May 23, 2022:
He tosses his backpack and soccer bag into the back of the suburban before he climbs in, "I thought Liv was getting me from practice today?"
"I got off earlier than I thought so I told her I'd get you from practice."
"Oh."
His dad rolls his eyes as they pull away from the soccer field, "Your excitement is overwhelming," the teen smirks running his hand through his sweaty hair. "How was practice?"
Eli glances at him curiously, "It was good. Coach gave me the name of that guy who does the private lessons, can we look into it?" He glances up at him to find his dad staring at him, "Hello?"
Elliot shakes himself from his thoughts, "Yeah I'll give him a call."
"What's going on?"
"Nothing."
"You're acting weird," he stares out the window as they pull up to a red light, "Is this about mom aga—"
"No."
"Then what cause you're acting weird, and you have your phone is on silent when it never is and it keeps lighting up with messages from Sergeant Bell."
"I'll see her in the morning she knew I had to come get yo—"
Brown eyes roll as he watches the light turn green, "Go and Liv was supposed to pick me up from practice today. Liv said she'd get out on time cause she was gonna be in court all day and judges don't like to stay past five."
"Eli—"
"What?" His head spins to look at him and his voice bites.
His dad's face hardens immediately at the tone, "Don't talk to me like tha—"
"Then stop lying to me." His hand hits the side of the door and he feels pure anger burn inside him, "I wish Liv picked me up, I hate it when you're like this!" His dad pulls over to the side of the road shifting the truck into park and Eli immediately demands, "I wanna go home." Elliot sighs staring out the window and Eli stares at him, "I'm starving and I wanna go ho—"
"I heard you the first time, Eli, but we can't go home not yet any—"
"Did you have a fight with Liv? Is that why she wouldn't come get me?"
"No."
"Then wha—"
"We need to talk, Eli."
"Abooout…" the teen presses.
"This weekend with Liv and what you…what you saw."
"Oh," he whispers softly, "Why didn't you tell me that from the beginning?"
"The conversations I imagined having with you at fourteen, the conversations I had with Dickie at fourteen, didn't include the word flashback."
"I've heard those conversations from you and Dickie, trust me I'd rather talk about flashbacks than ever have to listen to you talk about that other stuff ever again," he shudders at the memory.
His dad smiles before it fades away again, "Liv isn't expecting us home for a while, but I know you're hungry so if you wanna get dinner while we talk that's fine—"
"I'd rather just go home."
"This may take awhile though and then if you have questions," he rubs a hand over his face. "Liv doesn't want Noah to know and if you're upset and he's still up…we can't make it even harder for her, Eli. I know this month of living together hasn't exactly been the easiest and Liv and I sucked with our timing, but we think you deserve to know especially after yesterday."
Eli nods staring down at his hands, "Then why are you talking to me?"
"Liv thought it'd be better if I talked to you after yesterday and then we could figure out what you want to do when I have to work late, until you feel safe and—"
"I feel safe with Liv," Eli responds immediately and sighs when he finds his dad staring at him, "Fine. I'm sorry and what?"
"Comfortable being alone with her when I'm not there."
"I do, dad."
"Eli—"
"What?"
"I know how scary it can be when you see someone having a flashback, you're not going to hurt my feelings or Liv's if you chose to stay with—" Eli's head shakes vehemently but his dad pushes on, "Not all the time, Eli, just when I'm not—"
"No."
"El—"
"No. Can we go home now?"
Pained blue eyes stare into desperate brown, "We haven't talked abo—"
"No offense dad, but I'd rather talk to Liv," he shrugs helplessly, "I mean if she'll talk to me, I'd rather talk to her."
"I'll tell her and we'll see what she thinks, okay?"
Eli nods as his dad pulls back into traffic.
"Elliot and Eli are home, mom!" Noah sprints from the couch to meet them at the front door and he bounces excitedly on his toes grinning up at Eli, "Wanna watch American Ninja Warriors?"
"Yeah!"
"Where's your mom, Noah?"
"In your room."
"Did you eat?" Elliot works to keep his voice neutral but he knows that sometimes her struggle to be present becomes too much, losing track of time at an alarming rate. He sighs as both boys stare at an overview of the obstacle course on the flatscreen as the hosts talk about the parts they think will be the most challenging. He calls again, works harder to keep the agitation out of his voice, "Noah," the boy looks up at him, "Did you eat?"
