Track #16: Through the Night
IU
How long has it been already? How long has it been since the cold rainwater touched her skin and changed her views on things? How long has it been since the color gray became a hue that brought the most colorful moment in her life? How long has it been since magic became a part of her? Four years. Four years had already passed since that day happened. Since that day planted and held roots inside her mind and never left. But unlike that day, the sun is high above the sky lighting every corner of the cabin, leaving no corner hidden today. Its sneaky rays slyly enter the gaps between the wooden walls giving the atmosphere a warm inviting glow.
It's been four years but the forest remains the same. The leaves still whisper to each other as the gentle breeze greets them, and the soft ground politely welcomes strangers bestowing them the honor to leave tracks. Chirping nearby, birds fly from tree to tree letting her know that they are having a good weather. C.C. uncaps the pen and picks up writing from where she left off the previous night. The sound of the paper and pen's contact is a lulling melody in this cozy morning.
"What are you writing?" A boy with long blonde hair sits beside her and peeks at what she is doing.
"Move away, V.V., I can't see what I am doing." She holds his small shoulders and pushes him away not unkindly.
Brows scrunched, V.V. looks up at her. "A love letter? Is it for Gino? I thought you're not together anymore."
"Yes, no, yes," she shortly answers as she tries to remember what she is supposed to write. Just thinking about another blonde guy whose height rivals that of the Eiffel Tower's only brings a tinge of annoyance to her. Well, after discovering that he only asked her out just to get close to Kallen, it is a miracle that she only felt annoyed and insulted. She was not even angry at her friend, instead, she warned Kallen about Gino's intention. Perhaps, she really didn't like him that much.
"Then to whom is it?"
Their feet sway in sync, their toes occasionally touch the cold grass below them. She likes how this rented cabin is a bit elevated from the ground. The sliding door is widely open and C.C. and V.V. sit on the floor, facing the trees and bushes.
She is eight years older than him. Their parents call him the 'unplanned welcomed baby'. Yet despite the large age difference between them, they grew up so close and fond of each other. And most of the times, V.V. likes to play the protective brother type especially when she shows too much interest for someone.
"Someone you don't know." Ah, thank God her thoughts came back to her. Ignoring her watching brother, C.C.'s wrist moves over the paper. The words automatically flow from her pen like second thoughts and worries. Four years' worth of wondering and dreaming are now being recorded in this sheet of paper she is not even certain would reach him. But it is harmless to try. Especially now that she is able to return here. If only she has the control over the things that happened to her, she would have come back here much sooner but alas! She is not a god who can dictate how destiny should treat her. It is him who is one.
V.V. drops the issue and proceeds on talking about how they should spend this weeklong vacation away from the bustle of their country. The jetlag he had yesterday is obviously gone, and now he is talking about trekking and exploring the mountain they are in.
"It's unfortunate that Kallen and Shirley are not here. You said that they were with you the last time you came here and that you had an accident?"
A wistful smile appears on her lips. She can still remember it as if it just happened yesterday. V.V. was still too young then to come with them and she was also young and clumsy and reckless. And that recklessness was what led her to meet him.
On a rainy gray day.
Cold and bruised.
"I fell off a cliff, got unconscious, and lost. They found me sleeping in a small cave the next day."
"And you're all alone? What did you do to survive?"
But she didn't do anything, everything was done for her.
Out of magic.
She shrugs. "I think I just believed in the impossible."
V.V. stares at her, clearly puzzled by the vagueness of her answer. But this is something that she hasn't shared to anyone. Even with Kallen and Shirley who had found her that morning, clutching a white mask, looking for a man who was not there. Of course, she tried to tell them about what happened. About how a forest god saved her from dying in the forest. Yet, she was overcome by the fear that they would only blame it to her concussion and tell her that something like talking to a supernatural being is just a product of her confusion and injuries.
She was afraid that they would tell her that he wasn't real.
So she kept it to herself, played that incident in her mind every now and then for the past four years, afraid that she would actually forget about it.
V.V. stands up and huffs. He is small for his age and sometimes, it becomes a source of insecurity to the lad especially when he is with his friends. "Well, I won't let anything happen to us this time."
C.C. laughs. "And I won't forget to bring a map and a compass this time."
They leave a little before noon. Bags stuffed with the necessary safety things, the siblings go on to trek the tall mountain of thick trees and soft land. They don't intend to climb the summit this time, instead, C.C. and V.V. would be spending the whole journey healing with nature.
Healing, that's a nice sounding word. After the hassle of her stressful work as an events organizer, it is such a blessing to find a break from the anxiety she had been experiencing lately. She had thought of quitting. It isn't her dream job after all. But the company is paying her nice and she needs all the money she can get her hands to right now if she is planning to buy her own house.
The cool breeze is like a cleansing agent that refreshes her lungs as she inhales. She can feel the heaviness in her chest lightens as she exhales the worries away.
"How's school, V.V.?" she asks to fill the silence. He is walking beside her, his long blonde hair tied up, a stick in his right hand.
