Track #9: Tell Me Where It Hurts

MYMP

"Manager Gottwald also sends his condolences to your family. He deeply regrets that he couldn't come here personally. Mr. Lamperouge was one of his best employees, if there is anything else that you needed, feel free to contact him."

C.C. watches the flower stand with a Gottwald Enterprises ribbon wrapped around it be placed next to the flower stand from the Britannia Manufacturing Company.

Returning her attention to the man, she gives him a tired smile. "We greatly appreciate it. Please send Mr. Gottwald our sincerest gratitude."

"I will, Mrs. Lamperouge. I'll be going then. Again, our condolences."

The man hasn't even left yet when a new visitor arrives and occupies the woman's attention.

"C.C., dear," the older woman says as she envelopes C.C. in a tight hug which the latter equally returns.

"Cornelia, I'm so glad you can come here. When did you land?"

"Anything for my brother and sister. I actually went straight here from the airport." Cornelia holds her on her shoulders and asks, "How are you holding up?"

C.C. fixes the stray hair strand that fell on her face. "I'm doing what I can and what is needed to be done. Visitors have been coming non-stop since yesterday. But I can manage. Shirley has been helping me with the chores."

"I see. Where is she?"

"In the living room. Come.""

Some of the visitors politely greet the soldier, offering her their condolences and briefly asking about her deployment overseas but the pair does not stop to entertain any long conversation because the most important person is waiting for them. The most important person is waiting for her older sister who she hadn't seen for almost three years.

The living room is packed with more visitors – classmates, childhood friends, band mates, teachers and mentors alike – celebrating the bright and hopeful life this person had shared with them even for a short amount of time. It is evident how they were touched by her youthful presence - the extraordinary stories and experiences, the lessons they had learned through her filled the four corners of the room. And every one of them is smiling. Just like how she always did.

The women approach the coffin in a solemn manner, none of them speaking. The conversations turn to murmurs as the rest notice the presence of the woman of the house and the officer infront of the person they are celebrating.

"She looks peaceful," Cornelia silently says as she looks down, eyes glazed. Her hand mindlessly caresses the glass that encloses her younger sister.

"Until the very end, she kept on smiling and stayed very optimistic." C.C. glances at the people at the back and gives them an apologetic nod. Quietly, each one of them leaves the room, giving C.C. and Cornelia a private moment with her.

"I wasn't able to say good bye… Oh God, I didn't say good bye.""

C.C. places a hand on the woman's back as Cornelia removes her mask of invincibility that she wears all the time and breaks down for her dead sister. Her choked cry of regret and apology for not being there when she should have been, for listening to the call of duty first before heeding the call of her sick loved one, echoes inside the room. She holds her chest as she tries to speak.

"I-I'm sorry, Nunnally. I'm so sorry I was not there."

C.C. gently rubs her back. "She understood, Cornelia. You are her hero. Every night she prayed for your safety and happiness. She was so, so proud to have a sister like you."

"I should have come home sooner. Took care of her until her last breath but instead, I was far away, fighting a battle for the people I do not know."

"She is your people. You were fighting for her. And your courage gave her the strength to fight her own battle bravely."

Cornelia stares longer at the peaceful face of Nunnally, so serene and calm that she looks like she is just sleeping and having the best dream ever. Like anytime from now she would wake up.

Meanwhile, tears continue to fall on Cornelia's cheeks as a faraway look graces her eyes as if she had gone somewhere C.C. couldn't reach. Perhaps she is trying to reach her sister and tell her everything she wanted to say.

After a few more sniffs and a soft 'I love you', Cornelia returns to herself then faces C.C. "Thank you for everything you've done. I will always be indebted to you for the kindness you have shown our family."

"You don't have to thank me. I am doing this because you are my family."

Cornelia gives her a grateful smile before looking beyond her. "Where is Lelouch? How is he?"

"Lelouch is... trying his best to get through this." Turning around, C.C. searches for a mop of raven hair that belongs to her husband. He was talking to past colleagues a while ago by the balcony but now it is empty. Worried, she excuses herself to find him.

She finds him inside Nunnally's old room before she completely succumbed to leukemia.

Leaning against the doorway, she observes how low his shoulders droop as he stands there, staring at the empty bed, not noticing her presence.

"Cornelia is here."

Startled by her soft voice, he turns his face towards her, eyes full of unwept grief. "Cornelia? She comes home?"

C.C. nods. "Yes. Meet her?"