"Yeah. Mom got us Chinese but she ordered food for you too and got us a ton of egg rolls!" He says excitedly bouncing on the couch a little as he grins up at the man, "They were so good! She said we'll have leftovers for the year but then I reminded he how much Eli can eat and—"
"Hey!"
Elliot laughs as he looks at his son, "Eli—"
"I know, I know. I'll get food at the next commercial break," he stares at the TV screen watching as the first contestant makes it across a weird version of the monkey bars.
The man shakes his head as they stare at the TV, "Says the kid who wouldn't stop complaining about starving and you know we have DVR for a reason, right? You can pause—"
"Huh?"
"Nevermind," Elliot sighs and shakes his head as the boys return to their conversation about the obstacle course. He pushes the door of their bedroom open and steps inside, closing it behind him, "Hey."
She grunts as she pushes herself up watching as he sheds the three-year suit and tie for an old NYPD t-shirt and sweats, "Hey." She rubs her swollen, teary eyes with the back of her hand, "I asked Noah for twenty minutes al—"
"Our sons are being distracted by American Ninja Warriors at the moment," his arms wrap around her and her head rests against his solid chest, "You ordered in?"
"Didn't feel like cooking," she mumbles, "I ordered your and Eli's favorites though and extra eggrolls."
"Noah mentioned it and thank you," she nods and breathes out a shuddering breath, "You okay?"
"Better now. Did you talk to him?"
"No."
She sighs pulling away from him, "Elliot—"
"I tried, Liv."
She stands putting enough distance between herself and his comforting embrace and she wraps her arms around herself. "I'm sure you tried really hard, Elliot." Angry.
"I did," her eyes roll and he sighs before he admits, "He doesn't want to talk to me."
"He's your son, Elliot," she hisses trying to keep her voice low, "It was the only thing I asked tha—"
His eyes roll, "I know that, but I can't force him to talk or listen to me if—"
"For fucks sake, Elliot!" Her voice is an angry hiss, "You're the parent and you're the only one he's got left to keep him saf—"
"He wants to talk to you."
"What?"
"He wants to talk to you, Liv," he repeats it slowly, "I told him I'd ask you. He'll understand if you can't talk to him about this, but he wants to talk to you, Liv."
"Why?" She deflates next to him anxious brown eyes meet his she's in unchartered territory right now, hell so is he, but it's scarier for her.
Like always.
His arms wrap around her again sinks into him, letting him take the brunt of her weight and his mouth settles against her ear her voice soft, "Don't tell him I told you this. He'd be petrified if you knew too, teenage bravado and all that," he says with a laugh but she doesn't join in, instead she simply nods against his chest. "He feels a connection with you and after everything with Kathy, and then Porter—" there's a knock on the door and she pulls away to wipe at her eyes again, "Yeah?"
"Dad, it's Sergeant Bell she says it's really impor—"
The door swings open and his dad puts the phone to his and his voice is rough, "Yeah?" The woman on the other line says something that has him glancing over his shoulder at the brunette, "Now?" The woman's brown eyes pop up, "Yeah…no, that's fine. Give me twenty?"
There's a tense silence suddenly before Eli asks the obvious, "Break in the case?"
"Yeah. We'll be out in five alright?" He pushes the door closed before he kicks off his sweats and grabs his jeans off the bottom of the bed, "I won't be gone long we just located this witness that we've bee—"
"It's fine," her voice is detached, a polar opposite of how she was moments before Bell called, "Noah isn't sleeping yet, so we can drop Eli off at Maureen or Kathleen's place if you want?"
"Eli feels safe here with you, Liv." He presses his lips to hers gently, "He wants to be here with you and Noah."
"You asked him?"
"'Course I did," his phone rings again before he can answer and he sighs swiping the green button, "Stabler. Yeah, I'm coming." He hangs up again staring into her eyes, "I'm sorry."
"It's fine."
"I'll be back tonight."
"You better be," she tries for playful and light but there's something dark in her eyes.
He kisses her once more before pressing a kiss to both boy's heads he squeezes Eli's shoulder once staring into his eyes again until the teen nods. Liv watches from the doorway of their room and then she follows him to the front door and locks the door behind him, she stays there for a moment works on breathing slowly.
The boys are still entranced with the show and she's thankful for the small reprieve before she steps back into the family room, "Noah go and change for bed, please?"
The boy's face drops pointing at the television, "But mom—"
"I'll pause the show until you get back," she promises reaching for the remote, "And if you hurry you can have a bowl of whatever cereal you want." Eli laughs as the boy calls for Cocoa Puffs sprinting to his room and Liv smirks, "Always works."