"Fine," he evasively replies.
Tilting her head, she tries to figure out if his tone is the normal 'angsty teenager' tone or if there is something she should be worried about.
"Your friends haven't been visiting the house lately."
His murmur is so low she does not catch it at first.
"What?"
"They're busy with club activities."
"Oh, you're not in the same club?"
He shrugs. "Something like that."
C.C. thinks about it as they cross a shallow river. Kallen, Shirley and her had been in the same club throughout high school, something they tried to sustain as they went up another year. There is something assuring about working with your friends, especially when you trust them with your whole heart. It's unfortunate that they couldn't carry it until they are adults.
But with the way V.V.'s eyes avoided hers when he answered, she is suspicious that it is more than about being in different clubs. She would ask him later. Not now when they are supposed to be healing.
"Oh, do we have to climb that?"
She follows where her brother is pointing at and finds a familiar cliff. She didn't realize how high it was when she fell from it what with her state of confusion and the sudden appearance of a forest god at that time. But from this angle, it seems impossible to think how she survived.
She stares up as she tries to remember how she fell. It is a memory that has been lost to her. It was raining, perhaps she slipped? She stepped on a loose ground?
"No, we don't have to," she answers, still captivated by the cliff. "This is where I fell."
"That's... That's quite high... C.C. this is literally your second life!" V.V. gasps.
She gives him a distracted nod as she turns around. There... There it is. The rock where he stood and remained dry in the midst of the rain. Slowly approaching it, C.C. is suddenly hit with a strong nostalgia of that certain day.
He was wearing gray. His back was turned to her. She called for a couple of times before he finally gave her attention.
What were his first words as he floated infront of her?
"Do not be afraid."
What a thoughtful set of words.
Her skin remembers the warmth that he provided with just a single touch of his hand, protecting her from the cold weather. Rubbing her forearm, she roams her eyes around and looks for some clues that would indicate that he is here.
It would be nice if she could say that she feels eyes on her. As if someone is watching her making her skin crawl just like how it is on books and movies. But the forest remains peaceful. There is no strange sensation that would indicate an invisible company.
She touches the soft surface of the stone and imagines him standing there, towering over her, looking down at her.
Are you here, Lelouch? Are you seeing her now?
"What are you doing, C.C.?" V.V. is suddenly beside her, looking up at her with curious eyes.
She smiles at him mischievously. "I'm trying to summon the forest spirits," she half-heartedly jokes.
"Do you think they're truly real? I read some books about them and their backstories are fascinating."
"Hmmm. I think, if you strongly believe in something, it becomes your reality."
V.V. frowns. "You're acting strange since we got here. You've been saying vague stuff since morning. Are you alright?"
She waves him off then ruffles his air which earns her a glare. She laughs. "I'm fine. Come on, I'll show you where I went when I got lost."
The wide expanse of the lake is sparklingly clear. The water is a mirror reflecting their faces back at them. Birds of different sizes dip into the lake, catching small fish in between their talons.
C.C. inhales the salty breeze, her lungs remembering the feeling of being clogged up with the lakewater.
"I almost drown here," she utters.
V.V. whips his head so fast, she worries it might snap. "What? First, you fell off a very high cliff, and now you almost drown? Then this is actually your third life? Mom and dad would freak out."
"Good thing, I didn't tell them about it," she smirks.
She crouches by the shore and dips her left forefinger into the water. Warm.
"Good thing, you're able to save yourself."
She shakes her head. "I didn't. I was saved. Remember, someone called Kallen and Shirley to tell them about my location."
V.V. tilts his head to one side. "Oh, right."
"He saved me from drowning and stayed with me through the night inside that cave." Pointing at the small cave on the other side of the lake, C.C. notices how her hand is shaking. V.V. instantly goes to investigate the cave and leaves her by the shore.
Standing up, she takes a step forward, her foot soaking. Then another step. And another. Another. Another step and the water is at her waist.
She imagines the soft ground beneath her, how it was bare and exposed when he parted the water just to catch fish. How he held her hand as together, they make the poor fish float towards their basket. She stretches her arm and tries to reenact the scenario but of course, nothing happens.
Then, she imagines the clear water being a kaleidoscope of colors mimicking the rainbow above them that day.
She looks beyond the lake and resumes walking, the water almost reaching her chest now. There. Just a little more. Over there. That's where he kissed her. Where he breathed life into her. She's almost there.
"C.C.! C.C.!"
She snaps out of the trance and looks back at the shore, towards the panicked face of her brother.
"Come back here, C.C.!"
She nods and wades her way back to the shore.
She's wet now and she doesn't bring a change of clothes.
V.V. barrages her with questions and scolding all out of worry and love. But she can't focus on him.
What happened out there? It was like she's being hypnotized. As if something was pulling her deeper into the trance. As if she was being called by the lake.
"I've read about this. Forest spirits could lure you into their world without you noticing it. Then you won't be able to come back to your own world."
