Chapter 25

EPOV

We'd been at the hospital for hours. I was exhausted, but it was nothing compared to what Bella was feeling. She'd wanted a natural birth, to be able to walk around and just feel what her body was telling her to do. But she was in so much pain, and it was hard to watch her suffer.

"Bella, I need you to push, your baby is almost here," Dr. Black instructed her.

Doctor William Black was one of the best in his field. We both trusted him immensely, but that didn't matter right now. Bella was losing steam, and I was certain she no longer cared about his credentials anymore.

"I can't!" she cried out, and my heart broke just a little further.

I brushed her sweat-soaked hair from her forehead before leaning down and murmuring in her ear. "You can do this, baby. You're so strong, you're the strongest woman I know. I'm in awe of you every day, you've accomplished and overcome so much. Push, sweetheart, and let's meet this little one. I want to see them, to see our love in the flesh."

She nodded and bore down, letting out a fierce yell. Tears were streaming down her face as a loud wail exploded in the room.

"It's a boy! Daddy, you want to come and cut the cord?" Dr. Black asked.

I pressed a deep kiss to Bella's lips, whispering against them. "I'll be right back, okay Mommy?"

She pushed out a hard breath as she nodded, a weak smile on her lips. "Go on, Daddy."

—DC—

"Have you ever seen someone so perfect?" She brought his tiny hand up to her lips, kissing it softly. "He has perfect fingers and toes. His little button nose is perfect…he's just…"

"Perfect?" I grinned at her, rubbing my fingers over the soft downy hair on his head. "We should just call him Parker 'Perfect' Cullen, huh?"

She glared at me, and I noticed the tears shining in her eyes. I was teasing her, but I shouldn't have been. She'd worked so hard to bring our boy into this world, and if I was being honest, he was amazingly perfect. He had my coppery hair and Bella's lips. His nose was some sort of mixture of the both of us. His eyes were bright blue for the time being, and besides his mother's, they were the most precious eyes I'd ever looked into.

"I'm sorry, I'm just teasing you. He really is perfect, Bella. Thank you for giving him to us."

She sniffled, looking up at me. "Y-you really think he's perfect?"

"Oh, sweetheart, I really am sorry. He's the most amazing thing I've ever laid my eyes on, besides you, of course."

"I love him so much it hurts, Edward."

I pressed a kiss to hair, wrapping an arm around her and holding her tightly to me. "I know baby, I know."

—DC—

To everyone else, she seemed fine. She put on a brave face when my mom was around, and when Rose stopped by a few times a week.

She didn't ask for help from them or from me.

I had to wedge my way in to change Parker's diapers or to give him a bath. She struggled with breastfeeding—she didn't make enough milk, and when we switched him over to formula, she retreated even further into herself.

"Bella—"

"What?" she snapped at me.

"I was thinking, there's been a lot of changes going on recently, what do you say we give Maggie a call?"

She chewed on her lip for a moment, her eyes never meeting mine as she nodded. "Yeah, okay."

—DC—

"She won't talk to me anymore."

Bella turned, staring at me. "That's not true! We talk all the time."

"Yeah, about the weather or what was on TV. But I see you crying when you think I'm not looking. I hear you at night in his room, pleading with him to stop crying. But when I ask, you say you're fine. I'm not fucking stupid!"

"Okay, Edward," Maggie interjected. "I'm hearing you. It seems you're having some pretty deep feelings, and you're feeling hurt and frustrated. Is that right?"

I hadn't meant to get so upset, or speak so harshly, but I was overcome by my emotions. "And scared." I turned back toward Bella, fighting my tears and losing. "I'm scared that you're not wanting to talk to me, it feels like you don't trust me with your feelings."

Maggie fixed her gaze on Bella. "What are you thinking when you hear him say that?"

Her bottom lip trembled as she inhaled shakily. "I don't want him to feel that way but—" She covered her face, bursting into tears. "But I'm failing! I fail at everything I do with Parker! God gave me these huge boobs, but still they didn't make enough milk! My body won't work to feed my baby! I can't find time to exercise, I can't find time to put anything healthy in my mouth, and it's been two months and I'm still two hundred and twenty pounds. He cries for me constantly, and then Edward comes home and it's like it never happened! He just stops crying. I love Parker so much. Why doesn't he love me, too?"

"Oh, Bella," I whispered. "I wish you would have told me…I…you're the best mom I've ever known, even going through all of this, you always put him first. You force a smile for him even when it's obvious you're not okay. And your body, you grew life inside of it, you've always been beautiful, but now…" I shook my head, unable to find the words. "I don't know how to describe you except pure perfection."

With how she looked at me, I knew she was still hurting, but I also knew she'd heard me. And when she reached over and grasped my hand, I knew we would be okay. This was just another bump in our path.

"I think we've reached a great stopping point, guys. But, Bella, I'd like to suggest that maybe you bring up these concerns to your doctor as well. It sounds like you might be suffering from postpartum depression, and there are so many things out there to help you, therapy being one of them."

—DC—

When we fell into bed that night, Bella snuggled up against me, pressing a kiss to my neck. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her tight to me.

"I think Maggie is right, I want to talk to our doctor."

I slid my fingers through her hair, feeling how silky smooth it was against my skin. "We'll call in the morning. I'm proud of you, Bella."

She hummed softly in agreement before once again pressing soft kisses to my neck. "You're everything to me, Edward. I'm sorry I didn't talk to you and that I scared you. There isn't anything in the world that could pull me away from you, even when I'm locked in my head."

"I need you," I whispered into the dark. "I need to feel you, I need…"

She pushed me onto my back, crawling on top of me. Which honestly shocked me after our therapy session, knowing how insecure she was feeling about still carrying around the baby weight she'd gained. But as she pulled her shirt over her head, baring her beautiful breasts to me, a thought struck me—right before all the blood rushed from my brain to my cock, that is.

Her taking control showed her trust in me was deep. She'd believed every word that I'd told her that day.

And as she kissed me deeply, with as much passion as she could summon, it took my breath away.

Everything I needed to know about how she felt for me was in that kiss and in the way she whispered my name as she sunk down onto me.

I'd never worry about her running from me again.

A/N: This is our last real chapter. There is an epilogue coming tomorrow and I do hope to write a few outtakes for this one as well.

Thank you all for coming on this journey with me of self discovery and acceptance. I appreciate each and every one of you.

I don't know what's coming next, but I hope you'll be there when I figure it out.

Stay well, my loves.