Chapter 8

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Junior year

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I threaded my fingers through his hair as I straddled his lap, my lips attached to his. I squirmed slightly, feeling him hard and ready beneath me as I tried to ease the ache between my thighs.

—DC—

After we'd had lunch that day, we became friends. I wasn't ready for more. I liked him a lot, but I couldn't process the fact that he actually wanted me.

He was gorgeous, and in my mind it just didn't make sense. How could someone who looked like him feel something for someone like me? It took a long time, a lot of reassurance from him, and a ton of late night talks with Tanya for me to agree to more with him.

The best thing that Tanya did was to convince me to stand in front of the mirror at least once every day and to pick out one new thing that I saw and liked. The goal was to help me discover my own beauty and self worth. There was no doubt in my mind that she was going to be a great therapist one day.

—DC—

As Seth let out a low moan, his hands drifted from my waist, down my lower back, resting on my ass. He smoothed his palms over my cheeks before giving them a firm squeeze.

I knew he tried so hard to keep himself in check. After one night early on, when things had gotten a little out of control, we'd talked about the fact that I wasn't ready.

He promised me he could be patient, and he was true to his word. He never pushed me farther than I was willing to go, even though the lust was clear in his eyes when we'd pull apart. We messed around, but for me, it was always underneath my clothes. The thought of undressing in front of him had still scared me.

Although, as time went on, and he continued to respect all of my boundaries, the more I felt like shedding my clothes for him. His hands had already roamed every part of me, he'd just never seen all of my dips and curves with his eyes.

It had taken a long time for me to believe that he truly wanted me. It was months before I felt secure sitting on his lap. But now, we'd been together for a little more than a year. It was a year's worth of kisses and whispered words of want. It was a year full of hearing every day that I looked beautiful and seeing the hunger in his eyes.

I was ready, and I didn't want to do it just for him, it was for me too.

He pulled back, panting against my lips. "We've got to stop, beautiful...I'm—God, Bella, the way you make me feel." He took a deep breath, nuzzling his face into my neck. "How about a movie? There's that new one playing."

"The Vampire one? What was it called, Midnight?"

He brushed his fingers over my cheek, before tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "Yeah, what do you think?"

What I wanted to tell him was that we should just stay home, nestled in his apartment. None of his roommates would be home for the rest of the night. But I needed the time to calm my nerves, to wrap my head around everything. I didn't want to promise him something and then not be able to go through with it. I knew he wouldn't care, but I would.

"Yeah, I think that sounds good. Just let me get changed."

—DC—

It was funny how being cared for could change someone's perspective of themselves. It was amazing what being told that you looked beautiful every day could do, or seeing how he looked at me.

Like with everything else, it had taken me a while to adjust, but when I wore something low cut, or tight jeans, he'd growl and pull me against him. He'd kiss my neck, marking me, telling me how I looked good enough to eat. We were late for classes or work quite a few times.

The other factor was that I didn't really speak to my mom as much anymore. Seth had found me crying one night after a call with her, and we'd talked for a while. It was an attestation to how much I trusted him, when everything she'd ever made me feel just spilled out of my mouth. It was after that talk that I decided that if we spoke, it would be on my terms, that I could hang up if I felt I needed to.

For once in my life, I felt like I was in control. I felt...confident.

—DC—

"I hope this is good. Vampire movies can either be fantastic or amazingly cheesy," he leaned over and whispered.

I shrugged. "I mean, if it sucks, there's plenty that we can do in the dark."

His eyes widened as a grin spread across his lips. I wasn't usually so bold with the things that I said. He leaned in, running his nose along the hollow of my neck before sucking lightly. "Suddenly, I'm hoping that it sucks."

I giggled, pushing him away. Little did he know of the plans I had for him later. If he did, we wouldn't be here. "Hush, I want to watch this."

—DC—

I'd never expected it—because why would I? It's not every day you go to see a movie with your boyfriend, only to have your high school crush appear on the screen.

It had taken me completely by surprise, and for the few moments that he was there, it felt like he was staring directly at me. He looked different—the roundness of his cheeks was gone, replaced by high cheekbones and a sharp jaw. But there was no denying it was him, not with those piercing green eyes that I could never forget.

I'd fallen out of touch with Rose and Alice when I'd headed for Columbia. They'd been great friends, and it wasn't fair to them, but when I'd left, I'd wanted to leave everything behind. Unfortunately, that had included them. It'd been so long now that I didn't know how to reignite our friendships without it feeling awkward.

