Gon paused, lips wobbling with some indecisiveness. Unlike Gon in every way, but it meant he was thinking, meant what he said next would be genuine, not some instinctive knee jerk. "...If it's about that prediction, I think," he paused again, just long enough for his shoulders to move back, "I think I can make Killua feel better!"

He scoffed, because what else could he do? "Stupid! How are you going to do that?"

Gon blinked at him. "Well, it's me, isn't it? I'm the person Killua loves."

Oh. His inflated heart twisted like a wrung cloth in his chest, wound so tightly that he could feel the heat build up behind his eyes, and the pressure beyond them. That wasn't what he'd expected. Never, not for one moment, had he thought he'd slipped up so horribly.

He made to twist away, but Gon was blocking him the next, tugging him by the shoulders, "Killua!"

"S-Shut up! L-Leave me alone!" And he could hardly breath, couldn't see beyond the spinning room every way he looked. The edges of chairs, wood, light fixtures and paintings, they bedimmed until he couldn't register which way the door was anymore. Over Gon's shoulder, maybe. But he couldn't be sure, couldn't look at his face.

"Killua!"

"I don't wanna hear it!" The skin of his scalp burned and screamed, and that was the only indication from every frayed nerve ending he had that his nails were in his hair, tugging. It wasn't half the pain that felt locking a clocking hammer at his breast- it wasn't half Gon's grip, pinching his skin, bruising him. "Shut up!"

His eyes were screwed shut, but he could feel Gon's eyes on him the same way he felt his aura. He felt it flare, felt it blaze like paper to a lit candlestick. His feet just barely graced the floor, tips of his toes touching the ground just nearly, and his hands weren't scraping at his hair anymore, locked around Gon's as they balled the collar of his shirt and lifted him upward. Gon was mad, really mad. Locked in a room with Nobunaga mad. "Never! I'll keep talking! I won't ever shut up! I'll talk more and more and more! I'll talk until Killua's ears bleed!"

And he really didn't want to beg. Really didn't want to get on his knees for Gon, again, not when the thing to beg for was the sake of his own cowardice. There'd be no fear left to nurture and protect him, just Gon's real, true feelings. Just the truth. His nails dug into Gon's forearms. There was blood. Probably. He thought he could feel it pooling at the uppermost layer of Gon's skin, dripping down his cuffs and sleeves with every inch his nails grew. "Killua!"

"No."

"Look at me!"

He choked at the broken, twisted puffs of air that bubbled up his throat, sounded like sobs to the open air of their cabin. "No," he thought he might have been shaking his head, but everything in him screamed to get out, run, and for once Illumi's voice in his ear sounded right, nothing to argue with, just an echo of what he wanted. To stay following Gon's whims. To pretending he was happy where he was. To the comfort of what he already had.

"Killua," and his name was little more than a growl, and he thought if he could see Gon's face that it'd be twisted in a snarl, "That's not fair! I know how you feel, so you should know how I feel!"

"I don't want to know!" He hated the sound of his own voice. It sounded strained, the words reverberated and made tremors in his throat Gon could hear. It was loud, so loud it made the drums of his ears pulse then tighten. It made Gon retract. "She made it more than clear, didn't she? What else do I need to know!" His nails were touching bone, now, he was sure of it, digging past the wool of his jacket to the skin to the muscle. It must have been excruciating. "Just… let me go. Please." His chin pressed to Gon's trembling hands, wet, as red as his blotchy, flushed face. No matter how taut his eyes were, the salt wrecked the back of his throat, steeped the skin on his face. How juvenile. How stupid. "Don't make me hear it. Don't make me hear you say it. Please."

Because he couldn't take it. Whatever Gon thought he could say to make this better, it wouldn't. No amount of you're my best friend or I want to travel with you forever, Killua could make this okay. Not right now, when his heart was breaking. All of the good will and intentions in Gon's world would take away that he was hurt right now . He didn't want to talk about it. He didn't want a conversation or a heart-to-heart. He wanted what little was left unsaid to remain so, because at the end of the day this wouldn't change anything. This moment right here? It was weakness. The only time he'd ever let himself cry over his own spoiled, selfish nature and he didn't even want the tears shed, now. He'd get over it, just like he had every blunt hurt he'd been dealt before, and they'd go back to normal. They'd laugh, and they'd fight, and he'd have Gon's back and Gon would have his. If they could just let this fly under the rug where they'd never have to peek, if the fact that he was in love could remain unspoken, if the fact that they were soulmates and nothing more would be left bustling around in their minds and never their mouths, he'd be satisfied. He'd be happy, even. If he could just love him in silence.

