Lydia
Over the years, even as a young girl, I knew I was different than the many maids running around Whiterun. I didn't feel comfortable in a dress. Men's gazes, while rarely were they ever focused on me, didn't interest me. And the idea of warming some oaf's bed and giving him children repelled me. It always had, even as my father tried pushing flowers and flowing garments on me. I never wanted to be that pretty girl with men chasing her for her hand in marriage.
But it appeared that my distaste didn't go unnoticed. My father left at the jarl's request one day when I was young. His goal was to eliminate a group of bandits. Despite his group's success, he came back on their shields. Shortly after the funeral, the jarl approached me and offered to have me trained as a housecarl. I don't know if the man felt sorry for me because of my father's death or if he had been told prior about my fascination with armor. But it was an offer I couldn't refuse, especially since my father's house technically belonged to the jarl.
I had trained extensively. I received a blade and shield made by Adrianne the Smith and trained with both the Battle-Born and Grey-Mane clans. I was lucky enough to have left training with them before the splintering war between the Stormcloaks and the Empire, as now they do little more than bicker at one another and gossip behind each other's backs.
When my training had finished, I had just become of age to marry. As I was given the actual weapon and shield I would be using to serve my thane, I was warned against relationships. I was told that it would be best if I satisfied my thane's needs, and if I needed pleasure or love for myself, to just pay for it. Because as a housecarl, our lives are devoted to our thane. There was no room for a husband or wife and kids for a housecarl. At least, until the day the thane decided to settle down themselves. Either way, I had no interest in relationships, nor did I have the desire to start a family. I really didn't know what I wanted to do with myself if I were being honest. I simply, existed.
The trainer's words also brought to light another issue, however. Whoever was my thane, I would have to appease. While it was not the law of the housecarl, it was common knowledge that housecarls who didn't attend to their thane's every need were dropped quickly in favor of more amenable ones. My brows furrowed, making me wonder if I could actually do something like that with someone I barely knew. That was the most likely scenario given there had only ever been one woman as Thane of Whiterun in the last fifty years. Sighing to myself, I shook my head and resigned myself to the duty.
Unfortunately, or fortunately given my earlier quandary, there was no thane available when I finally graduated my training. I often stood as a makeshift guard in Dragonsreach should another be named. Sometimes Irileth asked me to assist in driving off rogues who nested too close to Whiterun Hold's cart path. But months had gone by with no new prospects coming to Whiterun, and the same ones vying for the jarl's attention walking out dejectedly. I shivered at the thought of Nazeem becoming a thane and having to throw rose petals wherever he walked.
Balgruuf himself already had three housecarls that attended all his needs, headed by Irileth. His brother, Hrongar, had two. As the months went by, there was talk of me becoming his third. This meant I would likely have a lot of downtime, as his others did mostly everything he needed done. But it was better than sitting drifting among the seas of uncertainty. And Hrongar wasn't a bad guy at all.
But I didn't have much longer to speculate on my position as I was startled awake in my father's old home by Commander Caius. He spoke hastily about a new thane entering the jarl's court, and how I'd finally be assigned. Both nervous and determined, I shot from my bed and began strapping on my armor, all the while thoughts of who this new thane was ran through my head. Who was he? How did he become thane in a court that hadn't seen a new thane in nearly two years? All of these were questions I would no doubt have answered when I met him.
I finally donned my armor, hooked my shield to my back, and strapped my sword to my side. As I stared into the mirror, with my dark brown eyes staring back at me, I found myself wondering about the more intimate details. Would I be protecting another sniveling coward like Proventus, who rarely left the keep? Or would I find myself at the side of someone like Hrongar, who was a warrior at heart who became restless when the bandit blood on his hammer dried? Letting out a slightly nervous sigh, I resigned myself to doing my best, no matter who they were.
I left the barracks and Caius lead me towards Dragonsreach. As he opened the doors, we stepped inside just as the jarl titled them. When we reached the top of the entrance stairs, I felt my curiosity piqued as I saw that he was large. Probably as tall as, if not taller than Hrongar, but with enough muscle to make any enemies of Jarl Balgruuf hesitate. I felt my hopes rising that they were more about action than talk.