"Isn't bribery against the law?"
"You gonna rat me out after I brought two orders of egg rolls?" She jokes lightly and the teen holds up his hands in mock surrender as she carries the bowl of cereal to the coffee table. "I can text Maur or Katie if you…I'll understand after what you saw on Sunday morning has made you more hesitant to be alone with me, Noah and I can drive you, so they don't—"
"I'm fine, Liv."
"You won't hurt Noah's feelings or your dad's or…" she trails off for a moment, "Or mine, Eli. It's a lot for an adult to take and you're not even fifteen yet, if yo—"
"I don't wanna go anywhere."
She opens her mouth to respond but the pitter patter of her son's feet against the hardwood forces her to clamp her mouth shut again, she taps at her phone as the boys watch the show. She floats in and out of their conversation like the ocean tide as the show nears the end, the silence between her responses becomes longer and longer.
She sighs as she turns off the TV and collects the now empty bowl of cereal, as Noah trudges off to brush his teeth and Eli off to his bedroom to finish his homework. Tears sting at the backs of her eyes once she has another moment of reprieve. She reaches for her phone and clicks his picture, the one with the four of them at Coney Island, but when she goes to click the messaging button her thumb hits the lock button. There's nothing she can say that won't sound helpless, that won't cause him to worry and rush home. Her hands grip the sink as her shoulders shake and her lower lip trembles, fuck.
"Mom?"
Her back goes straight and she holds her breath as she forces out a soft, "Hm?"
"Will you read Harry Potter to me?"
"Yeah, go ask Eli if he wants to join us again."
"Okay!"
He's already off sprinting down the hallway when she calls, "Noah," and she takes the moment to rinse her face with cold water.
He appears around the corner, big blue eyes staring at her as she rubs the towel over her face, "Why'd you do that?"
"I splashed my face with water."
"Why?" He asks immediately.
"I was hot, Mr. Nosy," he grins, "If Eli says he can't join us, you don't argue or beg him."
"I know," his voice suddenly grim, "Can I ask him now?"
"Go ahead." She smiles as she watches her son sprint off down the hallway towards the teens room and she hears his little fist against the door once before their voices become muffled.
When she appears in his room, Eli and Noah are both sitting on the bottom bunk of his new bunkbed, the one bed he's always begged for, but they never had the ceiling height until now. She smiles as the older boy talks excitedly about the private coach his coach has mentioned. His cheeks redden when he sees her admitting softly, "Dad has to say yes though. I'm sure it costs a ton of money since it's private but my coach thinks—"
"I'm sure your dad is gonna say yes."
He shrugs her assurances away, "He's been so busy though lately I have to make sure he calls, so I can start over the summer and then all the extra prac—"
"I'll talk to him, Eli."
The teen grins.
She takes a seat in Noah's desk chair and cracks the spine of The Goblet of Fire and begins reading chapter one. They're half way through chapter one when Noah moves from the lower bunk to the top bunk, curling under the blankets, and it isn't long after that the boy is out. Eli moves quietly out into the hall as she takes a moment to kiss him goodnight and enjoy her third of the night and she can feel the growing anxiety climb inside of her as the time ticks by, later and later.
The teen is standing in the kitchen making himself a bag of popcorn when she turns the corner, "Have you heard from dad yet?"
"No, he said they were just going to interview a witness they'd had a tough job of locating," she fills a glass with ice water, "Shouldn't be long. You finish your homework?"
"Yeah," Eli nods kicking his foot against the floor.
The teen leaves her once the microwave beeps and she stares at her phone screen and the screen stares back at her, mocking her, her notifications are clear. Not even a text from Amanda with a video of her two little girls singing and dancing along to the latest TikTok fad.
The apartment is quiet, too quiet and it makes her only feel more alone, she wraps herself in the fuzzy blanket they keep on the back of the couch and turns on the TV to some reality show. Mindless TV. Elliot walks in at just after midnight and after a quick detour to Eli's room to make sure the teen is heading off to bed, he climbs in beside her wrapping his arms around her as she burrows into his side.
Friday May 27, 2022:
Her eyes pop open just as Lewis' face comes into view and she reaches to turn on the bedside lamp before she rolls over onto his pillow and breathing in his scent as she let's out a soft sob. It's just after three in the morning and it's the first night Bell has called him back in since Monday, she sucks in a breath as she pushes the blankets off and staggers towards the kitchen flipping on the lights. She wishes that she hadn't told Elliot to go when his phone rang an hour ago. She wishes that had been selfish for once in her life and told him she needed him, told him that was still reeling from the memories Lewis left with her even if it is nine years later. The trauma of nine years ago started earlier than it has in a long time, and she knows from instinct that the first year has it beat, but this year is a close second and that realization scares her.
