Chapter 3 – Afterglow
The search for her father hadn't yielded any results. Natalie assured her that this didn't in fact meant anything, they'd still to restore basic services over most of the planet and things were still chaotic. There were refugee camps all over Earth, as well as refugees quartered on larger starships, and far from all of them were linked up to the provisinary central database the Allience had set up to track both survivors, missing persons and the excruciatingly long list of confirmed casualities. As time went on, however, the idea of never patching up their relationship started to weigh on her more and more. If this war had taught her anything, it was that family, blood or otherwise, was important.
"I just don't get it." Tali nearly whined across the table from Liara, who was absentmindedly pushing some dreary human MRE creation around her plate as she pondered this. "EDI booted up just fine, right? So why are the geth different? It's not like they're stupid, especially after the Reaper upgrade, but ancestors it's like every platform has been purged."
"Maybe they are?" Ashley commented to her right. "Wiped, I mean? They can do that, right, just evacuate their platforms to a server somehwere?"
They were sitting in the hospital cafeteria, which had sicne been turned into a sort of combination miliary mess hall and soup kitchen. After Sarahs condition had steadily improved for a few weeks straight, Liara had started to venture out from the room for short periods of time when she could be reasonably certain that she wouldn't be missed.
"I mean they can." Tali confirmed "But it's not like they had any of their comm relays near by." she took a -Liara gussed 'sip' would be the most apt term- from her nutrient paste tube and continued. "I will admit, it's not an entirely selfless concern. The last reports from Rannoch said that the quarians who's had geth runtimes uploaded to their suits imrpoved their immune responses extremely rapidly, some of them can already go without suits! In just a few weeks!" she groaned "And of course I didn't want to take the risk while still on active dity, I'll be stuck in this thing for another 10 years once I get back."
"Oh I don't know," Samantha said with a smirk "I kinda like the suit. Has a very nice... fit, doesn't it?" she winked at Tali.
Liara, having known the quarian woman for many years, was good enough to at reading her body language that she could spot the blush even through the opaque face place. Tali and Samanthas relationship had been unexpected, though not unwelcome. The comms specialist had grown a lot in a very short amount of time, and Tali herself was of course entirely unrecognizeable from the timid girl Liara had first met. Though, of course, much of that was lessens learned and no small amount of Sarahs influence. Yet, she couldn't quite remember ever seeing the quarian women so... alive. And care free. The same could be said for all of them, she mused as she ate. They had never been able to just be, to just exist without the weight of the whole galaxy on their shoulders. Even that last night on the Citadel, when they'd all allowed themselves to let loose for a little while, had the ominous cloud of the Repaers and the immense weight of what they still had left to do looming in the background. This was different somehow, and she found that she liked it. A lot. These were her family, her closest friends, and she felt like she finally, at long last, had gotten to meet them all as they truly were. Even Sarah, broken as she currently was physically, seemed happier and... lighter, she guessed, in her waking moments than Liara had ever seen her, and it warmed her immensely. She almost felt like she was falling in love all over again.
Though to be fair, she thought, the number of relationships that came out of the Normandy had given the ship a bit of a reputation within the rank and file, though she supposed that compared to what they'd all just been through earning the nickname 'the SSV Shag' was a small concern... besides, they weren't exactly wrong either. She must have walked in on at least 5 spearate intimate moments between crew members in the hours leading up the final offensive.
Tali quickly recovered herself, the sultry smirk being heard if not seen through her voice modulator. "Oh, I thought you'd have a vested interest in it being made redundant?"
"Dios, could you thirsty nerds just not for five minutes? Also why is it that no one on that damn ship is straight except me?" James complained from Talis left, causing Ashley to cough pointedly. "It's bad enough I had to listen to the Doc here and Lola go at it during Every. Single. Mission. I'ts been all goo-goo eyes since Mars, I swear to God." he finnished, indicating Liara with his spork.
Samantha smirked at him, leaning over to pinch his cheek. "Aww, does someone have a case of the twin blues?". He swatted her hand away, looking sulky.
Liara smiled mischevously. "I'm not sure if human sexual orientation labels apply to asari, James. It just so happened that the 'cream of the crop', as you say, was female."