But as soon as the new thane stood, I quickly had to correct myself on many counts. First, I had to clarify whether I was staring at a giant in our midst. The thane was taller than anticipated, towering over most in the court. I also now saw that their hair was pure white like the fallen snow of the northern peaks, all braided back into a large horsetail.
Second, when the thane finally turned, I was even more surprised to see that it wasn't a man. Despite her height, despite her mass, and despite her imposing figure, she was a woman from head to toe. As the white-haired woman accepted the weapon signifying her badge of office from a much shorter Balgruuf, I leaned over to Caius and whispered to him. "Does she even need a housecarl? Look at her!"
"If you're asking whether she needs you as a bodyguard, I'm thrilled to tell you that she came back with Irileth last night covered in a dragon's blood. They're carting its body back as we speak," he said, getting a wide-eyed stare from me. "But, as you know, a housecarl's duties aren't just protecting their thane," he said as he turned to look at me curiously. "Are you having second thoughts?"
"N-No…" I said, quickly ridding myself of any astonishment. To be honest, I couldn't have asked for a better thane to follow. She was obviously a warrior who could carry her own weight, so to speak. She probably didn't intend to stay in Dragonsreach for extended political discussions. And best of all, I won't have to worry about any advances. At least, I didn't think so. I wasn't exactly sure of her taste in partners.
Soon, the woman turned and focused her grey eyes on me as the jarl introduced me. "This is Lydia. She will be your personal housecarl."
I immediately got to one knee and bowed my head. "I am sworn to carry your burdens, my Thane," I said as instructed. But I was surprised again when her powerful voice spoke.
"Stand warrior. You are my equal, not my mule," she said, her voice carrying across the hall. I looked up in surprise, and even the jarl's brows were raised in surprise at the breaking of tradition. I looked to Balgruuf, and he simply nodded. So, I stood and now looked the woman up and down. In her hand, the thane's ax looked like little more than a hatchet. At my full height, I may come up to her collar bone at best. She was certainly intimidating, but I was more excited than spooked by her appearance. If each scar told a different story, then she had many to tell.
The jarl grabbed her attention again and finished up by offering her a home in town. Once all the diplomacy was finished, the woman went to leave. I stepped up to her side to join, but we both stopped in our tracks as the walls of the entire keep shook. I reached down and gripped my sword, but it did little as the shaking nearly knocked me on my behind.
The court began shouting in dismay as people moved to get to safety, but everyone froze when they heard voices as clear as day penetrating the walls. "DO VAH KIIN!"
"What in the Divine's name was that!?" asked Proventus as he poked his head out from under one of the long dining tables.
"The Greybeards!" said Jarl Balgruuf with a fascinated look on his face. His gaze focused on my new ward, a smile gracing his rugged features. "Then it's true!"
After a long explanation about who the Greybeards were, the large woman was finally able to leave the keep. I eagerly joined her, ready to see what exactly life as a housecarl would be like. And even more, what being this new thane's housecarl would be like. I'd heard tales of the dragonborn in our history, but I was always more fascinated by what I could see rather than what I had heard.
As we stepped down the stairs of the keep, I noticed her staring down at the weapon he had given her with consternation. "Need something bigger?" I asked curiously. Her stony eyes looked from the weapon up to me. "As the new Thane, perhaps Eorlund could make you one."
"Who is Eorlund?" she asked curiously in her firm tone.
My eyes widened slightly at the question. I knew she wasn't from Whiterun, as I'd have seen someone that stuck out as much as her by now. But the Companion's smithy was known across all of Skyrim. "You've never heard of Eorlund Grey-Mane?" She simply shook her head. I reached up and scratched my dark hair before asking another question. "Are you...from Skyrim?"
She stared at me for a long moment before averting her eyes to the front again. For a long moment, I thought that perhaps I had offended her. But finally, she spoke. "You are sworn to carry my burdens?"
The question surprised me, but I responded promptly. "I am and I will."
She finally stopped walking, leaving us standing in front of the dying Gildergreen tree. Looking up at the wilting leaves, she finally told me what was on her mind. "I don't know the answer to your question."