"Liv?"
She sighs exasperated this child may not be Elliot's genetically but fuck her if he isn't her partner's son through and through, "Why are you up, Eli?"
"Heard a noise."
She focuses on taking several quick sips of water before she can answer him, uses the moment to try and claw back at the anxiety that somebody else has somehow made it into their apartment. She has to tell herself repeatedly that he heard her, it's why he's standing there in the entryway of the kitchen, she forces herself to nod.
"I can text dad," he offers quietly when she's too quiet for too long.
Her head shakes as her hands grip the counter, "I'll be fine. Go back to bed for me…please?"
"'Kay."
Liv waits until she hears his feet pad down the hallway and then his door closes softly before she finally turns around and heads to the couch. She covers herself with the blanket and lays on her side as her eyes stare blankly at the television screen for some new vacuum cleaner infomercial. Tears stream steadily over the bridge of her nose before landing on the couch.
Monday June 6, 2022:
"Liv?"
"Yeah?" She doesn't bother to look up from the pile of paperwork in front of her, but she sighs when her office door closes and she takes off her glasses rubbing her tired eyes, "What is it, Amanda?"
"There's a situation with Eli in the Evidence Room…"
She smirks at the idea that Eli is already following in his dad's footsteps, making waves within the department, "He find another sword like that one kid did las—"
"Liv."
Her hand that was covering her eyes drops and she meets the other woman's eyes, "Is he hurt?"
"No," the blonde assures immediately and Liv breathes a sigh of relief for a second, "Fin is down there waiting for your decision about the officer—"
"Eli got into trouble with an off—"
"No."
The brunette sighs pinching the bridge of her nose and the aggravation that had been simmering is now at a rolling boil, "Will you just tell me what happened, Detective?"
"Eli was doing an inventory check—"
"I know that," she snaps, "And I know that all that's involved is for them to check off that all the evidence that's been collected in the case is there and then they move on to the next. Unless you're trying to tell me, he tried to take a piece of evid—"
"No."
"Then what?" Amanda sighs shuffling nervously, and she stands can hear the blood rushing through her ears and her voice sounds like an echo, "He found Kathy's ca—"
"He found yours."
Her blood runs cold.
"How the fuc—"
"We don't know. He had the form for it and everyth—"
Her office door slams against the wall as Amanda follows her through the squad room to the stair well, "There wasn't supposed to be any SVU cases or anything involving even attempted murder on any of their assignments, so how the fuc—"
"Kat's checking. All the other interns only had crimes as serious as robbery," Amanda says as she follows quickly behind her Captain.
"I want to know how the fuck this happened," the metal door to the basement bounces off the wall, "I don't believe in coincidences, Amanda. He's the only intern who I actually fucking know and he—" Fin is sitting against the white brick wall outside the evidence storage room and beside him, Eli's head hangs.
Amanda's hand settles on her shoulder for a moment, "We'll figure it out, Liv."
Fin leans in to say something to Eli and the teen nods before the older man stands walking towards her, "You should take him home, Liv."
"How much did he see?"
"Enough to scare the living crap outta him."
"How much Fin?"
"The police report. I don't think he realized what he was reading at first," she nods as she glances over his shoulder at the teen, "He's caught up on you being locked in the trunk."
"Did he see any of the pic—"
"No."
"Where is the evidence box now?"
"I had a uniform I know bring it up to our squad until we figure out how this happened and what the hell to do with it," Fin tells her softly and she nods, silently as she watches the young teen. "I can handle the rest of the day, Liv. Take him home alright?"
"Thanks Fin."
Her boots click softly against the old tile of the basement and then she slides down the wall beside him, but he doesn't look up, doesn't make a noise of acknowledgment. "You were never supposed to see that, Eli," she's careful not to touch him, never sure where they land on affection, she's learned with Noah over the years. She's obsessively careful with Eli though, the teen hasn't denied her motherly instinct to be affectionate, and she knows Elliot believes that Eli craves that affection, but she's still overly cautious.
Now though he leans into her side, his head rests against her shoulder and she can feel hot angry tears seep through top and she wraps her arm around his shoulders. "Fin said that the man who hurt you is dead?"
"He killed himself."
"My dad would've killed him."
"Eli—"
"He would've deserved it," the teen's voice is resolute.