"V.V., if I tell you that a forest spirit saved me, would you believe it?"
"What I believe is we need to head back to the cabin before you catch cold. I'll make you some tea if that will make you feel better."
But it didn't.
Throughout the whole afternoon, her mind is filled with the sound of the trees talking to her, leaves whispering indecipherable messages to her ears. The clouds seem oddly lower despite the high sun glaring above them. There is a perpetual cold breeze that seem to cling itself to her skin, irremovable and chilling.
Is this your doing, Lelouch? Are you trying to talk to her? Why won't you show yourself?
But he didn't come.
Despite her spending more time in the forest than in the cabin, he didn't spare her an ounce of his presence.
Despite her going back to the cave with the hopes of finding something that he had left behind, he didn't grant her wish.
Her heart is tired and defeated by the last night of their vacation. She had finished the letter but she doesn't know how and if it will reach him.
She wants to laugh. Of course it wouldn't. Because he isn't real. Forest gods and spirits do not exist. Lelouch is just a figment of her imagination, a product of her confusion and concussion.
She stands there, by the opened sliding door, silent so as not to wake V.V. up. The chirping birds are replaced by the steady humming of the cicadas outside. Peppering the sky, stars blink down at her like signal lights telling her to stop.
To stop waiting.
To stop hoping.
To stop believing.
The letter is crumpled in her fist as she tightly grasp for the last ounce of belief in her.
What did he say?
That he wouldn't forget about their encounter. That that moment would accompany him for the next five hundred years.
She closes her eyes.
"If I come back here, will I find you again?"
"Not if I find you first."
Why is she even here? Why did she suggest to come here as their vacation destination? What is she hoping to accomplish?
That Lelouch truly exists? That that day four years ago is not a dream made by her confused mind? And then what? What if he suddenly appears? What if he's suddenly standing before her with that handsome kind face that he showed her, with a gentle smile on his lips, what is she going to say to him?
Thank you for saving me.
You never left my thoughts.
She bites her lips to keep them from trembling. Good Lord, what is she even thinking in doing all of these?
He is a...
And she is...
The stars are right. She needs to stop believing in this impossibility. It's time to let go of this fantasy.
She opens her wet eyes only to be greeted by little bulbs dancing in the air. Fireflies gracefully surround her as if moths attracted to the single source of light.
Fireflies...
She gasps, then runs to her room and retrieves the white mask buried inside her bag.
This could mean nothing. Fireflies are often found in forests like this. This might just be her desperate heart's wishes. She might be making a fool of herself.
But still, she stands outside, chin up, her thin white dress billows as cool breeze passes by. Yet this time, her skin does not prickle from the cold, instead a strange warmth is enclosing her being, protecting her from trembling. The fireflies dance around her as she takes another step into the trees, ignoring the fact that it is very much dangerous to wander at night with predators awaiting in the dark for a potential prey.
"Lelouch?" she calls, her voice soft and hesitant as it carries through the wind.
There's a rustle in the bushes and for a brief moment she feels a tinge of fear.
Taking a deep breath, she follows where the fireflies lead her until she is standing infront of a large ancient tree that is straight out of tales. Its trunk could fit six of her and its branches are spider webs interweaving with each other. Fireflies rest on its trunk, leaves and branches. And she is left there wondering what she is supposed to do. What she is waiting for.
Lifting her hand, she places it against the trunk and tries to feel something supernatural. She closes her eyes as she calms her ragged breath and anxious mind.
Where are you?
Are you still in this forest?
Do you still remember me?
Silence.
She opens her eyes and the tree is just a tree. Sighing, she decides to leave the letter on its roots. They cradle it on their gaps like a nest housing vulnerable chicks.
Well, perhaps this is goodbye then. For a moment, she lets herself remember how ethereal he looked that night, surrounded by the mesmerizing glow of the fireflies. How he looked very much like a god and a human at the same time – his bright amethyst eyes shone startlingly in the dark, his own fireflies.
She lets herself fall one more time, reminiscing how her young heart beat so fast as their lips touched on the lake. She lets herself fall one more time, thinking how he floated infront of her and greeted her with a bashful, "Hi."
She lets herself fall, believe and hope one more time before she turns around and begins walking away from the tree.
Because she will never forget him. Despite this journey being a tad disappointment, she couldn't just allow herself to let go of their encounter when he had saved her twice, when she basically owes him her life. When he is the only one who could make her heart race.
He will always be treasured.
"Thank you, Lelouch," she utters with a sad smile on her lips. "Thank you."
And she makes her way back to their cabin.
"Cecaniah..."
Hi! How is everyone?
So I made a playlist on Spotify labelled as "Geass Playlist" which includes the song entries here. It is in my Spotify account: thesleepyninja15. I tried to put the link in my profile but I guess it isn't working? Anyway, the playlist will be updated at the same time I update this compilation. I might make a separate playlist for 'The Prince and the Witch' and 'Please Come Back' when I find the time and the right songs. Thank you, and have a nice day!