Samantha laughed "See Jimmie, you just have bad game."
"Geek's got a point, Vega." Ashley interjected nonchalantly, taking a dainty sip from her all-purpose metal mug as if it were a fine wine.
James ignored her. "What's that, Sam?" he asked in mock confusion, cupping his ear for emphasis "All I heard was 'Tip tip, cheerio, wot wot!'". Ashley promptly shot the water she was drinking out of her nose, wheezing as Garrus patted her on the back.
"Shepard-Commander... do we deserve death?"
The voices echoed all round her, shapes in the mist, though she couldn't make them out.
"... only now do I truly feel alive."
The air was acrid and thick, the ash and soot stuck to her teeth like glue and she could almost taste the burning flesh and ozone. The screams echoed from the chasm below, though she could'nt see them. Countless people calling out for rescue, for a miracle that would never come. The ground shook, and she saw the pulsating red lights through the thick battle mist, the Reaper klaxons screamed though the night and, though she didn't wish to show it, it filled her with dread. She heard a sob behind her. Turning around, she saw a woman she knew standing in the corner, hunched over and shaking.
"Liara?" she said tentatively. The asari turned around to face her, her expression one of deep and profound terror.
"C'mon," she said gently, holding out her hand "I need to get you someplace safe."
Liara shook her head. "You can't help me...". The flames engulfed her lithe form as the klaxons grew louder-
Liara woke to a soft whimpering from the bed. She craned her neck and ignored the stiffness there as she sat up straight in her chair. Sarah was restless, moaning in her sleep. Her brow furrowed in concern. She'd expected this, of course, but had somehow hoped it wouldn't manifest. Asari weren't immune to what the humans called post-traumatic stress, but their mental abilities usually meant that they could handle a great deal more emotional stress that others species. Once an asari was broken, however, it was likewise often that much harder to piece her back together, but up to that point it did offer a great deal of resiliance. It was the cause of another of the myriad of stereotypes regarding her race, and while the accusations of promiscuity was something that she herself, as an unusually introverted example of hr people, found especially insulting, it was far less sinister than the idea that asari had an unprecedented ability to 'move on' and endure also meant that they didn't feel things as deeply as others did.
"No..." Sarah whimpered.
Liara took her hand in hers. "Sarah." she spoke softly. "Sarah, it's alright."
"Liara, no, please..."
"It's alright, my love. I'm here, you're safe." she squeezed the hand reassuringly. "We're safe, together. Wake up, love. It's only a dream."
She'd been reluctant to wake Sarah even when it appeared she were having these dreams, but tonight seemed more intense than previous nights. The idea that her mind seemed to be getting worse all the while her body improved scared her, and she was at a loss as to what to do. She could meld with her, of course, and she knew this had helped Sarah a lot in the past. But consent was a sacred thing to the asari, and entering anothers mind without permission was the gravest of offenses, tantamount to rape, and indeed for the mentally focused asari that was included in the definition of that crime on Thessia and other asari worlds. So as much as it might help, without feeling sure that Sarah was present enough in the moment to request or agree to it, there was little she could do but... simply being there. Sarah had told her once that this was precisely what she needed most of the time. A sign of true love, she'd said, was the ability to be utterly and completely bored together and still cherish that moment.
"Sarah, c'mon now." she tried again. "Open your eyes for me."
The emerald orbs fluttered open, they were glazed over and unfocused, but they found hers.
"That's it." Liara said encouragingly. "I'm right here. You're safe, we're safe. It's only a dream."
Tears pooled in the corners of Sarahs eyes, she looked broken and scared, it was such a foreign sight in the woman that she loved, and Liara ached from the sight. "I couldn't save you." she whimpered, still dilerious. "I'm sorry, Liara, I'm so sorry..."
"Shh, shh." Liara soothed. "You did save me, love. So many times."
"You know," Hannah Shepard said through a mouthful of ration bar from her position on the floor, leaning back against the wall opposite the hospital bed. "I think I'm going to retire after this." She crincled the wrapper and unceremoniously tucked it into the breast pocket of her dirty uniform. "Feels like I've done enough. Besides, I'm a skipper without a ship, I don't really have the skills for... whatever we're doing now. No wonder Stephen offered me leave."