Gon sniffled, and the wringing hands on his heart grew rigid with sympathy. "... Killua, you really think… I'd hurt you?" His ears, as sensitive as they were, heard his tears hit the floor, heard two more follow that weren't his own. They smacked like taps of bone against the floor, just once and light, but present. "That's not fair. That's not fair, Killua."

His nails retracted, squelching under Gon's skin as they reeled back in. Killua placed his hands normally over Gon's wrists, trying to squeeze, but he just didn't have the strength in him. "Can we just drop it, please? We don't have to do this."

"We do!" Gon's muscles clenched under his hands as he twisted his fists in his collar. "I won't hurt Killua, I won't do it anymore!"

Killua clenched his teeth, grinded them, prayed they'd bite back the words he wanted to say, really. "This hurts, Gon! It won't stop hurting just because you want it to! Cut it out!"

"No!"

"Let go!"

"Absolutely not! I won't let Killua go!" High-pitched and seething, Gon's voice pounded against his ears, left them ringing as he shook him where he held him in the air. "I won't let go because I love Killua!"

Gon's eyes were filled to the brim with tears that stormed down his face when he finally opened his own to look at him. He looked so much like he did back then, telling Killua he was allowed to be selfish, that he was allowed to die for Killua and Killua couldn't do the same. He bared his teeth like a wild animal, every gum and tooth for him to see, eyes so wide and filled with pain, anger, that stupid little stubborn streak . Gon's eyes caught his, and the fire only seemed to sprout wings. "I love Killua! And he thinks I don't! How could I ever let that slide!"

Gon… "You…?" His words had no direction. Every neural pathway was trying to make sense of the way the hammer clocking his heart disappeared in a wave of mist. He stared dumbly down at Gon beyond his bloody arms, the tattered sleeves. Gon glared right back at him, just as resolute as he was before the words ever left his mouth.

" Never . I will never let go of Killua!"

And there the tears were, again. They flourished not like the crashing waves they had been, but not unlike a tepid river. The corner of his mouth ticked up, pressure of his hands on Gon's arms slacking to a mere press. "Gon… you'd better not be lying to me… I'll be really mad this time."

"I'm not lying," He said it with such conviction that he could almost hear Kite's name on his lips, again. "Killua… Killua is the person I wanna be with forever!"

He sobbed, like a fool, and smiled. "Oi, Gon, put me down."

And this time, Gon listened. The pressure of his fingers wound around his collar dwindled, and he lowered him to the floor until the heels of his shoes touched the ground. Slowly, unsure of himself, the situation, almost unconvinced, he reached out. Slowly, like Gon would ever push him away, but he still rested nothing more than the tips of his fingers at Gon's chest. Gon blinked at him, not confused about what he was doing, but confused he was asking permission to. He was in Gon's arms the next moment, pulled flush by the hands at his waist, the face dug into his neck. His hands wrapped around Gon's back, tugged at his jacket and squeezed. He pressed his forehead to Gon's shoulder, prayed to whoever was out there that he wasn't dreaming. "It didn't make any sense," Gon mumbled, and he shivered as Gon's nose brushed against a vein. "Killua was already loved. I loved Killua! So I couldn't understand why she'd say that…"

"I didn't know, stupid…" Which made sense. Of course somebody would love him back, someday. That was not an admonishment for the love he held now, it wasn't a reassurance that he'd find it requited elsewhere. No, the somebody was merely Madame Teller's clever omission, meaning not to disclose who she and Killua were conspiring about. Someday, Gon will love you back , that's what she probably meant, he guessed. His face flushed. How embarrassing…

"Killua, no more misunderstandings between us, okay?" Killua nodded. "I never want to be the reason Killua makes that face ever again."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry I made you cry."

"Killua!" Gon's hold around him tightened, inadvertently- maybe?- pulling him closer. He smiled into Gon's shoulder, sighing as Gon's arms wrapped around firmly around his waist.