Chapter 18

BPOV

I chewed on my thumbnail as I stared up at the screen. Seth's flight had landed, and now I was waiting for him to come down through the corridor.

It was a quick trip. A few days to get everything in order before he had to go back to Chicago. Harry was out of the woods, but his recovery was slower than expected. That meant that there was no one who knew the ins-and-outs of their family business, aside from Seth and Sue—Seth's mom. This trip was essentially to pack up his life for the next few months.

I should have been excited that after three weeks I'd be getting any time with him—but that wasn't the case. Instead, it felt like there was a lead weight in my belly. We hadn't talked much about what all of this meant for our relationship; neither of us really wanted to broach the topic. But as the days went on, our conversations grew shorter. Seth was still sweet...he still tried to make me a priority, but it just wasn't the same anymore—for either of us.

There was a lack of intimacy between us now. Our sex life had always been great. I'd had no complaints, but Seth wasn't much of a talker during the act. He'd whisper sweet words and how much he loved me...but it didn't make for great phone sex. And the rush of guilt I'd felt when I'd pictured Edward above me the last time Seth and I had tried...I knew we had to talk about our relationship.

Edward headed back to California a few days after we'd had dinner together. He'd signed on to film a few episodes of Criminal Minds before production started on Someone Else. He confided in me that he wanted to stretch his wings as an actor. He was content being the sidekick, or the leading man in romantic comedies, but he wanted the world to know that he was more than a handsome face. He wanted everyone to see exactly what he was capable of as an actor.

Before he left, he promised to give me space. He wanted to let me figure out exactly where my heart was. But that didn't mean he'd gone silent. He wasn't about to let me forget what his intentions were toward me.

Everyday as soon as I opened my eyes, there was a text waiting for me, wishing me a good morning, and every night, another wishing me sweet dreams. And in between, little messages to let me know he was thinking of me during the day. And the flowers...every few days a new bouquet would arrive. He wasn't forcing my hand, but he definitely wasn't making it easy.

—DC—

I swallowed thickly as people started streaming into the luggage area. My eyes sought him out, and I was greeted with a smile. He made his way over to me in a few quick strides, cupping my face in his palms and pressing a kiss to my lips. My body stiffened as I kissed him back, and I knew there was no way he didn't feel it.

He pulled back, a slight frown on his lips as he searched my eyes. His Adam's apple bobbed before he shook off the frown and smiled as if noticing nothing. "Hi, baby," he whispered before pressing a kiss to my forehead.

—DC—

I kept my head down as we left the airport. There weren't as many paps after Edward left, but since I'd spent time with him, I was now on their radar.

As Seth and I walked toward my car, I was starting to further understand why Edward constantly flipped off these so-called reporters. They knew how to get under people's skin with the things they shouted.

"Bella! Bella, where's Edward?"

"Bella! Which guy are you cheating on? Seth or Edward?"

"Hey Seth! How's it feel to share a woman with Edward Cullen?"

Seth gripped my hand tighter after that, his jaw tensing. But they didn't stop after that.

"Bella! Over here! I heard Edward is dating Irina Petrov. How are you going to compete with her?"

My head snapped up at that one, but still I said nothing. I knew better than to give them any attention. That was what they wanted. Besides, Edward and I weren't dating. He was a free man. I was the one who was suddenly feeling trapped by my relationship.

—DC—

"That was...intense." Seth pressed his head back against the seat as we drove towards home.

"I'm sorry. I didn't expect that. I wouldn't think anyone would be interested in me."

He turned his head to face the window. "Yeah, well, I guess it'll happen when you're seen around the city multiple times with a famous actor friend," he mumbled.

"Seth—"

"I'm tired, Bella, okay? I'm sorry."

I nodded, staring straight ahead for the rest of our drive.

We'd fallen into bed once we'd gotten home. Both of us were exhausted from the day, and neither of us was in the mood to talk. Still, he'd kissed me goodnight as if nothing was wrong.

—DC—

I blinked, rubbing the sleep from my eyes as I sat up. Seth's side of the bed was empty, the sheets there were cold, so he'd been up for a while.

Setting my feet on the floor, I glanced at the clock on my nightstand. It was just a little past seven in the morning. After his day of travel, I'd expected him to still be passed out. I pushed myself up off the bed and left the room in search of him.

I gasped, stopping short as I walked into the kitchen. My eyes grew wide as they landed on the flowers sitting in the middle of the table. It was by far the biggest bouquet I'd received to date.

I jumped as Seth cleared his throat from behind me. I turned around quickly, meeting his eyes before he glanced over at the flowers. "Seems like a pretty big gesture from someone who's just a friend," he said as he walked past me.

"Seth—"

He stopped in the hallway, his back turned to me as he spoke. "I need to know, Bella, is there any truth to the rumors circulating about the two of you?"

"I'd never cheat on you."

"That's not what I asked. Is there any truth to it, Bella? Men don't just send three dozen roses toa goddamn friend!" he nearly shouted.

"I don't know."

He whipped around to face me and my heart broke at the sight of him—his eyes glassy with unshed tears. Maybe my feelings had recently changed, but Seth was still a great man. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him.

His voice cracked as he spoke. "I'm not blind, though lately I sort of wish I was. The few pictures that are out there...the way he looks at you, and you at him...I tried to not see it. But it's there. And it's here." He gestured to the flowers, swallowing thickly. "And it's in the way you acted when you saw me yesterday. God, I fucking prayed the entire flight that I was wrong. That it was just weird for us being so far apart. I hoped that once we saw each other…" He squeezed his eyes shut, his voice once again breaking. "How the hell did this happen? I know I was gone but…what changed, what went wrong?"

"I'm sorry," I whispered, not sure what else I could say at that moment.

"I love you, Bella," he choked out. It sounded more like a plea than a declaration.

I stared down at my feet. How did you tell someone that you loved them but it wasn't enough? How did you explain that your heart had been longing for someone else, but you didn't know it until you saw them again? No matter what I did and no matter what Seth said, as soon as my eyes had landed on Edward, and we'd spoken, it was always going to be him.

He shook his head and laughed mirthlessly. "I didn't think that after three weeks of not seeing each other, I'd be saying this but, uh, I think we need some time apart. You need to figure out what you want. So, I'm going to pack up my stuff and try to find an earlier flight back to Chicago."

My stomach knotted as his words hit me. He wanted time apart, but that wasn't going to fix us. It was just going to drive the wedge between us even further.

I loved him, God, did I love him. He'd been there for so life changing moments. He'd held my hand, and been my biggest confidant. He knew all my hopes and dreams, and he knew my fears. And that should have been enough, but…when I closed my eyes at night, it was Edward.

It was always Edward.

I reached out, grabbing his arm, stopping him before he could walk away. I didn't want him going back to Chicago with false hopes. "I think...I think we're done, Seth. Just with you going back to Chicago, it's...we're not meant for long distance."

"Yeah. Yeah, okay." His tears that had been threatening to fall earlier, now flowed. "I love you so fucking much, you know that, don't you? I'm not perfect, I can't lie and say that I'm fine, because I'm really, really not fine right now. I should be fighting for you, trying to prove to you that I'm the one who's right for you. But I'd just be torturing you and myself. All I want is for you to be happy." He bent down, kissing my forehead one last time before he turned to leave the room.

As I watched him walk down the hall, I knew that I should have said something, but I had no words. Nothing that I said or did could make this situation any better.

Seth had been there through so many pivotal moments in my life, but I knew that wasn't a reason to stay with him. He was worthy of more than someone being with him out of obligation.

I truly hoped that he'd find the love and happiness he deserved one day soon.