Liara, seated in her customary chair by the bedside, nodded thoughtfully. "I think everyone's earned unlimited shoreleave from this." her brow furrowed. "It feels fragile, though."
Hannah hummed. "Mm, peace always is I think."
Liara chuckled with a fond smile.
"What?" Hannah asked, bemused.
"You sound like her, you know?" she replied, looking back at Sarahs sleeping form. "It's the 'mm's I think."
"Well, she does have her own little quirks... does she still end every conversation with 'I should go'?". Liaras snort of answer enough, and she continued "Besides, I think it's more that she sounds like me" Hannah said, smirking. "I'm the original, you know?" she scratched her chin in thought. "Though I suppose I'm not an original Shepard, so she wins the Shepard clan competition for most badass member I guess."
"Humans have clans?"
"Figure of speech." Hannah chuckled. "Well, there's no such thing as a unified human culture... some human cultures do, yes. The one I come from did, a long time ago, but not anymore."
"And where is that?" Liara asked. Her years of being somewhat of a soldier having never really taken the edge of her natural curiosity. "I don't think I ever asked..."
Hannah shook her head, smiling. "You've had more important things on your mind." She pondered her response for the amount of detail she'd need to go into for someone not so familiar with Earth. "Human society is still very mich divided. The Alliance gives an overreaching framework for our dealings out in the galaxy but... I believe it's similar to how you asari still have city states and republics, only less unified."
"I did know that Earth still had nation states." Liara confirmed.
"Yes." Hannah nodded. "I'm from a place called the Nordic Federation, which is also part of a larger block called the European Union... as the name suggests, it's far up on the nothern hemisphere, on the European continent. Cold, lots of forests, not many people."
"Is that why Sarah isn't bothered by the cold?" Liara asked, remembering her lovers carefree attitude on Noveria many years ago.
Hannah laughed. "I don't know, really. I was born there and lived there for 18 years and I hate the cold, hell enlisting was in no small part just to get somewhere warmer. Sarah just visited occassionally when we visited my parents while she was growing up. But yes, now that you mention it she did always love winter."
"She always insisted she loved the snow, called it 'cozy'. I never quite understood what was so cozy about being cold and miserable... though the hot chocolate is nice I suppose."
"I think it might be from growing up on ships." Hannah mused. "It's always temperatue controlled, 21 degrees exactly at all times, and if it isn't you know something's wrong. Most people who live on ships for a long time becomes more sensitive to heat than cold, at least for comfort."
Liara shivvered. "Don't remind me. I don't think I've ever been out of a thick long sleeved garment for as long as I was on the Normandy."
"... never?" Hannah smirked.
Liara flushed a deep navy blue as Hannah laughed.
"Was your family military as well?" she asked, trying to look unperturbed.
Hannah shook her head. "No, not at all. The opposite." She rubbed the back of her neck. "My father was a priest... I don't know how much you know of human religions but some of them teach pacifism. He wasn't against the military per se, but I guess it's not what he had in mind for his only child." she sombered slightly. "We fought about it a lot before I enlisted. I think I did make him proud in the end, though."
"I had a similar problem with my mother, as you recall." Liara replied gently. Hannah nodded, and they slipped into a comfortable silence.
"What kind of priest was, he? Your father, I mean?" Liara asked after a moment. "I admit I'm not very familiar with human religious practices... there's the... God of suffering?"
Hannah chuckled. "I think dad would have phrased it more as 'the God that frees from suffering', but yes, that one."
Liara flushed slightly. "Sarah has a pendant with a human male nailed to a cross, so I just assumed... honestly I was appaled the first time I saw it."
"Yes, the imagery is quite gruesome if you're not used to it... some humans think so too. She was always more interested in spirituality than me, so my father left it to her when he passed." she smiled. "I'm glad she still has it."
"She doesn't wear it, I don't think." Liara pondered. "I guess because it's not allowed? She said she keeps it for luck th-" she was cut off as the sound of a heated argument bled through the door from the corridor outside.