"You don't know where you're from?" I asked in surprise as I turned towards her.
"My earliest memory was waking up in a cart that was riding to Helgen days ago. Anything before that is as dark as the sunless sky. I know my name, I know how to fight, but that is all." Her words echoed in my head, and finally, I realized what she meant by burden. This was certainly a heavy one to bear.
Despite my duty, I couldn't help her with this. All I could offer was advice. "You are Dragonborn. Perhaps the Greybeards have answers," I responded hopefully. She gave me a curious look, before finally showing a small grin. It made her look surprisingly peaceful.
"Then let's visit Eorlund before heading to the mountain," she said as she tapped the back of the comparatively small ax against her chin.
We visited the skyforge smith, and he told my new thane that it would be a week before her weapon was ready. Despite not being a Companion, he took one look at her and agreed. I couldn't help but feel that he took it as a challenge. It was widely rumored, if not known now throughout Whiterun that a dragonborn had emerged. And anyone who looked at her could surmise that she fit the description. It wasn't a reach to guess that Eorlund had heard the rumors and wanted to give her a weapon to be proud of.
But he offered her a skyforged great sword to use in the meantime. He also offered to make her a set of armor if she promised to join the Companions when she returned from her trip to the Throat of the World. Despite her making no commitment, he said her armor would be waiting when she got back as well.
After everything was sorted, we finally set off from Whiterun with our weapons on our sides, our provisions on our backs, and for the first time in a long time, I had a smile on my face.
As a nord, it's supposed to be a tradition to make a pilgrimage to the Throat of the World and climb the seven thousand stairs to the top. Most don't bother, but those with a fierce pride in their heritage make the trip. But at the moment, I would have sworn off every ounce of nord blood inside me just to sit and rest.
My training in Whiterun mainly consisted of combat drills, sword and shield sparring, and laborious tasks to build my stamina. But stairs, they were something I never prepared for. Despite the numerous number of stairs in the city, nobody ever thought to use them for training, as it'd probably block the flow of crowds from one district to another. And now, I was regretting it.
My breath came out in heavy pants as sweat covered my body from head to toe. My thane told me to leave my armor in the city, and only take my sword and shield. We instead dressed in furs to fight against the cold and began making our way up the mountain. And after fighting off a pack of wolves, a large troll that wasn't at all intimidated by my thane's size, and countless stairs, I just wanted to fall face first in the snow and sleep. But I had a duty to her, and I wasn't about to fail on the first task given to me.
So, I bit back my tiredness, tightened my cloak, and forced my burning muscles to comply as we finished the journey before nightfall. My thoughts constantly drifted to the uncomfortable beds in the Ivarstead inn. At the time, I took them for granted. I was so used to the larger city of Whiterun that the place felt a bit run down. But now, that rickety bed in that dingy inn was more enticing than Sovngarde.
Finally, after the sun sank below the horizon behind us, the large castle on the Throat of the World came into sight. I let out a sigh of relief and wanted to run to the doors, but knowing who lived there, I refrained. Not that I could have run anyway.
As we approached the building, my thane, who looked no worse for wear from the climb, pulled the provision pack from her bag. She had picked it up from one of the villagers who asked her to bring it to the Greybeards. Moving up to the door, she lifted the heavy knocker and pounded. It was long minutes before a loud creaking could be heard over the wind.
In the entrance stood an old man, likely older than I had ever seen. Most nords died before they reached this age, due to combat or some other unnatural cause. But these men, safe in their tower were hidden from the war, hidden from everything. Were it not for the good graces of the villagers below, they may even have starved to death by now.
The old man, who wore long robes of purple with a hood covering his aging scalp, and a long, silver beard to match their name, smiled. "Dovahkiin…" he said, his voice projecting just as much power as hers did. When I first heard my thane was the fabled Dragonborn, I was hard-pressed to believe it. But being here now and having one of the legendary priests of the dragonborn greet her with the name finally drove it home in my mind. This was the real thing. Finally, the old man looked at me. "These are sacred grounds. The Dragonborn may enter, but your companion must wait outside," he said, causing my stomach to plummet. Looking around, there were no shelters up here. The closest thing around to protect me from the wind was the doorway itself, and that meant sitting on stairs for however long she would be inside.