Lelouch returns his gaze to the empty bed like a child asking for permission to leave. Sighing, he finally walks to his wife and when he is within her reach, C.C. holds his hand and places a kiss on his knuckles.

The siblings share a long tight hug before settling in a silent conversation by the coffin.

C.C. stays for a little while, making sure that everything between them is fine and that Lelouch does not need her anymore.

When she is certain, she leaves the living room and goes straight to the kitchen to help her friend prepare the food for the visitors.

"C.C. you don't have to help me. I already called Anya and she is on her way. What you need is rest. You've been up since yesterday," Shirley says as she prepares a sandwich.

"I'm fine." C.C. grabs the sandwich and places it on a tray where a number of it is already settled. "This is my way to show the visitors our gratitude for their presence here."

"A lot of people are coming, huh?"

She smiles. "That's Nunnally for you. She brings people together."

"She even brought you and Lelouch together. Oooh, I still remember that fateful night when she set you two up in a blind date. We had fun spying on you." Shirley lets out a careless laugh that C.C. wholeheartedly welcomes in this sober situation.

"That night didn't end well though. I went home with wine stains on my dress because Lelouch shook the bottle excessively."

"He was just trying to impress you. Still a fond memory to remember."

"Right... Well, I'll serve this now. I'll be back soon."

"Wait!" C.C. is about to leave the kitchen when Shirley stops her. The ginger briefly looks downward before meeting her eyes. "Don't tire yourself, okay? Anya and I can handle this."

"Thank you, Shirley."

The sandwiches are consumed in just a matter of seconds. C.C. returns to the kitchen for another serving and just like the first time, each piece disappears fast. Some visitors indulge her on short conversations where the same set of questions is being asked.

"How long was Nunnally's battle with cancer?"

"For a year and a half."

"Why did she refuse to undergo chemotherapy?"

"It had been her choice from the beginning of the diagnosis."

"What were her last words?"

"I'm sorry but it is between her and Lelouch."

"Was she in great pain?"

"Physically? Yes. But mentally and emotionally, she was as healthy as ever."

"And the brother? How is the older brother who loves her so much?"

"He is... Lelouch is..."

C.C. catches a glimpse of the person beyond Cecile's shoulder, standing in the hallway seemingly lost in the crowd.

"Excuse me."

The man sees her, too, and in the fastest speed that his heavy feet could muster at the moment of grief, he walks towards her until he is beside his wife. His arm automatically encircles her waist like a drowning man finally finding a piece of rope to cling to. Like finding an anchor to steady him against the harsh waves.

"Cornelia will stay until the burial. She said she would help in handling matters here. You... You've been on your feet since yesterday. Why don't you take a nap for now?"

"Let's take a nap together?"

Lelouch lets out a tired sigh. The dark bags under his eyes are too prominent and too worrying for C.C.'s liking. There is also a perpetual furrow between his eyebrows as if he is always trying to make sense of everything around him. As if he can't believe that this is all happening.

"I have to stay here. You need the rest more than I."

"But - "

Holding her on her shoulders, he reassures her. "I'll follow after I make sure that everything's fine. I promise." He gives her a kiss on her forehead.

But C.C. wakes up alone inside their bedroom a couple of hours later. The space beside her is untouched and not crumpled just like how she left it a while ago. Looking at the clock, she realizes that it is already night time. Almost midnight in fact. And Lelouch is still out there exhausting himself and probably, overthinking again when he should have been sleeping and resting beside her.

It is Cornelia who she sees first upon going out of the room.

"I told him to take a break and that I would stay up overnight but he wouldn't listen. He barely ate his dinner and immediately went back to Nunnally. He couldn't leave her side for a minute."

"I see. I'll take it from here."

The soldier is right. C.C. finds her husband infront of the coffin with his eyes closed. She wants to shake him awake and drag him if need be to bed so that he can properly lay down and relax his muscles. For it has been a long time since he had completely relaxed.

Ever since Nunnally's diagnosis, Lelouch's shoulders are up on his ears - always wary of his sister's condition especially when he was not around her.

Lelouch and Nunnally, they shared a very special bond even other siblings do not possess. A bond so tight and deep that not even her sickness could hinder their closeness. Instead, Lelouch took care of his sister with his own hands, dedicating most of his time attending to her needs.

C.C. witnessed how he would set his alarm clock in the middle of the night so that he could wake up at the right time for Nunnally's medicine intake. She witnessed how he personally made necessary adjustments to her room so that her medical aids would fit, how he himself built the rocking chair which became her favorite spot until the very end.