Liaras hands instinctivly went to her hips, but not finding her weapons in their usual places, she turned to Hannah. "Are you armed?" Hannah shook her head worriedly, eyeing the door. "Alright," Liara said, stay behind me. They moved towards the door.
Staring down the barrel of an assault rifle was not Aethytas idea of a good time, except for under very specific circumstances. Admittedly, her ire at the human love of red tape might have made her less than cordial, but she felt this was a bit of an overreaction even for her famously dour manners.
"Step. Back!" the soldier barked at her again. She raised her hands, placatingly, but didn't move otherwise.
"Look, kid." she hissed in her gravely voice. "I was breaking skulls a few centuries before you monkeys figured out electricity, so you better have the quad to use that thing or let me the fuck in."
The door behind the soldiers hissed open, and the one that hadn't adressed her, a female, turned without taking her rifle off Aethyta. "Doctor, Admiral, we have a situation, please step-"
"Father?" Liaras voice was incredelous, but when Aethyta took her eyes off the assault rifle currently pointed at her to face her daughter, she saw... relief there. She softened slightly, and finally took a step back.
"Corporal, Private, it's allright." Liara said, adressing the soldiers. "This is my father, she's no threat to the Commander."
The one pointing the rifle glanced at his supperior, and when she nodded her head, he slowly lovered his weapon, but kept it at the ready.
"Might try, I don't know, explaning next time, ma'am." he grumbled to Aethyta.
"I'm old and haven't eaten in 2 days, kid, you're lucky I flay you just because I'm grumpy."
"Father," Liara said with a sigh. "please stop threatening the armed guards and come inside."
Aethyta strolled through the door. "Yeah yeah, fine, tell Shepard her homeworld sucks by the way, took me 2 days just to-" she was cut off as Liara embraced her in a fierce hug. "I was worried about you," she whispered into her shoulder. "I'm glad you're safe."
Aethyta for her part was stunned for a moment. She had, of course, dreamt for a century of having some sort of relationship with her youngest child. That she hadn't pushed Benezzia for this was one of her greatest regrets. She blinked a few times then carefully returned the embrace. "I was worried about you too, kid..." she whispered.
When Liara didn't let go, Aethyta cleared he throat. "So, you gonna introduce me here or what?"
Liara yelped and stepped back. "Yes... yes of course."
She turned to Hannah, who had been watching the display with a satisfied smile. "Admiral Hannah Shepard, let me introdouce my father, Matriarch Aethyta."
"I thought I told you to just call me Hannah?" Hannah replied warmly, extending her hand to Aethyta.
"Matriarch, a pleasure to meet you."
Aethyta shook it, snorting. "Can't really fault her for her formality and then go and do the same thing, just Aethyta please... hell, Thyta if you prefer."
Hannah rubbed the back of her neck. "A bit hard to be all informal with someone who was 'breaking skulls before we monkeys figured out electricity'." Hannah replied.
Aethyta blinked at her for a moment and then burst out laughing. "I like you, human."
"Well," Hannah said. "given that we seem to be heading towards being in-laws, that would be preferable."
"You popped the question?" Aethyta asked, turning to Liara. "How? Is she even awake yet?"
"I, well," Liara stammered. "I mean I will, once she is. And she is awake, just not that often."
The other women chuckeld, sharing conspiratorial glances.
"Sarah should be the one to do it, honestly. Dragging you into this mess, a ring is the least she could manage." Hannah said, still chuckling.
"Ring?" Aethyta asked her, arching an eyebrow.
"It's what the humans do, dad." Liara explained.
"Huh..." she replied. "Gets less in the way than the bonding bracelets, I guess."
"We... haven't talked about it yet." Liara admitted. "We weren't sure..."
"That there would be a tomorrow?" Hannah supplied for her. Liara nodded. "There's never that guarnatee, is there?"
"No I guess not." Liara conceded.
"Well, I for one approve." Hannah said. "I would like to request a priest for the ceremony though, I don't care but my father will come back to haunt me if I don't. You can refuse, of course, but then he might haunt you instead, and let me tell you that man could talk."