But my eyes widened when I heard her speak. "She is my companion, and she will be entering with me, or we'll both be descending the mountain right now." His wildly bushy brows furrowed at her response, and he looked like he was going to retort. But she continued. "This is non-negotiable. Either we both enter, or you have wasted your entire lives by turning away the first Dragonborn in centuries."
The firmness of her tone must have told him how serious she was. Before he responded, I spoke up. "I will be silent. You won't know I'm even here," I said, hoping to quell his concerns.
"Your respect for our grounds has been taken into consideration. Please enter," he said, stepping aside. She turned to me with a grin and nodded towards the door before finally moving into the castle. I followed her in, and the man closed the door behind us, casting us both into darkness as we entered the heart of the Greybeards' lair.
We spent days inside the foreboding mountaintop keep. The first night, we were shown some spare beds that made the ones in Ivarstead look high end. But my body didn't care. I appreciated the flat bed with dry, musty furs. As I rested, I debated on leaning over and kissing her for telling me to leave my armor behind. Doing this same climb may have killed me with heavy armor on. Then, we were served hot tea. Minutes after drinking, my consciousness vanished like a candle flame in the wind.
Normally, I'd spend my free hours in the morning training. But I had given the old man, whose name turned out to be Arngeir, my word that I'd be silent while inside. So, all I could do is eat and drink, then watch as they trained her. The first day was them asking her questions about herself, which she couldn't answer. The day after, we learned that the word she shouted outside of Whiterun was in her head already. This was when my curiosity peaked, and I stopped my munching on salted meat to listen intently.
"You're saying that I already know the language of the dragons?" she asked inquisitively as she looked between the four figures standing before her.
"You would not have been able to use a thu'um if you didn't already know the word of power. To have shouted like you did means that you knew the word. And if you knew that word, then you may know more. We will have to test the extent of your knowledge." Arngeir turned towards one of his brethren. "For now, we will teach you the rest of the thu'um you have already used. Einarth here will instruct you."
As the new brother, who looked exactly the same as the former, stepped forward, he unfolded his hands and held them in front as if motioning for her to stop. "RO!" he shouted, but nothing happened.
"Ro is the second word to the thu'um you've already used. As you can see, the words must be spoken in sequence for them to have any power. This is how all language works. Language without order is meaningless," he said as he waved a hand to my thane.
"Ro…" she said quietly.
"Now, in order," he commanded respectfully as both he and Einarth stepped aside.
Nodding, she waited for them to move aside before inhaling sharply. As soon as the first word left her mouth, I could feel the ground shake beneath me. "FUS RO!" she shouted, her voice forming into a wall of sound before impacting the stone pillar, blasting dust and sediment off of the ancient structure.
"Very good, Dovahkiin. It is true that you share the blood of the dragon. To have mastered the thu'um so quickly is proof," said Arngeir with a proud, but small smile. "Let us see exactly how powerful your voice can be, Dovahkiin." As he said this, the other Greybeards gathered around. They all focused their hands together and aimed in the same place on the ground. Suddenly, an apparition created from magic appeared and turned towards my thane. "Go ahead," said the older man, his words now heavy with breath. "Do not hold back."
Her stone-grey eyes focused on the phantom before she clenched her fists and inhaled again. "FUS RO!" she shouted again; this time louder. My ears rang afterward, causing me to cover them to protect my hearing.
As soon as her voice hit the apparition, it exploded into magical dust and scattered. Once again, I could feel her words through the ground, making me wonder exactly how powerful her voice could become if she were this effective when she just started training.
"Very good." Arngeir took a moment to catch his breath. "We shall continue your training tomorrow. For now, we must rest. Using magic is taxing on us these days," said the older man. My thane nodded to him and turned to me before giving me a strange look.
I had forgotten as I stared that my hands were still covering my ears. Instead of dropping the strip of salted meat on the ground, I merely held it in my mouth. And now that she looked at me, I probably looked rather comical. Lowering my hands, I reached up and grabbed the food, which only earned a smile from her.