So there was no way I would have known that Edward had gone into acting. It wasn't something that he'd ever mentioned being interested in when we were younger. But really, there wasn't much that I knew about him, we had never really spoken in detail about our likes or dislikes. I knew he enjoyed films, there was always a movie playing, with him perched in front of it when I'd visit Rose. I didn't know he had an interest in acting, though.

He did cross my mind from time to time. There were days when I'd wondered what would have happened if I had let him know that I returned his feelings. But it was in the past, and I was happy in my relationship with Seth.

But it was nice to know that he was doing well.

—DC—

He pulled me close to him as we relaxed on his couch. "Good movie, right?"

"Mhm…"

"You okay, baby? You've seemed a little off ever since we got back."

"I—yeah, I mean...I wanted to talk to you about something—"

He sat up straighter, concern written on his face. "What's up?"

My nerves got the best of me, and suddenly, I couldn't find the right words. So, instead I climbed onto his lap, gripping his face between my hands and kissing him deeply. He'd shown me over the last year and a half that he wanted me, that he was willing to be patient. I was ready to give this part of me to him. "I'm ready."

"You're...you mean…"

I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth, nodding.

"Oh, God, baby, are you sure? We don't have to—"

Those words alone fueled the fire inside of me. He was always putting me first. There was no doubt that I wanted this, wanted him. "I'm positive, Seth."

—DC—

We never broke our kiss as we tumbled onto the bed. His hands ran up my thighs, lifting my dress slowly.

I pushed out a rough breath as his hands slid higher and higher. There was a part of me that was scared, a part that wanted to stop and keep myself covered. But I knew he wouldn't hurt me. As nervous as I was, I trusted him.

He sat up on his knees, straddling my thighs, his hands continuing their upward climb. As he pulled my dress from my body, I immediately went to cover myself, but he grasped my hands in his. "It's just me, baby, please don't hide from me. I promise if at any point you tell me to stop, we'll stop."

I nodded my consent, and he leaned down, kissing me deeply. His hands slipping behind my back, playing with the clasp of my bra until he finally popped it, letting it drop from my body.

He groaned, pressing his hard cock into my belly as he cupped my breasts in his hands, running his thumbs over my nipples before rolling them lightly between his fingers. "You're so beautiful."

I gasped, my back arching as he wrapped his lips around a nipple. The hand that had been at my other breast slid down my body, playing with the waist of my panties before dipping inside. My knees dropped open as his fingers slipped through my folds, finding me slick and ready. I whimpered as his finger circled my entrance slowly before dipping just inside. Over and over he tortured me, never truly delving inside. I wasn't sure if I could come from this, but the feeling of wanting to be filled, only to be denied, had me on the edge. "Please, Seth."

Slowly, he pushed a finger inside me, pulling it out just as slowly. He continued fucking me with his fingers, while his thumb rubbed circles around my clit. It didn't take long before I was crying out and falling apart in his arms.

He kicked off his pants and boxers, and pulled his shirt over his head before he reached into his nightstand, pulling out a condom. My eyes widened as I watched him roll it down his length, the reality of everything suddenly hitting me once again.

He lined himself up with my entrance, but didn't push forward. He stared down at me, his gaze roaming my face, looking for any sign that I wasn't ready. "You're sure, baby?"

"I'm sure."

Slowly he pushed forward, and I winced as he stretched me. Once he was fully inside, it wasn't horribly painful, but it wasn't exactly comfortable either. As he started to move, any discomfort I was feeling was forgotten. How he grunted and groaned as he pumped in and out of my wet heat, caused my walls to clench.

The sound of his panting mesmerized me, his constant movement sending shock waves down my spine, along with his murmurs in my ear. He told me how tight I was and how good I felt gripping his cock. His low moans told me he was close, and soon his face contorted into an expression of pure bliss.

It wasn't the first time I'd seen him come, but this time was different.

"I love you," he mumbled into my shoulder as he let his weight rest on top of me. It suddenly felt as if someone had dropped a bucket of cold water on me.

After everything we had been through, and all the kindness he had shown me, I should love him, shouldn't I?

It was as though it was on the tip of my tongue, but for whatever reason, I couldn't form the words. I knew what I felt for him ran deep; I hoped that one day I could say the words back to him.

—-

A/N: I'd love to know what you all think!

I promise that Edward will make a little more of an appearance in a few chapters.

And here's to hoping that you all don't hate me for the fact that she didn't save herself for Edward.