Liara looked incredibly flustered. How had she been roped into this conversation now. "I'll... we'll discuss it but-"
"Liara." Hannah said, smiling. "Relax. I'm only teasing.
Aethyta had been watching the conversation too and fro. This human and her daughter seemed to be... close. It was odd. She knew, through her observations, that it was unlikely that they had met all that long ago. Then again, if they had both been holding vigil over Shepard this whole time, that did give them ample time to get aquantined. She wasn't jealous, exactly, but she wished she had the same kind of repour with the kid.
"Same here, for what it's worth." she added. "Shepard threatened to kill me at least once, so I know she's got the quad for it if nothing else."
"She did what?" Hannah exclaimed.
"It.. happenes more often than you'd think." Liara said, rubbing her brow.
"Heh... yeah." Aethyta said, smiling fondly. "I was kind of implying I'd order a hit on you to test her reaction at the time, so."
"... your family is odd." Hannah observed after staring at them blankly for a moment.
"Weird is good, who the hell wants to be boring?" Aethyta added, then sobered. "So... how is she?" she asked, nodding at the bed.
Liara smiled broadly. "Better every day. She wakes up for a bit most days. For longer each time. They're saying she should start being back to normal, at least mentally, soon."
"There might be some mobility issues in her legs" Hannah added, but then perked up. "Still, it's a miracle. You blow up the Citadel and all you get out of it is a bit of a limp? That's a good trade, really."
"I'm just worried she'll feel crippled... what if she wanted to go back to work?"
"Liara, listen." Hannah said, placing a hand on her arm. "I haven't known you long, but from what I learned speaking with Sarah, and from her letters? All she wanted was a future with you. I don't think she'll object too strongly to just sitting on her ass for the rest of her life as long as you're sitting there together."
Liara smiled timidly, and Hannah returned it warmly.
"Hell yes." Aethyta added. "That's the dream, isn't it? Then again, I'm old so I would say that, wouldn't I..."
After several weeks of fitful sleep lasting days on end, Sarah Shepard finally started to be awake for longer periods of time. A half hour at first, then an hour, then a few. And finally, after nearly 3 months in the hospital she had what could be described as a farily normal sleep cycle. The nightmares were still there, but with medication and, to Liaras suprise, therapy that she readily agreed to, they had been lessened. She was sure that the bonding would also help, but the lack of privacy and Sarahs still rather fragile state made her uneasy about doing something like that quite yet. There was also something... uneasy, about her own mental state as of late. She couldn't quite place it, but it was as if she had a presence in the back of her mind, not quite there yet noticeable in the periphery at all times. The strangest thing was that she wasn't exactly disturbed by it, merely confused.
"No, Commander." Dr. Karin Chakwas said, leveling her with a disapproving glare, drawing Liara out of her musings.
"Awwww, c'mon Doc!" Sarah whines, she know she sounds petulant, but she's beyond caring. "I'm going stir crazy in here. Look!" she exclaims, pointing to the metal stick leaned against the bedframe. "You even gave me a shiny cane and everything?" when that doesn't work, she huffs. "Fine! You can put me in a wheelchair, I don't care, I just need to see something besides these four walls."
The implants had done wonders, and aside from some light scarring across her body, perhaps most notable fine pink lines crossing her cheeks and forhead in places, Sarah looked as good as new. Even her hair, singed as it had been when Liara had first seen her bondmate after the battle, now looked healthy and had grown quite a bit into what Samantha had called a 'pixie cut' during her last visit. Sarah, apparently, did not approve. Apparently a 'pixie' was some form of small mythological being that human females of slight physical stature were often compared to. Liara filed it into her 'Annoying Sarah to see her frown' arsenal for later. At the very least it finally answered why Sarah, ever the hardened Allience officer, had mantained rather long hair for as long as Liara had known her, despite it being impractical and quite unusual among the rank and file.
Karins frown deepened. "You broke, everything, and I do mean everything, only a few months ago. That you're even alive is a miracle in itself, I'm not having you go break your spine again and undoing all my hard work because you can't fathom the concept of bed rest."
Sarah pouted, and Hannah chuckled from her side. "Never a good idea to argue with the CMO, sweetie. Just roll with it. You're doing great, you'll be out before you know it."