"They said we could use the courtyard outside if you wanted to train," she said as she offered me her hand. My eyebrows rose as I looked from her hand back up to her face.
From the first day of training until the last, I'd had it beat into my head that a housecarl was a servant above all else. As much every new hopeful housecarl wanted to believe that they'd be friends with their thane or jarl, they were conditioned to understand that if they were ordered to die for their thane, they were to do so without question. This friendliness that I was being shown was nice, but I didn't want to get my hopes up. I knew that at any point, this warrior woman could order me to throw myself into a dragon's mouth, and I would be obligated to do so.
So, while I appreciated the cordial behavior, I would temper my expectations. Reaching forward, I gripped the woman's hand. "As you wish, my thane," I responded, and she helped me to my feet rather easily before leading me out into the courtyard.
Once the Greybeards had their rest, they greeted the Dragonborn again in the same main hall as the day before. I sat off to the side once more as the lessons continued. But their words were brief this time. Considering three of the men here were mute, even talking must be exhausting to Arngeir.
"We will keep today's lesson brief. Afterward, we will provide a test for you to see if you are as resourceful as you appear," he said tiredly as he waved them both over towards the courtyard. I got to my feet and followed them all out of the castle. The wind in the confined space was minimal, allowing for easy training the night before. After they all gathered around her, Arngier spoke again. "Today, we will test you on a new thu'um. We must confirm that you pertain knowledge of others. Come and tell me if you can read this," he said, his voice easily overpowering the wind. He walked us both over to a curved stone wall with what looked like claw marks all over it.
But, as I got a closer look, I easily noticed that these weren't mere scratches. They were carved into the stone. Each jagged slash was almost perfectly spaced and matched the length of all the others. It was breathtaking to look at. As I looked over at my thane, I immediately noticed that her eyes were locked onto a particular section. "I recognize this one," she said as she reached out and touched one of the jagged looking words.
"Say it," ordered Arngeir as he held his hands behind his back.
My thane turned around and held her head gently as she closed her eyes. She looked to be in pain for a moment, but then her eyes opened. "WULD!" she shouted, then vanished with a huge blast of wind.
My hair scattered and my eyes filled with tears as the wind around us hit hard. But after a moment, I cleared my vision and looked around to find her near the door we entered in. My eyes widened in incredulity. "How!?" I asked as my eyes traced the line blasted into the snow by the wind back to where she stood only moments before.
"See? You already have the knowledge inside of you. This may be inherited by the dragon's blood that flows within you, or perhaps your memory hides more than you realize. Either way, all you need do to unleash more of your thu'um is to find more of the language. Walls such as this containing the language of dragons are scattered across Skyrim. You will need to seek them out to find what we cannot teach you," said the Greybeard as he stepped towards her.
She eyed him suspiciously. "You want me to learn these shouts, why?" she asked as she turned to face him.
"It is our purpose to teach you the Way of the Voice," he said simply. "Our entire lives have been devoted to meeting you and preparing you."
"And if I don't like the idea of sitting up here and meditating for the rest of my life?" she asked as she tilted her head.
His face bore a frown as he looked at the ground. "Our duty is to train you. What you do with this knowledge is not our concern," he said as he stepped forward again. "I would advise you to be careful whose hand you let guide your actions. We wish to teach the Dragonborn, not a puppet."
They stared at each other for a long moment, my own eyes flitting back and forth between the two as if they were about to attack each other. Finally, she responded. "Your council has been heeded Arngeir." The old man let out a heavy sigh. "Now then, about that test…"
Days later, I found myself following her back into the gates of Whiterun again. This time, she decided to rest in Ivarstead, and we took a cart back. It was midday when we finally arrived in front of my hometown. To be honest, my first excursion into the world with my thane was tough, and climbing that mountain was a harder training exercise than any I've ever had to endure before. However, as we entered the gates of the city again, I couldn't help but feel myself swell with pride.
I still had some issues with talking, and I was still uneasy about developing any kind of deeper relationship with my thane. But, I'm not unhappy to serve her. And that's a lot more than most housecarls can say.