C.C. may not be there when they were younger, but in the seven years that she had known them, it is very obvious that they were each other's life.

And now Lelouch's life is gone.

She doesn't know what to do.

Kneeling infront of him, she caresses his long fringe. When was the last time that he had gotten a haircut? It's been so long. His eyelids slowly open revealing his dull amethyst eyes.

"You didn't fulfill your promise," begins C.C. "You said you'd follow me but you didn't and just let me sleep alone." Holding his head, she starts massaging his forehead, trying to straighten the lines that engraved themselves on his skin.

"I'm sorry. I lost track of time."

"Will you do that for me now? Please, Lelouch?"

The man opens his mouth then closes it again. He then looks away and stares at the white box behind C.C.

She is left with no choice but to use her last card. "If you wouldn't do it for me, then at least," touching her stomach, she says, "For our baby? This baby would need you, too. And you've been neglecting your well-being in the past a year and a half. So please..."

Lelouch gazes back at her as if he couldn't comprehend what she is saying. "Of course I would do it for you, C.C. For the baby, too, but first, for you. You know that, right? I just lost track of time, that's it. I just lost track... just like how I am losing everything lately. I... I can't lose you, too. I won't lose you, too, right, C.C.?" His voice breaks at the end just like how the woman's heart breaks at the appearance of her husband.

C.C. tightly holds the sides of his face and looks straight into his eyes. "No, you won't. You won't lose me, Lelouch. Not in a very long time, okay?"

He nods.

"Let's go to our room?"

This time, Lelouch follows and when they are lying on bed, C.C. lays her head on his chest and wraps her arm around him.

"I love you," she whispers.

A kiss on her head. "I love you, too."

Life might have ended but the clock continues to tick, not sparing a second to wait for those who are stranded in a place of sadness. She doesn't know how much time has passed but C.C. was able to fall asleep again yet when she wakes up, she is alone on the bed just like before.

She finds him sitting on the floor, looking at the old photo album of him and Nunnally.

Sitting at the edge of the bed, C.C. peeks over his shoulder and stares at the photo of him teaching Nunnally to ride a bicycle.

The boy was holding on the handle and seat of the bike, worried, while the girl happily pedaled with her hands in the air.

Another photo was during the tenth birthday party of the boy and the girl spread icing on his face, making everyone laugh.

Then there is one where they were both in their elementary uniforms in their first day of school. That one is so adorable.

"I'm sorry, I can't sleep so I thought to take a look at these."

"Nunnally is such a firework, isn't she?"

"Yeah, she has..." He clears his throat. "Had enough energy for the both of us. Look at this little daredevil biking with her hands off the handle."

He turns the page and points at a photo of them in their teens. "We just had a little fight here though I can't remember what we were fighting about. She is pouting because she didn't want to take a picture with me."

C.C. chuckles. "A fight between you two? That is quite unthinkable."

"Oh believe me when I say we fought so many times over the simplest things when we were younger. But we always made sure to have reconciliation before the day ended."

"And that one?"

"Her prom night."

"She was beautiful."

"She was."

"And that other one?"

"Her eighteenth birthday. We spent the whole day in the amusement park. I believe this was a week before we met on that disastrous date."

She chuckles again. "It was. And where did that huge teddy bear comes from?"

But C.C. already knows where. Lelouch won it for Nunnally in one of those carnival games. She already knows and memorizes the story of each of the photograph for they had visited this album a lot of times before. But if this is what Lelouch needs to somehow ease his grief, to see his sister eternally alive and healthy, then she will accompany him and pretend that she is a first time audience to the wonderful story of this brother and sister relationship.

"She hated being sick and getting stuck at home while I went to school when we were kids. She said she would miss doing a lot of fun things. But..." A teardrop falls on the photo of a young sick Nunnally lying on bed but also widely smiling at the camera. Lelouch's shoulders start to shake as his voice breaks. "B-But this last year, she was stuck on bed because of her illness. She must have hated it. Nunnally hates - hated being sick. She..."

C.C. guides his head to her lap and let him cry and wet her skirt with his tears.

Cry, Lelouch, cry. Cry all the heart ache and grief you are feeling right now. Cry for the loss and cry for the memories. Cry for the future that will never happen and for the possibilities that will never be realized.

Cry for your dreams for Nunnally and cry for your own.

Cry for her and cry for yourself.

Just…

"Let it all out," C.C. whispers brokenly as she moves her hand up and down his back. "Let it out, love."

"I-I miss her. I miss her so much. Why does it have to be her? She didn't do anything wrong."