Sarah sighed. "Yeah... ok. Won't be going back to work though." she said, looking at her right leg somberly. "How is it that these things can rebuild my internal organs and make me live to 300 but they can't make me walk properly?"
"You might see improvement over time, Commander." Karin said sympathetically. "But nerve damage is a tricky thing. Ms. Lawson had to do that through manual means last time, and is unaware how the technology was developed."
"Ugh..." Sarah lamented, dropping back to a lying position with a huff. "Can't you just... I don't know, replace the entire thing?"
"Commander!" Karin chided. "While we could do that it would present the same problem, nerves would have to be grafted and they're damaged. I'm sorry but this is just something you'll have to live with."
"Sarah, love." Liara said, tentatively. "It will be alright. There's still things to look forward to, isn't there?"
Sarah smiled goofily. "Heh... yeah."
"You used to be shy and have tact, you know." Hannah teased her.
"Hey, I'm pretty sure you know I'm red-blooed by now, mom. 'Sides, you always seemed more upset about the whole running towards danger thing."
"Yes, wonder why." Hannah replied, frowning.
"Hey, no, mom, I'm sorry." Sarah said, sounding almost panicked. "I'm sorry."
It had been like this ever since Sarah started to be more alert. Any reminder that she had caused people pain, or to worry, would make her to nearly, and in some cases to, break down.
"Shh, it's alright sweetie. You're here now, that's what matters. I'll always worry, there's nothing you can do about that."
"Why don't you rest for a bit, love, and we'll be back and have dinner with you later?" Liara added, bending down and kissing Sarahs forehead.
"Yeah, alright..." Sarah said. Emotional excitement, wether good or bad, still tired her out quickly. "You'll really be back though, right?"
"We promise." Hannah said gently. "Any preference for dinner?"
"What, there are choices now?"
Hannah laughed. "Fair point. MRE #14, also generously called 'chicken curry' it is."
"My favorite." Sarah replied stifling a yawn.
Liara exited the room with Hannah and Karin. Turning to the doctor so spoke. "How is she doing, really?"
"Better than we could have hoped, I wouldn't lie to you, or her, about that." Karin replied.
"But?" Hannah asked after the doctor had been silent for a moment.
Karin sighed. "Her mental state concerns me. The medication and theraphy has helped, she sleeps through the night most nights now, as Liara has also confirmed. But she seems... volitile. It will take some time still. The panic attacks might be something she'll have to deal with off and on for years, even with treatment."
Liara looked forlornly back at the door. "Isn't there anything to be done?"
"Well," Karin pondered. "we are doing what we can. But time heals all wounds, as they say. My asari collegues claim that melding should also aid her over time. After seeing how you helped her order her mind after the prothean beacon, and then after coming back after Alchera, makes me trust these assumptions. Regardless, it's going to be a long road."
Hannah placed a hand on Liaras shoulder and smiled at her. "Luckily she won't have to walk it alone."
A few hours later, Liara and Hannah were standing in the mess hall line, waiting to receive their alotted ration, as well as Sarahs.
"So where is your father, anyway?" Hannah asked.
Liara huffed. "Looking for ryncol, she said. Goddess I swear that woman takes the whole half krogan schtick way too seriously."
Hannah laughed. "Yes, she told me about that. Our grandkids will be 1/8 krogan, apparently."
"That's not how it works!" Liara exclaimed, to renewed laughter from Hannah.
"So, will any of your crew be joining us?"
"I think I saw Tali at a table, I'm sure we'll be welcome to join her. It's hard keeping track of everyone from in here. I feel like they just keep popping up and disappearing."
"Mm," Hannah replied. "it does feel like that when you're not used to sitting still, doesn't it? I haven't been on a planetary surface for this long since I enlisted."
Liara chuckled as she stretched to grab a water bottle. "Yes, I imagine it must be..." she blinked, suddenly feeling very dizzy. "must be..."
"Liara?" Hannah asked, looking worried.
"I... I don't..." she managed, before she felt the ground tilt under her, Hannah shouting her name the last thing she remembered before she passed out.