that the next time you try to run."
But she hadn't tried to run, only expose him. And now it occurs to her that maybe, deep down beneath the fake smiles and long winded speeches, there is a weakness in him after all, and maybe that weakness is her. The desire to have a daughter. To have someone beside him because being powerful must be lonely. And this unmatched power makes him feel untouchable, like a god, and maybe that gives her something she can use against him.
Himself.
After dinner, (which she pushed around the plate) she accepts the room he offered her two nights ago and closes the door behind her, making no effort to turn the lock quietly. He knows what he knows, and he hears what he hears, and there is only so much she can hide. But what she can do is turn her mind into a safe.
She quickly realizes the beautiful gift in being stuck in a car with Kory, listening to Disco music during their mini road trip. Because now, thanks to her, there's a playlist running a loop in her head, blocking him from her inner thoughts.
"Go on now go," she mumble-sings, "Walk out the door, just turn around now 'cause you're not welcome anymore. Weren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye, you think I'd crumble, you think I'd lay down and die, oh blah, blah blah, I will survive, as long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive."
She repeats the lyrics until they're thoughts in her head, creating a fence around her mind, and it gives her the privacy to de-tangle what she saw after the elevator. Her diversion had worked better than she thought it would, she had convinced him she wanted to escape so that he'd inevitably use his mind tricks, same as when he used her thoughts to manipulate her dreams. But all he'd shown her was that once he was inside her head, she was also in his, and the images she saw in the elevator of everyone, of the mirror and the deer weren't hers.
Everything she'd seen and done was creating a map inside his head, putting together a puzzle that probably has something to do with the seals he talked about. So, she decides, she'll play along until she figures out what and where the seals are, and find a way to tell the others so they can find it before he does.
But first, she needs to practice, and now she knows she can draw power from him because he told her she had before. She knows it's a risk because she could make Raven stronger than her, but it's one she has to take for the safety of everyone else.
Rachel sits on the bed and focuses on Gar, their friendship, their bond, and a memory pools in her chest. The night they took a taxi to the asylum together, its warm power surges in her, and she opens her hands, palms up. Purple light sparks from them, flickering, teasing to open up a portal.
She's going to need an escape plan when the time comes and what quicker way to travel than through a hole in space and time.
The tiny hole stretches and snaps, and it almost opens. And for now, Rachel decides, almost is enough.