"She still had a lot of dreams, a lot of places to explore. She hadn't even been to Paris. I haven't fulfilled her dream to go to Paris."

"She deserved more time in this world. If there is someone who deserves to live long, it would be her. Nunnally…"

"I should have insisted the chemotherapy. Even though she would be angry at me, at least, her life would have been extended. She should still be with us here and be the best aunt to our child. I should have…"

C.C. stops him. "It's not your fault, Lelouch. Even those who underwent chemo still lost to this illness. The one that was cruel and merciless here was her cancer. You have done everything you could. More than everything you could. And I know Nunnally was grateful for you. So, so grateful to have a brother like you."

"Y-You think so?"

"I know so. She loved you the most."

C.C. doesn't dare to move on her seat until Lelouch's sobs turn into soft sniffs. She runs her fingers into his raven locks hoping that her love and comfort would reach his broken heart. Humming a simple tune, she engulfs him in a lullaby of serenity – serenity for his troubled mind, serenity for his weary soul, and serenity for his shattered heart.

Rest your heart, sad one.

When her husband somehow reaches a state of calmness, C.C. offers to get him a glass of water. She bestows him a kiss on his head before leaving their room.

And in the kitchen, when no one is watching, C.C. breaks down.

She cries for her husband who is so lost and helpless. She cries for herself because she misses him so, so much despite living under one roof. She misses his smiles and laughter a lot. His awful jokes and competitive personality. She misses just being with him, holding his hand and just worrying on what they would eat next for dinner.

She misses her husband even though he is near.

Swallowing her sobs, she asks Nunnally for guidance, for answers to what she should do in this time of loneliness, of how she can comfort Lelouch when the remedy to his loneliness is already gone.

C.C. asks how she can share the burden Lelouch has been carrying on his shoulders ever since his sister got sick, how she can give him the right answers to his questions. His painful sobs still echo in her ears and she is certain it would haunt her dreams for a while. She could still feel the rise and fall of his back beneath her hand.

Oh Nunnally, what should she do?

What would you do in this kind of situation?

"Will you stay by his side when I am gone? I know how it would devastate him when that time comes because I would be too, if the situation is reversed. Promise me, C.C. that you will be there for him… always…"

"Always."

C.C. wipes the tears on her face and gets herself a glass of water. Good thing that Cornelia didn't hear her break down. She doesn't want to worry them more because of her pregnancy. After drinking water and finally getting Lelouch his own glass, she returns to their room only to see him standing by the window, staring at the dark sky outside. His back seems to be more relaxed than before and she watches him release a deep sigh.

Silently, she goes to him and hands him the glass. Looking up, she asks, "How are you?"

"I think I needed that. I'm sorry for putting you through it."

She shakes her head. "It's okay. I'm your wife, Lelouch."

"But - " he pauses when he finally turns to her. "You just cried." He caresses the skin under her swollen eyes.

"Pregnancy hormones."

The man pulls her towards him and embraces her in the most reverent way. He places his chin on top of her head as his right hand holds her head to his chest. "You've been so strong for the two of us. No, for the three of us, for a very long time. So, so strong. My love, my life, holding onto hope for three people. I am sorry if I had been a terrible husband lately. I had been so selfish."

She could only just shake her head for his words brought back the onslaught of tears.

"I promise to fix myself. You don't have to carry this family alone anymore, C.C. It's time for me to take care of you again."

Pulling away, she stares up at him through her tears and finds that his amethyst eyes are on the same state as hers. Ah, there have been so much crying for a single night.

"Together," she begins, "We will get through this together, Lelouch. You don't have to keep all the pain to yourself."

Lelouch nods and puts his forehead against hers. "Together."

Somewhere inside the room, C.C. thinks she heard a familiar laugh. A laugh so bright that it could bring even the most opposite of people together.

Somewhere inside the room, C.C. feels that Nunnally is smiling down at them, delighted by the turn of events.

And after a very long time, she finally sees her husband smile.

Hi! Just dropping by to say thank you for the warm reception for this compilation. Really appreciate all your requests and hopefully I am able to deliver with the stories I put up. Also sorry if the updates come so slow. Sometimes I need to listen to a song a number of times to internalize the emotions and come up with a proper concept. But I received all your request and am working on them.

Quick question, how do you read each story? Do you listen to the song first then read it? Or do you listen while you read the story? Or do you search for the lyrics first to get the mood and concept in case you are not familiar to the song before reading? Just curious.

Have a nice day!